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Not asexual, but not quite sexual... What is this?


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#1 GlassProxy

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 04:51 AM

I've decided to be a bit introspective about my sexuality, and I came to the realization that I have no idea what this is. I know I am not an asexual, as I experience sexual attractions, and have fantasies, and all of that rubbish. However, I'm not necessarily a sexual person either. I really don't care.

 

As a Christian, I am celibate until married, which I have used as an excuse for my lack of desire to pursue my sexual interests since t first entered my realm of understanding. I've noticed, however, that sex is not a temptation to me, just something that catches my interest when I have nothing better to think about. So I am neither repulsed, or tempted by it.

 

For example: If I were married and my partner desired to have regular sex, I would happily consent. On the flip side, say I married an asexual, I would also be just as content to never have sex with my spouse. Ever. Not even on the wedding night.

 

I vaguely recall the term "indifferent" when I was first shown this site, but I don't remember exactly what that is,or if it fits what I just described. Little help?



#2 Aqua-ace

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 05:07 AM

You might be somewhere in the gray area, for example, if you rarely experience sexual attraction, to the point that your experiences are more like those of asexuals:

http://www.asexualit...-the-gray-area/
http://www.asexualit...nd-link-thread/

"Indifferent" refers to asexual-spectrum individuals who don't care for having sex one way or another; they're content to never have sex, but may sexually compromise if they have a partner who wants sex. I think that'd fit you, since you'd be willing to have sex if your partner wants it, but are equally content to never have it.


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#3 GlassProxy

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 05:22 AM

Thank you, especially for the links. So, and indifferent person would be happy in either a sexual or nonsexual relationship, yes? But they're still asexual, so they don't experience the attraction part? Hn... I think I'll look a bit more into grey-asexuality.

 

EDIT: Thank you again, I believe I fit into grey-a. Once again, thanks! It's nice to have this gotten so quickly and concisely!



#4 5_♦♣

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 04:39 PM

Moved to the gray area.

 

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#5 heart_of_scars

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 04:52 PM

I can relate OP, but I'm not religious. 'Demisexual/grey-a' are unusual terms, but that's fine. They're not considered the 'norm'.

#6 Scratch-Tie

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 05:38 PM

Yes I can relate to the op as well, it's confusing yes haha, but your not alone.
On the same note, I'm not religious and don't really care about marriage.

How ever I don't experience sexual attraction , but do experience romantic attraction, that can (in very rare circumstances) lead to pseudo sexual attraction. I say pseudo, because I still don't want to act on it and it has nothing to do with appearance haha.

Very confusing it is.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, welcome to the grey area! Haha.

Regardless I wish you Luck figuring every thing out. :)


Ps, sorry for my rambling I'm hyper at the moment for some resion.

#7 asexjoe

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 06:19 PM

I've decided to be a bit introspective about my sexuality, and I came to the realization that I have no idea what this is. I know I am not an asexual, as I experience sexual attractions, and have fantasies, and all of that rubbish. However, I'm not necessarily a sexual person either. I really don't care.

 

As a Christian, I am celibate until married, which I have used as an excuse for my lack of desire to pursue my sexual interests since t first entered my realm of understanding. I've noticed, however, that sex is not a temptation to me, just something that catches my interest when I have nothing better to think about. So I am neither repulsed, or tempted by it.

 

For example: If I were married and my partner desired to have regular sex, I would happily consent. On the flip side, say I married an asexual, I would also be just as content to never have sex with my spouse. Ever. Not even on the wedding night.

 

I vaguely recall the term "indifferent" when I was first shown this site, but I don't remember exactly what that is,or if it fits what I just described. Little help?

 

You sound asexual, not gray, to me. You don't sound gray at all.



#8 `Silver

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 07:55 PM

You sound asexual, not gray, to me. You don't sound gray at all.

 

The OP explicitly said in their first post that they do experience sexual attraction, so they wouldn't be asexual by definition.

I second Aqua's thoughts, both grey-A and indifferent sound like good terms to describe what you feel. :) Of course, you don't need to use them, unless you want to.


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#9 marilynia

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 04:28 PM

I'm with you all on the confusing part :D

 

I could relate to you on your comment about indifference.

I have been known to have sex when my partner wanted to, but

I consider myself asexual because I am not the one wanting

the sex... do I make sense?? :D

 

Also you mentioned having fantasies.. are you in

those fantasies? I have fantasies also, but they always seem

to be about fictional people or someone else, rarely they

include me at all.. what does that make me...? oh dear.

 

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#10 asexjoe

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 04:47 PM

Seeing one's self in a fantasy isn't dispositive of anything. Asexuals can fantasize and have sex.

 

The acid test is whether someone takes something away from sex other than the orgasm and whatever satisfaction there is in making someone else feel good.

 

The key part of sexuality is somehow defining one's self as a sexual being connected to another on a deep, unconscious level. It's not just having sex. It's needing it with and from a particular person and with and from no one else.



#11 GlassProxy

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 05:00 PM

I didn't know people were still commenting on this >.< Gomenesai!

 

Ahem, anyhow. I do not consider myself asexual at all, as I not only think about sex, but I do actually like the idea of being sexually intimate with a person I am in love with. I just wouldn't be hurt or hindered if they preferred to abstain from it indefinitely.

 

I am cheered to see so many people understanding my rambling. I'm sure if I'd actually put some thought into the OP, I would've avoiding sounding like I was possibly asexual.



#12 GlassProxy

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 05:25 PM

Also you mentioned having fantasies.. are you in

those fantasies? I have fantasies also, but they always seem

to be about fictional people or someone else, rarely they

include me at all.. what does that make me...? oh dear.

 

- M

Uhm, I'm a little awkward about answering that, but it depends on the fantasy, I guess :blush:



#13 asexjoe

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 05:39 PM

I didn't know people were still commenting on this >.< Gomenesai!

 

Ahem, anyhow. I do not consider myself asexual at all, as I not only think about sex, but I do actually like the idea of being sexually intimate with a person I am in love with. I just wouldn't be hurt or hindered if they preferred to abstain from it indefinitely.

 

I am cheered to see so many people understanding my rambling. I'm sure if I'd actually put some thought into the OP, I would've avoiding sounding like I was possibly asexual.

 

How do you define "sexual intimacy?"



#14 GlassProxy

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 05:56 PM

How do I define it? I define it as a sexual act that develops or strengthens an emotional bond. I think it is a wonderful thing, but don't think it's something I need to have in order to be happy. And what I mean by intimacy is being very sexual, not just the basic "let's have kids" kinda thing. I mean it as in something passionate that both people use as an expression of love for each other. So I would find it unnecessary if the other person did not enjoy it.






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