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I can identify with that. There's some days when my body seems to be saying "you're crazy! go out and copulate, you freak!" I mainly classify that as a necessary evil of biology, though - I'm still too doubtful and weirded out by sex that I wouldn't try it even under those moods.

From your post, it seems like your feeling similarly. Just remember that there's nothing wrong with being hyposexual, just as there's nothing wrong with being asexual or sexual. It's part of normal human behavior to question yourself, and can actually be quite healthy - sometimes it can bring to light things about yourself you never considered before.

And it's perfectly normal to crave a soul mate, asexual or no. I think we've all been there, at some time or another. :)

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I can relate to a point. I don't feel what I would interpret as 'sexual attraction', but now I'm wondering if I even define it the same way as others do... The way I would define it, I don't feel it. I feel attraction, but not sexual attraction. And I know I have a low sex drive because I'm rarely if ever in the mood... but when I am, I do enjoy sex with my husband and feel very sexy.

So I begin to wonder, is this really asexuality or repressed sexuality, or just low, low sex drive asexuality?

I have noticed a trend though, it seems when I get comfortable calling myself asexual, I get into a mode of being comfortable with the idea of having sex... But then when that happens and if I think, oh, wow, maybe I'm not asexual, I get back into the 'please don't touch me' mode.

It's almost as if being asexual took away expectations and that made me more relaxed and I fear if I am sexual that it has to look a certain way and I have to behave in a certain way.

However I still think I am asexual... because I don't feel sexual attraction... because when I am attracted to someone I want to know them and spend time with them, even if I ahve a major crush, I jsut want to LOVE them - NOT have sex with them.

I think what it comes down to is that it doesn't really matter if we are this mysterious thing called 'asexual' or not. What matters is that we are comfortable with who we are, whatever feelings happen or don't happen to be there at any given moment...

Sure it's easy to categorize ourselves so we know who we can and can't have relationships with... but even when in a relationship, I wonder if it is about sexual compatibility as much as it's about being able to be real and relate intimately and lovingly to each other, whatever that may look like... even if someone is changing all the time and seems to be a bit crazy. (LIKE ME!)

hawke

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To me I think that asexualit is broad enough to encompass many things, hyposexuality nad low drives could be included.

I have days when I think yeah maybe I should try it and se but then think that isn't a good reason.

It's natural to question at least it might help you be more informed about yourself.

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ChibiFirli

Don't worry :). I fluctuate too ^_^. Well, my need for contact does :). Sometimes I'm really untouchable, while other times I'm supercuddly :P. I know sexuals who have this too :).

About really needing to see someone. I don't think it has to be sexual. It seems like a regular crush to me. Not that I have had many experiences with crushes though :roll:. But in the very few crushes I've had, I felt the need to see the person as well. Though it never turned into sex or anything :).

Dunno, maybe I've completely misunderstood :D, in that case, ignore my ramblings :D.

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... the problem is that on days like yesterday I'd break up with said person and completely regret that. I feel like I'm alternating between the lives of two twins that live as one, each with different interests and goals, each directly suffering the repercussions of the other's actions.

This sounds like a personality thing - not an asexual thing. Which is fine! You just learn to figure yourself out and apply that to your sex life as well.

I too tend to have this kind of extreme emotional thing going on... At times when I'm SOOO gung ho for an idea and then I get ready to quit as soon as I don't get the right kind of response... So a while ago I decided that I'm not allowed to make any big decisions when I'm at the peak of an emotion, be it good or bad. I have to wait until I calm down and think it through.

It's one thing to have major mood swings - it's another to put so much stock in your emotionss that you make life altering decisions based on them. So feel your way through it, and then think your way to a decision.

When it comes to a relationship - boing back and forth with what you want isn't completely odd... it's finding someone who is flexible that you can communicate with - so that they don't think it's THEIR fault.

I try to do that with my husband when I'm grumpy - I'm mad, but I'm not mad at you... I love you, I just need space to calm down so I'm not mean to you. We do something similar with the sex thing - I can be in the mood from time to time, but if I'm not it's NOT your fault, my dear. It really works with us. :)

hawke

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I understand that feeling. Most of the time I'm pretty content with being alone with the cats and dog that my parents won't let me have. Then I have days when I feel completely depressed and lonely, and the future doesn't look bright. It's natural to suffer bouts of self-doubt sometimes, being asexual in an oversexed society is bound to have an effect which I supposee we've all experienced. :)

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...I'm really honored to know such a strong young person who knows exactly what they want at such a young age, despite outside pressures and influences. Respect to you :)

...You know, I was having a really bad day until I read that.

*does the 'yay someone thinks I'm cool!' dance*

In regards to your second post, I need to agree with hawke. We all have our mood swings, but be careful not to do anything on simple emotional impulse. Decision requires thought. It sounds like this person is very important to you, and it would be terrible if you lost her because of a bad day.

Remember that there's always people here to talk to when you're feeling down. Opening up like this is good for you, and no matter what your problem there will always be someone who can help, even if it takes a while to find them.

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I wasn't sure if you meant personality trait or flaw,

By 'thing' I did mean positive trait... our traits can be seen and behave as flaws if we don't understand them in context and act accordingly but wild emotional fluctuations can make life interesting and put you in touch with what's going on inside of you in a way some people are unable to even know they are feeling something.

You can use it to your benefit by allowing good emotions to inspire and motivate you and hurting emotions to bring you back down to reality to learn something.

It sounds like this girl is pretty amazing! I hope you can find a way to get to know her better in a way that clearly communicates what you want to. :)

I know what a thin line that can be... I have some close guy friends and I worry about them thinking I'm a 'desperate housewife' and hitting on them - when I just really enjoy their company. Usually I take it nice and slow and try to spread my interest around a bit in front of them so they know I'm not like that with JUST them, but it's just the way I am.

I also know what you mean about being a bit embarrassed about opening up - sometimes I feel I say way more than I think I should... (Just shut up already! - I tell myself. *L*)

Have never heard of Office Space... hmmm...

hawke

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If that makes you weird, we should start a club. *heheh*

Sounds like an interesting movie! I'll have to check it out...

hawke

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