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Fantasies About Other People?


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I'm sorry if a question like this has already been asked.

Basically, I have sexual fantasies, but I'm never in them. If I'm in them it ruins the whole thing. I have fantasies about other people have sex. I enjoy reading smutty fan fiction as well as writing it, but I'm a bit sex repulsed so if I'm in there it's instant turn off.

I'm not sure if I masturbate or not. I don't stimulate any of my genitals, so I don't think it would be classified as masturbation, but I think it's some form of arousal I release. But when I do this thing (it's weird to explain), my fantasies are sometimes two people having sex but mostly things not involving sex at all.

Do you get what I'm trying to say? I'm not good with words.

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HardToComeBy

Anthony Bogaert wrote an excellent chapter about asexual fantasy in his book, Understanding Asexuality. It was a real eye-opener for me. (cannot recommend it more)

He described asexual fantasy as being markedly different from most sexual fantasy in that since our sexuality isn't internalized, aces have a tendancy to have more "third person" associations in fantasy, often accompanied with sort of vague, "hazy" associations with the acts involved, or something like that. While most people fantasize about themselves with other people, aces sometimes...not so much. :)

Also, in the recent Huffington Post article on asexuality, I think there was something in there about someone imagining nothing but fairies in their fantasies, which is really quite interesting in view of what most people visualize.

I suppose you could call reading that part in the the book one of my "aha moments" when coming to grips with my asexuality. I suppose I can relate to fantasy, but there's never any me in there, anywhere. Yes, if I am in there - instant turnoff.

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freddiethekoala

... I know exactly where you're getting at because I like to RP characters, and it's like.. the characters feel sexual attraction, but I don't? It's weird.

I get what you mean even if there is no word for it. I was actually trying to make-up a word for it today.

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Kitty Spoon Train

I'm demisexual...

The way it works with me is that I can conjure up fantasy people in my head whom I'm sexually attracted to. But they strictly have to be fictitious people. If I attempt to fantasise about real people I know, it feels extremely awkward and gross. And kinda inappropriate and objectifying. The only way I can comfortably fantasise about a real person is if she's someone I'm in an actual relationship with, and our feelings have gotten to the stage where they're mutually sexual.

I don't know if any of that helps? I guess if you're fully ace, it's just removed one step further, so then you don't even bring sex into the fantasy explicitly. Not just a lack of directing it at real people.

It's interesting to think about anyway.

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HardToComeBy

I actually remember there being a significant difference in the fantasies that I had in my middle/highschool years versus those that I've had after being somewhat older, too.

Puberty has a way of making your hormones play ping-pong around your body. I'm pretty sure that I may have had more internalized fantasies during those years, but now it seems like such a foreign thing.

"...can conjure up fantasy people in my head whom I'm sexually attracted to. But they strictly have to be fictitious people. If I attempt to fantasise about real people I know, it feels extremely awkward and gross. And kinda inappropriate and objectifying."

I can relate a lot, especially about it having to be fictitious people; however in my daily life, I don't really feel a need to fantasize, for the most part. At least...not that often. Comes up very rarely.

If I tried...probably couldn't imagine a real person in there very well at all. Feels...wrong.

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Centermental

I relate more or less exactly. I can't be personally involved, and nobody I know in real life can be, either, or everything is completely ruined and not, well, a fantasy.

I'm very new to the concept of asexuality- I didn't know enough about what it was to consider that I might be asexual myself until very recently. I only discovered this site yesterday. Anyway, this little factoid about third-person fantasies seems to be an indicator in the "yeah, asexuality seems pretty likely" direction.

This might just be me, but I can't visualize the participants in too much detail, if at all. It's more a sort of scenario and the sort of sensations of the participants that matter.

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HardToComeBy

This might just be me, but I can't visualize the participants in too much detail, if at all. It's more a sort of scenario and the sort of sensations of the participants that matter.

Not just you. Exactly. Like. Me.

Tends to be all scenario and...feelings/sensations. Nothing too specific really. Kind of like when someone looks at someone else a certain way - you have the feeling of the communication and sensation, but you can't identify any real parts of the fantasy. Like you know the feeling that someone gets from the look, but there's no way you can identify the eye color, if that makes any sense.

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For me, the general rule with sexual fantasy is that it's better if it's unrealistic. I have sexual fantasies with exclusively fictional characters as well. Trying to imagine myself or anyone else I know in them just feels awkward and artificial (for some of the same reasons stated above). Also, I much prefer fantasy to porn. I think fantasy works better for me because it's more abstracted from reality.

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I'm sorry if a question like this has already been asked.

Basically, I have sexual fantasies, but I'm never in them. If I'm in them it ruins the whole thing. I have fantasies about other people have sex. I enjoy reading smutty fan fiction as well as writing it, but I'm a bit sex repulsed so if I'm in there it's instant turn off.

I'm not sure if I masturbate or not. I don't stimulate any of my genitals, so I don't think it would be classified as masturbation, but I think it's some form of arousal I release. But when I do this thing (it's weird to explain), my fantasies are sometimes two people having sex but mostly things not involving sex at all.

Do you get what I'm trying to say? I'm not good with words.

I'm very similar. Fantasies for me always involve other people. On the times I've had any sort of fantasy with myself in it, I'm playing a role of sorts so I'm not really "me". My mind just uses me as another character whom the personality and reactions can be manipulated. Pretty much like the third-person point of view that HardToComeBy mentioned. (Very interesting to hear, by the way.)

I like fanfiction, and a good part of that inevitably goes to smut. I adore the idea when it's characters, and my fantasies almost always involve others like that. The sex doesn't bother me if I'm reading it, or it's part of a fantasy based on other characters because that is never the focus for me; it's always a relationship building concept, or about the emotion behind the characters at the time for me, and the caresses instead. Hah, I guess it's really everything that comes with the idea of sex that people mention that I focus on.

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I myself mostly fantasize about fictional characters, but sometimes a celebrity gets thrown in there. My fantasies really lack detail, though; it's like watching the beginning of a sex scene through clouded glasses or something. I guess my fantasies could be considered quite boring.

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I'm sorry if a question like this has already been asked.

Basically, I have sexual fantasies, but I'm never in them. If I'm in them it ruins the whole thing. I have fantasies about other people have sex. I enjoy reading smutty fan fiction as well as writing it, but I'm a bit sex repulsed so if I'm in there it's instant turn off.

I'm the same way! (except the repulsed bit)

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I fantasize about real people all the time, but I'm never in the fantasy in a sexual way. If I am there, I'm standing to the side watching instead of participating.

While I mainly fantasize about real people, I do enjoy fan fiction. It often arouses me far more than real porn, but not quite as much as my fantasies.

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It's pretty common to have fantasies about other people and you not to be 'in' them. A top fantasy among men is watching two ( or more ) lesbians having 'relations'.

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I dream about fictional characters, usually men. I am not in the pictures. Reading a book with sex, so so, it bores me quickly. I'm like lets get to the story! Unless it anime smut, I get my fix once in a while.

Darth, what are the people in your imagination doing, if you don't mind me asking? I mean to me, feet would not be a thing for me. Very not sexual, but I have a friend who equates them to sex.

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Usually they are having sex, but it's very fuzzy. I normally just see the bare back of a male moving on top of a female whose face I can barely see. Those are my "sexual" fantasies; the rest are just other stuff.

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CeruleanPhoenix1412

*laughs* I had just been wondering about this topic! I love fanfiction with a burning passion, and that definitely does lead to quite a bit of smut. I don't tend to have sexual dreams, but fantasies about fictional characters, yes. They're usually all male though~ I can't exactly used to the idea of women in the fantasies because then it kind of brings up the possibility of that woman being me, and well, that's fairly uncomfortable... I do dream of platonic relationships though. :P

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It's so nice to know I am not alone...! My fantasies are always vague, and involve fictional people too! Sometimes I can kind of put myself in the fantasies, or, like a different version of me, but the minute I start to think about what if this fantasy was real, what if I was actually in this situation, I have to stop because I get grossed out by the idea of it actually happening! :wacko:

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It's so nice to know I am not alone...! My fantasies are always vague, and involve fictional people too! Sometimes I can kind of put myself in the fantasies, or, like a different version of me, but the minute I start to think about what if this fantasy was real, what if I was actually in this situation, I have to stop because I get grossed out by the idea of it actually happening! :wacko:

Yep, that's basically what I do. Sometimes I think it's because I'm only a teenager and it feels weird when all my people I fantasize about are adults, so I put an older version of myself in there and it's still just... gross even though they're very vague.

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