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Last Of The Famous International Singletons!

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#1 Ragman



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Posted 08 October 2013 - 09:13 PM

So that's it. The one friend I had who was single is now officially in a relationship. His first one too. We are both in our 30's and whilst my total lack of romance has almost solely been down to my resistance to sex, he was one of those poor souls who dealt a very bad hand in the looks department. I don't want to go into it but he has been born with several clear disabilities that effect his appearance. Well, after all these years of feeling repulsive to women and therefore avoiding them as much as possible he has finally found someone who loves him for what he is inside. Obviously I am genuinely happy for him but I'd be lying if there wasn't a taste of bitterness in my mouth too. I feel terrible about saying that as I've watched the torment he has gone through since school but subconsciously I suppose I always had him down as the one person who would forever live the life of solitude that I myself am destined to. We were the only two who never had girlfriends or intimate experiences and we lived the same life of lonesomeness.

To be honest I am usually perfectly happy with my life of solitude but when something changes and someone I know announces a life changing move a huge cloud hangs above me. This has hit me hard as  suddenly everyone I know has a bigger priority than me. I just can't relate to anyone anymore.
This is the only place I can come to get things off my chest. I realise it comes across as very self centred when I should be happy for my friend but I'm merely getting the crap out here  as there is nowhere else I can. I feel torrid for showing any resentment to my friend but my mask of  happiness is flaking as the night progresses. 
Any comments would be welcome. Whilst I'm here I'd also like to thank everyone who posts on here. Everyone of you makes it so important to so many people. Whatever you achieve in your life, one small comment on here may top it all. One comment can change an outlook and maybe even save a life.   Many times  I really don't know what I'd have done without  this place 

#2 Dirge


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Posted 08 October 2013 - 09:24 PM

Unfortunately, I suspect that many of us can empathize with this. When my best friend began to involve himself in dalliances and brief relationships, I was torn. Glad for the self-confidence that it seemed to give him, regretful concerning the shared bond of solitude that we had lost. 
I wish that I had some proper advice to give on how to change your attitude towards the situation, but I really don't. Sometimes it can feel like a regular struggle to choose compersion over jealousy or resentment. Just know that you certainly aren't the only one who has ever felt this way.

'Will can make any decision the right one.' 
- Artemiy Burakh, Pathologic

#3 kimbo21


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Posted 08 October 2013 - 09:29 PM

It's perfectly natural to be a little unsettled when something drastic changes in your life, however this is amazing news for your friend :D It's wonderful that he has found someone! It doesn't have to put a downer on you though. You and your friend are two separate people, and you are amongst many other single people in the world. As you know, this community is full of others in scenarios that are similar to yours :D You're not self centred, you're just human. You can relate to everyone as normal though. There's so many friendships that you can have and people that you meet which doesn't require sez. You will be fine you are just adjusting :)
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#4 Jigger77


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Posted 08 October 2013 - 11:02 PM

Slightly similar situation.  I have a friend who is a bit notorious for picking the wrong guy and every time she broke up and was single again, the evil side of me would smile selfishly.  But then I'd see where being alone put her emotionally and I'd rethink that initial thought.  Her happiness outweighs the selfishness and possessiveness that flares up when it comes to my close friends.  I have to remind myself that when she gets into a relationship, I'm not losing her...temporarily forgotten, maybe, but not tossed aside.  Every relationship is a bumpy ride and when things get tough, who do they turn to?  A friend.  So from that perspective, you've got that market cornered. 

#5 coyote55


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Posted 09 October 2013 - 12:17 AM



...Every relationship is a bumpy ride and when things get tough, who do they turn to?  A friend.  So from that perspective, you've got that market cornered. 

This is true with me. Although I sometimes regret that I've never married, being the "rock" that people turn to when they need a friendship that has never been diluted is an aspect of myself I take pride in. My close friendships have included teenagers to people in their 60s. Just last night a friend called me to say he was destitute from health problems and can't get health insurance due to a long history of illness. He had no one else to turn to, having run out of other options. I loaned him some money (not a lot as my own resources are limited) and offered a place for him to live if he needs it.

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#6 Ragman



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Posted 09 October 2013 - 11:45 AM

Some great responses here and I thank you all/ It's right that nothing much has changed in terms of my friendships and I have woken this morning with a lot healthier outlook 

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