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What asexuality is not.


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anon_anonymous

By broadening the definition to include a lack of desire for partnered sex, you're opening the door to celibate/repressed sexuals claiming to be Asexual.

heh. and anxious people and depressed people and and and...

celibert means that you are resisting. repssion means there are unconcious processes at work that prevent something becoming conscious [note the difference with suppression - which is deliberate - i think].

anyway, i see no reason to think that "repression" in this sense is somehow phony or whatever - except in popular parlance when the individual is consciously doing so.

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By broadening the definition to include a lack of desire for partnered sex, you're opening the door to celibate/repressed sexuals claiming to be Asexual.

and only them??

No, as it was pointed out here. We list only a few reasons, but there are many others and personal choice of not having sex is certainly important to be distinguished from asexuality :)

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anon_anonymous

By broadening the definition to include a lack of desire for partnered sex, you're opening the door to celibate/repressed sexuals claiming to be Asexual.

and only them??

No, as it was pointed out here. We list only a few reasons, but there are many others and personal choice of not having sex is certainly important to be distinguished from asexuality :)

of course, no. there is no mention of "reason" - you list these things that are not asexuality though

• A hatred of sex

• Sexual repulsion

• The inability to become aroused or to feel sexual pleasure

• A feeling of discomfort during acts of intimacy or sex

• Feeling nervous or fearing sex

• Lack of libido

• Chastity, Celibacy or Abstinence

i don't think i can relate to any of these at all. perhaps lack of sexual desire should be included in that list??

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anon_anonymous

By broadening the definition to include a lack of desire for partnered sex, you're opening the door to celibate/repressed sexuals claiming to be Asexual.

and the word "innate" or something similar and you just won't - i mean anyone is free to lie about their sexual attractions, too.

or simply "involuntary" - not by choice. i guess you may open to door to people that claim "god has emptied me of sexual desire!" buuuuuuu

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• A hatred of sex

• Sexual repulsion

• The inability to become aroused or to feel sexual pleasure

• A feeling of discomfort during acts of intimacy or sex

• Feeling nervous or fearing sex

• Lack of libido

• Chastity, Celibacy or Abstinence

i don't think i can relate to any of these at all. perhaps lack of sexual desire should be included in that list??

Lack of libido is lack of sexual desire.

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Lack of libido is lack of sexual desire.

Depends on what you mean by "sexual" in this context. Someone who masturbates (even very occasionally) is obviously not lacking in libido, but they can certainly be completely lacking in sexual desire the way that term has mostly been used in this thread (that is, desire for sexual contact).

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Lack of libido is lack of sexual desire.

Depends on what you mean by "sexual" in this context. Someone who masturbates (even very occasionally) is obviously not lacking in libido, but they can certainly be completely lacking in sexual desire the way that term has mostly been used in this thread (that is, desire for sexual contact).

Depends on how you define/classify desire as in sexual desire. I classify it as a physical feeling, not a wish for something with someone, and I've seen if bracketed with libido often on AVEN.

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Lack of libido is lack of sexual desire.

Depends on what you mean by "sexual" in this context. Someone who masturbates (even very occasionally) is obviously not lacking in libido, but they can certainly be completely lacking in sexual desire the way that term has mostly been used in this thread (that is, desire for sexual contact).

Depends on how you define/classify desire as in sexual desire. I classify it as a physical feeling, not a wish for something with someone, and I've seen if bracketed with libido often on AVEN.

I'd classify the physical feeling as libido, and the wish as desire... and there's worlds between those two, in my own experience.
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I'd classify the physical feeling as libido, and the wish as desire... and there's worlds between those two, in my own experience.

I would say the desire or longing is the mental part of it.

Both coexist and sustain each-other but they are not the same.

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anon_anonymous

• A hatred of sex

• Sexual repulsion

• The inability to become aroused or to feel sexual pleasure

• A feeling of discomfort during acts of intimacy or sex

• Feeling nervous or fearing sex

• Lack of libido

• Chastity, Celibacy or Abstinence

i don't think i can relate to any of these at all. perhaps lack of sexual desire should be included in that list??

Lack of libido is lack of sexual desire.

i disagree - you are certianly wrong if by libido you mean the capacity to engage in autoerotocism.

it seems pretty unassailable, the fact that many people can do so, without wanting sex.

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anon_anonymous

e.g.

Levine suggests that sexual desire has three components which link several different theoretical perspectives together.[6]

  1. Drive – The biological component. This includes anatomy and neuroendocrine physiology.
  2. Motivation – The psychological component. This includes the influences of personal mental states (mood), interpersonal states (e.g. mutual affection, disagreement), and social context (e.g. relationship status).
  3. Wish – The cultural component. This considers cultural ideals, values, and rules about sexual expression which are external to the individual.

one can then have "drive" without the motivation to engage in sex.

• A hatred of sex
• Sexual repulsion
• The inability to become aroused or to feel sexual pleasure
• A feeling of discomfort during acts of intimacy or sex
• Feeling nervous or fearing sex
• Lack of libido
• Chastity, Celibacy or Abstinence

which is not any of those things. you could i guess explain away [in pop psychological terms] any lack of motivation with those concepts and concepts like it, but on the assumption that some people are simply born and develop so that they have less desire [?], i think that it should be made clear that asexuality is also not lack of desire.

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Yeah but some asexuals enjoy sex too.

yes but they don't desire sexual interactions for the sex itself even though it can be pleasurable.

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anon_anonymous

Yeah but some asexuals enjoy sex too.

sure. i am not sure what you are replying to or what point you are making though? that asexuality is not lack of desire for sex?

fwiw i have enjoyed sex, a lot, i just don't want sex with the people that i meet. you can ask "if you enjoyed it before why don't you want to do it again" but human psychology isn't that simple and you have no evidence for it being so. lack of motivation is not always fear, or repulsion, or self control etc., simply because people do enjoy things without necessarily being motivated to do them again.

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Oh god, don't talk to me about psychology for at least another two months. >.<

I'm saying agree with Doppel.

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anon_anonymous

I'm saying agree with Doppel.

on what? i haven't disagreed with anything in the OP.

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I know some asexuals who seek it out.

This may upset some people, but if an asexual can seek out sex because they desire sex, than the term asexual basically loses all practical value. If I went up to a random person on the street and told them I am asexual but I seek out sex because I like sex, nobody is going to me seriously. Moreover, they'll wonder how asexuality is different from any other sexuality, and wonder why people even bother calling themselves asexual. Then they'll wonder why every asexual they end up with doesn't want to have sex with them. I also agree with whoever said this thread needs to collect dust on page 35.

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it seems pretty unassailable, the fact that many people can do so, without wanting sex.

My first reply.

Second was aimed at LaFemme.

I know some asexuals who seek it out.

This may upset some people, but if an asexual can seek out sex because they desire sex, than the term asexual basically loses all practical value. If I went up to a random person on the street and told them I am asexual but I seek out sex because I like sex, nobody is going to me seriously. Moreover, they'll wonder how asexuality is different from any other sexuality, and wonder why people even bother calling themselves asexual. Then they'll wonder why every asexual they end up with doesn't want to have sex with them. I also agree with whoever said this thread needs to collect dust on page 35.
Dude. That's probably because you aren't asexual, like you said you don't identify with they label you use it for convenience.
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it seems pretty unassailable, the fact that many people can do so, without wanting sex.

My first reply.

Second was aimed at LaFemme.

>>>

I know some asexuals who seek it out.

This may upset some people, but if an asexual can seek out sex because they desire sex, than the term asexual basically loses all practical value. If I went up to a random person on the street and told them I am asexual but I seek out sex because I like sex, nobody is going to me seriously. Moreover, they'll wonder how asexuality is different from any other sexuality, and wonder why people even bother calling themselves asexual. Then they'll wonder why every asexual they end up with doesn't want to have sex with them. I also agree with whoever said this thread needs to collect dust on page 35.
Dude. That's probably because you aren't asexual, like you said you don't identify with they label you use it for convenience.

Yeah because they're really going to be able to know if I'm asexual, gray-A, or sexual by looking at me. Besides if a "true asexual" told some random person they were asexual but had sex because they loved having sex they would get laughed at too. But whatever, you're obviously not interested in having a real conversation about this.

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anon_anonymous

I know some asexuals who seek it out.

This may upset some people, but if an asexual can seek out sex because they desire sex, than the term asexual basically loses all practical value. If I went up to a random person on the street and told them I am asexual but I seek out sex because I like sex, nobody is going to me seriously. Moreover, they'll wonder how asexuality is different from any other sexuality, and wonder why people even bother calling themselves asexual. Then they'll wonder why every asexual they end up with doesn't want to have sex with them. I also agree with whoever said this thread needs to collect dust on page 35.

i have no opinion on this.

i am simply concerned by the propagation of the myth that low sexual desire equates to anxiety or repulsion or self control, or whatever. unless you want to define "anxiety" as simple disinclination to do something.

ciri i don't understand what i have said you disagree with etc..

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anon_anonymous

i mean i haven't had sex in ten years, of course i'm gonna be nervous about it.

does that mean that fully explains a lack of interest in sex? no, that is simply lazy pscyhologizing. i think most sexuals know that sexual desire is multi-faceted and can't be fully explained, let alone with the sort of qualities listed in the OP, which reads more like an advert for your psyshcological superiority than anything else.

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I know some asexuals who seek it out.

When a person is seeking out sex for the sex itself then they are not asexual but sexual.

Maybe they do have an asexual/agender orientation but they are sexual.

Sexual orientation is not a synonym for sexuality. Asexuality is a non-sexuality.

That is also the symbol for asexuality (black). Sexuality (not sexual orientation, sexual orientation is of course included in sexuality) is white. In this white colour sexual orientations are included (kinsey scale) but asexuality is at the end of the spectrum as a sign for ''no-sexuality, without a sexuality etc.'' with black. Because reality is not black and white but rather a running into on another spectrum there is gray. For people who are non-sexual but not completely or with exceptions.

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Guest member25959

I know some asexuals who seek it out.

This may upset some people, but if an asexual can seek out sex because they desire sex, than the term asexual basically loses all practical value. If I went up to a random person on the street and told them I am asexual but I seek out sex because I like sex, nobody is going to me seriously. Moreover, they'll wonder how asexuality is different from any other sexuality, and wonder why people even bother calling themselves asexual. Then they'll wonder why every asexual they end up with doesn't want to have sex with them. I also agree with whoever said this thread needs to collect dust on page 35.
So basically, "Stop using the asexual label for the sake of greater recognition". Great idea! Lets continue to feed the growing stereotype that asexuality is basically a dislike of all things sex-related, take this approach and cut out the asexuals who do seek sex

Okay, thanks

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I know some asexuals who seek it out.

This may upset some people, but if an asexual can seek out sex because they desire sex, than the term asexual basically loses all practical value. If I went up to a random person on the street and told them I am asexual but I seek out sex because I like sex, nobody is going to me seriously. Moreover, they'll wonder how asexuality is different from any other sexuality, and wonder why people even bother calling themselves asexual. Then they'll wonder why every asexual they end up with doesn't want to have sex with them. I also agree with whoever said this thread needs to collect dust on page 35.
So basically, "Stop using the asexual label for the sake of greater recognition". Great idea! Lets continue to feed the growing stereotype that asexuality is basically a dislike of all things sex-related, take this approach and cut out the asexuals who do seek sex

Okay, thanks

Lack of desire for sex with another person =/= dislike of all things sex related. When will you people realize this?

Besides I still contend that asexuals who seex out sex because they like sex are fundamentally no different than a large subset of sexual people. The only difference is that they choose to call themselves asexual.

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This thread is now so snarled (which is appropriate "thread", I guess) that it can't go forward in any semblance of...um, threadness. Shifting metaphors, it is now a cluster-f*ck.

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I know some asexuals who seek it out.

This may upset some people, but if an asexual can seek out sex because they desire sex, than the term asexual basically loses all practical value. If I went up to a random person on the street and told them I am asexual but I seek out sex because I like sex, nobody is going to me seriously. Moreover, they'll wonder how asexuality is different from any other sexuality, and wonder why people even bother calling themselves asexual. Then they'll wonder why every asexual they end up with doesn't want to have sex with them. I also agree with whoever said this thread needs to collect dust on page 35.

So basically, "Stop using the asexual label for the sake of greater recognition". Great idea! Lets continue to feed the growing stereotype that asexuality is basically a dislike of all things sex-related, take this approach and cut out the asexuals who do seek sex

Okay, thanks

Lack of desire for sex with another person =/= dislike of all things sex related. When will you people get that through your heads?

Besides I still contend that asexuals who seex out sex because they like sex are fundamentally no different than a large subset of sexual people. The only difference is that they choose to call themselves asexual.

Sorry, who are you to tell us what asexuality is again?
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anon_anonymous

Sorry, who are you to tell us what asexuality is again?

he basically said in his humble opinion... who are you to define lack of sexual desire?

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I know some asexuals who seek it out.

This may upset some people, but if an asexual can seek out sex because they desire sex, than the term asexual basically loses all practical value. If I went up to a random person on the street and told them I am asexual but I seek out sex because I like sex, nobody is going to me seriously. Moreover, they'll wonder how asexuality is different from any other sexuality, and wonder why people even bother calling themselves asexual. Then they'll wonder why every asexual they end up with doesn't want to have sex with them. I also agree with whoever said this thread needs to collect dust on page 35.

So basically, "Stop using the asexual label for the sake of greater recognition". Great idea! Lets continue to feed the growing stereotype that asexuality is basically a dislike of all things sex-related, take this approach and cut out the asexuals who do seek sex

Okay, thanks

Lack of desire for sex with another person =/= dislike of all things sex related. When will you people get that through your heads?

Besides I still contend that asexuals who seex out sex because they like sex are fundamentally no different than a large subset of sexual people. The only difference is that they choose to call themselves asexual.

Sorry, who are you to tell us what asexuality is again?

Well you're doing the exact same thing. Besides, considering this is a thread concerning what asexuality is it would seem obvious I'm going to give my opinion on what asexuality is.

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Member54880

Between asexuals and non-asexuals who seek out sex, is the distinction that asexuals don't seek sex for the sake of it, but for a secondary reason?

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