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"I wish I was still a virgin" asexuals and sexuals welcome to respond


penguin_illusion

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I lost my virginity because I was the only virgin I knew and was rather embarrassed about it. Part of me wishes I didn't do it now because the girl turned out to not be a nice person. But then again it's much easier in social situations now to be able to say I'm not a virgin without feeling like a weirdo which is what your called where I'm from if you haven't had sex.

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I don't usually share the fact that I'm a virgin, but sometimes I do feel embarrassed by it. I even googled facts about what age I was supposed to have had sex by. Most of the time I'm comfortable with my asexuality, but sometimes I get worried that maybe they're right, maybe I can't really claim to be asexual if I haven't tried it. Then I remember that the first few times are supposed to be not so good, and I would be expected to try several times before writing it off. At this point in my thought process I realize there is now way I'm letting other people's idea of normal run my life. No one tells me what to do!

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Probably down to the fact that they see saving your virginity for the right person as a great and noble act. However, due to ironic hypocrisy (so I've observed anyway) those that often brag and preach about how it's imperative that you wait for the right person who are the ones doing it with whoever they've had within the week. I guess it's kind of a way of trying to look better in the public eye; by general stereotypes, a girl who has a lot of sex is a slut, the way to shake off that reputation: say you wish you never had sex and explain the vital importance of abstinence and straight away you're valiant. So the thinking goes anyway. And forgive me if I came off as sexist by only mentioning girls, I did that only because I've never heard a guy, nor heard of a guy, ever say he wishes he were a virgin.

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WhenSummersGone

by general stereotypes, a girl who has a lot of sex is a slut, the way to shake off that reputation: say you wish you never had sex

This is definitely where I'm at right now, and not to change the views of others but to somehow feel better about myself.

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NewfangledArtist

I've had negative and positive reactions from being asked about how many men I've slept with. "I'm a virgin" then it's either "OMG! I wish I was still a virgin" from other girls, followed sometimes by "I'd be SUCH a different person now if I'd never had sex." ( :mellow: And also I'm just kind of "Ummm...well I have no thoughts on that because I don't even care to think about sex, let alone talk about it, I don't see how it's either regarded a positive or negative thing") or "Oh *girls turn to each other and whisper* I think she's a lesbian"

But, that 'niceness' and odd admiration over it soon turns to spite. Girls have gotton jealous and later made me out to be a weirdo over it. But I don't even see why they feel they should hate themselves for having sex to attempt to attack my reputation in the first place, it's natural for them. It's not like males have to feel ashamed of having sex, as a believer of equal rights I think these girls should stop hating themselves over such ridiculous judgement made by society :rolleyes: Easier said than done when you're always getting judged, but why let what's only natural to them get them down?

Although I do also feel sorry for males who want to keep their virginity, either in general or for someone special. It's as if they're coaxed and made out to be 'weirdos' for having it, like Culum said. Why should they feel they 'need' to have sex when they don't feel like it just so people will be nice and leave them alone? Everyone no matter what their gender or sexuality should be able to just either have sex or not have sex without getting judged for it. We're all only gonna get judged either way no matter what after all.

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People often attack what's different. If the situation were reversed and someone had sex and was discussing it with all her virgin friends then it would start off with how much they can't wait to lose their virginity, but when that sours over, it's coldness and hard feelings till their alike again and find something different to poke at. That's not really just about sex either, it works for anything, it's human nature to be selfish and seek to make yourself look better, self-awareness of this trait does allow people to defy it with selflessness but it's always there.

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Funny thing: I only just now, this morning, figured out the type of woman I'm attracted to.

I'm intensely sexual; I spend a great amount of time thinking about it, think about having sex with most of the people I meet, love romance novels, loved porn (have since given it up, ahah), and I've dallied with persons of either and neither gender.

I've given and received oral, experimented with anal (although, aside from being raped as a child, I've never had any significant object up there, just fingers . . and maybe a jump sharpie, a bamboo chopstick, several pencils . . improvising a dildo is a difficult proposition. An actual cock is too thick to fit, in my experience.) , dry humped, kissed with and without tongue . .

done any number of things, but I've never put my cock in anyone's anus or vagina, so I consider myself to be a virgin, although others tend to disagree (and many are very surprised to find out that I've never had genital-genital sex, since I'm just a tomcat/player.)

Honestly, I feel ambivalent about my technical virginity.

In my mind, sex is how I go about impregnating my mate, and also a means of establishing a bond, since it's a fairly intimate and emotional experience. I enjoy intimacy, and I would be comfortable having sex with any of my female friends that I love and care deeply about - but only as part of a close relationship, not as 'casual sex'.

Currently, I plan to lose my virginity on April 6th, as a birthday present to a good friend of mine who find me alluring, and who I appreciate greatly.

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  • 5 months later...
Non-Verbal Sam

no regrets here

even though i got shit for it in school

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Machanigal

I regret losing mine. I regret losing it only because I felt uncomfortable before doing it. I felt somewhat pushed to do so. At the same time I felt like I should just do it and get it over with. I felt even worse when I found out the very next day that my boyfriend (now ex) said he didn't love me emotionally. After that I tried having sex with someone else in hopes that maybe it'll be different (the whole "find the right person"). I admit I really rushed into things (one month versus the 1 1/2 years). Well, as much as I tried to seduce, he rejected me. Which honestly, I'm really glad he did otherwise it would have been another mistake. After that I decided to focus on myself, and got diagnosed with a sexual dysfunction. Now I don't think I like sex. Maybe I like the idea of sex, but actual sex... idk. I still think maybe with "the right guy" it will be different.

That being said, I don't really care about traditions or things like that or if others are virgins or not! I guess my regret isn't so much the whole virginity thing, but doing it with the wrong person. Which could happen again, who knows! And at that point what can I blame? Not virginity, but being put in a bad situation again.

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  • 3 months later...
I'm the opposite. I get a lot of pity and awkwardness when people find out I'm a virgin. It's something I'm ashamed to admit. I have never been anywhere near a sexual experience and it has nothing to do with my orientation. No one's ever been interested and even if they were, I have severe vaginismus. I WISH I weren't a virgin just so I would feel normal. I feel like a freak, the virgin in her twenties, never even been kissed. I'm not asexual, though, so I can't justify it to others. I literally have no "excuse" other than being ugly and annoying.

I think the idea of virginity though is very outdated. Why put a label on how much or how little experience you have in something like sex? That's a very personal and private matter that will vary widely and shouldn't matter to others. I hate that virginity is such an interest, like you can "hold onto" or "lose" it. It's nothing more than an ancient man-made concept.[/quote

you shouldnt be ashamed that you are still a virgin, nothing wrong with not being experienced. your not ugly either, its no ones business other than your own.

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I'm still a virgin and I honestly don't give a lot of thought to it. I don't really care what people think of it; I just don't want sex. It really doesn't matter to me.

Over the summer I made some friends at my summer lab school, and they're all awesome people, and very sexual. One day we were driving through town and they started talking about their *ahem* numbers... when it got around to me I told them my number was zero. There was a collective "awww! you're a virgin!" followed by comments like "good. stay that way. don't give it away for nothing; don't be a slut like I was" and etc.

I think it really just depends on the person and what they want out of life.

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I haven't had intercourse but I don't feel like virgin because the intimacy I had been involved with. But, I do wish I was never intimately involved with anyone. If I was stronger in the very first incident and could have been able to push the guy away, I wouldn't have lost my best friend if we never got intimate. Moreover, I wouldn't have lost my self respect and subsequent ones would have come for me.

I don't know if sexual's feel in similar way with losing the virginity.

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So this came to mind when I was talking on another thread about how some people think your demisexuality is a 'noble' choice.

A lot of times that I tell people I'm a virgin they praise me (despite that it's related to my orientation, not a choice) but then they also sometimes tell me 'I wish I was still a virgin' or ' I wish I waited'

Obviously these people are responding to me as if I'm making a valiant choice to save myself, but then that means they're also saying that they couldn't make that choice. I guess I don't understand how that works. Are they telling me that they were somewhat forced or taken advantage of? I just- I don't get it.

Personally, every time sex has been offered to me I declined because I didn't feel it was nessesary. I didn't feel 'turned on' and in my head it just made sense that 'not turned on' = 'don't do it'. This logic stands even when I'm heavily intoxicated (its been tested).

So if these people are being honest with me, why are so many of them regretting having sex when they did? What are the circumstances that sexuals typically begin having sex? Any input?

A lot of these people are "pushed" into sex by peer pressure. As they mature they regret their decisions when they realize how silly it was to have given in to these social pressures. A lot of it has to do with the self disappointment of allowing themselves to be defined so intimatly by their external environment.

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I´m not surprised the are so many people who regret it. They often have their first sex only because they are pressured by society to do it. They are very young, confused and weak, so they can end up very badly. Later they meet someone who really loves them and they can see the difference between that person and the person who used them or even raped them and never cared about them... and it´s simply sad.

I´ve never had sex but I wanted, when I was gray-A, and I regret it. I regret it even if nothing happened. But I regret I wanted to sleep with a shallow jerk who would hurt me. It was a very bad decision.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I don't regret not being a virgin, per say. I just view it as a life experience that I learned a lot from. I feel that without that relationship and sexual experimentation I may never have realized key things about myself. The relationship ended in a way that made me deeply sad, sure but I that probably would have happened without sex. I cared about him a lot at the time and it really made me reflect on my values and attitudes toward sex. For the record, I agree with the people that think virginity is a silly concept. I still use it though, as it is a term that often used in society.

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... I didn't know there was such a fuss about people being virgins or not. I never actually understood why people felt ashamed or proud of not being virgins...

Personally, I'm not ashamed of the fact I'm not a virgin anymore (it doesn't mean anything to me), I'm ashamed because of who it was and why I did it. I didn't want it, but I was afraid my girlfriend would leave me (because she made it pretty clear from the start that she had sex countless times before), so I forced myself, blinded by my need to be loved. I do regret this aspect of it.

Though, I've never told anyone that being a virgin was great and they should wait. My global reaction to people telling me "I'm (not) a virgin" is basically "well, it happens when it happens". I did tell my virgin friends that I thought having sex just to have sex and claim "I'm not a virgiiin!" was stupid - but that was only my opinion and people do whatever the hell they want.

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I suppose I'm curious in sex just to see what all the fuss is about and answer once and for all whether it's a thing for me or not. Unfortunately, my hymen is so wonky that I'm guaranteed a painful, bloody mess the first time (yuck), so the other question would be whether it's even worth the hassle. It doesn't help that none of my friends have ever regretting losing their virginity, or that it's such a social rite of passage.

I'm not willing to settle for casual sex just to get it over with, though.

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Cereal Tendencies

Sex has such a power over people I swear if I did enough research, volumes would be written about it and it would still remain a mystery to me smh

Virginity symbolizes innocence, and sex with the "right person" is heavily stigmatized. Teens are easily brainwashed and because they are innocent in their still developing years they decide to go for it for fear of being outcast.

Once they're older and connect romantic love to sex do they feel they have lost out on the "special time with the right person" and so they regret it

Another point- when it comes to sex, people are vulnerable both emotionally and physically, so a lot of people when looking back to the time they "lost it" they tend to feel taken advantage of, used, etc.

I'm rambling, I'm sorry :unsure:

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newMasturbator

I think there's a higher pressure on males to lose their virginity than females.

Because people think like this: all men want sex but women are selective in choosing sexual partners. Thus, if a man doesn't have sex it must mean he can't get laid (for whatever reason) which makes him a loser.

That's why so many men feel pressure to lose their virginity early (before 20 at least). A 20+ year old virgin guy is considered weird where I come from....

But women have less pressure to lose their virginity. Because it is generally very easy for women to get sex. So if a woman doesn't have sex, people assume it's just her choice to remain a virgin. She is not considered a loser, unless she is very very unattractive.

I'm not a virgin and I don't regret it. I think having sex is just one of those experiences in life you can't miss, unless you're really disgusted by sex.

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I wish I hadn't had sex. When I did it I did it for purely scientific purposes. I wish I could tell past me it would be boring, and more work faking than anything else. I was cold and bored and I wanted to go take a shower cuz he was sweaty and gross. I almost feel bad for him cuz I was so quite and I kept looking out the window..........

I did make the decision to do it, but I was not expecting such an out come. I didn't know it would be MORE boring than watching paint dry. So no, I was not forced I just wish I had known better and thought it through more. But I wasn't sure what turned on really meant then so I didn't really think that meant I shouldn't do that. I just wanted to know what all the fuss was about! i was trying to understand why their whole lives was about sex. I didn't really get an snawer cuz it was super lame..... I made cookies the same day and that made me SOOOO much happier!

Although..... I am much better at lying and faking stuff now.

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Taking all this in [^^^^^^^] has forced me into a corner. I've not weighed up the significance of never having had sex. I must be a 'virgin'!

One thing I do know for sure is my age...I'm 53yrs old. Some of you may think there's something wrong with me. Some may think I'm lucky. Some may think I've missed out on an awesome 'one-off' experience...while others may feel sorry for me. All I ever felt was inadequacy and embarrassment, based on my feeling that I couldn't fulfill the expectations of my peers...male, female and societal!

I'm not apologising to anyone now...I've done enough of that. Cia :mellow:

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IncognitoStitch

At the time, I was fairly convinced that I was in love with the person I lost my virginity to, and thought having sex would change how I felt about sex in general. It didn't. Long story short - after having had sex, I felt so indifferent to the act that I can't say that I specifically regretted losing my virginity.

I've heard from both males and females who regretted having sex that it was because they didn't lose their virginity to the "right" person. Or in some cases that they gave someone their virginity and didn't get what they were expecting in return, whether that was love, a relationship or something else entirely.

I don't usually share the fact that I'm a virgin, but sometimes I do feel embarrassed by it. I even googled facts about what age I was supposed to have had sex by. Most of the time I'm comfortable with my asexuality, but sometimes I get worried that maybe they're right, maybe I can't really claim to be asexual if I haven't tried it. Then I remember that the first few times are supposed to be not so good, and I would be expected to try several times before writing it off. At this point in my thought process I realize there is now way I'm letting other people's idea of normal run my life. No one tells me what to do!

Bingo, Rhino - "Don't knock it till you try it!" makes me cringe when it comes to sex and sexuality. But I've heard that type of attitude toward asexuality (And the LGBTQ+ Spectrum, really) before, which makes no sense to me. I don't think people who say those sorts of things realize how rude it is...

But I wasn't sure what turned on really meant then so I didn't really think that meant I shouldn't do that. I just wanted to know what all the fuss was about! i was trying to understand why their whole lives was about sex. I didn't really get an snawer cuz it was super lame..... I made cookies the same day and that made me SOOOO much happier!

Very similar - I was frequently told that I just had to find that someone who "lit my fire".. which didn't work, and not too long after I figured out why. I did end up having a discussion after with a heterosexual friend and it made me laugh a little because neither of us could get what the "fuss" was about! We had a pretty in depth conversation and eventually just gave up trying to figure out what the big deal was. And - cookies are awesome!

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I think there's a higher pressure on males to lose their virginity than females.

Because people think like this: all men want sex but women are selective in choosing sexual partners. Thus, if a man doesn't have sex it must mean he can't get laid (for whatever reason) which makes him a loser.

That's why so many men feel pressure to lose their virginity early (before 20 at least). A 20+ year old virgin guy is considered weird where I come from....

But women have less pressure to lose their virginity. Because it is generally very easy for women to get sex. So if a woman doesn't have sex, people assume it's just her choice to remain a virgin. She is not considered a loser, unless she is very very unattractive.

This is so sad! :C We get to thank mostly media for this and it sucks. However, I have to say, that if a woman in her 20s doesn't have sex people think that she's weird or depressed (at least in my country). And you'll be called names if you are in relationship and don't want to have sex.

Aaanyway, I believe that 'virginity' is a bad word for someone who has not had sex. If you have sex, do you suddenly turn/evolve into something different? Has the person who you had sex with changed you dramatically? What is virginity anyway? What do you count as sex anyway? It's actually pretty interesting matter. : D

Sex is just sex and no one should have it if they're going to regret it later. Things happen, though, and, sure, it's okay to regret your decisions but you can learn from your 'mistakes'. If you don't like something, don't do it. This doesn't apply to everything but it works in some cases, especially in this one.

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I've not had sex, but I've been through the foreplay bits, and I wish I hadn't. I was kind of pressured into it because I heard so many times, "you have to try it before you can say you don't want it".

Very few people have envied my virgin status. Most want to reassure me I'm not broken or go on a quest to get me laid. It's weird.

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I think there's a higher pressure on males to lose their virginity than females.

Because people think like this: all men want sex but women are selective in choosing sexual partners. Thus, if a man doesn't have sex it must mean he can't get laid (for whatever reason) which makes him a loser.

That's why so many men feel pressure to lose their virginity early (before 20 at least). A 20+ year old virgin guy is considered weird where I come from....

But women have less pressure to lose their virginity. Because it is generally very easy for women to get sex. So if a woman doesn't have sex, people assume it's just her choice to remain a virgin. She is not considered a loser, unless she is very very unattractive.

This is so sad! :C We get to thank mostly media for this and it sucks. However, I have to say, that if a woman in her 20s doesn't have sex people think that she's weird or depressed (at least in my country). And you'll be called names if you are in relationship and don't want to have sex.

Aaanyway, I believe that 'virginity' is a bad word for someone who has not had sex. If you have sex, do you suddenly turn/evolve into something different? Has the person who you had sex with changed you dramatically? What is virginity anyway? What do you count as sex anyway? It's actually pretty interesting matter. : D

Sex is just sex and no one should have it if they're going to regret it later. Things happen, though, and, sure, it's okay to regret your decisions but you can learn from your 'mistakes'. If you don't like something, don't do it. This doesn't apply to everything but it works in some cases, especially in this one.

Yeah, virginity is just a myth that is all about sex... It was always about women who had not had sex being more passive and thus more desirable than those who had. Because masculinity was about being "a conqueror" and femininity about being the force of nature to conquer. :DD So, "naturally" it wouldn't be fit for women to have conquered themselves and it would certainly be less of an achievment to conquer previously conquered woman. : P So, basically "virgin" = "yet to be conquered".

So yeah, it doesn't really make sense for anyone to celebrate their virginity, unless they want to objectify and sexualize themselves. The line between having and not having had sex changes you just as much as having or not having eaten a panna cotta...

Then it's a different story if someone wants to make a commitment to not have sex untill marriage or never at all, because in those cases it can be about fighting a desire to prove yourself that something else is more valuable to you. Then it's not really about the myth of "virginity". In those cases it doesn't matter if you're a virgin or not since the point is in what you do after you make the promise to yourself.

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purple_unicorn

I don't wish I was still a Virgin. I remained a virgin longer than anyone in my family, I was 20 when I lost my virginity everyone else was like 14 or 15. Though my virginity was not by choice. I met my boyfriend when I was 18 (almost 19) and he knew I was a virgin, he never pushed the topic and never attempted to get me to do anything I was uncomfortable with. We didn't have sex until a little over a year after we met and about 9 months after we started dating. I don't regret it because nothing was forced we had and still have a very understanding relationship and keep communication open at all times. I never felt the need to lose my virginity because my family thought I was weird being a 20 year old virgin. It happened when we felt we were ready for it to happen. Being a virgin until I was 20 wasn't a conscience decision I was never interested in anyone until I met my boyfriend.

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I lost mine when I was 26. I didn't particularly care about not having had sex, but everyone else made me feel like something was wrong with me. I was trying to find out if I was really asexual. So I naturally I felt a little bit of curiosity and a lot of social pressure.

**trigger warning ahead**

A night of heavy drinking and a young man who wouldn't take no for an answer, which resulted in a traumatic emergency room visit at 4 a.m. and a whole lot of regrets.

I had sex, and it didn't change the way I felt about it. As it turns out, a penis is not a magic wand. I wish I were still a virgin because losing it was a horrible experience that didn't make an inkling of positive difference in my life. I would be totally fine with being a virgin at my age, or at 30, or 40, etc.

For some people, it is a life-changing experience. For others, it means nothing. Being a virgin doesn't mean you're not mature, or desirable, or socially backward. It doesn't mean you're not fully a "man" or a "woman." It shouldn't matter what age you are when (and if) you lose your virginity as long as you are mature, ready and enthusiastic. If you remain a virgin, that's your business. It's nothing to be ashamed of no matter what some bozos think. No one has the right to judge you like that.

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i almost lost my virginity a few years ago and all i can say thank god i didnt

now i dont really care all that much i am a virgin but i have rather romanticised ideals towards sex and physical intamcy in general so should i ever lose it it must be a pretty damn special person im loseing to/with whatever the right term is. and the time i almost did well seeing how things turned out afterwards i dread to think of the sorry state i would have been in if i had lost it then

im also in a wierd position where even thouge i dont care about being a virgin its kinda worked its way into how i self identify not neceserally a point of shame or pride just a thing that is part of me so im not relly sure hoiw it would effect me to lose it so ive just decided ill cross that bridge if/when i come to it

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I wish I was but it wasn't really my choice to have sex. An ex used me and the trust I had in him and coerced me into having sex with him ... unfortunately more than once. It's only reaffirmed the way I've felt forever about sex, I'm not interested. But unfortunately it's also given me a negative connotation to it and I can't picture myself having sex without residual physical/emotional pain so great (sigh.)

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