Which one was harder to figure out?

[Hazel lights]

Gender, I've known pretty much my whole life. I figured out for sure my romantic orientation a couple monthes after sexual orienation, but I think I struggled with about equally. I tried figuring them out at the same time so they sort of seem to go hand in hand for me. After figuring out I was asexual I didn't try quite so hard to determine my romantic orientation.

[warrigan]

romantic orientation! i came across asexuality a few years ago, but didn't think too much about it, since i'd just broken up with my boyfriend. once i saw a video fully explaining it (thanks, swankivy!), it just clicked, and i realized that it'd been bouncing around subconsciously in my head for the past few months.
romantic orientation is a little more tricky. i'm still uncertain about my romantic orientation. i think i've been romantically attracted to both males and females in the past, but i'm not really sure. right now, panromantic resonates the most with me, but i'm still not even sure if i'm romantic at all.
i've never had an issue with my gender identity. i like the body i'm in, and female fits fine with me. i don't really consider myself to be "typically female", but i dislike the idea of being "typically male" or "typically female" anyway; given the choice, i would remain female.

[toppov]

Gender identity. The other two were obvious. The only reason they took long for me to figure out is because I wasn't interested enough.

[Guest FlamesofFire]

Sexual oriëntation it was a struggle im so glad i found out i am ace.
Romantic was easy i was always straight.
Gender orientation is my current journey. Im female - neutral.

[LenaLuthor]

Sexual identity was hardest.

[Nasher21]

Sexual orientation was pretty obvious, romantic orientation took a little while, but gender is still a bit of a question mark for me...

[LaMaestra]

Romantic orientation - no problem. I always knew I preferred men to women.

Gender - again no problem. My biological gender (female) has always been obvious

Sexual orientation - Though I mainly identify as asexual, there is one guy that makes me question my asexuality (although I probably wouldn't act on it).

[Waist of Thyme]

Gender identity. I made everything out to be way more complicated than it actually was, and had several moments where I thought "I don't even know anything anymore D:"

Sexual orientation was easy. I've always known I'm not sexually attracted to people. Romantic orientation was also easy. Since I've also never experienced romantic attraction, I didn't experience the feelings of confusion that a lot of romantic asexuals experience before (and sometimes even after) learning about asexuality and romantic orientations, so it was obvious I'm an aromantic asexual.

[Jubbles]

Really, knowing what your romantic attraction is should NOT be that difficult. I agree completely with Robin: not going to touch this Pandora box.

[Nothings_Changed]

Where is the "all of the above" option? just kidding, it would defeat the purpose of the question.

honestly I can't answer this. I've know that gender identity =/= sex orientation forever it feels like, but I'm only recently understanding sex desire =/= sex orientation =/= romantic orientation. (my head just spun a little trying to write that!) so ATM, both romantic orientation AND sexual orientation are equally harder then gender. I'm a guy, despite repeatedly breaking hetero-normative standards. my chromosomes, hormones, and genitals are a lie.

[aljgpa]

My sexual orientation was easy. As soon as I learned about asexuality, I immediately knew that I was asexual. I've never actually questioned my gender identity either. I've never felt like anything except a male, and my biological sex is male. My romantic orientation is the only one that has actually posed any difficulty to me. My first few crushes were on females, and now, my last few crushes were on males. I'm not sure whether this means that I'm homoromantic or that I'm biromantic and haven't been attracted to a girl recently. This is further complicated by the fact that I'm only aesthetically attracted to guys, which made me think that I was just homoromantic. I'm still not entirely sure whether I'm homoromantic or biromantic leaning towards homoromantic.

[enjolras]

gender identity. i'm still questioning, actually.

[VinnyCrow]

Good question! In my experience, there was no difficulty in figuring out my sexual or romantic orientations whatsoever. Gender identity, on the other hand, was immensely difficult, as I've only come to really understand and feel content with it over the past few years, having gone through a lot of pain and confusion growing up.

[Philip027]

Really, knowing what your romantic attraction is should NOT be that difficult. I agree completely with Robin: not going to touch this Pandora box.

I didn't think it was all that difficult at first either, but there are things that can make it difficult than initially expected. Three of those such things that happened in my case:

1) infrequently experiencing romantic attractions (as opposed to NEVER experiencing them)

2) being told that orientation is or can be based on gender rather than sex. Throughout my life I've always paid more attention to sex rather than gender, so this threw my understanding for a loop

3) in conjunction with #2, experiencing romantic attraction toward someone whose gender does not correspond with their perceived sex

[DexM]

Sexual orientation. By far. It took me thirty two years to nail that one down. The romantic part was pretty easy in the end, although I do like the odd guy, just nowhere near enough to take it further than a squish. Gender identity was very difficult for me at one point. It only lasted a short while, far shorter than the 32 years to find my orientation. But it was a very emotionally, anxiety and confusing short period. Very intense and very compact. This period often stands out as one of the hardest in my life when it comes to this side of it. I suppose a 30 odd year struggle just rolls into one long one eventually and everything becomes something of a blur.

[Guest]

Gender identity, by far... and that's if identifying as genderqueer in the sense of "something, just not cis" even counts as "figuring it out" at all. *shrug*

[SweetieBot]

Romantic orientation, without a doubt. I still haven't figured that one out. (unintentional rhyme is best rhyme)

Gender was easiest for me (because I'm a cis-female and have never felt/thought otherwise). Sexuality took a while, but it was (as some others have said) mostly a matter of finding the term (asexual) for it. Romantic though, I'm still not sure where I fall there.

[Digitus1]

I always knew I was strongly HeteroRomantic male.
Figuring out that what my sexual orientation could be called was Asexual took me 40 years!

[Arcovia]

Gender identity, with romantic identity a close second. The thing is that I didn't mind so much the process of discovering my gender, whereas I'm pretty tired of battling with romantic orientation. Sexuality wasn't easy because I spent some time in a "But what if I'm a late blooooooomer" stage, but other than that it's always been clearcut.

I probably would have had an easier time with my romantic orientation if I had my gender epiphany first instead of half-way through, and I definitely would have had an easier time with my gender if I hadn't still been stuck on the hetero- prefix with my orientation. Liking members of the other side of the binary makes no sense when one is not part of the binary.

Even though all of my identities are fairly solid, I still have occasional trouble with my gender and internalized binarism/cisnormativity, and I still have to deal with others finding my romantic identity "confusing".

[Shealock]

Definitely sexual orientation for me, given that I'm STILL trying to figure that out. Romantic orientation wasn't too difficult, and I have never felt out of place in my assigned gender so I was good in those areas.

[Geo]

Gender identity since its not a real thing, but every one seems to think it is.

I am biological male and desire to be biological female. This is what I've finally concluded about myself. But it's been a process going from male to trans back to male when I realized other trans people care about artificial social categories and most only want to change their body to match the artificial category they like the most. So I got out of that scene. But it confused me for a while since forever in my mind male = XY + penis + testicles + narrow pelvis + ect... and female = XX + vagina + uterus + overies + wide pelvis + breasts + ect... and every one else was talking about artificial social categories that groped traits that were mostly irrelevant to me.

[rotanimonedaifg]

Definitely sexual orientation. I've always been pretty comfortable with my gender and knew that I was interested in males. Finding out I was asexual took a lot more time and confusion than the other two.

[Jockey]

I'm still feeling uncertain about what sexual orientation and romantic orientation are, so in a sense they're harder (although they are a tie).

My gender identity took me a while, in a lot of ways, but it MATTERED for a long time in a really big way. It was hard the way that lifting a car off your chest is hard; it's obvious what needs to be done, and it's obvious that if you don't do it, it will crush you. Whereas romantic and sexual orientation are hard like lifting a pillow when you can't locate the darn pillow.

[Prrple]

Sexual was easy since I've never felt the desire to have sex with anyone and find it hard to see why anyone would.

Romantic was a little harder, but easier than gender.

Gender was the hardest until I figured out it didn't really matter to me. I mean, sometimes I'm irritated because I'm physically one but not both. My mom also gives me flak about not acting like a normal member of my physical gender. It certainly made figuring myself out harder.

[The Scrabbler]

Sexual orientation was hardest for me to figure out, simply because I'd never heard of asexuality. Romantic was a bit easier, because I managed to figure out pretty easily that I just felt love regardless of gender. Gender identity was easy for me, because I've never really seen it as a factor in my life. It's always just been a matter of which bathroom I use.

[mayve]

Sexual.

Gender wasn't hard for me at all. (cis)

[Member54880]

Gender was the easiest to figure out. Sexual orientation was fairly easy to figure out, though there were some factors that made it take longer for me to realize I was asexual. A lot of people who found out they were asexual in high school may have realized it because they felt alienated compared to their friends, who are interested in sex, but nearly none of friends I had in high school talked about sexual things or seemed to care about that!

Romantic orientation is by far the hardest. I'm still not sure what it is, and I currently identify as gray-romantic mainly because I'm not sure if any of the feelings I've experiences count as romantic attraction.

[ALongWayAway]

Well, I haven't ever (yet) questioned my gender, and my sexual orientation was like a Eureka! moment as soon as I saw the definition on AVEN's front page. Romantic orientation took some careful research and reflection to pin down though, so that was definitely hardest.

[KTBeth]

When I learned about asexuality, I almost automatically identified with it. I'm ace, plain and simple. I've never really thought about gender. I identify as cisfem. I'm perhaps not the most stereotypical cisfem and that's caused mild confusion, but ivechalked it up to antiquated expectations. Romantic orientation... I still don't know. I'm thinking perhaps I'm aromantic but I honestly don't know. I've never had not desired a relationship, but I haven't eliminated the possibility that I might one day.

[WarthogMe]

So easiest for me is romantic orientation: I like girls more than guys. No specific experiences with anyone who does identify another way, but I don't see a problem there - so its homoromantic/panromantic. It took a while to figure it out, but it added up over time and I always knew I was "no straight".

Next is gender identity: I identify as a female, not as stereotypical girl though. Maybe more like a "lesbian" ;) . But generaly this isn't a big topic for me right now.

The most difficult is the sexual orientation. I think that I'm definitely not a sexual person but I don't see myself as a completely asexual person either. So I am most likely in the gray area. BUT I stil don't know where exactly I am in that area and what exactly I want and don't want. There is still some work to be done for me.