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#AsexualProblems


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nerdperson777
15 hours ago, To Each Their Own said:

Being friends with someone and completely missing all the clues when they fall for you. Suddenly, the friendship is over, they are now angry with you and you have no idea what you did wrong. :huh:

Yep, that was me.  I was oblivious to a crush for a long time and then he stopped being friends with me.

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To Each Their Own
11 hours ago, Lanti SF said:

I left my labcoat in my apt and asked my roommate to grab it. 

Hopefully she didn't take a look around my room (currently a mess) to see a condom box I got from pride on the floor. 

 

It's filled with spare change for the bus.

 

 

So funny...I have left over condoms in my bathroom because in October I used them for a costume: I dressed up as a crime scene.  I suppose I should get rid of those; it’s been 6 weeks!

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I can't help but remember this customer that I had, and our conversation. I think about it all of the time. He was buying a Sweetest Day card for his wife, and I told him that I'd never seen a card for Sweetest Day before. (For those of you that live outside of Midwestern/Northeastern United States, it's basically Valentine's Day's less-celebrated little sister.) He then asked me, "What, you've never bought one for your boyfriend?" My reply was a very flat "No," and that I didn't want to be in a relationship in the first place. He was very impressed by this and dove into a long soliloquy about how I was a strong and smart young woman, that I had a bright future, that a boyfriend could wait, etcetera. He was starting to annoy me, so I (politely) cut him off and informed him that I never wanted to be in a relationship, that I was fine by myself. This bewildered look came over his face, and he said, "What are you talking about? Everyone wants to be in a relationship."

 

What struck me the most (besides his obvious hypocrisy and heteronormativity) was how well he reflected our society and its standard. So many people uphold the idea that sex and romance are ideals that everyone should strive for, and that by attaining either one, we will achieve happiness. Not only does this degrade our worth as individual human beings, but it also creates a dependency on other people to judge our worth. The expression, "No one will ever love you if you...[blank]" has always bothered me for this very reason. So what? Why should I care whether people find me attractive or not? Why should another person define my happiness? Why can't I learn to love myself instead?

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WoodwindWhistler
15 hours ago, Soraiko said:

Getting asked if it's a date when you go to hang out with someone and then asking if they think it's a date after you say no. I don't know?! I hope they don't think that. Now I have that to worry about. 

I think I've found a way around this problem- I try to stay aware of what events are going on around my city and invite multiple people. (even if the others don't show up, I can talk about them not showing up, what they are doing, etc) That way it's never read as one-on-one intentions. 

Also, I go to various groups- a ukelele group, a book club, a lunch discussion, a Holistic Learning community- I can always invite people to those without it being awkward. 

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WoodwindWhistler
On 12/5/2017 at 9:34 AM, GryphonLover said:

Not exclusively an asexual problem but... wanting really badly to make an overture of friendship with some of the opposite gender that you think would be fun to hang around with, but being too afraid of it looking like flirting.  Or worse, you actually do try to be friendly and get a 'sorry, I already have a girlfriend.'  

There's no such thing as being friends with the opposite sex, then.  Silly me. 

So they shut you down even after you've explained that's not what you want? Bummer. 

My mother, my sister, and I all favor hanging out with guys. I don't know what we're doing differently, though. :/

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Friend: I havent had sex in like a month!! 

Me: is that a long time? Is it bad?

Friend: obviously

 

Not obvious to all of us

#asexualproblems

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Can't guilt a husband into household chores using sex as a bargaining tool. #AsexualProblems

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nerdperson777
17 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

Can't guilt a husband into household chores using sex as a bargaining tool. #AsexualProblems

My dad probably would want that.  Once I told him about this one time years ago mom and I went to the mall.  Macy's was on the other side of the mall from the parking lot so we had to walk a long way back.  One of the salespeople in the middle aisle persuaded my mom into buying $75 worth of beauty products.  The products were made with salt from the Dead Sea.  She bought some salt for use in a salt bath and lotion.  The salesperson said, "it's for when you shower with your husband..."  That's really funny because my mom literally gives him nothing at all (basically ace), let alone shower with him.  After hearing about that, he said "oooooooohhhhhh" in a high pitched voice.  I'm not really sure if he is still longing for mom's affection after 20+ years or any female will do.  Either way I think sex would work on him.  Plus I think all the exercise he's doing now is increasing his sex drive.  I've never heard him watch porn until this year.

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6 minutes ago, Rynar said:

When you went to the theater with school. Guess what the title of the play was? F*ck

I went to the globe with school. The play was about love - but it was actually good and interesting. Until the characters had sex on stage (acting of course). I nearly threw up.

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Fantastic Name

Me: "I don't want kids."

 

Parent: "Don't say that! Having children changes your entire world in ways you will never understand until you become a mother. You'll never truly understand what love feels like and how precious life truly is until you have them. Don't be so closed off to having kids."

 

Me: "But, I don't know if I want to get married! I don't even want a family. All the guys I've seen are complete jerks, too, so..."

 

Parent: "Oh, there's gotta be someone you like! Haven't you seen anyone out there that you thought was cute?"

 

Me: "Never; and look, I really don't want to-- "

 

Parent: "Just you wait. I can guarantee that someday, you might find an nice, attractive young man that you'll fall in love with, and the two of you might one day decide you want to to marry and start a family…" *(continues gushing about marriage and kids and whatnot)*

 

No matter what I say, I can never be taken seriously.

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nerdperson777

@Fantastic Name Same.

Me at 11: I don't want kids.

Friend: I want 4 kids.

Mom doesn't react to my statement.

Me now: I don't want kids. 

Mom freaks out. 

 

If you would've just believed me right off the bat we wouldn't have this. 

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when you went to a health check-up for school and came to the subject sex. that lady told you know the sexual education stuff and asked if I was sexual active. I said no and then she went further with her explanation while mentioning I'm not sexual active YET a couple of times which annoyed me a lot.

at last she then said: so when you have a partner, you and your partner need to do the safety precautions that I just told you.

me: haha, but I don't need to.

lady: excuse me?

me: I mean I don't need to because I don't desire a relationship or a partner.

lady: what? okay but still when you have a partner bla bla *repeats herself again what she said at last and gives me a flyer about safe sex*

 

I know that health check-up lady is just doing her job but still she just ignored it. Besides that I do know the safety precautions for 2 years now and no I don't need it

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Hopefully this doesn’t sully (I’m exaggerating of course but still 😅) any aces’ views of these winter holidays but has anyone ever realized that a ton of people have birthdays in September? Soooooooo....guess how a lot of people (more so couples) are spending their days off. So...yeah, this was my mental journey when I was thinking about that on my own.

🧐 > 🤨 > 🤔💭 > 😯 > 😧 > 🤭 > 🤯 > 😐

It was obvious in hindsight but it baffled me for a long time when I realized a whole bunch of my friends and classmates had birthdays in September and October.

 

edit: I meant to post this in the moments thread but ah well lol.

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Having to do a PSHE thing in school and separate what happened in real life and in porn. I got annoyed as they didn't have the card: not have sex. So I made it.

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nerdperson777
7 hours ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

@Laplace Wait, so all of the people with September and October birthdays have a massive orgy?

I believe since pregnancy takes about 9 months, couples have sex during the winter, around December and January, to keep warm.  November birthdays come from Valentine's Day sex.

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On 12/10/2017 at 6:53 PM, Fantastic Name said:

Me: "I don't want kids."

 

Parent: "Don't say that! Having children changes your entire world in ways you will never understand until you become a mother. You'll never truly understand what love feels like and how precious life truly is until you have them. Don't be so closed off to having kids."

 

Me: "But, I don't know if I want to get married! I don't even want a family. All the guys I've seen are complete jerks, too, so..."

 

Parent: "Oh, there's gotta be someone you like! Haven't you seen anyone out there that you thought was cute?"

 

Me: "Never; and look, I really don't want to-- "

 

Parent: "Just you wait. I can guarantee that someday, you might find an nice, attractive young man that you'll fall in love with, and the two of you might one day decide you want to to marry and start a family…" *(continues gushing about marriage and kids and whatnot)*

 

No matter what I say, I can never be taken seriously.

 

On 12/11/2017 at 8:25 AM, Rynar said:

when you went to a health check-up for school and came to the subject sex. that lady told you know the sexual education stuff and asked if I was sexual active. I said no and then she went further with her explanation while mentioning I'm not sexual active YET a couple of times which annoyed me a lot.

at last she then said: so when you have a partner, you and your partner need to do the safety precautions that I just told you.

me: haha, but I don't need to.

lady: excuse me?

me: I mean I don't need to because I don't desire a relationship or a partner.

lady: what? okay but still when you have a partner bla bla *repeats herself again what she said at last and gives me a flyer about safe sex*

 

I know that health check-up lady is just doing her job but still she just ignored it. Besides that I do know the safety precautions for 2 years now and no I don't need it

It always irritates me to no end when people say that. The subject will come up and I'll say, "I don't want to get married or have kids." Their reaction is usually outrage, or they tell me, "You'll change your mind when you're older." No, I won't. I've never wanted to get married, and I've never, ever wanted to have kids, not since I was in elementary school. If my mind hasn't changed since then, it sure won't now. Even my boss is that way; I'll complain about it to her, and she always tells me that she met her husband when she was sixteen and that "marriage was the last thing on my mind." I don't know how to get it through to her that it's not the same thing.

 

There has only been one customer that has accepted what I said and left it at that. I was telling her about my haphephobia, and she said, "I guess you never want to get married, then?" I told her yes, but it was for other reasons as well, and she shrugged her shoulders and told me that everybody was different. Why can't other people be like that?

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33 minutes ago, NoLongerHuman said:

There has only been one customer that has accepted what I said and left it at that. I was telling her about my haphephobia, and she said, "I guess you never want to get married, then?" I told her yes, but it was for other reasons as well, and she shrugged her shoulders and told me that everybody was different. Why can't other people be like that?

The society brainwashes/pressures people to strongly believe their standard way of life because the majority does it.

It's uncommon to see that people stray from the standard way of living.

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nerdperson777
20 hours ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

Women have seemed threatened by me even though there isn't any reason to be.

 

I've actually thought, even if I were sexual and/or romantic, I wouldn't be impressed by their boyfriends anyway. :lol:

 

@nerdperson777 I need some brain bleach.

Yeah, I learned about it from this one girl who moved into my school apartment at the last moment. Despite being the youngest, she seemed the most externally sexual of everyone in the apartment. But it's not really that tough of a battle when there are two aces. She brought her friends over once to watch 50 shades of grey in the living room. All I know about that movie is that it's quite sexual and has unsafe BDSM stuff. 

 

17 hours ago, Rynar said:

The society brainwashes/pressures people to strongly believe their standard way of life because the majority does it.

It's uncommon to see that people stray from the standard way of living.

It is more likely that someone will conform to not be different. My mom's side is definitely not the norm. I have many unmarried aunts. One aunt really likes her guys so much that she stayed behind a year in high school (don't know how she did that) to date some guy. Ironically my mom is the one to be married even though she isn't really the type. My aunt goes to see her guy friend every Saturday but it's unknown whether he's a boyfriend or close friend. She likes living alone though. And her ways influenced my cousin, who is in a stable relationship with her boyfriend. She doesn't want to be married either. However the boyfriend's family isn't shy about asking for kids. My cousin has to keep saying no kids. Pets, but not kids. 

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I think it's incredibly creepy that people push other people to have children. It's like, "I want you two to have sex together to produce a baby for me." If people phrased it that way, hopefully everyone would see how creepy it is.

 

Luckily I never have people ask me if I want children or push me to have a family. I don't know why they don't harass me about it but I'm really glad they don't. Maybe it's because I look really young? I somehow just feel like social rules like that don't apply to me. I mean, they shouldn't. I'm a non-sexual being. 

 

Marriage is starting to die off with the current generation anyway. It won't be as common for people to get married and have a family in the (near?) future.

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a minor triad
2 hours ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

I think it's incredibly creepy that people push other people to have children. It's like, "I want you two to have sex together to produce a baby for me." If people phrased it that way, hopefully everyone would see how creepy it is.

Well, I think there is a general assumption that a couple is already having sex, but I get what you're saying.

 

Edit: Also, knowing that there is this assumption is one of the main reasons I really don't like the idea of being in a relationship. I am very uncomfortable with the idea of people seeing me as a sexually active human being. But there isn't much I can do about that.

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mechanicalsunshine
13 hours ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

@a minor triad I feel the same. I don't really know how anyone could think that I have sex, but I'm sure people do think that just because "everyone" has sex.

Probably the same way I kind of just assume no one has sex, because why would they? And it's only sometimes when people talk frankly about it that I realize, man... these people actually do that kind of stuff... 

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Fantastic Name
14 hours ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

@a minor triad I feel the same. I don't really know how anyone could think that I have sex, but I'm sure people do think that just because "everyone" has sex.

I also find it really weird how sex is still somewhat of a taboo in society, despite the fact that "everyone" does it.

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On ‎10‎/‎16‎/‎2017 at 10:15 PM, Laplace said:

Yes, I have trust issues due to parental divorce. No, romance will not “cure” those problems.

If anything, a lot of the time romantic relationships just worsen trust issues.

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