l'etranger Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Hi, I just found this forum yesterday and I'm glad I did... I had no idea there were this many others who felt like I do, or at least who can relate. I don't like sex. In the past, I've participated with partners because I've felt obligated to do so. I enjoyed the fact that it was a very fulfilling experience for them but beyond that there was no pleasure in it for me. In past relationships, partners have been very grateful that I focused on their pleasure, and they didn't seem to notice that I didn't really have much of my own. My current s/o though has become frustrated and offended after beginning to notice this. :/ It's putting strain on our relationship and me both. :[ I'm not sure how to resolve things yet. Thanks for reading! Link to post Share on other sites
Braelyn Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Welcome to AVEN! I hope you can find the answers you are looking for. I am sure you will meet some nice people here. I am not sure how serious your current relationship is, but if you cannot communicate your feelings to each other, then there are bound to be problems. Not talking about important issues won't just make them go away. You can't solve every problem by yourself—especially in relationships as you are not the only one involved. Perhaps your SO thinks you are uninterested in them "that way", or not satisfied by them, when really you do not enjoy sex itself? Link to post Share on other sites
l'etranger Posted September 22, 2013 Author Share Posted September 22, 2013 Hi ST, thanks for the welcome. It's a long-term relationship. We've talked things over and my s/o knows how I feel. Now it's just a matter of us deciding where to go from here. Link to post Share on other sites
Moon Ace Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Don't quote me on this, but a lot of sexual people can't conceive of someone who isn't interested in a sexual relationship, so the only reason they can see that someone doesn't want sex is that it's personal. Can you show your SO this website? Or is there another way to show that it's not personal? I don't have any direct expereince of this as I've not been in a relationship for a long time, but it's a very tricky situation I think... Link to post Share on other sites
Braelyn Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Hi ST, thanks for the welcome. It's a long-term relationship. We've talked things over and my s/o knows how I feel. Now it's just a matter of us deciding where to go from here. Gotcha, gotcha. Sorry to intrude about it. I wasn't sure whether that had happened from the OP. A lot of people just seem to struggle with the communication aspect of relationships, so I usually bring it up. :3 Sorry... I can't imagine being comfortable asking my SO to be intimate with me that way, if it was something they did not enjoy. It would just feel.... wrong to me, I guess. Even if it was something they would do to make me happy, it would make me sad because it would be selfish of me. I dunno, probably isn't my place to say even that much, but I hope you can work things out. Unresolved issues are the worst, imo. Especially ones that aren't super straight forward. But you are starting down that path, so that is good. :) Link to post Share on other sites
l'etranger Posted September 23, 2013 Author Share Posted September 23, 2013 Thanks again for the responses, A_man and ST. Communication is the most important thing indeed. The right thing will happen in the end if we're honest with each other and ourselves... Link to post Share on other sites
jmitch1481 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Hey newbie!! Welcome :) I make a really good Pumpkin cheesecake *hands you a slice*..... hopefully you like it! Your post sounds a lot like me :) Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Hi and welcome to AVEN! I'm in the opposite situation as you, my husband is asexual. Things aren't always easy and I certainly know now that it's "not me" but that doesn't completely solve the problem. It really does come down to adjusting to the situation. Be sure to visit the For Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies forum, there is a pinned Sexual Compromise thread there that might interest you. I hope you love it here. :) Link to post Share on other sites
l'etranger Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 LG, thanks for the welcome. You're a very patient and understanding person! I know it must be very difficult and frustrating for you often. :[ Link to post Share on other sites
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