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Do you feel like you fit in at AVEN?


TwiceAsNice

  

  1. 1. Do you fit in here?

    • mostly yes
      152
    • mostly no
      41
    • neutral
      51
    • don't participate enough to say one way or the other
      43

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Welcomed: yes

Understood: yes

Included: sorta. The fact that I'm nonlibidoist ace that doesn't really comprehend *anything* sexual still has me feeling a bit "estranged" from most other aces that still do have sex drives, still might have an "itch to scratch" as it were, or at least still have some rudimentary understanding of why other people do so. Nevertheless, this community likely comes the closest to feeling like I fit in that I'm ever going to find.

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I've met a lot of nice people, helped a lot of people, and I can take part in many discussions about sexuality and relationships. But there's at least one way I definitely do not fit in. My pre-AVEN experiences, that I'm not originally from the asexual community, and my understanding of certain terminology stand out like a sore thumb. It is all difficult to talk about, and that leaves me feeling very isolated at times.

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My pre-AVEN experiences, that I'm not originally from the asexual community, and my understanding of certain terminology stand out like a sore thumb. It is all difficult to talk about, and that leaves me feeling very isolated at times.

What do you mean?

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Definitely. It's difficult to feel out of place in a community that shares interests or traits with you. You're always going to have at least something in common, even if that something is just a feeling of "otherness" experienced in your everyday life.

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Shrug, about as well real life I suppose. I've got a bit of a headstrong personality, but I adapt well.

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Yes, yes and it depends on how you define "included" but I would say yes :)

AVEN is really great, I like it here and it is the first community/forum I really participate in (normally I don't even reach 5 posts)

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Indeed, I do feel welcome and understood on AVEN. This is the first community website in which I have played an active (though very small) part, and I would not have stayed around this long if I hadn't liked it.

Included is slightly different and is a little more difficult to analyse. I am included in ongoing conversations by way of my ability to voice my opinions. Overall, my experiences with inclusion here have been positive.

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I've never done forums before but this site is quite helpful for me. It is nice to see other similar ( and very different) people all who share this orientation being able to openly talk about their expirences.

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I feel I don't fit in with most Aven members,why !!!

Me and another Aven member was talking about this issue briefly last week via email. My biggest issue with some Aven members the last 6 years( mostly older Aven members over 40). What is this serious deal with " i want to be alone outside of Aven website or I can't meet Aven members offline". Some Aven members are just drive by poster on this site and are not open to supporting their fellow Aven brothers and sister offline. I think offline asexual meetup are very important and I also think creating frienship outside of this website is important too but there are allot of Aven members who just post and are not emotion available for friendship.

Peopel wants to know why some Aven members are depress,I believe one of the reason is not having friends for support

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Welcomed: yes

Understood: yes

Included: sorta. The fact that I'm nonlibidoist ace that doesn't really comprehend *anything* sexual still has me feeling a bit "estranged" from most other aces that still do have sex drives, still might have an "itch to scratch" as it were, or at least still have some rudimentary understanding of why other people do so. Nevertheless, this community likely comes the closest to feeling like I fit in that I'm ever going to find.

I hear you. (In that latter category too.)

For me:

Welcome: yes

Understood: yes, in regards to asexuality.

Included: More or less. I've never felt "excluded."

I do feel very different from many people here, though. (As far as "lifestyle," to put it crudely.) (Though we're all different, I know, I know.)

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Guest FlamesofFire

I have read many threads that helped me understand myself better, I met nice people, helped a lot of people, I take parts in discussions about sexuality and relationships. But there's at least one way I definitely do not fit in. I was sexual, then became asexual due to a medical issue due to which I became repulsed by sex.

AVEN is really great, I like it here and it is the first community/forum I really participate in (normally I don't even reach 3 posts).

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I do feel like an alien in the sense that I don't mind, even enjoy R rated movies-whereas, it seems like whenever there's a discussion movie ratings, most posts I see are 'I refuse to watch anything rated higher than PG and other comments echoing that sentiment. Otherwise, I do feel welcome/included here.

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Good poll. I voted "mostly yes".

• Welcome: Very. AVEN's awesome in this regard.
• Understood: For the most part. Of course people get that I'm asexual and aromantic, but the other details-- being repulsed and nonlibidoist-- seem to generate confusion. Same with gender identity.

• Included: Not so much. Like Philip027 said, being nonlibidoist makes it hard for me to relate (and vice versa) to the majority, and I'd say the same for being aromantic, since most asexuals experience romantic attraction. I feel I'm in a similar boat with SisterKate, as well. Certain aspects of my perspective and habits are different from most people, and the type of community that AVEN is kind of builds an emphasis on those differences.

Overall, I like AVEN, and I enjoy being here. I wouldn't exactly say I "fit in", but I've never considered myself a part of the asexual culture/community, the LGBT, etc. I'm just me, and I explore.

EDIT: Well, all things considered, I feel "neutral" would have been a better vote.

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Definitely! The more you participate and put yourself out there, the more included you'll be over time.

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I'd say I do.

There is not many places I fit in. I do have trouble keeping everything PC because I was used to being around bad people on the internet.

I have shared a lot of things here I could never put into words if I spoke to people.
I am never the center of a discussion and I tend to listen to people to get their perspective.

Here I can actually relate to some of those perspectives even if they come from people who live in a different part of the world, had completely different experiences and identify as a different gender.

I know that I repeat myself allot here but I have many thoughts that I need to write down.

I was one of the worst bigots when it came to asexuality. I despised myself, told doctors to look for brain tumors and convinced myself I was broken.

I am not sure I would have been this happy to stumble across a forum if it was any other topic.

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Welcome : yes, much more than on any other forum I was before.

Understood : 50/50. About times where I've been disappointed : 1) Some persons seem to not get how I feel absolutely no physical / sensual / aesthetic attraction to people other than very rare male friends and I've even been told once that it's sort of pathological :( while I consider this to be a natural part of my orientation, and I live it very well. 2) It's also hard to explain that I'm not sex-repulsed because I'm obviously a minority here. 3) It's hard to avoid critics against demisexuality. I know that moderators do everything against it, but it still doesn't prevent a few members to be mean. 4) There aren't many people in the same age bracket as me. Of course I have nothing against AVEN itself, it's just a few members who do these 3 first things which make me feel uncomfortable sometimes.

Included : I can't say, because I do what I can to remain anonymous to people who could know me (friends, potential employers...) and Big Bad Google. If there wasn't this problem, I probably would post more personal things, but because the forum is 90% public, I'm too afraid to do that.

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Neutral, I guess. :mellow: I definitely don't fit in the Chat here on Aven. As for the forums, I try to participate when I can and if it seems like my opinion will add to the conversation, then I might post what I have to say. Other than that, sometimes the forum's topics are a little bit confusing for me or I sometimes worry what I say may sound stupid. I'm here to read post I can relate to, and maybe even get advice from (and when I do, that sorta makes me feel fit-in-ish). Also, it would be nice to make a few asexual friends, but since I don't feel like I totally fit in here, that hasn't been a very successful for me. -_-

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Well... I don't see it being here as needing to "fit in", I'm here because I am, same for any forum community. I'm relateable, understood/understanding and included no matter what I feel or identify with. Only thing is, this is my most used forum so there's something driving me to stay other than OCD ;)
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Notte stellata

Mostly yes, but there are some aspects where I don't fit in:

  • I'm not into the whole cake culture.
  • I'm not interested in finding out asexual characters or celebrities (plus, most of such threads seem far-fetched guesses to me).
  • I can enjoy sex (sort of the opposite to non-libidoists' problem...).
  • I have no problem with "sexualized society", sex talks, sex scenes, people who are "obsessed with sex", people who find me sexually attractive, etc.
  • I don't get the emphasis on gender over sex.
  • Politically, AVEN is too left-wing and PC for me.

Wow, seem like a lot. But I still like AVEN, mostly because of the poly/RA circle that I can't find anywhere else. :D

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Although I am an older woman who was married and partnered and has no idea what gaming or fanfiction are, I amazingly do feel like I fit in. And if I fit in, everyone does!!!

But I do like cats and cake.

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I voted "I don't participate enough to say". I mostly lurk ;)

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Welcome? Understood? Included?

A resounding yes to all 3. Aven is the only forum I actually feel happy on. When I come here, I feel as though I've come home.

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No, I can't say that I fit in at all.

what makes you say that?

I feel I don't fit in with most Aven members,why !!!

Me and another Aven member was talking about this issue briefly last week via email. My biggest issue with some Aven members the last 6 years( mostly older Aven members over 40). What is this serious deal with " i want to be alone outside of Aven website or I can't meet Aven members offline". Some Aven members are just drive by poster on this site and are not open to supporting their fellow Aven brothers and sister offline. I think offline asexual meetup are very important and I also think creating frienship outside of this website is important too but there are allot of Aven members who just post and are not emotion available for friendship.

Peopel wants to know why some Aven members are depress,I believe one of the reason is not having friends for support

Thank you for bringing that up. You seem like a smart and compassionate person and I can relate to what you're saying.

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