Do You Look Asexual?

[Mangosteen]

I don't know, do I?

You can look like anyone and be just another fish in the sea.

[<Tom>]

You tell me, that's my face over there <---

[hbadger98]

I think about this all the time because people tend to either think I'm completely heterosexual/romantic or completely ace/aro. I have no idea for the reasoning behind it except I'm a really private person in real life so people either go with the fact that I'm 'normal' which for them equals straight. Alternatively, they think that because I appear to have no feelings therefore maintaining a semblance of 'roboticism', I must be ace/aro.

I do wish people would stop assuming altogether and just ask me. Neither of those things are true and assuming both is stereotyping something that really cannot be seen.

[b_oat]

I just assume that I'm naturally ugly and that way I dont even need an asexual vibe. I dress with non-fitting jeans and t-shirts. Not being attractive pretty much does the trick.

[spicychickensandwich]

I think about this all the time because people tend to either think I'm completely heterosexual/romantic or completely ace/aro. I have no idea for the reasoning behind it except I'm a really private person in real life so people either go with the fact that I'm 'normal' which for them equals straight. Alternatively, they think that because I appear to have no feelings therefore maintaining a semblance of 'roboticism', I must be ace/aro.

I do wish people would stop assuming altogether and just ask me. Neither of those things are true and assuming both is stereotyping something that really cannot be seen.

I see it this way: it can feel awkward for the person to ask. Sexuality and stereotyping are pretty controversial topics and each person takes it differently. People may be afraid to offend you so they don't ask. That's how I reason it at least!

[Autumn Season]

Something that I noticed about the few asexual men that I met: They don't make many jokes, they don't try to win in games, they look comparably bored when they look at me. Even so they are interested in a conversation with me. (While sexual men tend to look interested and still don't care to talk to me.)

Actually the same goes for the ace-women I've met until now. So I guess there's less of a gender-difference for aces?

Personally I like to look good.* But it cannot be anything flashy. Just... a healthy, clean look, I suppose.

* "good" as in "better than shortly after waking up"

[GhostPrince]

In my design class I learned that the way we make characters and people look really says a lot about them. Muted dark colors were mysterious, bright colors were outgoing, tighter and shorter cuts had a more crazy out-there vibe, while longer and looser fits meant a more relaxed vibe. So I guess playing with what the world thinks is supposed to be bright and outgoing and edgy and then combining that with what we all think is mysterious and dark, gives off an impression of "oh what is this?" it's interesting, but also off putting to most. It only attracts half the audience at most.

But then again, the way you dress shouldn't dictate your orientation, etc. Maybe it's your attitude and pose that gives off the "asexual" vibe, and your style is super unique to you compared to what people are already used to commonly on everyone else.

[banananana]

I think looking asexual has nothing to do with how you dress yourself. In my opinion it is mainly linked with mannerism, reaction to sexual talk and personal history. For example, I think a person may look asexual (whether or not she actually is) if she:

• Doesn't indulge in physical contact often or dislikes being touched
• Doesn't understand sex-related things that are obvious for others or looks upset during this kind of talks
• Has never had sex or been in a relationship (especially if she's young) and doesn't seem to care

[Perissodactyla]

Someone above mentioned 'ace fashion'.

I think it would be a major contribution if there was an image thread, website or magazine that highlighted 'ace fashion' (or maybe it exists already?) There are 'looks' and 'model types' that are developed in the fashion industry that 'suggest' asexuality or androgyny. I think it would be helpful to *show* what aces 'can' look like in addition to verbalizing it or citing research studies or whatever. Maybe there is even a visual typology that people can formulate that somehow correlates to the verbal typology. Showing the 'look(s)' or 'style(s)' would be helpful in strengthening understanding. And also it could demonstrate that being ace is not necessarily something that can be expressed, shown or performed as a look for many/most people.

Let's say 1% of the population is ace. Then what percentage of those identifying as ace also identify as looking ace? And how do other people 'tell'? How important is dressing and performance to the reinforcement and expression of one's self-identification? Is it conscious or unconscious? And so forth... :)

[b_oat]

Something that I noticed about the few asexual men that I met: They don't make many jokes, they don't try to win in games, they look comparably bored when they look at me. Even so they are interested in a conversation with me. (While sexual men tend to look interested and still don't care to talk to me.)

Actually the same goes for the ace-women I've met until now. So I guess there's less of a gender-difference for aces?

Personally I like to look good.* But it cannot be anything flashy. Just... a healthy, clean look, I suppose.

* "good" as in "better than shortly after waking up"

That might have something to do with less desire to impress women because one is not planning on having sex with them. Whereas sexual men might be more likely to hope for sex rather than talk about things that dont improve their chance for sex.

[Grumpy Alien]

People who don't know what asexuality is seem to get vibes from me. So I guess so.

[Klear]

I don't think that all the asexuals have a recognizable clothing, it depends on the subjects for me.

But, as many others, sometimes people exchange me as a lesbian and they start to tease me saying that:

isn't good that guy? don't you like it? *giggle*

how boring...personally I like to dress simple, especially with black and I think that no one find me attractive or sexy too lol

[SkyWorld]

Well from heterosexuals, they think I'm gay. Homosexual people are just... confused and actually ask me. I guess I threw off their gaydar.

The way I dress is pretty plain and gender neutral. I think it refers more to my gender identity and the way I express my gender rather than me being asexual. I just usually wear jeans, a t-shirt, and either a hoodie or a jacket. Along with some sneakers.

[rxthompson]

to me, the way you dress does not define who you are on any level. i mean yeah there will always be people that will put you into this little catagory, but you are you, and you should dress however you want. i dont think there is an asexual "look" but i just hope you"re happy with yourself!!

[boxed toast]

I suppose I'm a little late to the party, but I'll add in my story.

I've never had to defend my asexuality to anyone, and I'm not really in the closet, except to my parents. Everyone just kind of accepts that I'm ace. I get reactions along the lines of 'That seems about right.' I've always said that I play the part very well. I look like a 20 something year old computer nerd. Long hair, glasses slightly monotonic way of speaking. I guess I really must look ace.

[- - -]

I think looking asexual has nothing to do with how you dress yourself. In my opinion it is mainly linked with mannerism, reaction to sexual talk and personal history. For example, I think a person may look asexual (whether or not she actually is) if she:

• Doesn't indulge in physical contact often or dislikes being touched
• Doesn't understand sex-related things that are obvious for others or looks upset during this kind of talks
• Has never had sex or been in a relationship (especially if she's young) and doesn't seem to care

this is what i thought too...

[Cassara]

I definitely think it has more to do with your actions. I'm maybe a bit of an anomaly because I like to dress really well, I'm generally dirty joke-savvy, and I'm extremely touchy-feely. I've had a lot of people express confusion over my orientation in the form of "but you always dress so nice" and "you always seem so cosy with your friends" or "you're gorgeous, I'm sure the boys are just intimidated". The only part that might 'register' is my complete lack of ability to pick up on flirting -- I usually have to point that out to help convince people I really am aro/ace. I think it has a lot more to do with a lack of relationships (but not upset about it)

[Laika.]

I do not think that there is a particular dress or look that defines anyone or determines their sexuality. However, I have noticed that with me personally, my lack of interest in sex/sexual appeal makes me more inclined to dress in what I'm comfortable in, rather than thinking "I'm going to wear that because it will attract males/make me look sexually attractive." I tend to have on gender neutral clothing (usually t shirt and jeans) because it's what I'm comfortable with. I also don't wear makeup and I cut my hair pretty short for a girl, and perhaps that is somewhat influenced by my disinterest in appearing as a worthy candidate for sex. But it is also mostly out of laziness on my part-- makeup requires patience I do not have and short hair is easier to take care of. I have gotten many comments from people asking if I am a lesbian or bisexual.

However, everyone is different. Some asexuals may dress in a certain way because that is what makes them feel confident or fashionable. Some people might wear makeup not to attract others of the opposite sex, but simply because they enjoy putting it on, seeing their face as a canvas on which they can make art. It all depends on the individual.

[theCupsSong]

Nah, dont think anyone does

[nerdperson777]

Well, my friend knew I was ace probably soon after she met me in our first year of college, and I didn't even know about the term yet. I just had this blank expression on my face a lot that looked like I had no interest in people at all. Of course that's also my introvert and PTSD at work probably. Other than that I dress pretty neutral.

[TrAse]

Probably. My lack of interest in what I wear or look like is obvious; others often say I am someone who could not give less fucks about things in general, people especially; I am oblivious to people being sexually or romantically interested in one another (source of hilarity among some of my coworkers); I tend to avoid touching like everyone is on fire; am single and express no distress. I am not bothered by sex though, and I can talk about it, watch it, make sex jokes... it's just a game.

[RK800]

I'm not sure.

I tend to dress like your stereotypical lazy guy. Loose fitting jeans, loose fitting T's and to look nice I might throw in a dress shirt or button up for good measure.

[GoosePeelings]

I wear the first thing I find, which is usually a grey or a black t-shirt, black loose pants, old socks and a black hoodie. I like loose, androgynous clothes but I dislike jeans. Too restricting and they don't fit my size.

[dandelionfluff]

Does a pink frilly dress give off an asexual vibe? I'm asking seriously.

[HeartfulPeach]

I don't know. Many people tell me I'm just "waiting for the right person to come" and other stuff like that, but I really doubt that they are even aware of asexuality.

As for my way of dressing...

I'm not sure.
I tend to dress like your stereotypical lazy guy. Loose fitting jeans, loose fitting T's and to look nice I might throw in a dress shirt or button up for good measure.

^That

Does a pink frilly dress give off an asexual vibe? I'm asking seriously.

If you ask for my opinion, not really. I just see a person in a pink frilly dress :) (which, by the way, is a nice style!)

[AndrogynousLuve]

As there are different kinds of fashion for heterosexuals, it's the same for people of other orientations. Of course your look doesn't say anything about your orientation. I used to make assumptions about people's styles and personal fashion in the past but it didn't lead me anywhere. Though I admit many aces may share the same grooming habits and dressing style as I do because it's kinda unsusual and probably telling something about my gender identity (or the absence of it). I always get this feeling that others sense something off in me based on my looks and even suspect me of being lesbian out loud, go figure.

Personally I don't pay much attention to my looks. I usually wear sporty clothes, hoodies and jackets as well as jeans (special love for tight black pants!), I may come across as androgynous because of my hair cut short, absence of make up (I don't think I'll ever use it, no need for that) and slightly butch figure (I've been a pro sportsman for a long time ) but the face is too feminine to be mistaken for a boy :redface: I don't really like dresses and skirts, I wear them very rarely. I don't sort out things according to "fem" and "manly" though.
I also like to wear the same things every day. It's too difficult to adjusts new sets of clothes for each freaking day.

I absolutely love androgynous style though my twin sis (who's also ace) is very fem.

[*a*rteest]

Do i look androgynous? Absolutely not. You can tell I'm female at 100 yards.

I do like to dress nice with an antique-modern mix and look presentable for work, but wear jeans and t-shirt outside. I love cool jewelry. Never had patience to spend time on hair or makeup though.

[SomethingOrAnother]

I tend to keep to myself out in public and I pretty much just wear whatever feels comfortable to me/whatever I like, so I don't really know if it that makes me look any more asexual than anyone else

[Ten-Eight]

I don't think I "look" asexual, but I'm told that my friend once told her mom "I have this friend who's not attracted to guys, but she's not attracted to girls either" and her mom immediately knew it was me.

[Forever Dreaming]

These days I look like a worn-out nerd who's had too many late nights and not enough sun. But back in the day, when I was trying so very hard to be sexual, I had long dyed-black hair, tight trousers, eyeliner and painted nails. It seemed to work. I just didn't want them as much as I thought I should.