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Stopping the Blame Game


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Wow, this is a great post. My husband and I struggled with this particular issue for nearly ten years before I finally figured out I was ace. We had terrible arguments that basically boiled down to both of of feeling like the other one was being selfish. Now that I understand more about asexuality, I can see that he was just being himself and that I was also being perfectly normal within my own parameters. He and I have done a lot of apologizing since I figured it out about a month ago and it has been an eye opener. Of course that hasn't solved everything, but we aren't yelling at eachother anymore, so it's a start. I have a feeling that if we didn't have kids, we would probably split up, but we have decided to open up our relationship to see if that works. It's tricky, but I really don't want my family to split over this.

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  • 2 months later...

Just want to say that the OP's ( @Lydian ) post was one of the best, most thought-out pieces I've seen. I have not come across any recent postings by this Avenite, so I'm assuming that this is a no-longer-active member...too bad.

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I'm new to this. Recently married and am incredibly disappointed in his lack of desire. Sorry if I sound rude or insensitive. But feeling unwanted is killing me. How can anyone be asexual? I don't understand. Sexual intimacy is so important to me. Knowing he sleeps with me to just to keep me from feeling ridiculously horny all the time kills me. I wish I didn't want sex just so I don't feel the pain of rejection. 

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chair jockey
11 minutes ago, Rejection said:

I'm new to this. Recently married and am incredibly disappointed in his lack of desire. Sorry if I sound rude or insensitive. But feeling unwanted is killing me. How can anyone be asexual? I don't understand. Sexual intimacy is so important to me. Knowing he sleeps with me to just to keep me from feeling ridiculously horny all the time kills me. I wish I didn't want sex just so I don't feel the pain of rejection. 

It's not personal. If he's asexual then it's not that he fails to find you attractive, or that you fail to engage him. Very likely he does find you attractive and you do engage him on many levels, but nobody and nothing engages him sexually. It's really about him.

 

You might want to talk to some people in the For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies part of the forum, because that's the focused hangout for sexual people such as yourself. You're welcome everywhere on the forum, but the highest chance of finding someone who understands and can help is there. And the people there sometimes have decades of experience dealing with having an asexual partner (including legal spouse), so they could have thought of and tried things you haven't from simple time and experience.

 

From the opposite side of where you're coming from, it sucked when i didn't know I was asexual and sex just didn't work and my partner cried because she blamed herself. Someone in my position back then feels like a failure anyway, and her tears made me feel like even more of a failure. It was hell not only for her, but for me. But then i figured out that I'm just my version of normal, and life became possible. That relationship didn't last because the necessary knowledge came too late. You've taken a good step in coming here early, while there is still time to do something about the problems you're having. There's a lot of solid information here and a variety of opinions (some contradictory, but use your own judgment) that should be helpful.

 

Welcome to AVEN and enjoy your time here.

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On 5/13/2017 at 4:12 PM, Rejection said:

I'm new to this. Recently married and am incredibly disappointed in his lack of desire. Sorry if I sound rude or insensitive. But feeling unwanted is killing me. How can anyone be asexual? I don't understand. Sexual intimacy is so important to me. Knowing he sleeps with me to just to keep me from feeling ridiculously horny all the time kills me. I wish I didn't want sex just so I don't feel the pain of rejection. 

Asexuality is just a term for a type of "sexuality", for some people it's defined as the absence of a sexuality and repulsion of it, the fact is since we're human our bodies might desire sex, and some might not, as a fellow asexual I find the thought of sex with someone completely repulsive, and having sex with someone would be a gift to someone and a guess a 'token of my love' , if I ever wanted to be in a relationship to begin with. I don't think you should feel rejected per say, but sex can be extremely repulsive to us, even someone we really love, I guess it's just something you have to work out with him :/ honestly I don't even know why I posted, I'm a virgin XD I know there are some forums started by the older generations, maybe look to them for experience? Sorry I can't help...

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Icebearpanda
On 5/13/2017 at 5:12 PM, Rejection said:

I'm new to this. Recently married and am incredibly disappointed in his lack of desire. Sorry if I sound rude or insensitive. But feeling unwanted is killing me. How can anyone be asexual? I don't understand. Sexual intimacy is so important to me. Knowing he sleeps with me to just to keep me from feeling ridiculously horny all the time kills me. I wish I didn't want sex just so I don't feel the pain of rejection. 

Well, asexual people are asexual because that's who they are, just as allosexuals are allosexuals because that's who they are. It's not a choice, anymore than someone chooses to breathe- it just is. I know this may sound mean but; don't take it personally. Really: don't take it personally. If this is who your partner is, then it is how they would be with anyone- it is not a reflection on you or your worth, or on whether they love you or not, or or whether your relationship is healthy or not. They obviously want to be with you since they entered into a marriage with you. I know it may seem odd- after all, society teaches us that intimate relationships that don't include sex aren't valid or happy. We're also taught that if sex is not happening then something must be wrong with us or the relationship- but society isn't always right and the ways and defaults that we've operated on can change. The thing is, you and your partner get to determine what kind of relationship you have, what it includes, and how you want it to be. The fact that your partner is willing to have sex with you because they know it is important to you, even if its not their thing, is actually a really good sign to build on. Framing it as less a rejection of you as a person, and more of just an understanding of that is who your partner is and how they operate, may help. Be kind to yourself too- it's alot to unpack and you're not going to change a lifetime of  societal conditioning overnight. I'm currently reading this book and finding it helpful : The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker. It includes a chapter for people who have just discovered that a partner is asexual and you may find it useful. Good luck. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 13/05/2017 at 10:12 PM, Rejection said:

I'm new to this. Recently married and am incredibly disappointed in his lack of desire. Sorry if I sound rude or insensitive. But feeling unwanted is killing me. How can anyone be asexual? I don't understand. Sexual intimacy is so important to me. Knowing he sleeps with me to just to keep me from feeling ridiculously horny all the time kills me. I wish I didn't want sex just so I don't feel the pain of rejection. 

Hi, I know what you going through. Unfortunately I would suggest you may be on the wrong forum as your husband is either a) not asexual in which case here is not the right place or b) asexual in which case every excuse going will be made for him in this forum. The fact of the matter is, if it is b) the selfish bloke shouldn't have trapped you inside a marriage without a full disclosure of what he was. It pains me to think that people do this! Without truly knowing what you were getting in to you didn't truly consent. How could you have ?

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chair jockey

People have a tendency to moralize about their own gratification. Because it's problematic to say openly that you just want to be gratified, they wrap that desire for gratification in the false robes of moral goodness, and talk like it's a natural right for them to be gratified. This applies to some people of every sex and gender and sexual orientation. The most harmful ones are the toxically strong personalities who don't consciously realize the stratagem they're using and genuinely believe their own bullshit and are even fanatical about it. .I contended with quite a few of them as a teenager 40 years ago, but they still exist today. But their influence has been such that it's now almost an article of faith that one's own gratification is an absolute good for each person, and that unwitting ethical position is now apparent behind the words many people say. This is a sword that cuts both ways, because it would be silly to think that only aromantic sexuals sometimes act like it's a crime to deny them no-strings-attached sex. Romantic asexuals sometimes also vent bitterly about the crime against humanity of not gratifying their romantic desires without wanting sex from them. And both the aromantic sexuals and the romantic asexuals talk like it's the eleventh commandment in the Bible for their desires to be gratified, even though that view is presupposed rather than actually stated in their words, and they are likely not even conscious of it.

 

Sorry for the rant, but your post set me off.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hello everyone, I'm sorry if this thread is dead or that's its old. But I wanted to share my opinions and thoughts as well as experiences in my life. I'm non sexual in anyway, and shuddered or cringe inside at my partners reactions and the way he speaks to me, can anyone help me understand what I'm doing wrong ( I might not be but my partner makes me feel like this sometimes, I don't know if its on purpose or not) but I've been with him for three years and I love him to pieces as well as compromising many things to make us both happy. Firstly I've never had sex and don't want anything to do with it at all, which he finds strange and we have spoken many times but it always lead to me feeling nervous, anxious and upset as he wants me to agree to doing things then he becomes upset when he tries to do something and I reject him or go stiff and unresponsive towards his actions. I've been watching this site reading and seeing all stories and I'm happy that this post has things that describe and help me understand more then before.

Sex has always been strange I've never understood why people are so into it and why they find asexual strange for not having it. I agree sex is important to others but myself is nothing but a way to have kids (something me and my partner have had discussions about and neither side coming to a compromise)

sorry if I'm rambling on this. ^.^ I can compromised and have on many occasions but he explains he wants to make me feel pleasure which I've explain many times that there's no point because I just can't get into it like him(he finds pleasure in giving me pleasure but is upset when he gets no reaction from me at all) Can anyone give any advice as I'm confused on what to do.

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Icebearpanda
20 hours ago, DarkDragon said:

Hello everyone, I'm sorry if this thread is dead or that's its old. But I wanted to share my opinions and thoughts as well as experiences in my life. I'm non sexual in anyway, and shuddered or cringe inside at my partners reactions and the way he speaks to me, can anyone help me understand what I'm doing wrong ( I might not be but my partner makes me feel like this sometimes, I don't know if its on purpose or not) but I've been with him for three years and I love him to pieces as well as compromising many things to make us both happy. Firstly I've never had sex and don't want anything to do with it at all, which he finds strange and we have spoken many times but it always lead to me feeling nervous, anxious and upset as he wants me to agree to doing things then he becomes upset when he tries to do something and I reject him or go stiff and unresponsive towards his actions. I've been watching this site reading and seeing all stories and I'm happy that this post has things that describe and help me understand more then before.

Sex has always been strange I've never understood why people are so into it and why they find asexual strange for not having it. I agree sex is important to others but myself is nothing but a way to have kids (something me and my partner have had discussions about and neither side coming to a compromise)

sorry if I'm rambling on this. ^.^ I can compromised and have on many occasions but he explains he wants to make me feel pleasure which I've explain many times that there's no point because I just can't get into it like him(he finds pleasure in giving me pleasure but is upset when he gets no reaction from me at all) Can anyone give any advice as I'm confused on what to do.

 First things first: You do not ever have to do anything you do not want to do. Your boundaries are valid and need to be respected. Doesn't matter how long you've been together or how much you love him, if he is asking for things that you are not comfortable giving and you have made it clear how you feel about it, you get to say "No" and that needs to be respected. Make sure that you're not the only one doing the compromising in your relationship- that gets old in any relationship very quickly.

Your partner may find these articles helpful:How to Have Sex with an Asexual (Spoiler alert: You don't expect it, and communication, communication, communication on *both* sides)

So You are Dating an Asexual Person

You may find it helpful to read The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker. Among lots of good info it talks about navigating asexual and allosexual relationships

Good luck

 

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Hello Icebearpanda, I completely understand and I have said no thousands of times to him, and every time i feel useless or stupid for not being able to understand what he wants from me or why he wants that. I'll show him these links hopefully they help thank you for sharing them, its a step in the right way if he takes time to read them. Recently he's been pushing more which is leading me to break downs and a state of panic and stress which only causes me to isolate myself even more, I have always been distance not really liking to be touch by anyone besides family, which he hates as he wants to cuddle and kiss me, anything sets him off into a horny mood and wanting sex.

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Icebearpanda
4 hours ago, DarkDragon said:

Hello Icebearpanda, I completely understand and I have said no thousands of times to him, and every time i feel useless or stupid for not being able to understand what he wants from me or why he wants that. I'll show him these links hopefully they help thank you for sharing them, its a step in the right way if he takes time to read them. Recently he's been pushing more which is leading me to break downs and a state of panic and stress which only causes me to isolate myself even more, I have always been distance not really liking to be touch by anyone besides family, which he hates as he wants to cuddle and kiss me, anything sets him off into a horny mood and wanting sex.

It sounds like you and your partner need to have a open discussion about what each of you wants, how you show affection and what you each want and need from a relationship. You say "if he takes the time to read" the articles I linked. If he's interested in being a good partner, then he's going to need to start thinking about how he can support you, and he may have to change his thinking about how he approaches expressing and wanting affection from you .Pushing someone to do or give more than they want to really isn't ok in any relationship and if he cares about you, he's not going to want to do that. I want to kiss my date but that's something that she has told me she is not ready for, and maybe she never will be. Is that disappointing? Sure, it's been a typical way I've expressed romantic interest in the past. Is it worth overruling her deal breaker because *I* want to do it? Of course not. Good partners don't want the people they love to be having panic attacks because of their behavior.  If you talk to him, and he still pushes for more, or if he's not interested in being more supportive, then you've got to consider what you need and whether that's the type of person who can provide it for you. Good luck. 

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we try to have a open discussion as you said but it doesn't work as he always goes back to the way he had thought about the situation, I'm not a touchy feely person and we are opposites, he is like a oven(body heat) and I'm always cold so I don't have prolonged contact with him due to it making me sick from the heat and we have spoken on this and he understands. I've read the articles and a few good points jump out to me and i think he will understand more when he reads these, as I've always shrugged his hands off me and told him not to touch places.

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  • 1 month later...

I did eventually leave my marriage. I used to "give" sex because I thought it was what people did. But ultimately that isn't satisfying for either. I realised that for it to work sexual needs need to be compatible or someone feels used and the other feels selfish. It's isolating being asexual, but that is even worse in a relationship that is not a true partnership.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 13/05/2017 at 10:12 PM, Rejection said:

I'm new to this. Recently married and am incredibly disappointed in his lack of desire. Sorry if I sound rude or insensitive. But feeling unwanted is killing me. How can anyone be asexual? I don't understand. Sexual intimacy is so important to me. Knowing he sleeps with me to just to keep me from feeling ridiculously horny all the time kills me. I wish I didn't want sex just so I don't feel the pain of rejection. 

Welcome to the club of the rejected. I am a young male who's wife seemed to click her fingers and turn off the sex tap. She's fine with it and she is also absolutely fine with the fact I am not ok with. The refusers could not give a shit and you will never be allowed to say or do anything about it because it is socially unacceptable to pressure someone for sex. And that is what all refusers will interpret you saying something as being...pressure. It's their natural go to defence mechanism because it is extremely extremely effective.

This leaves you with the option of suffering in silence and your silence will be interpreted by your refuser as proof that you don't have any concerns or issues with the lack of sex. In other words you are damned if you do say anything and damned if you don't. Do yourself a favour and have a private affair. Just don't get caught.

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7 minutes ago, James121 said:

She's fine with it and she is also absolutely fine with the fact I am not ok with.

I think that this is the major problem in your situation. Your partner doesn't seem to think that there's a problem, or she just doesn't care about the fact that there is one. This is something that needs to be addressed regardless of whether the issue is sex or any other part of a relationship. If one of the partners simply doesn't care about the other partner's problems, they won't be going anywhere.

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I left my marriage. As far as I know he has not found anyone else in 2 years and we still get on well.  As an (unknowing) ace I couldn't understand why sex was important but it wrecked my marriage. I think I can see now that it is a kind of glue that cements a relationship, but that kind of glue wasn't necessary for me.

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  • 4 months later...
On 14/08/2017 at 9:34 AM, alibali said:

I left my marriage. As far as I know he has not found anyone else in 2 years and we still get on well.  As an (unknowing) ace I couldn't understand why sex was important but it wrecked my marriage. I think I can see now that it is a kind of glue that cements a relationship, but that kind of glue wasn't necessary for me.

A better analogy is as follows:

 

A marraige is a chocolate cake. It tastes pretty good but alone it can be a little dry and maybe plain on occasions. Sex is that amazing chocolate icing that runs through the middle and covers the outside of the cake. It makes the cake that much more tasty, moist and sets the cake off beautifully. Without the icing it’s just.....a cake. Although the icing makes up a mere 10% of the actual cake, it’s what keeps it from being dry and a little boring.

No sex or a distinct lack of sex is equal to the icing being made with out of date ingredients. The icing is sour and can become quite foul tasting. Although the icing is still only 10% of the cake, it completely ruins the entire cake.

 

 

Unfortunately, unless you specifically state otherwise, people assume (quite reasonably) that they have a lovely chocolate icing covered chocolate cake. 

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I do “get” this.....

 

i got married to my husband 7 months ago. We’ve been together 15 years. Sex is now non existent and I’m desperate to find a compromise as I cannot help but blame myself for the pressure that my asexuality is putting on our marriage. My husband is so tolerant and to a point understanding but he has stated he wants a second life and I’m scared I cannot give him this 😞

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2 hours ago, Markyw said:

I do “get” this.....

 

i got married to my husband 7 months ago. We’ve been together 15 years. Sex is now non existent and I’m desperate to find a compromise as I cannot help but blame myself for the pressure that my asexuality is putting on our marriage. My husband is so tolerant and to a point understanding but he has stated he wants a second life and I’m scared I cannot give him this 😞

Did something change during the last 7 months? Or did he know well about your asexuality as you married. Did you discuss the options? You only have ONE life, but you have more than one option about how to continue. I would not shut down my sexuality, but if my wife says ‘no!’ Then it is first and foremost about whether she wants to be part of it or not. 

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1 hour ago, MrDane said:

Did something change during the last 7 months? Or did he know well about your asexuality as you married. Did you discuss the options? You only have ONE life, but you have more than one option about how to continue. I would not shut down my sexuality, but if my wife says ‘no!’ Then it is first and foremost about whether she wants to be part of it or not. 

I’ve only just started to look into my asexuality. When we first got together we had a sex life. I have to say that how I viewed our sex life was different to my husband. I do want to find a compromise for both of us. Having read around asexuality I can see how it really fits with me but being married makes it far more complicated. 

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1 minute ago, Markyw said:

I’ve only just started to look into my asexuality. When we first got together we had a sex life. I have to say that how I viewed our sex life was different to my husband. I do want to find a compromise for both of us. Having read around asexuality I can see how it really fits with me but being married makes it far more complicated. 

I dont like the word ‘compromise’! It sound like meeting in the middle and nobody gets what they want. And what is the compromise between ‘never want/need it’ and 3 times a week and hugs/kisses/cuddles/sweet words on the side? 

 

I use: mutual agreement. And personally I try to shift focus from ‘sexy sex’ to ‘massage with a happy ending’. We have tried to take out sex in the daily life and thereby the stress on my ace wife, where she could worry where a hug could take her. Better to have it in a agreed upon schedule. 

 

Been with wife for 20+, she has been asexual/aware that she actually never wanted/desired sex for the last couple of years. So at least 15+ without realizing.

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10 minutes ago, MrDane said:

I dont like the word ‘compromise’! It sound like meeting in the middle and nobody gets what they want. And what is the compromise between ‘never want/need it’ and 3 times a week and hugs/kisses/cuddles/sweet words on the side? 

 

I use: mutual agreement. And personally I try to shift focus from ‘sexy sex’ to ‘massage with a happy ending’. We have tried to take out sex in the daily life and thereby the stress on my ace wife, where she could worry where a hug could take her. Better to have it in a agreed upon schedule. 

 

Been with wife for 20+, she has been asexual/aware that she actually never wanted/desired sex for the last couple of years. So at least 15+ without realizing.

Thank you for your reply. It has really helped. It’s difficult but you’re right a mutual agreement does feel better. I also need to talk more about all of this as not talking is not helping... 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 8/13/2017 at 6:54 PM, James121 said:

Welcome to the club of the rejected. I am a young male who's wife seemed to click her fingers and turn off the sex tap. She's fine with it and she is also absolutely fine with the fact I am not ok with. The refusers could not give a shit and you will never be allowed to say or do anything about it because it is socially unacceptable to pressure someone for sex. And that is what all refusers will interpret you saying something as being...pressure. It's their natural go to defence mechanism because it is extremely extremely effective.

This leaves you with the option of suffering in silence and your silence will be interpreted by your refuser as proof that you don't have any concerns or issues with the lack of sex. In other words you are damned if you do say anything and damned if you don't. Do yourself a favour and have a private affair. Just don't get caught.

I understand you are bitter. I understand you are angry. I understand that it can be hard to reconcile feeling guilty for what you cannot change which for you, is your desire for sex.

 

Now please understand that this kind of post is why I hated myself for the first year of my relationship and why I left this forum. I was pressured into having sex the first time, as are many women asexual or otherwise. I wasn't ready. My partner thought it was ok to continue to pressure me after I repeatedly said I didn't want to because I'm asexual and he'd never get any otherwise. We have since worked past this, but it's through open communication and respect of our boundaries that we do this. Not through him pressuring me when I don't want to do something. If your partner isn't attracted to you and you're unhappy you can leave. There are a million other people who will be sexually attracted to you for you to fall in love with. You'll be fine. Nobody is obligated to have sex with you nor are you obligated to stay with someone if you are unhappy with them. Years ago this post would have hurt me deeply. Today, I am not hurt. I am only tired.

 

Many of us do not know we are asexual before we get into relationships or get married. Many of us do not have the language to understand. We do not know we're different because most of us have always been this way. Many of us think if we play the part, attraction will come. Many of us think we are broken. And many of us have been taught by people saying this kind of thing that we are not valid. We do not deserve our partner's understanding. Our partners are 'trapped' in a relationship with us. It was this kind of thinking that destroyed my relationship, not the lack of sex. It was the constant feeling of guilt for something I cannot control, and the constant feeling that I HAD to do something I was deeply uncomfortable with. I left because this was crushing me. We got together again only after I regained my confidence, and you know what? I don't feel sorry for him for being with me anymore. He chooses to be here. Make your own choice.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself because your partner isn't exactly how you thought they would be. This happens whether your partner is asexual or not. If you are upset that you come into a forum, victimize yourself, tell people to cheat on their partners and try to make villians out of a group of people who many of are still learning to understand themselves, don't act shocked when people don't agree with you. 

 

You are welcome here, but your words are not. I do not appreciate you coming to a thread speaking out against blaming your partner only to encourage self-victimization and blame. I do not know if you will receive my late reply but I hope you find some peace in your bitter life, my friend.

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6 hours ago, Ilovecake said:

I’m not sure how you can not know that you didn’t want to have sex with your partner at the point you married them. If I was in a relationship and sex was an expectation, I would leave. 

I assumed sex was part of a relationship. Just not something I wanted. I assumed that I would feel differently over time. It wasn't for lack of trying. If at first you don't succeed try try again. It didn't work.

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22 minutes ago, Ilovecake said:

I see. I suppose looking at it from the other side, you could understand a sexuals frustration and resentment as they would see this as a massive gamble that they weren’t aware they were taking or consulted about. Unless they are told outright before the wedding.

I had an active sex life before and after the wedding. I just did it cos you are supposed to. I had no idea that there was such a thing as asexuality. I thought I just had a low libido. But had sex anyway.

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21 hours ago, Ilovecake said:

Did you know that you didn’t have the desire for sex going in to the marriage?

I didn't know that desire for sex was a requirement either for marriage or a sex life. I thought not desiring sex was normal for a woman actually.

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Why would family or friends tell me.....lolol I became an adult in the early 80s....ha ha ha. Sex education was all about the practical. How not to get pregnant or get diseases. No one really talked about it. I was 52 before any woman told me she was unhappy about losing her sex drive because of the menopause. It was a lightbulb moment!!

 

But to be honest I don't see it as a shame. I may have had a single life uncomplicated by sex, but would have had a very different life and I wouldn't have had children. In many ways I had a good relationship with my ex until resentment about sex reared its ugly head for both of us. It's all a journey.

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