Jump to content


The Sex Talk

  • This topic is locked This topic is locked
34 replies to this topic

#1 AppleEye


    Amoeba Colony

  • AVEN Members
  • 105 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Cleveland
  • A/Sexuality:Heteromantic Asexual

Posted 26 March 2013 - 07:23 PM

So, my 2 friends who did not get a sex talk from their parents have been telling me that me getting "the talk" is what made me asexual and give me a sexual phobia.


Which really pisses me off. First off, yea, I might be a little scared of sex, but it's just a little, nothing like a phobia. Second, I assume most people get that talk, or at least half of people or something. Before they told me, I thought pretty much everyone did. Also, I think I would find sex more upsetting if it wasn't explained to me so carefully.


Who here had the talk from their parents and who didn't? How do you think this effected you?

#2 The Great WTF

The Great WTF

    Causer of horrible fairy genocides

  • AVEN Members
  • 7,273 posts
  • Gender:Tomboy
  • Location:Buried in a pile of plot bunnies
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual

Posted 26 March 2013 - 07:27 PM

My mother was too embarassed/ashamed/something (she still won't tell me) to give me "The Talk", she just threw a "your body and you" book at me, but my brother (who has kids my age) was more than happy to when I called him complaining about it. I was a curious little problem, so I spent the better part of two weeks calling him and asking him random awkward questions, so clearly it had no negative effect on me.


I highly doubt getting "The Talk" will affect one's sexuality. Sure, a bad talk will probably lead to someone being scared to have sex or ashamed of masturbating or something if they have no other information to go off of and their parents gave them bad information, but it's certainly not going to make someone asexual and there are plenty of people who have gotten the "Don't have sex you'll get pregnant and die" lecture and are still perfectly happy and willing to have sex at every available opportunity. My partner's one of them.


Edit: Yeah... run-on sentence is run-on. I'm too lazy to fix it right now. Imagine a period in there somewhere.

We invite you to join the <span style='color: rgb(0,0,128)'><a class='bbc_url' href='http://thegreatwtf.w...ss.com/'>A/SexyTango</a></span>, aka The Great WTF's asexual/sexual relationship blog. Warning: Snark ahead.

#3 Messen


    The Awesome One

  • AVEN Members
  • 901 posts
  • Gender:Genderless
  • Location:Somewhere up there
  • A/Sexuality:Androfantasyfeeling Asexual

Posted 26 March 2013 - 07:39 PM

Haha! I sometimes wonder where people get their ideas from xD 

I never had a sextalk with my parents, in sweden kids kinda learn by themselves when they reach an age where things start to spread.. For my age group it started when I was 9, every1 fooled around talking about sex and "making out" etc. Then school had sexual education lessons for 11 year old kids and 14 year old kids, tho those talks are not very informative, the early one is mostly to describe puberty and other one to describe diseases and protection etc.

I wonder how usual it is that kids and parents have sextalks in my country... Never heard any1 mention it.

#4 NoName95



  • AVEN Members
  • 65 posts
  • Location:East Coast, USA
  • A/Sexuality:Aromantic Asexual

Posted 26 March 2013 - 07:56 PM

I never had the sex talk. I was given a bunch of books to read, but I didn't actually understand it until I accidentally came across a graphic sex scene in a story when I was 13. I knew that sex existed but I had absolutely no clue what it was. I don't think this affected my sexual orientation at all. If anything, I became more curious about sex, not afraid of it (although I'm somewhat repulsed by it).

#5 iamtheeyesinside


    Junior Member

  • Members
  • 15 posts
  • Location:Minnesota
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual...not sure on the romantic bit

Posted 26 March 2013 - 08:54 PM

I got the whole "don't have sex before marriage it'll ruin your life and you'll die pregnant and alone and unloved" speech when I was...11? 12? I don't remember. It was some weekend retreat thing that my mom and I did that came with a bunch of object lesson/activity things. I don't think it really had any impact on my asexuality, I kinda remember not understanding why it was such a huge deal to emphasize that sex was "bad" when I wasn't interested in it or in anyone anyway, and kinda just assumed I wasn't old enough yet but would need to know it someday.

#6 Tenebre



  • AVEN Members
  • 458 posts
  • Location:USA
  • A/Sexuality:Questioning grey-biromantic/Asexual

Posted 26 March 2013 - 09:32 PM

My parents never officially gave me a 'talk' about it but my mom would read me basic kids' books about sex from a pretty early age and then made sure older kids' books were left around as I got older. Growing bodies were brought up as appropriate and my mom has given me plenty of opportunities to say I want to start birth control pills (leading to me giving her a 'why would I want to do that?' face every time) so sex isn't that taboo in my family. I'm still asexual and it's not a fear of sex.

#7 Ryo of the Inferno

Ryo of the Inferno


  • AVEN Members
  • 1,165 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • A/Sexuality:Heterosexual

Posted 26 March 2013 - 09:46 PM

Wrap your tool is the only advise my parents gave me. No joke. lol


They basically knew that i knew what sex was so they didn't need to explain anything, other than use protection.

#8 Evriol


    Junior Member

  • Members
  • 21 posts
  • Location:Germany

Posted 26 March 2013 - 10:48 PM

I've never gotten the sex talk by my parents. However, here in Germany we have a huge emphasis on sex education in school. I think it started with a cartoon in fourth grade and then later on in middle school every second year, we would devote some lessons to it in biology classes (the extend might differ from school to school). We talked about everything from primary and secondary sexual organs and how the menstruation cycle works (and what to do when it kicks in) through to different kinds of contraception. And then there's of course the internet. I think I know more than enough about sex, though more on a scientific interest level. Never did it strike me in class or outside of class to actually involve myself in a sexual act with another person and I really do not think the (not) sex talk had any influence on my sexuality.

#9 JGR


    Mega Mitosis

  • AVEN Members
  • 273 posts
  • Gender:What dat?
  • Location:Hold on while I check my GPS...
  • A/Sexuality:Ace

Posted 26 March 2013 - 11:01 PM

I got the talk when I was 14, because my parents were going to send me to high school (I was homeschooled before) and they wanted to make sure I could keep myself safe. It was done in a very, uh...*neutral* way. Like they didn't actually focus on the moral/social/whatever implications of anything, just the biological mechanisms of pregnancy and whatnot.


I don't remember if I'd already had a (vague) idea of how sex worked before that. At any rate I didn't get "curious" about sex until college, and even then only in an abstract/academic/FYI way, like "how do other people do it?" and "what are the different ways people can do it?" etc. I'm still not interested, and I'm pretty sure "THE TALK" did nothing to turn me off or traumatize me, lol.

<a href="http://mypersonality...o/juligrace2013" target="_top"><img src="http://badges.mypers...0/24/245407.png" alt="Click to view my Personality Profile page" border="0" /></a>

#10 PerfectlyDarkTails


    At Least I'm Still Perfect...

  • AVEN Members
  • 5,959 posts
  • Gender:Agender - Sex: Male
  • Pronouns:He - They/Them
  • Location:Wales, a wonderful place to live!
  • A/Sexuality:Aromantic Asexual - Bi & Fetishist

Posted 26 March 2013 - 11:14 PM

I never got the sex talk, the only thing I learned was from poor Sex Ed in school and more recent self teaching after discovering asexuality such as LGBT issues and such. I find that it was due to the lack of sex ed, was partly the source of most of the repulsion, learned a bit more and I'm indifferent and prepared for whatever happens.

#11 Palovana



  • AVEN Members
  • 3,058 posts

Posted 26 March 2013 - 11:35 PM

I never had "the talk" from my parents, and yeah, I'm asexual. Why don't you ask your friends what they think about all those people who were given "the talk" and are not asexual?

#12 RoL34


    That was the droid you were looking for

  • AVEN Members
  • 2,368 posts
  • Gender:she
  • Location:Somewhere in Hyrule
  • A/Sexuality:Lithromantic Ace

Posted 26 March 2013 - 11:35 PM

My parents cheated and got me amd my siblings a CD-ROM that explained all the bodily functions, including the reproductive system. So I had a very clinical view on sex, I never even connected romance or passion to it until high school. I don't think it really had any influence on my asexuality

#13 Mysticus Insanus

Mysticus Insanus

    A Hollow Shell-don

  • AVEN Members
  • 8,121 posts
  • Gender:Gemini, with Sagittarius rising
  • Pronouns:they
  • Location:The Moon

Posted 27 March 2013 - 02:31 AM

Grew up in a family with two women in medical professions, so it seems kinda unsurprising that we kids got "the talk" rather early. I don't remember the exact age at which I got explained the anatomical-reproductive stuff (no birds and bees, ever - I still today don't get what those are supposed to have to do with human sexuality :lol: ) by my mother, but it definitely was well before the first sex ed class in school (and that one was in 3rd or 4th year elementary).


As for the "the talk makes you asexual"... well, my sis isn't asexual, and got the talk at around the same age as me. I guess I don't have to look for to call the myth busted? ;)

  • Amedot likes this

Defining orientations by "attraction" is neither neccessary nor sufficient.


Therefore, I will not consider asexuality defined by "attraction" to be a valid orientation.

#14 RageofAnath



  • AVEN Members
  • 414 posts
  • Location:Massachusetts
  • A/Sexuality:Some kind of Ace

Posted 27 March 2013 - 04:22 AM

I got a couple talks at different stages in development. The first was when one girl in my troop started talking about sex at a meeting in third grade, and I didn't know what she was talking about. When we got home I got the first version of "the talk", earlier than my parents imagined it. My opinion then is that it was grossssss I'm never doing that ew and my parents said "you won't think that way forever!" I got some more advanced versions of 'The Talk' later and my opinion took a very long time to change from ew to meh.


#15 Cozen


    Junior Member

  • Members
  • 14 posts
  • Location:Utah
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual

Posted 27 March 2013 - 06:44 AM

I never got the sex talk. But I don't think that getting it would have affected me in the least. I have never been interested in sex.
Your two friends seem silly for thinking that. ^_^

  • Rawrgurr likes this

#16 Amedot



  • AVEN Members
  • 3,296 posts
  • Pronouns:She / Her
  • Location:Vancouver, BC
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual Lesbian

Posted 27 March 2013 - 07:13 AM

I grew up with a basic knowledge of sex, rape, and everything else... even safer alternatives to penetrative sex. I think I had my official birds-n-da-bees talk when I was around 6.

for the satisfaction of bringing it to completion:
do mi so ti

#17 Harriet



  • AVEN Members
  • 54 posts
  • Gender:Genderless
  • Location:New Zealand
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual

Posted 27 March 2013 - 07:29 AM

I got The Talk when I was about 11-12, but I already knew most of the stuff that mum told me from school. It wasn't even awkward because my family has always been quite open about sex / sexual health, and I really doubt that it made me ace because it wasn't negative at all. My mum just put quite a bit of emphasis on making sure I was ready for sex and that I knew I could always talk to her.


Damn. . . I just realized how awesome my mum is

'There's no time for romance, we have shit to avenge'

#18 nateoke



  • AVEN Members
  • 61 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Christchurch
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual

Posted 27 March 2013 - 09:58 AM

I never got the talk, and I'm asexual. I don't know why my parents never did, I can't imagine my mum would be too embarrassed to do so. I think my parents always thought I was a sensible child and would never do something I would regret. Besides, my sex ed classes were good enough.

#19 ithaca


    AVEN unofficial archivist

  • AVEN Members
  • 20,298 posts
  • Location:London, UK
  • A/Sexuality:Labels are for soup cans

Posted 27 March 2013 - 04:47 PM

Moving this thread from Asexual Q&A to Asexual Musings and Rantings.

Posted Image Posted Image Posted Image Posted Image

"Are women human yet? If women were human, would we be a cash crop shipped from Thailand in containers into New York's brothels? Would we have our genitals sliced out to purify us (of what?) and to bid and define our cultures?"
-Catharine MacKinnon-

#20 Guest_member25959_*

  • Guests

Posted 27 March 2013 - 07:17 PM

At least your parents don't joke about sex at the dinner table... in a restaurant

#21 Ciri


    Patron Saint of 'That Escalated Quickly'

  • AVEN Members
  • 3,325 posts
  • Gender:Cactus Transbread
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual Sandwichromantic

Posted 27 March 2013 - 07:27 PM

I never got the sex talk. I learnt about sex stuff through friends. My maths teacher tried giving me the talk cause he thought I was hormonal when I was just...ok yeah I was hormonal but I trashed that room for a reason lol.

My mother was going to book a hotel room for her a my dad recently, my reaction: "Ew you still do that?" (Not sex repulsed, just parents sex repulsed). My dads reaction was: "but what will we do there?" Haha.
Sex is like tuna. Tell me I can never eat it again and oh well. I can still make a variety of other dishes.

#22 5_♦♣


    Sexy & Precise Timenerd

  • AVEN Members
  • 26,875 posts
  • Gender:Woman
  • A/Sexuality:Q of Hearts

Posted 27 March 2013 - 07:39 PM

My mom is like WTF's mom. I guess she was too embarrassed to talk about it. *Shrugs*.

For cars she couldn't care less. Fastidious and precise-Queen.  


"Without death all we have are random events, accumlation. You can't call that life"-CC.


Also known as: 5DC, 5, DC, DCC, Diamond(s), Club(s), CC, C2, CCCD, CD, CoD, 5d, 5oD, Clubsie, Clubbles.


Call me Cookie and you die-Me paraphrasing Dot somewhat.


#23 storminateacup



  • AVEN Members
  • 492 posts

Posted 27 March 2013 - 07:53 PM

So, my 2 friends who did not get a sex talk from their parents have been telling me that me getting "the talk" is what made me asexual and give me a sexual phobia.


Which really pisses me off. First off, yea, I might be a little scared of sex, but it's just a little, nothing like a phobia. Second, I assume most people get that talk, or at least half of people or something. Before they told me, I thought pretty much everyone did. Also, I think I would find sex more upsetting if it wasn't explained to me so carefully.


Who here had the talk from their parents and who didn't? How do you think this effected you?


How would getting the sex talk make you asexual? Thats ridiculous. I think my parents got as far as explaining about having a period but thats about it. I'm assuming it would have gone further but puberty was a weird time for me and my body changed greatly in such a short period of time so by the time I actually had a period I was so exhausted from so much change that I didn't want to know anything. I vaguely remember asking my mother what rape was when I was eight and I think I startled her because I never got an answer.  

“I still have so much fear of my sexuality. I hope to someday produce something to honor my sexuality, but right now, my relationship with my sexuality is colored by how other people respond to it, which I distrust greatly - Kristen Kosmas, excerpted from Inga Muscio’s Cunt




#24 Vampyremage


    A-Grade AVENite

  • AVEN Members
  • 4,885 posts
  • Gender:Agender prefer they/them
  • Location:Vancouver, Canada
  • A/Sexuality:Panromantic

Posted 27 March 2013 - 08:29 PM

Sex and sexuality were topics that were discussed freely and openly in my household.  Thus I never had 'the talk' because it was a gradual and more encompassing conversation.  Essentially, there was no need to have a specific talk because it wasn't a taboo subject growing up.  If I had questions, I was free to ask questions.

Shiny new blog I've started.
Musings and Rantings of Vampyremage

#25 Batman's Ace

Batman's Ace


  • AVEN Members
  • 4,412 posts
  • Gender:Pteridophyte
  • Location:Sitting in the Sleestak temple with a banjo and a pink chicken
  • A/Sexuality:i-give-up-mayberomantic asexual

Posted 27 March 2013 - 11:47 PM

I never got the talk, but I read a lot, including flipping through an anatomy book, which had a simple localized line drawing of the basic idea. Most of the stuff surrounding it, like developing physically, I initially learned about from reading the Tamora Pierce series "Song of the Lioness".

Don't you wish you could escape a gas-filled death trap by cutting through the door with a welding torch you happen to have tucked in your belt, while breathing through a candy thermometer?


I'm a Christian. It's an important part of my identity, and I'm not going to hide it. I know that you believe what you believe, and I don't expect you to act like you believe what I believe. I can still like you and be nice to you, and I try to make that a habit. Kindness in return is not required, but is appreciated.

#26 asexypickles


    Junior Member

  • Members
  • 13 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Massachusetts
  • A/Sexuality:Some kind of heteromantic asexual, still figuring it out.

Posted 28 March 2013 - 01:48 AM

My family has always been very open when talking about sex. My mom gave me the talk the second she found out I liked boys, and keeps telling me before I try anything with a boy to come to her first.


But now as I'm getting older I feel like she's getting frustrated yet because I haven't come to her yet about anything because quite frankly I don't plan to ever. lol She keeps urging me to go on BC incase an "accident" happens but I don't feel a need to.


And I think my asexuality came up once when we had the talk, but she just keeps telling me "you're just a late bloomer" or "maybe you like girls. just remember I love you no matter what"

#27 Significant Form

Significant Form

    Amoeba Colony

  • AVEN Members
  • 196 posts
  • Gender:Genderless, Gender Anarchist (any/all pronouns accepted)
  • Location:Atop a thin layer of stone and sediment floating on hundreds of thousands of cubic miles of molten rock and metal
  • A/Sexuality:Asymmetrical asexual

Posted 28 March 2013 - 03:39 AM

Never had the talk. Interestingly, when I came out to my dad he asked whether perhaps I would not have turned out ace if he had given me said talk. As I explained to him, it probably would only have made me repulsed rather than ambivalent :P

#28 Snow Owl

Snow Owl

    Snow owl

  • Moderators
  • 7,796 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Pronouns:She/her/whatever
  • Location:U.S.
  • A/Sexuality:No desire for any sexual activity, including solo. Given up labels.

Posted 28 March 2013 - 04:37 AM

I got the talk ... oh hm. I don't remember. Very early my Mother explained the basics, I was allowed to watch adult movies (like action/scifi stuff) and some had sex scenes. Around nine I got the "what 69 means if someone ever asks" etc talks. I was told to wait until marriage, or until I was 80, because my Mother didn't want to be a grandmother (and still doesn't) but she was never that serious - she even gave me lingerie when I started dating at 15. At 16 I talked with her about the difference between natural and condom feel in sex, with my then bf also in the car, he was not very comfy and went a bit red. Sooooo yeah, doubt the talk made me ace. I experimented based on the info more than I may have otherwise.
    “I mean, as a man and a woman love.”
    He took a breath. “And how is that?”
    “I mean . . .” It half-angered me that he pretended not to understand me. “For bedding. For . . .”
    “And is that how a man loves a woman?” he interrupted me suddenly. “For bedding?”
    “It’s a part of it!” I felt suddenly defensive but could not say why.
    He arched an eyebrow at me and said calmly, “You are confusing plumbing and love again.” Robin Hobb - Farseer Trilogy
It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences. - Audre Lorde

#29 Rawrgurr


    Junior Member

  • Members
  • 21 posts
  • Gender:wizard
  • Location:Century City

Posted 28 March 2013 - 05:34 AM

I never got the sex talk. But I don't think that getting it would have affected me in the least. I have never been interested in sex.
Your two friends seem silly for thinking that. ^_^

lol I feel the same way. No interest at all. I remember thinking I don't really care this is boring, hurry up and finish. HURRAY!!!!time to go play outside.

#30 TeddyMiller


    Too Asexy for this Site

  • AVEN Members
  • 667 posts
  • Location:New York City

Posted 28 March 2013 - 07:52 PM

The closest I ever got to a sex talk from my parents was being told that it wasn't like in "Catcher in the Rye".  And as I wasn't actually the one who'd been reading "Catcher in the Rye", I didn't get much out of that.   

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users