Random question - what dose sex feel like to an asexual?

[Ripjawwolffang]

I'm a vergin, and I don't know if I'm sex repulsed or not.., but I'm probably pretty close to it... And I know the physical feeling is probably the same and I've seen countless people describe it and I know what *cough* touching yourself *cough* feels like...

But to an asexual who dosent have the attraction component I'd imagine its somewhat different?

I've done other stuff, and I've always found it... Boring... And at the worst of times really uncomfortable... But sex? It's got me curious since I watched a youtube video talking about how great it could be... And I was like "hmmm... Dose it feel the same to an ace?" Since I don't want to have sex to find out! I'll ask you! Mwahahaha guinni pigs!

Also I kinda wanna know If it would be worth trying...

[PendulEmPlum]

Well, from what I understand of being asexual, most just don't particularly want or search out sex. But it doesn't make the act of sex feel any different- pleasure can still be derived from sexual activities. Even someone who is sexual can have a bad sexual experience, just as asexuals can have a good one.

It just so happens that asexuals don't search it out, have a "craving" for it, or see it as a necessity to show deep emotional feelings. That's really all there is to it.

[buttcheekasaurus-rex]

Well, from what I understand of being asexual, most just don't particularly want or search out sex. But it doesn't make the act of sex feel any different- pleasure can still be derived from sexual activities. Even someone who is sexual can have a bad sexual experience, just as asexuals can have a good one.

It just so happens that asexuals don't search it out, have a "craving" for it, or see it as a necessity to show deep emotional feelings. That's really all there is to it.

Well, as an asexual I never felt any pleasure during the act, besides being painful and uncomfortable, it felt unnecessary and boring.

[Ripjawwolffang]

Yeah see that's what I mean... Those are wildly different experience... Damn... I should have made this a poll...

[AnaMaria]

I think your poll is a bit confusing.

Q1.Have you had sex? And one of the answers is "No but I've done other sexual things". What's the difference between sex and sexual things?

Q2. Did you enjoy it/Would you do it again? The answer can be for example no on the first statement and yes on the second so why put them together?

I think I'm asexual so I can tell you what sex feels like for me. I really enjoy the closness of being with someone I really care about. I have no problems being naked and I have no problem with a naked partner. I love kissing and touching but I'm uncomfortable with other people's genitals. That I have to touch genitals or even have them in my mouth is sometimes repulsive to me. I don't really like oralsex either because it can hurt getting it and like I said having a genital in my mouth is not pleasant. Penetration does nothing for me. I feel someone moving deep inside of me but it's no pleasure what so ever. it doesn't hurt, I just feel numb. If a person touches me with their hands it can feel good, even if they touch my genitals but I never have an orgasm. I can have an orgasm if I touch myself, both alone or with a partner. I'm just not interested in sex so I'm in between bored and repulsed. If someone wants it really dirty I can feel stomach ache and nausea because I get so repulsed. I also feel anxiety. Some of my sex partners have found it boring to have sex with me because they see and feel that I don't enjoy it and I don't go wild.

[Ripjawwolffang]

Ahh I'm no good at polls, let me correct that!

[PendulEmPlum]

Well, from what I understand of being asexual, most just don't particularly want or search out sex. But it doesn't make the act of sex feel any different- pleasure can still be derived from sexual activities. Even someone who is sexual can have a bad sexual experience, just as asexuals can have a good one.

It just so happens that asexuals don't search it out, have a "craving" for it, or see it as a necessity to show deep emotional feelings. That's really all there is to it.

Well, as an asexual I never felt any pleasure during the act, besides being painful and uncomfortable, it felt unnecessary and boring.

I just figure anyone can have a good or bad experience, it just depends on what's being done. I'm just going by definition and the versions of asexuality I've observed so far- I've never had actual sex, per se. But, in my own experience, I didn't want anything to happen but when it was happening I can't say I derived absolutely no pleasure from it.

[AnaMaria]

Ahh I'm no good at polls, let me correct that!

No worries ;)

[qwair]

(you are aware that some people call what you wrote under 'other sexual things' sex too, right?)

[Ripjawwolffang]

Well, from what I understand of being asexual, most just don't particularly want or search out sex. But it doesn't make the act of sex feel any different- pleasure can still be derived from sexual activities. Even someone who is sexual can have a bad sexual experience, just as asexuals can have a good one.

It just so happens that asexuals don't search it out, have a "craving" for it, or see it as a necessity to show deep emotional feelings. That's really all there is to it.

Well, as an asexual I never felt any pleasure during the act, besides being painful and uncomfortable, it felt unnecessary and boring.

I just figure anyone can have a good or bad experience, it just depends on what's being done. I'm just going by definition and the versions of asexuality I've observed so far- I've never had actual sex, per se. But, in my own experience, I didn't want anything to happen but when it was happening I can't say I derived absolutely no pleasure from it.

This is the thing I'm most curious about, how people's levels of asexuality affect there enjoyment of it?

Basically It's a curiosity thing, because its something that I can never experience from a sexual perspective but they tell you how it feels all the time, from an asexual perspective where it may be just doing it for someone else's sake people seem less willing to talk about... Honestly I want all the fact to encase I do decide to ummm go out with a sexual? I have no idea what to expect! If I where sexual I'd be like "hell yeah! Belly flop onto that naked person!" (That seems to be just how eager most sexuals I've talked to are. ) but deep down I know I'm different... And even the things that have been done to me that have been sexual in nature that arnt sex haven't been fun... They have been creepy and weird and forced and I get all quiet and just wish I could go back to watching Alians vs predator (which was what was on tv at the time that the guy being all over me distracted me from much to my distaste!) so I just want a border perspective!

Also I know some sexual women who don't like sex... Yeah,.. Like... At all... They have sex drives and attractions..., they just don't like it... So it really isn't a matter of anyone can enjoy it, it's a matter of "I wounder what it could be like for people who have a simerlar outlook as me..."

Sorry for the miss spellings it is 3:30 am

(you are aware that some people call what you wrote under 'other sexual things' sex too, right?)

Yes but to most people oral and penetrative sex are the only two actual sex acts. The rest is for play... I've never known anyone to consider hand jobs sex...and since you have clothes on for dry sex a lot of the time. That's not sex. And since touching isn't sex, its not sex. I'm being really technical about this. If you stick your thingie in someone else's thingie its sex. If you stick your mouth on someone else's thingie its kinda sorta maybe sex to some people although that depends on who you ask. Need a condom / mouth hard to prevent an std? That's sex! Need to wash your hand after? Not sex. Told you it would be technical!

Also if your a gay chick, then I class sticking your fake thingie in there thingie sex as well! As long as its like... A realistic size thingie... Not like a pocket vibe or whatever cause that's more like master action... It gets more complicated with women! XD

[JDP]

Let's just call it lewd conduct.

[Ripjawwolffang]

Let's just call it lewd conduct.

that sounds... Really mature... But also somehow more dirty...

[JDP]

Well, if it's not dirty, why do it :)

[qwair]

I've never known anyone to consider hand jobs sex...

Hmm... How about some expert psychologists answering teens' questions about sex?

Or Wikipedia? or Dan Savage? How about some statistics on how people define sex.

I feel bad barging in like this, but the fact that 'everybody you know' (i.e. society) think that one sex act is somehow 'better', 'more important' or 'more really sex' than another, is pretty bad in and of itself. Why don't you let the people decide for themselves what their limits are and what 'sex' for them is, without duplicating some silly social notions?

[Ripjawwolffang]

Sorry Hun, I am never going to take your side on this... It won't matter what you throw at me... If there isn't actual sex involved, its not sex. Touching, is certainly not sex. It's not. Otherwise I've had sex a thousand times already. Your a virgin until someone dose you up some orifice. That's kinda just how it works. I'm not trying to be offensive. The question is simply are you a vergin or not and if your a vergin with a little more experience then someone who's like... Pure as the driven snow... Or not. That's it. It's not putting more weight on one thing or another. It's purely "are you a vergin" and if you've given a blow job, most people will still consider you a vergin. Everyone I've ever talked to will still consider you a vergin with the exception of the religious people I know who consider that the same thing, and I tend to consider it to be just as "bad" as sex because the ability to catch stds is basically the same oral or in your bum/vag (but I don't think any consensual sex is bad) its not about ranking them though, it's about verginity. Blow jobs are a grey area, and that's cool. Hand jobs have never been a grey area. It's a sexual activity but its not sex. Dry humping isn't going to make you not a vergin. It's not sex. Hell it's hugging with a bit of rubbing... It's boring!

If you for yourself decide touching is sex. Great. I don't care it's none of my business, for the purpose of this poll not getting silly however penetrative sex is the only sex everything else is just sexual contact or whatever. "Luce behaviour. "

[JDP]

One person's definition is as good as anyone else's.

[Ripjawwolffang]

It is, certainly, but I can hardly list every single slightly sexual even looking thing and say "have you done this" so I'm really going to just have to put my foot down and say " penetrative sex" and not "mutual masterbation" or "touching" because those things are not v plate removing for most people. Ofcoarse some people will be more sensitive about it and think if they so much as touch someone's junk they are no longer a vergin, but honestly this would get silly if I tried to cator my poll to every level of passionate thing you can so. If you think that's sex. Great! It's not sex here! Tick the other box, that's why I put it here!

[JDP]

I didn't answer your poll, because I don't think it applies to me. I've had sex (penetrative, and every kind of penetrative) thousands of times, literally. I can't really say it feels like anything. I don't miss it.

[qwair]

Your a virgin until someone dose you up some orifice.

Now you're just being willfully ignorant. So you're saying that until a man gets penetrated he isn't a virgin? Interesting.

That's kinda just how it works.

Says who? You? Scientific, peer-reviewed data, or I'm just going to ignore that assertion.

It's purely "are you a vergin" and if you've given a blow job, most people will still consider you a vergin

'Most people' also consider asexuality something you should visit your local psychatrist about. I couldn't care less what 'everybody' or 'most people' think, or about the silly concept of 'virginity', which, by the way, has nothing to do with the original question (what does sex feel to an asexual).

its not about ranking them though, it's about verginity

But this silly concept of 'virginity' ultimately is about ranking people, and calling something 'real sex' or 'not real sex' is about ranking sex acts.

Please use paragraphs and a spellchecker. and please don't call me hon.

[ithaca]

Sorry Hun, I am never going to take your side on this... It won't matter what you throw at me... If there isn't actual sex involved, its not sex. Touching, is certainly not sex. It's not. Otherwise I've had sex a thousand times already. Your a virgin until someone dose you up some orifice. That's kinda just how it works. I'm not trying to be offensive. The question is simply are you a vergin or not and if your a vergin with a little more experience then someone who's like... Pure as the driven snow... Or not. That's it. It's not putting more weight on one thing or another. It's purely "are you a vergin" and if you've given a blow job, most people will still consider you a vergin. Everyone I've ever talked to will still consider you a vergin with the exception of the religious people I know who consider that the same thing, and I tend to consider it to be just as "bad" as sex because the ability to catch stds is basically the same oral or in your bum/vag (but I don't think any consensual sex is bad) its not about ranking them though, it's about verginity. Blow jobs are a grey area, and that's cool. Hand jobs have never been a grey area. It's a sexual activity but its not sex. Dry humping isn't going to make you not a vergin. It's not sex. Hell it's hugging with a bit of rubbing... It's boring!

If you for yourself decide touching is sex. Great. I don't care it's none of my business, for the purpose of this poll not getting silly however penetrative sex is the only sex everything else is just sexual contact or whatever. "Luce behaviour. "

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginity#Definitions_of_virginity_loss

http://alifeunexamined.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/rethinking-virginity/

[AnaMaria]

Everybody have different definitions of sex. I would call petting sex if you are totally nude and touching everywhere. But its Ripjawwolffang's poll so she makes the definitions for that poll.

[Member4445]

Yes. Other (sometimes). N/A. Yes.

Sex is a physical response to physiological stimulation. I would worry if it didn't ever feel good. I presume with sexuals that there is a psychological element too which is why they consider it intimate. The same kind of element that most asexuals have for romantic activities.

[Ripjawwolffang]

Your a virgin until someone dose you up some orifice.

Now you're just being willfully ignorant. So you're saying that until a man gets penetrated he isn't a virgin? Interesting.

That's kinda just how it works.

Says who? You? Scientific, peer-reviewed data, or I'm just going to ignore that assertion.

It's purely "are you a vergin" and if you've given a blow job, most people will still consider you a vergin

'Most people' also consider asexuality something you should visit your local psychatrist about. I couldn't care less what 'everybody' or 'most people' think, or about the silly concept of 'virginity', which, by the way, has nothing to do with the original question (what does sex feel to an asexual).

its not about ranking them though, it's about verginity

But this silly concept of 'virginity' ultimately is about ranking people, and calling something 'real sex' or 'not real sex' is about ranking sex acts.

Please use paragraphs and a spellchecker. and please don't call me hon.

I would if it wasn't 4:39 am and I cared what you think about my spelling.

I'm so freaking sorry I miss worded something "love!" Is that better then Hun?

Listen I'm not trying to fight with you but god damn it why can't you see sense! For the purpose of this particular topic, actual PENETRATIVE sex is the only thing I care about! I don't care wha you consider sex, or what your friends consider is sex! I don't care that there are people out there that think having sex with a teddy bear is sex!

I've done the for play stuff I know how that feels. I'm curious about how other people feel because I want some kind of for warning, but also curious.

The question of weather you are or are not a vergin Is very important. If your a vergin but speaking from the experience if stuff iv probably done or know about then I'm more curious about if you intend to have sex or not, or what you expect it to feel like! If you haven't had sex, you can only speculate at the feeling. This isn't hard to wrap your head around! I still am interested in hearing from these people, as they might have some perspective that I don't. But they can't answer as to weather or not it feels different and how because they don't know for sure yet. That's not to say that some of them arnt sure they wouldent like it, that's a perfectly valid feeling, but for the people who haven't tried it but don't feel totally repulsed by it, they might have some feelings about it they wish to express! But those feelings will be speculation!

What do you want me to be a smart ass like you and pull up some person I don't abouts quote? I don't care!

This would be utterly and entirely a waist of time if It where "how do you speculate sex will be" because other then the sex repulsed people who probably won't like it at all, this isn't a errrr!

Actually why am I bothering!! I shouldn't explain myself to... Errr! Frustrating and insulting people!

For the purposes of clarity you can't be all " your version of sex is fine here" because of coarse whatever they think Is the right thing for them! That still gives me no information at all! If there arnt rules as to what dose and dose not constitute sex, someone who thinks eye rape is sex could give me a totally inaccurate answer!

To be clear, whatever you consider to be sex is totally fine! Cool! Good for you! But if we don't have some set idea of what sex is then we will be all over the place. That's why i said it. That's what I mean. To people who want to insult me, fine!

[ithaca]

Listen I'm not trying to fight with you but god damn it why can't you see sense! For the purpose of this particular topic, actual sex is the only thing I care about! I don't care wha you consider sex, or what your friends consider is sex! I don't care that there are people out there that think having sex with a teddy bear is sex!

I think the best course of action would be to accept that many people (even on AVEN) have a different definition of sex (rather than stating that people can't see sense), and just KINDLY ask that people answer your poll by following your definition of sex :)

[Ripjawwolffang]

Listen I'm not trying to fight with you but god damn it why can't you see sense! For the purpose of this particular topic, actual sex is the only thing I care about! I don't care wha you consider sex, or what your friends consider is sex! I don't care that there are people out there that think having sex with a teddy bear is sex!

I think the best course of action would be to accept that many people (even on AVEN) have a different definition of sex (rather than stating that people can't see sense), and just KINDLY ask that people answer your poll by following your definition of sex :)

I tried that! I was being rather light hearted about it, what I got back was an insulting excuse for a reply.

It's not that I'm not accepting there definition of sex or anything else, its that things get stupid if you don't set ground rules for what is and what isn't something.

If I where to say, "raise your hand if you like the colour green" there are like 3 shades of blue some people consider green and could like! If I didn't say ".this green right here or this one or this one" some colours I consider brown could be votes for. There has to be rules! I tried setting them in a light hearted way. As you will read if you read my mostly joke first reply.

Actually my second reply was meant to be light hearted to, as emphasised by the fact I used a pet name in an annoying ice breaking way at the start. I just don't like to be insulted!

[ithaca]

Listen I'm not trying to fight with you but god damn it why can't you see sense! For the purpose of this particular topic, actual sex is the only thing I care about! I don't care wha you consider sex, or what your friends consider is sex! I don't care that there are people out there that think having sex with a teddy bear is sex!

I think the best course of action would be to accept that many people (even on AVEN) have a different definition of sex (rather than stating that people can't see sense), and just KINDLY ask that people answer your poll by following your definition of sex :)

I tried that! I was being rather light hearted about it, what I got back was an insulting excuse for a reply.

I think people have taken it differently because in your first reply you haven't stated "Ok, my definition is this can we please go with it?" but you've said "This is sex and this isn't sex", which started a discussion. :) And it got more heated from both sides. I think we can now take it back to civil-level if you simply state which one is your definition.

Is it penetrative sex? Or penetrative and/or oral? How would lesbian asexuals answer your poll? :) (I personally haven't been able to answer because it really depends on the definition of sex)

[Ripjawwolffang]

Like I said in the first post, I'm gonna just have to go with oral, and whatever else you do with a fake penis type thing. Lesbians define sex sort of however they want usually, but that dosent meant the same rules can't apply if your using tools... Normally I'd consider fingering sex to, but that just isn't going to work here because... Well I guess to guys could finger each other... But I think it will get all to grey and complicated if I start making weird exceptions. So I'm just going to have to go with oral and penetrative (even if its only with toys) because I'd imagine the feelings would be on the part of the receiver very simerler. (Shrug) and oral can be sex if people want it to be. I don't know what that's like anyway so it's not like saying that is sex when it's not fitting this standard would effect the actual result of my question which is "is this actually as pleasurable for asexuals as sexuals seem to find it"

Anyway you can't say i didn't explain myself or at least try to because literally right above the post that offends me on so many levels and I won't get into why, I said. "Of coarse! (To the post saying someone's opinion is just as valid as everyone elses) but the post will get silly if there arnt some rules!" It's longer then that, but that's what it says... Everyone just jumps on the bad wagon of "someone else takes issue with how this is phrased! Quick! Get them!" Without even bothering to read my explanation apparently. Not getting my generally light hearted ness is one thing, totally ignoring my explanation when I was actually asked nicely is another thing all together.

[tuvok]

I've had sex before.

Didn't enjoy it.

I wouldn't say no for the rest of my life. Going in with low expectations could be a good thing. I am fine without but it wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to me.

I hope the pain reduces when you get older and if it doesn't then I'll just have to endure.

I don't have trouble staying out of relationships though because women never hit on guys here.

[Ripjawwolffang]

Low expectations seems like everyone's kind of frame on it though...

[bergochdalvana]

I must say I totally get what you mean, Ripjawwolffang, although I respect that it's up to each individual to define what sex is to them.

To me, a handjob is a sexual activity but I wouldn't call it "sex". At most I'd call it "half-sex" but that's a bit of a silly description I guess... I'd rather just call it petting or heavy make out. If I'd given a guy a handjob I would never say that we had sex or slept together, because in my eyes we didn't. I could enjoy such an activity during the right circumstances, because it's kind of cool to give someone else pleasure, if I like the person enough. I have no interest of him being inside of me in any way though (nothing that ends with -al, hehe), and I couldn't care less if I get an orgasm or not (I'd actually prefer not to and just have them by myself).

Of course, lesbian sex can be "trickier" to define, but to me personally oral and/or penatrative activities still work perfectly fine as definitions for sex. I've had sex with a girl, without any penetration or "gadgets".

I'm getting a bit uncomfortable about defining these things, as I do think it's a personal thing in the end. And obviously current normatives (such as the male/hetero perspective) play part in how things are viewed... BUT, I just have to say that for the purpose of this thread (and for going with the definition that "most" people actually use) I agree with you, Ripjawwolffang.

Just my two cents :)