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passionatefriend61

How sensual do you want to be?

281 posts in this topic

In general, I'm a sucker for sensual touch as long as it doesn't seem (or become) uncomfortably sexual...and only with people I have an emotional bond with. That said:

  • Holding hands - Yes :wub:
  • Hugs - Mandatory! :D
  • Cuddling with clothes on - Required! :D
  • Cuddling with clothes off - Eeeh maybe in a VERY close (romantic) relationship...and even then, bra and underwear need to stay on
  • Caressing - yes, please! :lol:
  • Massages - Yes
  • Kissing the body - Again, maybe if we're VERY intimate already. Nothing sexual please. :unsure:
  • Kissing the mouth - Yes, but not on the first date.
  • Kissing the face - yes! :lol:
  • Belly rubs - I personally wouldn't get much out of it but if my SO enjoyed it I'd be open to it.
  • Playing with hair - Yes, but not on the first date
  • Touching bare skin - If my SO was comfortable with it. The Bra and Underwear Rule applies here.
  • Deliberate/prolonged eye contact - Sure, especially combined with one or more other sensual activities
  • Synced breathing - Maybe
  • Dance - Sounds great.


Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person?
Probably yeah. Then there would be less worry about things turning (uncomfortably) sexual.

Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching?
Possibly. It's hard to separate my innate attitude from society's influence. For example, cuddling...My rule is that my bra and underwear at least need to stay on; ditto for my SO (well, bra only if s/he happens to be a girl), but I don't know if that's because that's my personal level of comfort or if society tells me that if bras or underwear come off, that means sex. I suspect for bras it's probably society, because breasts are not INHERENTLY sexual--our culture just makes them so.

Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?
Depends on the kind of sensual touching. Things like hugs and cuddling would be cool to do with QP or romantic partners. Touching bare skin/body kisses, on the other hand...not so much.

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I had a few sexual partners before realising over the years that I was becoming more and more uncomfortable to the point of choosing to be single constantly in order to avoid sex. All the things on the list I love but have gone without for a long time because it usually always has to end in sex. I would feel uncomfortable doing those things with someone who I know will prefer to be having sex but would love to do them with an ace someone who also enjoys it for what it is and not as a form of foreplay.

Something I noticed: In my experience, while I always enjoyed the being naked part and cuddling, the majority of the men I had sex with were not comfortable with this part even though they were not shy or reserved about having sex! Even sexual people seem to find prolonged nakedness and physical contact with someone is way too intimate for their comfort which I find is a really strange thing.

A cake analogy (you know you wanted one!): it's like they eat the icing off the cake and leave the sponge (which is the substantial and delicious bit).

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I'm autistic, and to me, that's similar to being... the word might be demisensual. I don't like hugs and other contact with someone I don't know, but I love it with close family members and friends, and kissing people on the mouth (but not making out, just on the lips) is a gesture of affection and saying 'goodbye, see you soon' in my family. I have feelings of indeterminate degrees for several people. (If you're reading this D, N, I hope you know I mean you) I like the boy of that duo platonically- he's smart like me and I want to become closer friends with hi to the point where I can hug him casually, but never kiss or (heaven forbid!) make out. The girl, I love romantically, and she's pan, so she might like me back. (EEEEEEEE!) On the other hand, I dislike my brother getting close to me, though we have grown up with each other, so I'm not certain what I feel.

 

Sigh... this got off topic fast. Anyways, I'm okay with some- but not a lot- of physical contact.

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All of the above mentioned are on my list of likes. As long as it doesn't culminate in sex.

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To start this off, I'm "demisensual". I need a certain level of closeness to enjoy any of that. Most of my friends are female, but sex/gender doesn't play a role in this. Rules and restrictions apply as follows:

 

  • holding hands
    Nope. There's no appeal to that at all. I'm a sweaty palm person and given that this is uncomfortable for me, I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be for the other person. Occasionally holding someone's hands for the sake of comfort (or so) is okay, but not in the walking-down-the-street way.
     
  • hugs
    YES. I need those to express myself. I know a few non-huggers and while I respect that, of course, it's really really hard sometimes. I have been told that I have a "I'd really like to hug you now" expression :D
     
  • cuddling with clothes on
    Done that with friends. Totally okay. Not required, but I'm open to the idea.
     
  • cuddling with clothes off
    Never done that. I can't say that I never thought about it, but I don't have anyone where it would "fit" into our relationship.
     
  • caressing
    Keeping it limited to brief occasions.
     
  • massages
    I suck at those because of shitty fine motor skills. Applying lotion or such things isn't a problem.
     
  • kissing the body
    Can't imagine a scenario where this would be "necessary".
     
  • kissing the mouth
    Been on the receiving end in friendships a few times. It has never been meant as something romantic; I became interested if it would feel different after a few times but kissing loses its appeal quickly
     
  • kissing the face
    Forehead and nose are okay occasionally (like after a real intimate talk)
     
  • belly rubs
    Never tried, but I'd say that these are reserved for furry folks
     
  • playing with hair
    Not for the sake of it, no. It can be a side effect of cuddling, but it's nothing to go for on its own.
     
  • touching bare skin
    Depends on the body part. See caressing and massages.
     
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact
    I'm not good at those. Apparently those make me look creepy.
     
  • synced breathing
    That's a thing?
     
  • co-sleeping
    No problem. Usually I would be worried about accidentally kicking the other person or some such because I'm not used to sharing my bed.
     
  • dance
    HELL NO.

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In a relationship I only except

Cuddling with clothes on

Kissing is fine as long as you keep that tongue out of my throat<_<

Hugs are forever.

Caressing my arm or my side

Holding hands 

Can't dance lmao

 

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Depends on the relationship. With my family nothing more than simple hugs or maybe someone brushing my hair. With friends about the same, but with closer friends also cuddling is fine. With a partner almost anything goes as long as it's not involving genitals or other erogenous areas: kissing, caresses, even (careful) biting... I like to keep my clothes on but that's more because of my chest dysphoria and I don't have a problem with my partner being unclothed (I find human bodies generally aesthetically pleasing) Dancing though is not something I am particularly comfortable with, as it always feels sexual. I hope that with a partner or a close friend I could also learn to enjoy dancing as art and a way to express music and not feel as awkward. The worst thing to happen would be having to dance with a relative!

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Ideally speaking, I'm okay with most of those things. Handholding is fine, hugs are amazing, kissing (notonguepleaseandthankyou), co-sleeping (most intimate thing I can personally imagine) and such. I'm a sensual person I guess, it's my way of being affectionate. 

I don't really think whether my partner was sexual or ace it would influence how 'confident' I am in it, it entirely depends on the person. If my partner were sexual but I knew he respected my boundaries and wouldn't break that trust then I'd have no problem at all provided we had the emotional connection. For me it's more of an emotional intimacy thing, not specifically romantic... it would be like, 'okay, I feel safe and accepted by this person, let me shower them with cuddles.' At least that's how I picture it, but I have yet to have that level of connection with a partner. I was close the last time though so I know it's possible.

 

I also have a dream to learn how to dance in Spain with my future traveling companion for some reason =P 

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I love cuddling with people I really care about, although I want to be rather passive during it and I also don't want to be naked. Kissing, hugging etc. is also okay but I don't like it with anyone else than my romantic partner. 

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On 6/7/2013 at 8:53 AM, passionatefriend61 said:

In your intimate relationships, whether they're romantic or nonromantic, whether they're traditional couple relationships or romantic friendships or queerplatonic relationships, whether they're closed or open, how much sensual touching do you want ideally?

Try to answer imagining that there is never any pressure or chance of sensual touch turning into sex, ever.

Sensual touching includes but is not limited to the following:

  • holding hands
  • hugs
  • cuddling with clothes on
  • cuddling with clothes off
  • caressing
  • massages
  • kissing the body
  • kissing the mouth
  • kissing the face
  • belly rubs
  • playing with hair
  • touching bare skin
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact
  • synced breathing
  • co-sleeping
  • dance

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person? Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching? Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

I'm a very tactile person and have no physical space boundaries with a partner. If my partner were asexual I'd probably dial it back a bit since I wouldn't want them to think i was trying to move things forward sexually. Kissing on the mouth WHILE making deliberate eye contact is one of my favorites. It's super intimate and much more enjoyable than kissing with your eyes closed. Sensual touching is reserved for people I'm sexually intimate with.

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Guys! This thread is an oldie so i'll go ahead and lock this so it can rest in peace!! 

 

Feel free to make a new thread should you still want to discuss this topic

 

Jayce, Asexual Relationships mod

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