Poll: Sex before marriage?

[Nekomata]

No. Bit late to be thinking about that now anyway.

[Jace Quin]

Considering that the institution of marriage is an outmoded societal family model and I would not advise any asexual or sexual to ever get married the answer is an obvious and resounding 'yes'.

[JagodaDevojka]

What people do is their own business. If they want to have sex before marriage, who cares? If they want to wait, fine. However, I hate it when people get judgmental and bully those whose decisions differ from theirs.

[Lady Girl]

We did have sex before and it didn't prevent us from realizing later how sexually incompatible we are. We have struggled with it, but tomorrow we'll be married 27 years. I'm really happy we are married and I'm pretty sure he is too.

I think you can have sex before marriage and still end up being incompatible early on or later in life.

[Robin L]

No, because things will be terrible if conception failed.

[BannedForSatire]

The only reason I believe in sex before marriage is because I discovered how flawed marriage is and I never want to get married.

Other people can do whatever they want though. I was just saying for me personally.

[KennelTechWithHipsterGlass]

So, even if your partner was still a virgin and you were engaged, you would still wait until the wedding night to have sex? What if you find out that you aren't sexually compatible on your honeymoon?

I mean, to me there's always a chance of someone leaving you. Even if you're married, some people still divorce. :( That's why I wouldn't want to have sex with my partner until I was sure that he/she/they loved me fully. I feel like I'd have a discussion with my partner long before then about sex and what I think I'm capable of and what my partner wants. I would make sure they know what they're getting into, as far as sex. I don't know much about sexual compatibility, but I feel like for me it would be in general, like being able to have sex or not, regardless of the person.

Sorry if that's confusing, ^^'

[5_♦♣]

That makes sense. (Although that may be the 3 hours of sleep and lack of caffeine (sips coke zero) talking, or maybe it isn't).

[SquirrelCat]

I'm a litte bit of a yes and no (for non-religious reasons) person.

I think it ok to have sex before marriage to see if you mesh and stuff like that but I think there is such a thing as having sex too early in a realtionship, jumping in bed with each other after being together for a week or a month is too early in my point.

And people run the risk of growing sexually bored with one another. Sexual boredom has killed a lot of relationships.

But I don't thinks it's wrong in any way to have sex before you're married.

[KennelTechWithHipsterGlass]

That makes sense. (Although that may be the 3 hours of sleep and lack of caffeine (sips coke zero) talking, or maybe it isn't).

Haha yes, I know what you mean. :P

[kaykwitch]

Personally, I'm not planning on having sex before marriage (or a very, very, very committed relationship). I originally decided this for religious reasons, but as I have grown older and fallen away from my faith more and more I've rethought my reasoning for that and came to the same decision, this time because of the possibility of STI transmission. Before I have sex with my future partner I want to make sure that they are STI free and going to stay that way by not sleeping with others (and no, condoms doesn't protect against all STIs as there is the possibility of skin to skin contact that can pass things like herpes). Even then, I'd only sleep with my partner if a poly/open relationship wouldn't work or it was important to my partner that we sleep together (I'm not repulsed, but I have no libido).

But I do think that it's up to the person, and if their partner can't deal with that or feels they are earning sex by waiting and their partner "owes" them when they do have sex, they can break up.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

jumping in bed with each other after being together for a week or a month is too early in my point.

I have no idea how that's even possible. :lol:

[kaykwitch]

jumping in bed with each other after being together for a week or a month is too early in my point.

I have no idea how that's even possible. :lol:

One of the many things the asexy end of the spectrum will never understand about the sexual end of the spectrum.

[Notte stellata]

jumping in bed with each other after being together for a week or a month is too early in my point.

I have no idea how that's even possible. :lol:

For me it depends on how you define "being together" and "jumping in bed". :P I had sex (the kind that many people don't consider as "real sex" though) with my partner within a few days during our first meeting in person, even before confirming our relationship, but we had talked for four months prior to that, so there was enough trust and emotional intimacy for me. But if it's a week or a month since our very first contact (no matter online or in person), then no way. :D

[Kitty Spoon Train]

jumping in bed with each other after being together for a week or a month is too early in my point.

I have no idea how that's even possible. :lol:

For me it depends on how you define "being together" and "jumping in bed". :P I had sex (the kind that many people don't consider as "real sex" though) with my partner within a few days during our first meeting in person, even before confirming our relationship, but we had talked for four months prior to that, so there was enough trust and emotional intimacy for me. But if it's a week or a month since our very first contact (no matter online or in person), then no way. :D

Yeah, for me it's mostly defined by overall amount of contact and trust and emotional intimacy too. Not just in meatspace. I'm definitely not one of those people for whom online contact isn't "real". You can tell when it's genuine simply by the way people approach it anyway. Those who are scammers or players or whatever just don't have the patience for months and months of detailed personal correspondence and building a real friendship. There's always some kind of nervousness and impatience to get right down to whatever they're trying to suck out of you (sex, money, whatever). Usually you can feel the vibe within the first few emails in fact. At least I can. A kind of "lack of patience for truly wanting to get to know you".

The scenario I totally don't comprehend is how a lot of people seem to meet, get immediately attracted to each other, and have sex on their first night together, or within the first week. I guess that's mostly explained by my lack of primary sexual attraction. If someone hits me up that fast, I just find it awkward and jarring and feel like running away. :lol:

Less than a few months between first contact and sex is extremely unlikely with me, based on past experience anyway. So yeah, it pretty much writes me out of the usual "sex by the third date" modern dating scene. Unless someone's really on my wavelength and gets it.

[Guest]

I wouldn't have it before marriage simply for the fact that I would want the first time to be something special. But I'm not interested in sex anyway.

That's just me though and if someone else wants to do it then it's perfectly fine by me.

[test account]

Old post.

[R_1]

Marriage? I have no idea what that is. I do actually.

Sex before marriage is ok and even without marriage. I approve of that too.

[Leelian]

I am fine with sex before marriage, as long it follows the regular sex guidelines: use protection, all parties are the of the age of consent, and it is consensual This goes for both outercourse and intercourse sex.

Sex before marriage is actually a good thing, it allows the participating parties to see how compatible they are sexually, and how they go about dealing with it. Sex helps people figure out their tastes, like The Great WTF said. It also helps people like me figure out their sexuality or lack thereof, something that they might not do if sex is not present.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Prior to reliable contraception, pregnancy was probably the reason. These days, I think people still take a risk and personally, its a risk I've taken, minimising it as much as possible. I only did so though with full knowledge that if I got pregnant I would have the child and deal with it. Not that I'm anti-abortion I might add; I just don't think I could give up a surprise gift like that at my time of life.

Yeah, it makes total sense how pregnancy was the thing that made intercourse a bit of an extra "holy" thing when it comes to sexual activities before marriage - back in the day when contraception technology was essentially useless. And yeah, I can see how even today, to be truly responsible about it, it pays to have an extra level of seriousness there as opposed to non-intercourse activities.

And yeah, I'm just like you. With the previous exs whom I actually went that far with - I knew that there is a tiny chance of all the precautions failing, and on some level I was fine with that gamble. And if it had happened, I know my life would be very different now. For sure, initially there would have been a lot of pillow punching, wall kicking, screaming, and tearing my hair out. But then I'd be just like - okay, that was an unwanted fork in the road we took, but life happens.

So in a weird way - you could say I didn't believe in intercourse without the possibility of marriage. If it came to that. These days I'm far more uptight about this though. Maybe it's age. I'm actually getting more strictly childfree with age. Now it's more like - unless one of us is fixed or officially 100% medically sterile, there'll be no intercourse at all in the relationship. :twisted:

[Blue Elevator]

I wouldn't for my own personal beliefs. But other people can do what they want. However, if it was a friend or a relative, I'd want them to use safe practices (not that it'd be any of my business, but if for some reason it was that's pretty much what I'd say).

So I'm not really sure how to answer the question since I don't really "believe" one way or another. I think people should just do what they're comfortable with. 4th option maybe?

[Blood-of-Cherries]

I said yes. I don't believe in marriage = we are going to have sex now. And I have had sex and I'm not married.

[MissUnderstood]

I feel that for someone to love me enough to make love to me, they should love me enough to marry me. There a bit of religion to do with wanting marriage first. But also that I'm ace. And also I feel it should be shared with only one person. Plus there's more to life than sex so people should be able to wait. And I would never kill a baby and I would like it to be born into a stable environment. Those are some of my reasons

[Annapox]

I have religious and non-religious reasons for waiting until marriage. My religion is important to me, but I don't follow rules for the sake of following rules. My religion happens to have rules that make sense to me. If people want to have sex before marriage, I'm not gonna condemn them or anything, but it just seems like a major complication to me. There is no completely failsafe method of STI prevention or birth control, and anything beyond making out seems like something too personal to want to share with more than one person. But it's a personal choice, so I stay out of other people's business.

[Sally]

After reading on AVEN all the cases where people only realized they were asexual after marriage + sex, and the problems that caused in their marriage, I think EVERYONE shoudl have sex before marriage. I realize that some religions think that's bad, but religious asexuals especially should figure that they may get a very difficult lesson from waiting: just because you are married doesn't make sex any more enjoyable, or bearable. And if you don't think divorce will be possible because of your religion, then you will be caught, for the rest of your life.

[5_♦♣]

I have religious and non-religious reasons for waiting until marriage. My religion is important to me, but I don't follow rules for the sake of following rules. My religion happens to have rules that make sense to me. If people want to have sex before marriage, I'm not gonna condemn them or anything, but it just seems like a major complication to me. There is no completely failsafe method of STI prevention or birth control, and anything beyond making out seems like something too personal to want to share with more than one person. But it's a personal choice, so I stay out of other people's business.

1: Marriage does not safe guard one from STIs or unwanted pregnancy. 2: Premarital sex=/=promiscuity.

[Philip027]

After reading on AVEN all the cases where people only realized they were asexual after marriage + sex, and the problems that caused in their marriage, I think EVERYONE shoudl have sex before marriage.

So those of us dudes who plan never to have sex should just write off marriage, in your opinion?

I mean, I'm assuming you're referring primarily to those in mixed relationships (obviously, if there is no pressure from either side for sex, then there's no issue to begin with), but even in such a case, the whole "sacrifice or gtfo" insinuation is a pretty crappy deal for people like myself.

[sound_the_bugle]

After reading on AVEN all the cases where people only realized they were asexual after marriage + sex, and the problems that caused in their marriage, I think EVERYONE shoudl have sex before marriage.

So those of us dudes who plan never to have sex should just write off marriage, in your opinion?

I mean, I'm assuming you're referring primarily to those in mixed relationships (obviously, if there is no pressure from either side for sex, then there's no issue to begin with), but even in such a case, the whole "sacrifice or gtfo" insinuation is a pretty crappy deal for people like myself.

And that's why it's best to figure out if you want to compromise or not. If you have a mixed relationship, especially one that might someday lead to marriage, you should decide if your relationship can survive sexless or with compromise. If either person feels uncomfortable with having or not having sex when the other person feels they need/want that, then the relationship shouldn't continue, because it'll lead to more heartbreak. It's worth it to try sex before marriage if you think you might ever have sex with that person. If not, it's not a concern and doesn't need to be tried.

And yes, the "sacrifice or gtfo" thing sucks for both people in a mixed relationship if they can't easily reach an agreement.

[ThaHoward]

No I do not believe in it! There is no proof of sex before marriage, and everyone who claim to have it are lying. I do not believe in this.

I think that everyone should have sex as they like to (as long as it is consentual) and I, society and the government have nothing to do with it,

[Annapox]

I have religious and non-religious reasons for waiting until marriage. My religion is important to me, but I don't follow rules for the sake of following rules. My religion happens to have rules that make sense to me. If people want to have sex before marriage, I'm not gonna condemn them or anything, but it just seems like a major complication to me. There is no completely failsafe method of STI prevention or birth control, and anything beyond making out seems like something too personal to want to share with more than one person. But it's a personal choice, so I stay out of other people's business.

1: Marriage does not safe guard one from STIs or unwanted pregnancy. 2: Premarital sex=/=promiscuity.

I did not intend to insinuate either of those things. However, you are less likely to get an STI if you have fewer sexual partners, and, if an unexpected pregnancy occurs, I personally think it's better for that to happen within marriage so that the baby has a stable life. I'm not trying to imply that celibacy and promiscuity are the only two options, and I'm not trying to impose my views on others. I'm just giving my opinion. Like I said, I stay out of other people's business.