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Ciri

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Ciri

So today we're gathering for our first Sex Anonymous group. The first part of solving your problem (in this case asexuals thinking asexuals don't like sex), is to admit you like sex.

I will go first.

Hi, my name is Ciri and I like sex. I have been asexual since conception but still enjoy a bit of nooky now and then.

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5_♦♣

Hi, I'm clubs. You may remember me as (5 of) diamonds. I had sex once; it was boring and awkward, but I wouldn't mind having sex again at some point.

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Guest member25959

Hi, my name is Arca, and I have to say... I'm not a very irritable person (okay that's an outright blatant lie, it's 340°C and I'm 3 years old) but if there's anything that really irritates me, it's the assumption that you simply cannot enjoy any aspect of sex and be asexual =P

I can sympathize with mistakes, misunderstanding and bad wording... but outright claiming that one is not asexual, because they've shown an interest in sex or claim so? Come on, guys

It's this sort of attitude that lead to the creation of spin-off forums like Apositive

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Serran

I personally don't like sex, but that is more my complete lack of libido than anything else. Of course you can be asexual and enjoy sex though.

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Mapleleaf

Hi, I'm Maple, and I sometimes like some aspects of sex. ^_^

Most of the time I don't give a rip about it though. But being ace and enjoying sex are not mutually exclusive. :)

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shockkkk

Any link to where someone said you can't enjoy sex and be asexual?

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Fitzsimmons ♡

Any link to where someone said you can't enjoy sex and be asexual?

Link

:p

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shockkkk

Any link to where someone said you can't enjoy sex and be asexual?

Link

:P

Hmm I don't frequent chat very often. Its just that I haven't seen much of this opinion on this forum or in other asexual groups.

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Philip027

I know what inspired this topic and because it's a subject that hits close to home for me, I feel compelled to respond in the hopes that it helps paint a picture of what it's like from the other side of the fence.

Thing is, I think it's just really jarring to some people when they finally come across a site like this and think they've FINALLY found a reason for their absolute disinterest in sex, only to find out that that reason actually has (at least, inherently) nothing to do with their disinterest in sex because they are encountering people who claim to be asexual and yet definitely still have an interest in sex. So now they once again feel like they do not have an explanation for how they are. They feel lost again.

That's my guess, anyway. I don't know how it is for all these other people, but I can say how it feels for me: I've gone through life ever since the teenage years feeling like a social outcast due to my numerous oddities, but this is obviously one of the bigger oddities. I come across asexuality and this site, and at first I feel like I've found an online community that I can actually relate to in some way... but then after spending enough time here, I realized that when it comes to myself, asexuality only paints a very small portion of the picture. I go a lot beyond that -- I am nonlibidoist, and completely obtuse when it comes to pretty much anything sexual. While there are a considerable number of asexual people here, most are not as oblivious or disconnected as I am, and because of this I often feel like I still can't relate to most people here.

I'm not going to try to defend anyone who was being dickish about the whole thing (I don't advocate that kind of thing either) but again, just wanted to paint a better picture of what it can be like for people like me who show up here, initially feel like "wow, I actually feel like I belong here!" only to later feel like "ok, wow, I actually kinda don't..."

I could segue this into my usual argument of how I think the asexuality label (in the context that is used by this site) means so little in the grand scheme of things to the point where I almost think it doesn't need to exist, but that's a story for another day and another thread. Not gonna go and defend/pursue that kind of thing here.

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vcat

I admit it! We're all sexaholics attempting to treat ourselves with asexuality! :o

The point of this topic wasn't that asexuals can't like sex - it's just a joke!

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Master Ghost

I like sex.

Kiryu~

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Serran

I know what inspired this topic and because it's a subject that hits close to home for me, I feel compelled to respond in the hopes that it helps paint a picture of what it's like from the other side of the fence.

Thing is, I think it's just really jarring to some people when they finally come across a site like this and think they've FINALLY found a reason for their absolute disinterest in sex, only to find out that that reason actually has (at least, inherently) nothing to do with their disinterest in sex because they are encountering people who claim to be asexual and yet definitely still have an interest in sex. So now they once again feel like they do not have an explanation for how they are. They feel lost again.

That's my guess, anyway. I don't know how it is for all these other people, but I can say how it feels for me: I've gone through life ever since the teenage years feeling like a social outcast due to my numerous oddities, but this is obviously one of the bigger oddities. I come across asexuality and this site, and at first I feel like I've found an online community that I can actually relate to in some way... but then after spending enough time here, I realized that when it comes to myself, asexuality only paints a very small portion of the picture. I go a lot beyond that -- I am nonlibidoist, and completely obtuse when it comes to pretty much anything sexual. While there are a considerable number of asexual people here, most are not as oblivious or disconnected as I am, and because of this I often feel like I still can't relate to most people here.

I'm not going to try to defend anyone who was being dickish about the whole thing (I don't advocate that kind of thing either) but again, just wanted to paint a better picture of what it can be like for people like me who show up here, initially feel like "wow, I actually feel like I belong here!" only to later feel like "ok, wow, I actually kinda don't..."

I could segue this into my usual argument of how I think the asexuality label (in the context that is used by this site) means so little in the grand scheme of things to the point where I almost think it doesn't need to exist, but that's a story for another day and another thread. Not gonna go and defend/pursue that kind of thing here.

Phil - I can relate to that. I am much like you in terms of that. I am also non-libidoist and have no aesthetic attraction. I do feel kind of left out a lot because so many asexuals masturbate, watch porn, find people attractive and even enjoy the act of sex. And I don't share any of that. But, I am so used to being the odd ball it doesn't bother me too much. And I can accept that there are many flavors of asexuals just like any other label doesn't mean everyone is the same. :)

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Calla

Hi, I'm calla, and I thoroughly enjoy sex. While I have been celibate for the past 4 years, I was active for 10 before then. And I tried a lot of stuff. And most of it was good. I have a pet peeve against stubborn chat shenanigans and sometimes it takes a great act of will to not drop a perversion bomb on the place, but so far so good.

I currently identify as gray because, while I enjoy a variety of sexual experiences:

  • Most of this is motivated out of intellectual curiosity and biological release rather than attraction.
  • I can go without relatively easily.
  • I'm particular about my partners in a way I haven't even been able to decode yet.

Everyone has their own experiences and their own path to figuring themselves out. Mine has been confusing too. Figuring out my romantic identity is making my brain and heart hurt right now. I'm happy to talk about anything like a grown up. Just no tantrums please. :cake:

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Philip027

Phil - I can relate to that. I am much like you in terms of that. I am also non-libidoist and have no aesthetic attraction. I do feel kind of left out a lot because so many asexuals masturbate, watch porn, find people attractive and even enjoy the act of sex. And I don't share any of that. But, I am so used to being the odd ball it doesn't bother me too much. And I can accept that there are many flavors of asexuals just like any other label doesn't mean everyone is the same.

I am certainly used to being the oddball, but it's still nice to find a place where I didn't have to feel like the oddball, you know?

It was therefore subsequently saddening to realize that, even at that place, I still feel like the oddball after all.

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Janus DarkFox
Hay, I'm PDT and I absolutely don't mind sex regardless of whats underneath, well hay, I haven't had nor plan to do so. I do have more obstacles to overcome than most, but I really don't care either way :)

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🎄Ryan🎄

Never had sex. I know nothing about my feelings one way or the other on the actual act, but asexuals can like sex. Also some asexuals can dislike sex, both are equally valid and should be respected. Just to be clear, there is a difference between someone saying in chat "I am asexual, and I really can't stand sex" and someone saying "I am asexual and every asexual hates sex" I have seen some people get misunderstand when talking about their own personal feelings.

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Vrenn

Having been present for the discussion that I assume sparked this, I can safely say that the latter is what was being implied. There's a difference between disliking the act of sex and outwardly showing disdain for sexuality and sex in general. I've got my own reasons for not really pursuing a sex life, not least of which being that I'm a creepy bastard, but I am completely sex-positive and think that everyone should be free to pursue whatever they want in the privacy of their own homes/hotel rooms/brothels/casual hookup locales of choice so long as nobody else is hurt and all involved are adults mentally capable of consenting. I am not hung up on labels and what they mean, and will never for the life of me understand why some people react so violently when they see what they percieve to be 'their' label being threatened. I won't lie, I've not been here long and that attitude has made me halfway consider retreating back to the corners of the internet I kept to before and just holding my opinions to myself, but I think that as long as I'm going to use this word I should at least do my part to keep it from being a beatstick of dumb to club other people over the head with until they think EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS I DO ABOUT GENITALS.

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Aqua-ace

Sounds like I missed out on a lot! With people feeling like 'their' label is being threatened may be that labels give a sense of belonging, and a person doesn't want their sense of belonging being threatened. Also, sometimes people take labels too seriously, but you all knew that already.

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Kisa the Maccabee

I'm one of those weird gray-a people.

Even when I don't experience sexual attraction I can enjoy sexual activity (the act is boring but aftersex cuddles are just...AMAZING, and there are other sexual things that I've found enjoyable as well).

Anyway that's what I gotta offer in this thread

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The Great WTF

Hi, I'm the obnoxiously sex-positive and pro-mixed relationships creature known as WTF and I find sex all sorts of amusing and fascinating. Half-dead libido means I don't get much physical pleasure out of it, but damn it's fun trying to see what kind of reactions I can get out of my partner.

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen

Hi, I'm you*hear*but*do*you*listen, and I made love to my non-ace partner several times while we were still together and it was lovely. My current girlfriend and I are both ace, but there has definitely been some incidental tribbing that sort of happened while we were exploring her kink for being bitten, and then it was less incidental.

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Mezzo Forte

Hi, I'm Musette, and I used to assume that I was sex repulsed but realized that I don't know how I would actually react to sex. Under the right circumstances, there is a chance I would consider trying it, though I can't say I know what those circumstances would be and I don't have much of a reason beyond a minor curiosity to really motivate me to find those circumstances. I'm incredibly sex positive and see no reason to judge others for how interested (or not interested) they are in sex itself, regardless of orientation.

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MXC

Phil - I can relate to that. I am much like you in terms of that. I am also non-libidoist and have no aesthetic attraction. I do feel kind of left out a lot because so many asexuals masturbate, watch porn, find people attractive and even enjoy the act of sex. And I don't share any of that. But, I am so used to being the odd ball it doesn't bother me too much. And I can accept that there are many flavors of asexuals just like any other label doesn't mean everyone is the same.

I am certainly used to being the oddball, but it's still nice to find a place where I didn't have to feel like the oddball, you know?

It was therefore subsequently saddening to realize that, even at that place, I still feel like the oddball after all.

I'm grey, I've enjoyed sex in the past, probably would not mind in future, and I do feel the same as you sometimes. In some ways we are all oddballs especially putted in a big community like this one.

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Calligraphette_Coe

The really beautiful thing about the concept of anonymous sex for asexuals? You can keep them sooo sure that you're having sex with everyone but them without the need to hide the incriminating evidence. :)

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CBC

Any link to where someone said you can't enjoy sex and be asexual?

Link

:p

I have nothing to say other than OH GOD, YOU LINKED ME TO CHAT. I am terrified of chat. Chat rooms in general, actually. I've only ever been in AVENchat once... when Zoids was the only other person in there.

I shall go cry now. Thank god I got out of there ASAP. :P

(In case it's not obvious, my specific brand of social anxiety means I'm terrified of talking to people online in real time -- unless I already know them really well -- but not nearly as afraid of conversing with them via forum posts. Yep, I'm a special one...)

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I'm Great Thief, and I don't know what the hell I am anymore, but I'm somewhere on this little scale, and I'm deeply fascinated with sex. I tried it once, and it was a great sensual (not sexual) experience, and I'd like to try it again to see if it can be better another time when I'm not paralysed by nerves or in pain. Plus, I still can't get over his face. I like the idea of making people look like that. :3

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fuzzipueo

Hi, I'm fuzzipueo and though I've never had or wanted sex myself, if you want to do the horizontal mambo, I'd say go for it. (Just ... don't tell me the details. :o :D)

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aliceaway

Hi, I was sent here from my recent 'am I asexual' post here where I wonder whether I can be asexual and love (not tolerate, love) sex. It seems I can! And do! I agree that this is kinda a topic that is brushed under the rug..I found no information of this til coming here (even after having read the AVENwiki and FAQ) to this thread. I'm so glad to see I'm not the only asexual who enjoys sex!

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labskeleton

Hi Kirby here am I am completely repulsed by the idea of being inside another body. If someone could please tell me what is so great about it? Because it makes me sick to my stomach to think about having someone's bodily fluids on me. Sex is gross and meaningless.

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