-possible trigger- Am I reading too much into this?

[sound_the_bugle]

I honestly have no idea where this goes.

I have a terrible back. So I go to a chiropractor, and that chiropractor has two in-house massage therapists. The female one I've had once (I liked her. A lot.) but the male one I usually have, and had for probably about a year and a half now. In the beginning, nothing worried me about it. I'm probably too open with my body, so having him give me a full body massage when I was virtually nude really didn't bug me. And, in the beginning, his work loosened my muscles incredibly. He worked out most, if not all, the knots.

Lately, I feel like something's changed. It's been very gradual, but I'm not getting as much benefit muscularly from the massages as I used to, and instead, I've begun to feel... kind of uncomfortable with the whole thing. It seems like he spends more time on my lower back, right above my ass than any other part of my back. When he is on my upper back, his hands have found themselves lower on my sides and brushing my boobs (which I'm lying on, so they're squished, but my boobs aren't exactly small, so you could hit the sides of them in this manner). When he's working on my legs, I feel like he's spending more and more time on my upper thighs, and sometimes he gets so far up them that I feel my pelvic muscles tighten reflexively. And - and this one takes the cake - this last time, he was leaning over my body, standing on my left and getting the muscles on the right, in such a way that I kept feeling his crotch hit my elbow.

I'm really starting to feel uncomfortable. The thing is, I need the chiropractor, and the massages used to help a lot. I'm considering asking to switch to the female masseuse on a permanent basis, but I feel like that might be awkward, especially if the chiropractor asks why. Also, I only go every other week, and after May, I'll pretty much be out of state, almost permanently. The way here has, as I said, been very gradual, so I don't know if it's even really happening, or if it's just my imagination. I don't know what to do.

Sorry for the long post, but I don't even know how to do a TL;DR for this.

[Kaillem]

Hmmm. Here's the way I see it ...

Regardless of whether this is "actually" happening, you are now uncomfortable with the male masseuse. It seems to me that when you're uncomfortable--especially in the way that you described--that you start getting tense and anxious, which is probably to opposite of what the massage is supposed to do for you (I've never had a massage, so feel free to correct me). So, as things stand, the male masseuse is no longer contributing to your treatment--he is hindering it (once again, this is regardless of whether he's doing stuff on purpose or if it's all in your head). And, if he's hindering your treatment, then the discomfort he is causing you stretches much longer than your massage duration--you're literally feeling his impact every time you use your back. On those grounds alone, you should consider asking to have the female permanently.

As for what to say if you're asked why you want to change ... you could just say that the female masseuse helps you relax a bit more. You could say that you've become uncomfortable with the guy, but not go into any details. You could say that the guy's massages used to help, but their effectiveness has declined and you would like to see what happens if you go to the female masseuse. All of these things seem to be true (from reading your post), and you wouldn't have to get the guy in trouble if you didn't want to.

That said, if you think these awkward massages are on purpose, and that he's coming on to you, and that you're not imagining it, you really need to tell someone at the office. He should not be working in a therapeutic environment if he's doing that. And, he could be doing it to others.

I know it might be tempting to just suck it up and keep quiet since you're going to be gone after May. But, really, you shouldn't have to deal with a situation that makes you uncomfortable (especially in this way) for any amount of time. You need to do what's best for YOU and to help YOU function with your back.

My two cents. :) Good luck with this!

[Kagon]

That sounds extremely awkward. I'd suggest asking for the female masseuse...if asked why just state that the massages aren't helping like they used to and you wanted to see if the other masseuse has more success in bringing you the relief you had in the beginning? If you're going to be out of state, it might be worth it to see if he has recommendations for other chiropractors in the area you're moving or to find one there anyway, but *even if* the situation with your current masseuse were imagined, I would think the discomfort it would cause would affect the benefit you get from your sessions. No reason to deal with that until you move out of state.

But...yeah. That's just kind of creepy. I'm not a massage specialist by any means, but perhaps if you had more tension in those areas it would make sense that they would receive a lot of attention....otherwise, I'm not sure what to say. If you were confident that it was happening, I'd DEFINITELY suggest bringing it up to the chiropractor...so he's aware in case other people report issues. If you're reasonably sure, still might be worth it. But, the line I suggested above is the best way I can think of to address the issue without causing a fuss...so to speak.

[Philip027]

I'm sure this is a super common sort of issue (even if the masseuse in question isn't even trying to do anything *bad*), but yeah, you're supposed to feel comfortable when you have procedures like that done. If you're not comfortable, they aren't going to have their intended effect, as you yourself have stated. So I would speak up about it somehow.

I'm sure this is a kind of issue that masseuses and even standard doctors are taught to anticipate or otherwise deal with in schooling/training, sorta like how male gynecologists will have to learn to deal with the fact that not all females would want to have a male gynecologist.

[Sally]

Ask to see the female masseuse. I doubt if the chiropractor will mention it to you, or even know about it. I think it would be awkward if you said anything about how you feel to anyone. If it were a case of an obvious sexual move, yes, but this sounds kind of ambiguous.

[sound_the_bugle]

Thank you for the suggestions! I think I will ask next time if I can switch. I really don't know if I'm imagining it, but I thank all of you for considering both possibilities. Because it is (as Sally said) rather ambiguous, I don't think I'll tell my chiropractor about it. I considered doing so, but I don't know that he means to, and I know other people who have used the same masseuse (male and female) and none of them have mentioned anything, so I want to believe it's just my imagination. I also do have the entirely legitimate and real excuse that I feel like I haven't been helped as much lately, and changing masseuses might help.

Thank you again!

[NotAllHere]

I would tell the chiropractor WHY you want to change. Maybe you are imagining it, maybe not, but just in case you are not, you need to tell. If all the clients are like you, and think they are imagining it or don't want to cause ripples, he could be doing it to everyone and nobody would be wiser. A lot of people who *do* do creepy things like that expect nobody to feel brave enough to accuse them. They want people to believe it's their imagination- that's how they get away with it! And you don't want to find out the hard way that it wasn't in your imagination.

Don't worry about getting this man in trouble; worry about yourself and others who are at the mercy of this man. For a report like this, he'll probably just get a talking-to, which will be beneficial if he was unaware of his actions. If he was actually doing something, well, then the main man has a report, might be keeping a more-watchful eye, and if other patients come forward, this man will have a record of doing this.

I see no downside to telling why, and plenty of reasons for doing so immediately.