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How sensual do you want to be?


passionatefriend61

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OK so since I am in a relationship now, I want to answer again :3

  • holding hands: obviously.
  • hugs: with no doubts. :3
  • cuddling with clothes on: always.
  • cuddling with clothes off: I'm a bit insecure about my body, but why not, if he only feels comfortable with it.
  • caressing: aww :blush: just in not sexual way. Everything except these body parts.
  • massages: yay :3
  • kissing the body: yes, except you know what.
  • kissing the mouth: obviously. :3
  • kissing the face: yay it's cute <3
  • belly rubs: it's cute as well, but I'm ticklish and I might end up laughing.
  • playing with hair: why not :3 just not too much, as it feels a bit painful to me after a while.
  • touching bare skin: aw. :3
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact: I might start blushing immediately :D
  • synced breathing: how does it work? :o
  • co-sleeping: there's no other way. <3
  • dance: uh I don't want to damage him T.T

All these things just only with him and nobody else.

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I just recently found this forum and thought i'd give my own answer


I'm not really sure who i'd be more comfortable with, but here's the list


  • holding hands: a must
  • hugs: obviously
  • cuddling with clothes on: extra yes
  • cuddling with clothes off: ehhh depending on the person I wouldn't be opposed to it if they wanted to
  • caressing: yes
  • massages: how else will my shoulders feel less stiff
  • kissing the body: okay
  • kissing the mouth:as of right now yes
  • kissing the face: obviously
  • playing with hair: it's fine
  • touching bare skin: why not
  • co-sleeping: a must
  • dance: dancing would be fun :)

I've never really experienced kissing.... though I think i wouldn't mind, so as of right now its a yes


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I'd only be comfortable with hugging and caressing. Cuddling would be left as highly question, and NO to the rest.

It seems like everyone in the world holds hands, and little things like that make me uneasy.

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Disinterested in Sexitown

  • holding hands: yep

hugs: a must

cuddling with clothes on: mhm

cuddling with clothes off: as long as all participants are clear where this is not leading to

caressing: sure

massages: yes, please

kissing the body: sure

kissing the mouth: like pecks? Heck yeah. With tongue? Ehhh, I can stomach it

kissing the face: mhm, is nice

belly rubs: ???

playing with hair: add a scalp massage, and it's perfect

touching bare skin: yes, feels nice

deliberate/prolonged eye contact: ??? like, how long? are we talking during said period?

synced breathing: tried it, but it always left me feeling lightheaded with lack of oxygen

co-sleeping: I sleep better alone, but sure, it's more convenient

dance: -_- if they're willing to deal with the embarrasment

I try not to let what society deems as sexual or not sexual influence what I do. If it feels nice and I'm comfortable with it and my partner is aware it's not going to lead to any fornication, then I don't mind whether they are an ace or not.

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cosmosredshift7

I'm fine with kissing anywhere that's not considered sexual (I am down with making out with tongue, though nothing past that), cuddling, sleeping (in bed) together; generally, just being all over each other (touching, holding hands) but these things never leading to sex

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RoseGoesToYale

  • holding hands: Sure

hugs: So much yesss

cuddling with clothes on: Yes

cuddling with clothes off: Um, sort of. I'd rather leave the pants on, if possible.

caressing: Yes

massages: Only back and shoulders.

kissing the body: Not below the waist

kissing the mouth: Yes

kissing the face: Yes

belly rubs: Hmm, not really sure on that one...

playing with hair: Yes, I find it quite relaxing

touching bare skin: Yes

deliberate/prolonged eye contact: I feel like I'd get uncomfortable, but I might get used to it

synced breathing: Never heard of this

co-sleeping: Might be a problem since I'm a light sleeper, and I move in my sleep a lot

dance: Only slow dance, but anything else nooooo....

My main deal is that any sort of sensual touch is okay, as long as it's above the waist.

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Holding hands: It's fine as long as the other person knows when to let go. I don't like feeling trapped


Hugging: Same as the above


Cuddling with clothes on: Yeah, I'd like that


Cuddling with clothes off: I'm cool with this as long as we're not completely naked. Half naked works


Caressing: As long as it's non-sexual


Massages: Definitely


Kissing the body: Again, as long as it's non-sexual. Also, nothing below the waist. I absolutely love being kissed on the back of my hands for whatever reason. Platonic or romantic


Kissing the mouth: As long as we keep our mouths closed then I'd enjoy it. No tongue for me. I love soft and slow kisses (Although, to be honest, I don't really have much experience with these type of kisses. I'm just going on purely imagination here). Quick little pecks are also nice


Kissing the face: Sure


Belly rubs: Um, no. It seems kinda weird to me, to be honest.


Playing with hair: I generally don't really like people messing with my hair. However, I suppose I could be convinced depending on who the person is. I love playing with other people's hair as long as they're comfortable with it. Especially when it's really soft :wub:

Touching bare skin: As long as it's non-sexual


Deliberate/prolonged eye contact: Just the thought of this makes me really uncomfortable...


Synced breathing: Uh, what exactly is the point of this? Do people actually do this? What's the appeal?


Co-sleeping: I really don't feel comfortable with the idea of sharing a bed with someone else. We can cuddle and stuff in the bed but when it comes time to sleep I'd appreciate it if you left me alone. Nothing personal, it's just how I am


Dancing: As long as you're prepared to witness my terrible dancing skills :P I love dancing. I've always wanted to try slow dancing with someone special to me. Maybe one day I'll finally get to

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Holding hands: Loooove it, i tend to get lost easily so il like to have someone to hold on to, sadly im rather shy D:

Hugs: love Hugs all year around

Cuddling with clothes on: any time!

Cuddling with clothes off: only if its non sexual and half naked

Caressing: same as the others, only non sexual.

Massage: sure

Kissing the body: Nah

Kissing the mouth: no

Kissing the face: sure! I find it cute :3

Playing with hair: neutural, i dont really care

Belly rubs: kinda uncomfortable, so no

Touching bare skin: only of the non sexual sort

Eye contact: hmmm that might end up turning into an staring comtest xD

Synced breathing: whaaaaaaaaaat??????

Co- sleeping: i like the sound of it, but only if i get to cuddle sleep XP.

Dancing: yeeeeeees wheres the disco at???

When it comes to if the person was asexual or not. Yes if they were asexual i would definetly be more comfortable. I whis that could happen......

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I know I've already posted on this, but I've changed my mind on some of these.

  • holding hands - I'd love to, provided that you don't put your fingers in between my own (I've never liked it like that).
  • hugs - compulsory!
  • cuddling with clothes on - compulsory!
  • cuddling with clothes off - sounds nice, but as a male-bodied person I'm just worried that I might get aroused and I don't want my SO to feel uncomfortable because of my little soldier...standing to attention, if you see what I mean. But yeah, I'd love to have the chance to be that physically intimate and vulnerable with someone I cared about, and know that I trust them enough to be this way.
  • caressing - yes, please!
  • massages - I feel quite awkward giving, but I'm more than happy to receive!
  • kissing the body - I'd love to kiss and be kissed on the neck, chest and tummy, but not anywhere else.
  • kissing the mouth - yes, I'd be open to both open and closed mouth kisses, maybe with a bit of tongue, provided you're not too passionate and energetic!
  • kissing the face - yes!
  • belly rubs - I'd prefer stroking, honestly.
  • playing with hair - Yes please! (Edit: if my SO was female and had long hair, one thing I'd want to do is brush it for them)
  • touching bare skin - I'd love to be able to hold my SO in my arms, feeling the gentle movement of their body, trace the patterns and contours of their skin with my fingers, lay my head on their chest or tummy and listen to the sounds they make and just be glad in the knowledge that their body is working away beneath me, keeping them alive.
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact - I don't like being stared at!
  • synced breathing - wha????
  • co-sleeping - I want to drift off to sleep in their arms and wake up the same way.
  • dance - slow-dancing, yes. anything else, not particularly!

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person?

Yeah, I'd rather do this with an ace, mostly because an ace is more likely to want to be in a 'ship with me than a sexual (I'm 5'7" and quite skinny, so not exactly what you'd call 'sexy')!

Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching?

With a sexual, yes, because then we'd only hug, and maaaaybe cuddle. with an ace, AHLL DA SENSHUL WILL BE A'HAPPNIN!

Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

In a friendship, no because my best friend is straight and has a girlfriend.

In a qpr and rr, definitely!

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I like all kinds of sensuality. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling, hugs... I am up to anything sensual I can think of atm. For me, sensuality is like my main "thing" for me in relationships, when it comes to the physical aspect of one. Sensual attraction is probably the only kind of attraction I feel fully. The rest is just grey.

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  • holding hands

hugs

cuddling with clothes on

cuddling with clothes off (would prefer not but I wouldn't be too bothered if it happened, I'm fine being naked waist up)

caressing

massages (take it or leave it, but appreciated :D)

kissing the body (only if my imaginary partner wants it, otherwise I don't feel strongly about this)

kissing the mouth (take it or leave it, doesn't matter much to me)

kissing the face (take it or leave it... come to think of it, most kissing stuff is like that for me)

belly rubs

playing with hair

touching bare skin (in non-sensitive zones, I like this)

deliberate/prolonged eye contact

synced breathing (again, take it or leave it)

co-sleeping

dance (very awkward and I suck, but I would be willing to try)

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eveningwanderer

  • holding hands

  • hugs (I don't mind hugs but I've been told I'm stiff when I hug... I think that's just a result of my general awkwardness when it comes to physical touching)

cuddling with clothes on

cuddling with clothes off (if I were really comfortable with the person then possibly... I think the hesitation mostly comes from being insecure about my body)

caressing

massages

kissing the body (depends on my level of comfort with the individual)

kissing the mouth (^^)

kissing the face

belly rubs

playing with hair

touching bare skin (I mean sure, just not the stomach. I've always been weird about people touching my stomach)

deliberate/prolonged eye contact

synced breathing

co-sleeping

dance (I'd rather not, but could try if my partner really wanted to)

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person? Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching?

For me these two questions kind of go hand in hand. In the past whenever I've been in a situation where I could be sensual with another person, I think that I will be comfortable once it happens but then as soon as the moment arrives I seize up and make some kind of excuse not to be touched or make sure it's a touch I deem lower on the discomfort scale (ie I'd rather hug than kiss, play with hair over caress, etc...). I think the reason for that is I'm always worried that the expectation for sex will be there. So if it were with another ace, that would probably eliminate the source of much of the anxiety I tend to feel when it comes to sensual touching.

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so let's see:

holding hands - sure

hugs - only with someone i feel a close connexion to

cuddling with clothes on - yes

cuddling with clothes off - yes

caressing - definitely

massages - i never really liked them generaly

kissing the body - yes

kissing the mouth - yes

kissing the face - yes, but keep it dry :)))

belly rubs - sure

playing with hair - ok, but not that much, cause i always have the feeling my hair gets greasy

touching bare skin - yes

deliberate/prolonged eye contact - only with someone i feel a deep connexion with, and not even then too much cause it still becomes awkward

synced breathing - that just sounds weird to me just written like this :)) i never think of this, i guess it can happen by itself, but not consciously (in my case)

co-sleeping - yes, i like that very much, if the co-sleeper isn't all over me, distrupting my sleep :))

dance - i mostly leave that for when i go to the club. but if the other person engages it, i think it's cute and like it, but only if i have a deep connexion with them

basically, i would like everything that would be called foreplay. even before i realised that i am asexual (maybe gray-a, still figuring that part out), i always said i like foreplay, including heavy foreplay (i think you can call it that way), which would include, in my vision, stimulation of the genitalia, mostly oraly, cause i don't really like how another's fingers feel, but i wouldn't go further than that, to the actual sex. i wouldn't call it oral sex, because i don't consider it sex. it's still a tactile stimulation and more of a kink, because i desire it (for real) rarely, and i don't even feel the need to orgasm, just enjoy the sensation for a little while. i also do it because i know the other person likes it, so i guess it usually comes along in our "fooling around".

at this moment, there is only 1 person i have a deep connexion with, so it's only with that person i do all the things i said i do. with others, it would be only a few and at another level. also, this person knows me since i didn't know i am asexual, when i also thought i was sexual, but maybe there was something "wrong" with me, that ihad to treat. we tried having sex (he wasn't my first btw), it hurts, i tried more times because i thought i would overcome the hurt (that's what they usually say), but i never really wanted to go that far, i just though i had to. it's complicated, maybe i'll write my whole story separately one day. i didn't want to try anymore, so we sticked to having oral play as the peak of our "sexy time". so i guess now i do this with him because i'm also used to me being like this with him. i don't feel i want this with a different person. maybe if i get to the same level of involvment, idk. and i guess my experience with him makes me question if i'm possibly a gray-a. but i don't think so. i would say it's how i got used to being with him from the time i thought i was (had to be?) sexual and how comfortable i am with him because of our deep emotional connection.

sometimes i get the urge to be held and kissed, like i get horny for sensual attention, just like a person get horny for sex. that's when i say i need my dose of kissing and touching. i get my "dose", for example, when i go to a club and just make out with someone and that's it. as i said, i realised recently that i am an (sensual) asexual, so my past experiences can be a bit confusing because i thought i just had a low libido and that's why i don't feel the need for sex Whit someone. also, i experience autochorisexualism. i fantasize, watch porn, read erotica and get arroused by it (rarely these days), but still don't see myself doing it. i didn't think before that this CAN e a part of asexuality, so that's another thing that confused me and made me think i Must like sex if i ge aroused like this.

as a conclusion, i would call myself a (highly) sensual asexual. i put highly because i like what people call foreplay and include genitalia stimulation as a kink, and only as a kink of tactile stimulation (kink because the real desire for it comes very rarely). it's the sex i don't feel the need for with other people and i also don't need to orgasm when i do get physical intimacy. sometimes when it happens it's nice, but many times it feels forced and that feeling remains afterwards even if the physical part was ok. of course i get a kick out of the idea of pleasing the other person, in the seense that it makes me feel better about myself (my ego come in the picture here).

wow, i didn't think i would write so much. it's my second comment on this site. the first one wasn't this long, but this is a subject i feel related to very much.

edit: btw, my list applies to a person i already know and am involved at least to a level. if it's with someone new (like someone i me in a club and liked), then the list would be down to kissing, touching, and if we somehow end up at one or the other's place, i only allow being PARTLY undressed (only the top would be off completely for touching, MAX!), and we have to be dressed if we sleep (just sleep :p ).

edit2 (i keep remembering things): otherwise, i really don't like my personal space invaded, unless they're really close people (i have two such people in my life right now, and they aren't my parents). of course, distances vary from people to people, but no touching just like that. only if it's with educative, scientific, medical purposes, or if a story os told better and needs things explained with touch (don't know how clear that is).

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I'm curious...What are your opinions towards French kissing? Do you consider it sensual or sexual?

personally, i think it's just sensual. i don't even distinctly say french kissing. i mean, while i kiss (whatever kind of kiss it might be), i don't feel i'm having sex with them. though, maybe some people would say that's the mouth having sex? :))

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Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person? Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching?

For me these two questions kind of go hand in hand. In the past whenever I've been in a situation where I could be sensual with another person, I think that I will be comfortable once it happens but then as soon as the moment arrives I seize up and make some kind of excuse not to be touched or make sure it's a touch I deem lower on the discomfort scale (ie I'd rather hug than kiss, play with hair over caress, etc...). I think the reason for that is I'm always worried that the expectation for sex will be there. So if it were with another ace, that would probably eliminate the source of much of the anxiety I tend to feel when it comes to sensual touching.

i am also worried that there is that expectation, that is why i usually just like making out in clubs and places like that, where we can't be totally alone. if i do get to be alone with that person, i also make up some excuses, for instance i just say i don't go too far from the start. once i was on my period, so it was good i didn't have to lie. i try not to be in contact with the person after that night, especially if the guy shows signs of early attachment AFTER 1 NIGHT OF KNOWING ME! :| i guess i am a little akoiromantic in situations like that. i freak out when that happens.

as to feeling more comfortable with another ace? i think so, as long as we are similar. i know many don't like that much touching and kissing and cuddling etc. i don't say i always feel that. no, no. but when i DO, then i like hardcore sensuality. :)) i would say it's the equivalent of sexuals having sex. it doesn't have to be long cause the feeling goes away quickly anyway and i just like to stop. can't really do that with a sexual.

otherwise, i usually like hugging that special person, cuddling, nuzzling and a little caressing and that's quite enough for me. o could go on for months without needing anything more.

too bad i can't really find anyone like that where i live. only the LGBT is known nationally, not the +. and even those aren't seen too well. ugh!

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i really don't enjoy sensual touch i find cuddling uncomfortable why would you like to rest on someones bony arm over a soft pillow? i just don't get it. i would feel more comfortable if it was with a fellow asexual because at least i know the other person isn't thinking "ooooh this is leading somewhere" when it really isn't.

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  • holding hands - maybe in private, but my idea of holding hands is not in the traditional sense. More like we just quietly feel the sensation, we're not walking around doing it.
  • hugs - absolutely please, and make them last forever
  • cuddling with clothes on - definitely, that's the main thing
  • cuddling with clothes off - haven't tried but the most I'd do is no shirt. I'm keeping everything else on, binder, undershirt, pants, underpants. I can't do any less in my right mind. Binder is a little more optional, but only if my friend wants the behind hug. No one gets to look at my unbinded chest.
  • caressing - all of it
  • massages - not really my idea of sensual. but a real intended massage can make my shoulders less tense, for about 10 minutes.
  • kissing the body - nope, no kissing
  • kissing the mouth - get that away from me.
  • kissing the face - what part of no kissing don't you understand?
  • belly rubs - haven't tried, but I think I'm ticklish there.
  • playing with hair - does petting count? I enjoy that. I lay my head on my friend's leg and she softly puts her fingers through my hair.
  • touching bare skin - in a hug, sure.
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact - I barely look at people on a regular basis, darn anxiety. I may look up at them but I wouldn't really be looking in their eyes.
  • synced breathing - uhhh, what?
  • co-sleeping - don't mind terribly if we trust each other, but haven't tried. If we're not still cuddling, I'm just going to roll over and stay on my own side. No touching there.
  • dance - I don't know how to dance. I'd just be in it for the touching.

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person? Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching? Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

I don't really care if the person is ace or sexual, as long as we are both sensual people. The person I'm cuddling with now is sexual, but I explained my direction with it so we're perfectly okay. I've never done anything like what I'm doing now before but we're good where we are. My friend already has a significant other so she can have all that with her. I won't be pressured into anything sexual. My relationship is not romantic or sexual at all. It's a sensual friendship between two people who care about each other, so it's not specifically romantic.

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I am very, very physical and sensual. Haven't tried half of those, would be down for all of them in the appropriate context with a person I trust, provided I know where it's going to go. Except the synced breathing. What the hell is synced breathing? Do people actually do this?

I'm not actually down for any of these things with another person, ace or otherwise, except in the appropriate context and with a person I trust. And appropriate is almost never, in my personal opinion. I don't even do platonic hugs if I can get away with not doing them.

Do I think that my comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching? Absolutely yes. Which is why I'm only down to do this stuff with someone I trust (to respect my boundaries) and when we've agreed on our expectations and limits (obvious reasons).

I think I've made my point. Multiple times.

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  • holding hands - yes

hugs - yes, love them

cuddling with clothes on - sometimes

cuddling with clothes off - no way

caressing - no

massages - yes. i love massages, i'm always tense

kissing the body - god no

kissing the mouth - maybe a peck sometimes, no open mouth or tongue or whatever though

kissing the face - yes

belly rubs - uh no

playing with hair - YES

touching bare skin - no

deliberate/prolonged eye contact - um that's weird?

synced breathing - ????

co-sleeping - no

dance - no, i'm too awkward for dancing

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I do not like kisses, I can manage with the closed mouth type in a 'let's get it over with' type of way. Tongue is completely out of the question. I do not generally like hugs - I'm okay with open hugs, you know, the one armed type things. I cannot stand the kind with both arms around me and it doesn't matter if you're a stranger, my best friend or my mom, I will twist and push myself free as fast as possible. I generally do not like touching poeple I don't feel some connection to so I could never fake that kind of sensuality. No on bellyrubs, and i don't know what is meant by the breathing. On everything else if I like the person enough and I feel safe with them I might. MIGHT! Depenpending on the situation.

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I'm always up for hand holding and clothed cuddling with my significant other. The other stuff, even with the reassurance it would just be that and nothing else, would squidge me out too much. I'd just feel like it'd be expected to go to the next step.

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Hugging

kissing the mouth but not any tongue kisses.

Cuddling with clothes on.

I am not sure about clothes off I would be scared it would lead to something

Caressing with clothes on.

Massages

Kissing the face.

I don't know about kissing the body.

Eye contact.... but not too long.

Playing with hair. Lightly.

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I'm kind of surprised I seem to be the only person to make this distinction, but what I enjoy sensually depends kind of heavily on whether the person is male bodied or female bodied - after only having trust/affection for the person of course.

Also, I put R's by things I designate as only romantic, and thus would only do in a romantic (committed/life partner) relationship.

So..


Female bodied: Male Bodied: Both:

holding hands® I really like holding/touching/shaking/fist bumping/whatever to do with hands.

Perhaps because hands are so expressive (kind of like how the eyes are the windows to the soul, so are hands I feel), it's really special for me to touch someone's hand.This is minus obligatory handshakes, which I try to avoid.


hugs I can't function without hugs in the long run. :/


cuddling c-on I think the fact that I'd pay someone Not unless committed/married,

for this says enough.. because of religion


cuddle c-off® more likely less likely This really depends on my partner's body. If they're skinny, I don't think it'd feel comfortable, if they're ripped, same deal. Basically anyone who has an average/fit body like myself, I could see liking this with. I'm keeping my shorts on, and I don't think I could pull this off with a guy for long because I'd freak out if they got aroused.


caressing yes! not unless committed


massages Don't really do much for me.


kissing® So, this one is more circumstantial for me, but generally this is what I've noticed about myself. I prefer kissing guys on the face to girls, for some reason. (?) I prefer forehead kisses to cheek kisses. I like kissing hands alot with both genders, but prefer the back of the fingers with males and the palm with females. Kissing on the mouth is equal, but I suppose the style would differ from person to person. Mouth and body kissing is very romantic for me, I've never done it; and I can only picture actually kissing one person ever in my life, even if I've done it countless times with different people in my head. ;)


belly rubs Nah, not for me!


playing with har ...is an absolute must for me. Play with my hair all day, every day. xDD


eye contact If you mean, gazing into someone you love's eyes like there's nothing in the world but them.. this isn't deliberate, it just happens! But if you meant actual deliberate staring, that sounds kind of unnatural to me. :/


breathing? I just breath, don't think about it haha.


co-sleeping I like separate beds in the same room. If we're sharing a bed, it'd better be a king because I need my sleep space - but then, it'd kind of be nice because we could hold hands before going to bed. ^^


dancing I guess.. I think it'd just depend on the other person.




Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person? Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching? Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?


The only type of people I would be uncomfortable being sensual with is heterosexual males. A homosexual female would be fine (probably) because not only do I instictively trust females more with respecting boundaries, the idea of homosexual sex doesn't bother me as much either (though I don't want to engage in it either way). I'm comfortable with sensual touch, unless it's in the case mentioned above. I think it has less to do with societal expectation though than the reality that sensual touch is provocative for sexual people, and overall males seem more sexually driven than females. There are certain things that I designated that I'd only do in a committed relationship. It is rather stronger than a mere choice though, because I really can't fathom doing those things with someone who isn't committed to me - even if I found them sensually attractive.

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Sorry, but I'm fragile, like an oil on canvas, do not touch!

A simple platonic fully clothed hug puts me on edge. Kissing yeuch. A handshake fine, same with a high five but that's it. Well, tell a lie, you can twiddle with my hair

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The Maple Leaf Forever

Good question. I'll refer to some of the items on the OP's list (very handy to have that). It's all a matter of degree, so:

As a minimum, I would want a relationship to include the following physical contact:

  • hugs
  • kissing the face

Preferably also, but quite negotiable:

  • kissing the mouth (French kissing not necessary)
  • caressing
  • holding hands

Ideally would also include, but not necessary, it all depends on our mutual comfort level:

  • cuddling with clothes on
  • massages
  • co-sleeping

Depending on the person and our mutual comfort level, could also include, but really not important:

  • kissing the body (maybe in some instances)
  • belly rubs (maybe)
  • playing with hair (oh yes, if she doesn't mind. I love hair)
  • touching bare skin (if she's comfortable with having certain areas touched)
  • dance (if the opportunity arose. I have two left feet, though have had some experience with Scottish country dancing)

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person?

-Not a priori, but in practice probably yes, seeing as there's a fair chance the latter would want it to lead to you-know-what.

Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching? Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

-I don't think societal expectations of sex influence my comfort level. As the above shows, I am very open to different physical contact of a non-sexual nature.

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In general, I'm a sucker for sensual touch as long as it doesn't seem (or become) uncomfortably sexual...and only with people I have an emotional bond with. That said:

  • Holding hands - Yes :wub:
  • Hugs - Mandatory! :D
  • Cuddling with clothes on - Required! :D
  • Cuddling with clothes off - Eeeh maybe in a VERY close (romantic) relationship...and even then, bra and underwear need to stay on
  • Caressing - yes, please! :lol:
  • Massages - Yes
  • Kissing the body - Again, maybe if we're VERY intimate already. Nothing sexual please. :unsure:
  • Kissing the mouth - Yes, but not on the first date.
  • Kissing the face - yes! :lol:
  • Belly rubs - I personally wouldn't get much out of it but if my SO enjoyed it I'd be open to it.
  • Playing with hair - Yes, but not on the first date
  • Touching bare skin - If my SO was comfortable with it. The Bra and Underwear Rule applies here.
  • Deliberate/prolonged eye contact - Sure, especially combined with one or more other sensual activities
  • Synced breathing - Maybe
  • Dance - Sounds great.


Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person?
Probably yeah. Then there would be less worry about things turning (uncomfortably) sexual.

Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching?
Possibly. It's hard to separate my innate attitude from society's influence. For example, cuddling...My rule is that my bra and underwear at least need to stay on; ditto for my SO (well, bra only if s/he happens to be a girl), but I don't know if that's because that's my personal level of comfort or if society tells me that if bras or underwear come off, that means sex. I suspect for bras it's probably society, because breasts are not INHERENTLY sexual--our culture just makes them so.

Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?
Depends on the kind of sensual touching. Things like hugs and cuddling would be cool to do with QP or romantic partners. Touching bare skin/body kisses, on the other hand...not so much.

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I had a few sexual partners before realising over the years that I was becoming more and more uncomfortable to the point of choosing to be single constantly in order to avoid sex. All the things on the list I love but have gone without for a long time because it usually always has to end in sex. I would feel uncomfortable doing those things with someone who I know will prefer to be having sex but would love to do them with an ace someone who also enjoys it for what it is and not as a form of foreplay.

Something I noticed: In my experience, while I always enjoyed the being naked part and cuddling, the majority of the men I had sex with were not comfortable with this part even though they were not shy or reserved about having sex! Even sexual people seem to find prolonged nakedness and physical contact with someone is way too intimate for their comfort which I find is a really strange thing.

A cake analogy (you know you wanted one!): it's like they eat the icing off the cake and leave the sponge (which is the substantial and delicious bit).

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  • 1 year later...
Ashes Floating

I'm autistic, and to me, that's similar to being... the word might be demisensual. I don't like hugs and other contact with someone I don't know, but I love it with close family members and friends, and kissing people on the mouth (but not making out, just on the lips) is a gesture of affection and saying 'goodbye, see you soon' in my family. I have feelings of indeterminate degrees for several people. (If you're reading this D, N, I hope you know I mean you) I like the boy of that duo platonically- he's smart like me and I want to become closer friends with hi to the point where I can hug him casually, but never kiss or (heaven forbid!) make out. The girl, I love romantically, and she's pan, so she might like me back. (EEEEEEEE!) On the other hand, I dislike my brother getting close to me, though we have grown up with each other, so I'm not certain what I feel.

 

Sigh... this got off topic fast. Anyways, I'm okay with some- but not a lot- of physical contact.

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straightouttamordor

All of the above mentioned are on my list of likes. As long as it doesn't culminate in sex.

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