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passionatefriend61

How sensual do you want to be?

281 posts in this topic

In your intimate relationships, whether they're romantic or nonromantic, whether they're traditional couple relationships or romantic friendships or queerplatonic relationships, whether they're closed or open, how much sensual touching do you want ideally?

Try to answer imagining that there is never any pressure or chance of sensual touch turning into sex, ever.

Sensual touching includes but is not limited to the following:

  • holding hands
  • hugs
  • cuddling with clothes on
  • cuddling with clothes off
  • caressing
  • massages
  • kissing the body
  • kissing the mouth
  • kissing the face
  • belly rubs
  • playing with hair
  • touching bare skin
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact
  • synced breathing
  • co-sleeping
  • dance

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person? Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching? Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

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I guess it'd have to really depend on the person. If they're a lil awkward, it might be less bearable (combined with my awkwardness that is XD). I get really nervous with sexual people though. It'd be so much easier if they were ace, or if they asked before they touched me... I'm not really romantic though because I have to trust people to not go over my boundaries. So I'll be more comfortable with sensual touching if I'm emotionally intimate with the individual.

I don't really like to be touched by people in general, but if I was in a relationship with a sexual I would be fine with: holding hands, hugs, cuddling with clothes on, and co-sleeping(if they don't touch me). If they ask to touch me, it'd be all those along with: massages, caressing, kissing face and mouth, touching skin, and dancing. Anyone can play with hair if they ask... And if they were ace and we were close, all but cuddling with our clothes off. I'd be fine with just being in underwear though.

I never really thought about it before, but I'd be a lot more comfortable with guys if they were ace XD Asking is a major thing with me though. If not, I freak out and I usually don't have enough courage to say no in the moment (gotta work on this).

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None of the above. I have a ridiculously strong sense of personal space. I even need to prepare myself for friendly hugs. Good job I'm not interested in relationships either!

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I'd say I would do nearly all of them if I was in a relationship with the person wishing to do these things, but I am extremely shy, so I wouldn't have the nerve to do anything anyway! :lol:

I'd probably feel equally [un]comfortable regardless of whether the person was sexual or asexual!

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In your intimate relationships, whether they're romantic or nonromantic, whether they're traditional couple relationships or romantic friendships or queerplatonic relationships, whether they're closed or open, how much sensual touching do you want ideally?

Try to answer imagining that there is never any pressure or chance of sensual touch turning into sex, ever.

Sensual touching includes but is not limited to the following:

  • holding hands
  • hugs (the most wonderful physical feeling ever, hugging and being hugged by someone you care about :) )
  • cuddling with clothes on
  • cuddling with clothes off (Too much for me)
  • caressing (caressing what?)
  • massages
  • kissing the body
  • kissing the mouth (jesus god no)
  • kissing the face (MAYBE)
  • belly rubs
  • playing with hair (I love hair)
  • touching bare skin (Depends on what area of skin, I suppose. Some areas I don't want to touch)
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact (Staring contests!)
  • synced breathing (How does one sync up their breathing with someone else? i think I breathe faster than most, so I'll run low on oxygen if I have to slow it down too much. Which sucks, because I like oxygen)
  • co-sleeping (maybe, depends how light of a sleeper they are. i wake up every 5 damn minutes, if they are tossing and turning too, i'll never get any sleep)
  • dance (Oh yeah, if she's down with the hippie style of dancing. I don't want to be doing any actual real dancing, none of the fancy stuff. Goof around dancing)

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person? Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching? Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

I would feel much more confident with another ace. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing anything physical with a sexual person, as all of this fun stuff seems to be mere foreplay to them. I would need it all to be within a romantic relationship, I can't/don't want to do it with just anyone.

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In your intimate relationships, whether they're romantic or nonromantic, whether they're traditional couple relationships or romantic friendships or queerplatonic relationships, whether they're closed or open, how much sensual touching do you want ideally?

Try to answer imagining that there is never any pressure or chance of sensual touch turning into sex, ever.

Sensual touching includes but is not limited to the following:

  • holding hands
  • hugs
  • cuddling with clothes on
  • cuddling with clothes off
  • caressing
  • massages
  • kissing the body (To a degree)
  • kissing the mouth
  • kissing the face
  • belly rubs
  • playing with hair
  • touching bare skin
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact
  • synced breathing
  • co-sleeping (Not sure on this one though it does sound enticing)
  • dance

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person? Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching? Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

What I'm ok with are bolded. Just looking it over makes me question my sexuality once again... :( However, I'd much prefer to do this sort of thing with another ace.

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Nothing from that list is happening, as far as I'm concerned. With immediate family, I'm used to some hugs and such, but with anyone else, such close contact just feels odd and somewhat unnatural. I think I'm just not a sensual person at all.

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Mm, I'm such a sucker for sensual contact. Holding hands? Definitely. Hugs? Of course. Cuddling? Hell yeah. I would even tolerate kissing, so long as there's no tongue. I just find that...gross.

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I love sensual contact. I really can't get enough hugs and I really like to be touched in general from the people I care about.

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While I could tolerate some amount of sensual contact if it was important to the other person in the relationship, I would be perfectly content to go without it.

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Hugging, cuddling with clothes on, holding hands, playing with hair, kissing face, neck, hands, belly - everything OK.

Massages- I went to massages for health reasons. :D

I´m not sure about mouth kissing (I´ve never tried it and I am probably too stuck in my phobia of allergies and diseases now to do anything which involves changing body fluids of any kind).

I hate being naked, so no naked cuddling. :wacko:

I don´t get eye contact at all, especially that weird long staring. :wacko:

Synced breathing. :lol: :lol: What? Why? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Co-sleeping - no, I can´t sleep when someone is disturbing me.

dance - if headbanging counts as dance. :lol:

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person?

Yes, much more confident with asexual.

Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching?

Yes.

Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

It depends. Kissing is romantic thing for me. Hugging is more friendly thing. Cuddling - depends on intensity, but rather romantic.

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I like hugs, but I'm not very interested in being any more sensual than that.

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In your intimate relationships, whether they're romantic or nonromantic, whether they're traditional couple relationships or romantic friendships or queerplatonic relationships, whether they're closed or open, how much sensual touching do you want ideally?

Try to answer imagining that there is never any pressure or chance of sensual touch turning into sex, ever.

Sensual touching includes but is not limited to the following:

  • holding hands
  • hugs (definitely one of the most enjoyable emotional and sensual feelings that I've experienced)
  • cuddling with clothes on
  • cuddling with clothes off
  • caressing
  • massages
  • kissing the body
  • kissing the mouth
  • kissing the face
  • belly rubs
  • playing with hair (I absolutely purr like a cat when my head's scratched or my back's rubbed - if I hadn't been with an obliviously asexual partner, I'd probably be teased about it sounding like I'm being sexually pleasured. Considering how much cleaner and acceptable to indulge it is, I think I'd take the head scratch under most, if not all, circumstances)
  • touching bare skin
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact
  • synced breathing
  • co-sleeping (I've never been given the opportunity to fully co-sleep with a partner due to my parents' rules, but co-dozing or having a partner fall asleep on you is a wonderful experience -
  • dance

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person? Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching? Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

For me, pretty much all of the above apart from synchronised breathing, which I can't really see the appeal in, and with a small caveat on cuddling without clothes. It's something that I could theoretically see myself being open to and enjoying, but cuddling with clothes on seems more appealing since you're simply enjoying close contact and gentle conversation with that partner rather than the experience being undermined by sexual connotations. I have a feeling that it's something I'll enjoy once it's happened incidentally but not something that I'd specifically choose to do until then. Dance is awkward because of my lack of coordination, but the memories of the two of us sitting on revolving chairs and pirouetting in opposite directions while holding each others' hands will never be forgotten :P

I'm an extremely sensual person - within reason, I prefer to spend as much time in fully-clothed physical contact with my partner as they enjoy or feel comfortable with. My only relationship to date has been long-distance, which understandably affected the strength of my cuddle urges and my desire to indulge them while the two of us were together, but I've had it noted by family members that the only time that the two of us weren't cuddling on a sofa or holding each other's hands was while we were eating (apparently it makes me look cute). As for bare-skin sensual contact, it's extremely enjoyable in moderation, but I wouldn't feel the need for it on a regular basis outside of a long-distance relationship (which, since we only met up about once a month, it had time to build up without regular cuddles to dissipate it and ended up becoming a regular part of visits). In an ideal close-distance relationship, it's probably not something I'd feel a need for more than once every few weeks and however often my partner wanted it after that.

This is all obviously balanced out by whatever preferences my partner has, but in a theoretical romantic relationship, I would prefer to spend the majority of my time with my partner in non-sexual, sensual contact. I've always wanted a cuddle buddy or a particularly huggy female friend that I can enjoy non-romantic sensual contact with, but unfortunately, finding people who are happy with (or understand the concept of) non-romantic sensual contact has been ever harder than finding other people on the asexual spectrum.

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Mmm I think I'm good with most of those expect cuddling with clothes off just cause I'm not big fan of the whole nakedness thing. Also synced breathing? I didn't really know that was a thing :P

I guess I am comfortable with those things simply because I'e been in a long term relationship with the same person so I'm completely comfortable with them. They are sexual though, so to answer that question, it really just depends on how comfortable I am with the person rather than their orientation. whether or not these are in romantic or simply emotionally intimate relationship really depends on what it is and prolonged the contact is.For example cuddling with close friends is fine just not for a long time...

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I'm a cuddle fan. I would feel more comfortable with another ace, because then you're sure it's all they want.

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I'm probably good with most of the things on the list, the one thing that worries me is the eye contact. I'd like to think I could look the person in the eyes if I was close to them but it's not something I do...like ever. I tend to look a little above or below the eyes when I talk to people, I'm not quite sure why...actually I am. Eyes are for some odd reason incredibly attractive for me and incredibly personal. I feel like I'm looking at something I shouldn't, kind of like happening in on someone naked. On the flip side when I can actually look someone in the eyes I can read them like a book, so I guess maybe that's why it feels like I'm invading their privacy.

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I generally wouldn't want to do any of these, especially outside of a strong couple relationship I'd totally refuse.

Even with the option that it wouldn't lead to sex, it's probably something that at the moment is in the mind of a sexual person and I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.

Now I'm in a relationship where my partner doesn't care about sex much more than me, with that in mind, and considering we're really close emotionally, I'm fine with most of them:

  • holding hands
  • hugs
  • cuddling with clothes on
  • cuddling with clothes off - better if in underwear
  • caressing
  • massages - not really into it
  • kissing the body - better if neutral non-sex-related parts
  • kissing the mouth - just not every minute for ages, please
  • kissing the face
  • belly rubs
  • playing with hair - always loved hair
  • touching bare skin - same as 'kissing the body'
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact
  • synced breathing - I don't really see a point?
  • co-sleeping - what I could hate about this is if I'd get repeatedly wakened by unwanted caressing and such, I want to sleep so let me do it in peace
  • dance - hate dancing, even on my own or as a joke

Barred are the ones I never do for a reason or another, bolded what I'd do anytime, the few others only in a very intimate moment. (occasional complaints are in general and not referred to my current relationship as I'm fine with that)

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Romantic relationships: I strongly desire hugs and cuddling, whether clothed or not. Not very important to me, since I feel comfortable with nudity. I also really, really love co-sleeping. I like everything else from the list too (I'm clumsy with dancing but willing to try), but other than the aforementioned three, I have no real "requirements".

Friendships: Eh, kind of the other way round. I'm okay with hugs but I don't seek them. Maybe I could make do with eye contact, but the other things are kinda off for me. I just don't want that kind of intimacy with friends. I also don't do queerplatonic relationships.

To answer the bottom question: I'm not at all influenced by other people's perceptions of sex. I used to be with someone sexual, told them I didn't want sex, and we still got plenty of sensual touch because we both liked it. I trusted them, so it was no issue to me. I felt completely comfortable and didn't hesitate a single time when I wanted to initiate or anything, they were respectful of my boundaries and I knew they'd have never done anything I hadn't previously agreed on.

I am, however, worried to some degree that a hypothetical asexual partner may find my desire for touch inappropriate and be creeped out by it. I've never had an ace partner, but yes, I'd definitely worry about that if I had one. So, if anything, I'd say I paradoxically feel less comfortable being touchy with an ace than a sexual person, or at least, I would in the beginning of a relationship, and until we've been close and touchy enough to establish that the other person doesn't perceive my touch as disturbing or anything.

Excellent idea for a thread, by the way ^_^

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- holding hands

- hugs

- cuddling with clothes on

- kissing on the mouth (just one prolonged kiss, not making out)

- dance

All of those things would have to be on my terms, meaning I'd have to dictate exactly when and where the contact is allowed. My sensory touch issues are very specific, like no touching my neck or waist, NO RUBBING (it'll make me jerk away in discomfort/pain), and I can't cuddle for very long, since I feel the need to move a lot.

Also, if I'm holding a person's hand, they have to be ok with me repeatedly squeezing it a little (its a sensory thing).

This should be made into a poll in the Census Forum!

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I'll take one of everything! It all sounds good to me =)

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Well, it's hard to speculate when I am in a relationship with a sexual already. Let's see, in a romantic relationship I am okay with caressing, massages, touching bare skin, and long eye contact; as well as being super okay with hugs, holding hands, kissing (face and mouth), co-sleeping, and cuddles. I prefer cuddles with clothes, like who wouldn't want to cuddle someone in a fuzzy sweater? It's like snuggling a teddy bear that cuddles you back.

I guess I don't really see my boyfriend as sexual or asexual usually, he's just himself. We've worked on making sure that certain activities don't always lead to sexual intimacy, so I can easily enjoy cuddling and kissing my boyfriend without worrying that its going to lead to sex all the time.

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In your intimate relationships, whether they're romantic or nonromantic, whether they're traditional couple relationships or romantic friendships or queerplatonic relationships, whether they're closed or open, how much sensual touching do you want ideally?

There's too much difference between these types of relationships for me to answer as though they were all one category. I would -- and do -- kiss my husband on the mouth, but no way in hell would I do that with a platonic friend. (Just one example.)

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  • holding hands - sure, occasionally. the whole sweaty palms thing gets to me though, so it might be more of a reassuring squeeze type thing. Unless we're talking mittens- winter mitten handholding, yeh-heh-hessss. Such a great invention, that.
  • hugs- Yep, unless they last too long, because then I become painfully aware of the grip the other person has and start wanting my bubble back
  • cuddling with clothes on- Yes, if it's in a casual manner and nobody's reading too much into anything. Although, realistically that could be applied to all of these. I freak out when things start to feel too 'heavy'.
  • cuddling with clothes off - Ah haha. No.
  • caressing- I think about the only place I'd go for that is the forearm. For some reason it doesn't trigger my squirmy uncomfortableness like other areas, and in fact is generally awesomely head-tingly.
  • massages - Eh, in theory. It always feels like too much work in execution.
  • kissing the body - Nope.
  • kissing the mouth - Rarely, and none of that tonsil hockey stuff. But there are times.
  • kissing the face - Nah. Maybe forehead.
  • belly rubs - Nope, admittedly my stomach is my most vulnerable feeling area and unless I've given permission, I'll likely get very growly if it's touched. Haha, even thinking about it makes me edgy.
  • playing with hair- 10 thousand times yes. I must have been a cat in a past life.
  • touching bare skin - Pretty much restricted to arms/hands, otherwise I miss the appeal
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact - Only competitively, or else I'll get very nervous
  • synced breathing - ?
  • co-sleeping - Nope, unless there is a magical person with whom it would be better/equivalent to solo-sleeping. I suppose the situation could also alter this to quite a degree.
  • dance - Noooooo. Maybe. But mostly no.

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person?

Heck yes I do, but I think I'd still be weirded out if I thought of it as "sensual". Truthfully -ideally- as little thought as possible should go into it for me to enjoy whatever the act is; as natural and effortless as possible. I like to tread lightly.

Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching?

Definitely, which at least partially explains my aversion to even thinking of it as 'sensual' touch. The other part is just my skittish fox nature.

Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

Nah, I don't think it's specifically romantic. I guess it generally appears as a result of affection, but I'd like to think I have affection for all of my close friends. More and more I see that the grey areas in relationships are where I most like to explore, and I hope physical acts of being endeared to someone follow suit and become more acceptable with people who aren't necessarily 'the one and only'. Too restrictive for me, to have one person be the giver and receiver of all my physically manifested elation that stems from being with another person I really enjoy.

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in close relationships I could probably do any of those, but in long eye contact I,d definitely lose my cool and start giggling.

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  • holding hands
  • hugs
  • cuddling with clothes on
  • caressing
  • massages
  • kissing the body
  • kissing the mouth
  • kissing the face
  • playing with hair
  • touching bare skin
  • co-sleeping

Those are good for me. However, with a sexual partner I am not too into doing most of it since it leads to "Lets have sex" - yes I would be more comfortable with someone who wouldn't expect it.

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ONLY with another Ace that I'm romantically involved with, but I guess I'm VERY sensual!!!

  • holding hands -- Yup.
  • hugs -- Yup.
  • cuddling with clothes on -- Yup.
  • cuddling with clothes off -- Enhhhhhhhh, not really.
  • caressing -- Yup.
  • massages -- Yup.
  • kissing the body -- Yup.
  • kissing the mouth -- Ennnnnnh, if the mouth is closed, then it's ok.
  • kissing the face -- Yup.
  • belly rubs -- O_o Are for pets.
  • playing with hair -- Yup.
  • touching bare skin -- Yup.
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact -- Seems awkward.
  • synced breathing -- Again, seems awkward.
  • co-sleeping -- Yup.
  • dance -- HELL YES.

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So, my take on this.

Non-romantic relationships:

Except for maybe hugs (and even then I have to know them very well to not feel like it's breaking my personal space)

NONE OF THIS.

EVER.

I can say with certainty I would never do any of the listed things other than perhaps hugs with a friend, I have an extreme sense of personal space and only the person I am in a relationship would be permitted to be that closely inside it that much.

However, with that out of the way, I will indeed list what I'd allow sensually with a romantic partner

  • holding hands- Yep, easily
  • hugs- Easily yes, but only as long as it doesn't get to "huggy"/clingy all the time
  • cuddling with clothes on- Yep
  • cuddling with clothes off- Hmmm, only if we were in a relationship for a while.
  • caressing- sure
  • massages - This one is iffy, I usually just feel as if massages are awkward
  • kissing the body- sure
  • kissing the mouth- sure
  • kissing the face- peck on the cheek, or something to that effect. Sure, but I don't want slobber on my face <.<
  • belly rubs - Not sure why but it just feels creepy to me
  • playing with hair- I guess, many girls forcibly try and play with my hair anyway. I've never really seen the point of just messing with my gf's hair though.
  • touching bare skin- sure
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact- sure
  • synced breathing - I just don't really get how this is romantic or has a point and I'd probably just find it awkward.
  • co-sleeping- sure
  • dance- only at weddings/ formal events. And I'm not doing anything but formal dancing.

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Firstly, like Silver said, good topic. Thanks for posting!

Mm, I'm such a sucker for sensual contact. Holding hands? Definitely. Hugs? Of course. Cuddling? Hell yeah. I would even tolerate kissing, so long as there's no tongue. I just find that...gross.

^Exactly this. :-D

Breakdown:

  • holding hands - Absolutely. I derive a ridiculous amount of pleasure from holding hands with my partner. (These days it tends to become arm-in-arm, which is also fun.)
  • hugs - Yes. But casual hugs are kinda boring. The ones with my partner are warm, embracing, and long.
  • cuddling with clothes on - Yes.
  • cuddling with clothes off - No. I really just cannot imagine being comfortable with this.
  • caressing - Sure.
  • massages - Sounds good.
  • kissing the body - Yeah. (Nothing beneath clothes.)
  • kissing the mouth - Yeah. But not messily.
  • kissing the face - Yes.
  • belly rubs - I agree with Arctic_Revenge here. But I do enjoy putting a hand over my own tummy sometimes.
  • playing with hair - Wouldn't mind having hair played with, but don't really like the concept of touching other people's hair myself. Well, I've touched my boyfriend's hair a lot - but only with my face, in cuddling. It feels good. (He has a Jewfro that girls like to touch.)
  • touching bare skin - Pretty sure this would be the same answer as kissing the body for everyone, right? Unless this is opposed to touching through clothes? Yeah, I'm fine with bare skin.
  • deliberate/prolonged eye contact - This one's a bit awkward. There's a sense of "This is intense," "What exactly should I be looking like," "Is love showing in my eyes?" "Is it weird if I hold the gaze any longer?" "Okay, I'm gonna look down a sec..."
  • synced breathing - I've done this, both by accident and deliberately. I think I like it. It's breathing as a unit, and there's a closeness attached to that.
  • co-sleeping - I'd like to try this one.
  • dance - Dancing is fun. I go contradancing, English country dancing, and square dancing. Used to be that I did no handholding more prolonged than what happened in dancing.

Do you think that you'd feel more confident being sensual with another ace, versus a sexual person?

Interesting question, because on the one hand heck yes, I'd love to get that coziness with someone who I was certain wanted nothing more, and furthermore had no desire to see me clothesless, etc. On the other hand my boyfriend is the one I really like cuddling with and I know he's a sexual. But if I ever met an ace and both of us felt a lot of affection for each other, then I mean, cool!

Do you think that your comfort level with sensual touch is influenced by the expectation of sex that sexual society inserts into sensual touching?

Yes. Case in point: Sometimes my boyfriend has put his hands under my shirt, either low or high - shoulders, top of back, and then asked me if it made me uncomfortable. He says that he thinks it is a non-sexual desire to be close, but though I wish it didn't, it does make me uncomfortable. Under my clothing is not a place where foreign hands tend to wander.

Is sensual touching specifically romantic to you or can it happen in any emotionally intimate relationship?

Another interesting question. I used to not be sensual with other people at all. Since I've gotten a boyfriend, I've begun to see the appeal of touch. So I think my answer to this is yes.

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Touch is something I crave, as long add it's non-sexual and with a person I have an emotional connection with. Yes- holding hands, hugs, cuddling/ caressing (clothes on), massages, belly rubs (more giving that than receiving), kissing (lips, face, neck, ears lobes), love touching hair/having my hair touched, bare skin (in neutral areas), eye contact, co-sleeping (have never done, but want to) and dancing.

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Try to answer imagining that there is never any pressure or chance of sensual touch turning into sex, ever.

From the perspective of a sexual:

Given this clause, then I don't want anything on your list. Any of those will dramatically increase my desire for sex and If I know sex is not on the table I'd rather just avoid those activities altogether and save myself a ton of frustration. That doesn't mean it always have to escalate to sex every time, but if the possibility isn't there then I don't want the trouble.

Otherwise I want all of that except perhaps dancing, which is boring.

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