Did you think you were broken or normal?

[Philip027]

At first I thought everyone else was the weird ones.

Gradually I realized though that it was me

[aperfectring]

At first I was completely unconcerned. My first (and only so far) relationship ended very badly, in large because of my lack of sexual desire. I missed her badly, but realized that I wasn't only sad, but relieved because I wouldn't be forcing myself to do things I was uncomfortable with. It was during this weird time of sadness, depression, and relief that I started to really become concerned that some part of me was broken because I didn't want any form of sexual contact. This feeling persisted for many years until I found out about asexuality.

[House of Chimeras]

More or less "I thought I was normal, but I had some uncertainty." I just didn't think about it really. I wasn't attracted to anyone and I just didn't pause to think about that other people were interested in sexual things and I wasn't. And by the time I did question it, I was my last year of high school (but only because a married into the family family member started breathing down my neck as to why I wasn't dating), I found out about asexuality.

[BlessYourFace]

It concerned me because every time i spoke to my fronds about what i was experiencing, they would give me the 'haven't found the right one' line. I kept thinking to myself that i had put myself through over 15 sexual relationships - including the one night stands - and came to the same conclusion after every time...i was just going insane! That's the premise of research that led me to AVEN. =)

[Zash]

I knew I was different from the normals, but that was par for the course for me. My two best friends during school were also aces (though we didn't know what asexuality was back then), so, I knew I wasn't the only one who thought like I did. I guess I was lucky. (What are the chances three male aces meet in the same grade in school? Maybe it was something in the water...)

Being different never bothered me. I was not neuro-typical anyways, so, just figured it was a part of that.

[Verust]

I thought I was just delayed.

[littleheartsofjoy]

I really thought that I was normal until I got to high school and sex always came up as a topic in class, by classmates. Then I figured that after high school that I was broken, since it seemed like it was the norm to desire and want sex.

[MadRat]

For a long time I thought I was normal. It was only because I knew very little about sex life of other people. I thought typical sexual people are like demisexuals. I found out later it is not this way.

[Lady Girl]

For a long time I thought I was normal. It was only because I knew very little about sex life of other people. I thought typical sexual people are like demisexuals. I found out later it is not this way.

Weirdly enough, an awful lot of the people I know (sexuals) are like demisexuals...I'm going to guess that maybe a goodly amount of typical sexual people are more discriminating than Hollywood and the entertainment venues lead the world to believe.

[DexM]

The first one. It got worse the older I got and the more my mental health situation deteriorated. At first I thought I was just shy. Then, I had enough people making homophobic remarks about me that I assumed I was homosexual. It got to a point that I was legitimately concerned concerned about my well being.

I found AVEN just in the nick of time :)

[A Taste of Harmony]

Having very sexually conservative background,

I was completely unaware of it.

And many of my social circles were mostly singles.

(Maybe they are all ace? :P Anyway even close friends we rarely talk about those topics..sex/relationships.)

I never craved dating, romantic relationships nor marriage, if my memory serves me correctly.

Well, I might have pondered about it from time to time but I lose interests too quickly.

And people rarely showed any interests in me neither sexually nor romantically.

And most of my family members behave like they fall under ace umbrella.

So family pressure was almost non-existent.

Looking back, I'm just so curious about myself how I did survive without noticing it.

I'm guessing mostly to do with my background and my low interests in those areas.

AVEN was complete shock to me but in a good way. I just feel so sad that so many people have suffered from it. :redface:

[Digitus1]

I have always know I was 'different' but never considered myself 'broken'.

Honestly, even now I consider the 'normals' the ones to pity - their entire lives seem to be ruled by something which is a transient physical sensation of little real merit.

I am romantic, and love the feeling of 'being in love' and sharing with someone. To this end I have 'participated in sex' with a couple of people in my 54 years, but it always felt more like work than pleasure.

What amazes me is that it has taken so long for me to realise why I have always been this way - probably because it has never seemed to be important enough to me to make me figure it out.

[ShipoftheNight]

I thought I was completely normal until I reached 16. Then my enteractions with my female friends changed greatly. Their lives revolved around boyfriends and all the stuff that comes with. While I continued to be excited about movies, books, and what I was going to have for lunch; they were worried about who they were going to go with. I just thought they were jumping the bullet until about half way through the year when they started trying to find me someone to date. I was horrified! There was no way I wanted to date anyone yet! That's when it first really kicked in that maybe I wasn't completely normal.

As I grew up, I found that although I could barely see the difference in gender and could fully enjoy the beauty of both; that my friends again thought it was I was in need of a major intervention. I started to fear that prehaps I wasn't just hetrosexual, and decided I needed to make my life normal. I began date hunting until I met a nice-ish guy and then we spoke as friends over the phone...........and that's how it stayed. I just had no intrest in the whole taking it a step further.

I decided that I was just a strange person balanced some where between straight and gay. Then I discovered that I was asexual. What a relief really.

So no. I guess I didn't think I was broken.... just different.

[Tiranasta]

Neither. I knew that I was abnormal, but that's never seemed like a bad thing to me.

[Arcovia]

Other. I knew what asexuality was, growing up, and any worry or stress came from confusion over whether I actually was asexual or just "a late bloomer". I was never mistaken about being "normal", nor was I worried I was "broken".

[Y Lime]

What's funny is that I knew asexuality existed several years before I identified with it. I wasn't particularly sexual, I just assumed that other people were mostly like me!

It should've tipped me off when one of my ace-identifiying friends said he was afraid of being in a romantic relationship because he wasn't comfortable with the physical expectations accompanying them. I asked him what he meant and he mentioned things like "groping," which I remember finding really ludicrous at the time.

[Hazel lights]

Yeah, sexually, I assumed that most people were like me. I didn't realize the difference between asthetic and sexual attraction. Romantically I just thought I hadn't met the right guy yet. Every so often I had a flicker of feeling like something wasn't quite right. A few months before I self identified as asexual I realized that something was seriously off. I highly doubted that I was straight but I really couldn't put my finger on what I was. Even after hearing about asexuality it didn't immediately click. I never felt broken I just felt frustrated for a bit because I couldn't figure out my orientation. Once I identified I would occasionally feel disappointed that I wasn't sexual but I still never felt broken per say. My asexuality is sort of just seems like an inherent fact. I've tried imaging what I guess you could call a "fixed" version of me but that I could never picture that version of me as really me.

[Blomdor]

Not broken, but not necessarily "normal", either. Normalcy was never something I particularly aspired to. I yam whatever the hell I yam, and that's that. Screw normal and screw the societal expectations associated with it. Rant. Rargh. Blah.

You'll never pry me from my weirdomobile.

[Aisntllecxtual]

I did not think I was broken. I thought I was normal with a highly ascetic nature - although I do remember when I was much younger (age uncertain) when I looked up the word asexual in the dictionary, and derived only an explantion of it in regard to reproduction (can't be me, I can't reproduce asexually! - back into space between reverie and being awake, I receded for the next 30 or so years). It was only after marriage that I started to truly question my normality. Clicking "asexuality" into google changed everything - led me immediately to AVEN, finally, a realization of my asexuality.

[Nasher21]

I didn't exactly think of it as being 'broken' as such, but I was aware of how differently I perceived sexuality compared to my friends, and that did concern me occasionally. Luckily I found out about asexuality fairly soon after becoming aware of the feeling, so I was lucky enough not to have to dwell on it alone for too long before finding out it wasn't just me, and there's nothing wrong with being asexual!

[Remiel]

I was actually worry extremely that I didn't like girls, but instead liked guys as I didn't quite understand why I suddenly stopped liking girls. So then I went on to seeing if I liked guys and figured out that I didn't. I was extremely concerned before I found out I was Demisexual and partially Asexual.

[Prrple]

I always knew I was a little different since I didn't care when my friends stopped playing with toys and started speed-dating in middle school. I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to bang my head against the wall after talking about my friends' latest flings.

[korik]

I neither thought I was "broken" or normal. I simply didn't care. I was happy with "who" I am (and "what" I was (whatEVER that was.) What else mattered?

[SweetieBot]

I said that I thought something was a little off, but didn't really worry much about it. That really sums it up to be honest. People around me were feeling these feelings and I just... wasn't. For a while I thought it would just come in time (the whole late bloomer idea), but eventually I just came to realize that it wasn't changing. And it didn't really bother the people around me, they just accepted it as "oh, that's just how SweetieBot is" and I cracked a lot of jokes about being an emotionless monster or a robot.

[rotanimonedaifg]

I definitely had some of those brokeness feelings. At first, I think I just thought that my feelings would grow and develop and I would be like everybody else. But over time I started to ask myself "Why don't I have sexual feelings?" and "Why can't I be like my friends?" and it started to seriously concern me. Discovering asexuality was a huge relief.

[hotlips4000]

(1) I thought there was something wrong, and it really concerned me., and didn't know what to think! :/

Hey, i still feel like that now about many other aspects of my life and i'm 33.

Never had any interest in Sex, made me feel sick; the thought alone made my skin crawl.

Classmates going on about who they fancied didn't help either, as i knew it was always; "know one"..

I lost my Virginity when i was 22 and i still felt i wasn't ready emotionally/physcologically.

I'm quite an introverted sheltered individual with know boyfriend exsperience up to that point it was really scary.

I have a long history of depression and after my first/last encounter of Sex i was suicidel for two years! :(

I may be an Adult , but i'm a child inside that never got to grow up emotionally/physcologically, that is a big hinderance.

[ALongWayAway]

I became aware I wasn't interested in people like that about the time that most people become aware that they ARE interested in people like that about 12 or 13. I didn't discover asexuality for another two or three years, but I was aware that the words 'hot' and 'sexy' should probably mean more to me than they did. 'Handsome', 'beautiful', 'pretty', I had no problem with -I just knew I had a problem in interfacing with sex-related words and that was a bit worrying for me. However, I just kind of let it pass and a few years later, after deciding that, you know, I should probably find out a bit more about what this entailed, I found AVEN and was like oh my God that's me!

[whatismauve]

I was pretty sure I was bi before I found out about asexuality. I felt the same way about boys and girls (annoyed, mostly) so I just went, "Yep, I'm bi," and didn't tell anyone because I was brought up Catholic.

[Fenn78]

I thought I was mostly normal (maybe a little off.) That is until my wife said out loud that she thought I was either gay or asexual (or there was something wrong with her). I knew nothing was wrong with her and that I was very much straight (I enjoy girls too much and think gay guys are just gross). Then she showed me her research and this site and I figured it out. I can now identify as being Grey. I enjoy sex when it happens, but I just don't have the drive for it. Never thought I was broke though.

[hotlips4000]

I thought I was mostly normal (maybe a little off.) That is until my wife said out loud that she thought I was either gay or asexual (or there was something wrong with her). I knew nothing was wrong with her and that I was very much straight (I enjoy girls too much and think gay guys are just gross). Then she showed me her research and this site and I figured it out. I can now identify as being Grey. I enjoy sex when it happens, but I just don't have the drive for it. Never thought I was broke though.

Yeah, i agree with a bit of what you are saying.