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Guest Scarlet Spider

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Guest Scarlet Spider

So as i've stated here before (numerous times) i have a crush on a girl i met last semester in my Spanish class. Well anyway, i asked her out last December and she said yes. Since then we've been on several dates and hangout often, but the problem is we're still not dating. ;(

She is still not ready to date me yet but we're constantly going out on dates, talking to each other, and i've even told her basically how i felt about her. I imagine she feels the same way but she just hasn't said it yet, to her, she expresses a lot of her feelings through gesture, not words. So often shows her affection for me by being with me in person, and doing things with me, since she knows that she is the one that makes me happy and vice versa. I have been able to get slightly closer to her though (since the last topic i made about this), so now i've been walking her to her car more often and giving her a hugs goodbye before she goes home, after her last class at night. My concern is that since we're not dating she'll eventually talk to someone else or stop liking me all together, i realize it sounds stupid but it's a fear of mine. Technically since we're not dating we're both single, which means women still talk and flirt with me, and i imagine guys still talk and flirt with her, i guess i just hope she never gets asked out. I know it's probably my fears getting to me but it really sucks, and the reason it bothers me so much is because she was really close to her previous boyfriend and they sorta tried going out again, but while she was still talking to me (shortly after i asked her out). Apparently they hung out again and when she told me they were hanging out and i sorta got mad (really mad!), so one night they got into a huge fight and he told her he never wanted to see her again and blah blah blah, well anyway she told me all that and said she was really sorry she started talking to him again, especially while she was talking to me (since she still really liked me). Anyway, we made up and let all of this go behind us (i could explain it in far greater detail but it would be considerably long). I guess my point is that if she (while we were talking and wanted to date one another) started talking to her ex while we were talking, then i'm afraid she might talk to anyone while were NOT dating and something might happen, idk, that whole fiasco just made me fear her being with someone else. I knew her ex would make her feel like crap and break her heart again, she told me that night that she cried after he kicked her out and from then on she wanted to basically be with me, and this was all a few weeks ago (Feb 5th to be exact, that night we spoke about it).

Since then we've been on several other dates. We went out sledding on the day after her birthday, and then went to the park, so that was nice. We also went out again on V-day. I was really surprised she asked me out that day since i've never been out with anyone on V-day before, apparently neither has she. :o It really surprised me since she had two boyfriends in the past, but she had mentioned that she broke up with them before V-day so she never went with anyone before. It was really nice though, we had dinner that night and then we went to see a movie. I was really hoping to kiss her that night after our date but i didn't. Oh yeah, that's another issue, i'll often get upset when i think i've missed a chance to do something for her. When i thought i missed a chance to kiss her that night i got upset and it really made me feel bad, i thought i messed up and that i'd never have that chance again. But apparently she told me the next day that it was "the best valentine's day ever", i thought "huh, seriously?!" She actually had a great time and she loved the flowers i got her earlier that day at school. Oh yeah, she also made me some cookies and wrote me a poem for V-day, when i read it i just melted, it was so sweet and very heartfelt, much more than she might think. I can tell that our "bond" or whatever you wanna call it is strong because she's made a lot more progress i guess though in wanting to date me. Whenever she talks to me she flirts much more than she used to, she'll smile and jokingly touch or pat my arm every so often, or like the other day she was trying to play footie with me under the table, which was surprisingly hot for some reason (probably because she is too). But anyway, she still doesn't know when she'll be ready to date, or make whatever we have official. She mentioned that she wants to take things slow and she likes the pace we're going, but i guess i just want things to really work out, she's the first girl i ever had the courage to ask out, go out with (never been on a date(s) before), and she would also be my first real girlfriend, first real relationship. I know i can be a better boyfriend than the last two guys, she's told me i've done more than enough for her already and she wants to be my girlfriend, but we'll take it slow. I can take it slow if it works out. Tbh i'm trying as hard as i can to be patient but it's getting harder lately, i either think about something going wrong, or something actually does go wrong, and i don't have the best luck (imo). >_>

There is one reason in particular why i say i don't want what happened with her ex to happen again and that's because for one whole week i'll be overseas, so anything can happen and it scares me. I'm going to Greece in March (15th-24th) and while i'm away i'm afraid she might talk with her ex again (unintentionally), i'm not saying he'll try and get back with her but i'm not saying he won't either, he's kind of a dick imo. Which is why i stress wanting to start a relationship sooner with her, because if he knows we're dating then he might respect that and keep his distance from her. Sure, he said he didn't wanna see her again but he might change in the next few weeks, i mean, we all attend the same college for crying out loud. What scares me about her, is the fact that it's always an "ex" of hers that gets in my way, even on our very first date she said: "Ok, don't get mad, but me and Brandon (her first ex) were planning on getting back together", and i thought wtf! She told me in confidence of course (so i wouldn't tell my friends, who also knew Brandon) but the fact remains, if she said yes and dated her first ex i would've never been able to go out on that first date with her. And then there's ex #2, Zach, he was the jerk she dated off and on twice. They constantly fought and then broke up, he was the one who she told me she went to see over the weekend (which pissed me off). Which is why i'm sorta glad he broke her heart and hurt her because if they got back together i would've never went out with her on V-day, or any other day for that matter. *exhales* I know, my story is kinda long, sorry! The reason ex number two is worse is because she saw him and then hung out, but she told me she said she loved him and they were gonna make it all work out, luckily they fought that night and the next night she told me about it (which is what made me angry and depressed), but she said she was very sorry and hoped i'd forgive her one day, so then we went out the next night and made up. Anyway, i still wait for the moment when i can kiss her, or she'll wanna kiss me. I don't wanna miss that opportunity (it'll be my first kiss), not to mention it might make it easier to start our relationship once we've shared a "moment", in a sense.

I think i've fell in love with her, which is why i'm so attached. I met her last semester in my Spanish class and i knew i wanted to be with her the moment i laid eyes on her. She was shy at first until we started talking. She's the one who basically changed me (my personality), i never used to be like this, the idea of relationships, love and all that other stuff used to bother me, and i thought wasn't for me, until i fell in love with her. For reference sake i'm 22 and she just turned 20.

Anyway, that's my story. So yeah... thanks for listening and feel free to comment, give me advise, or just applaud me for enduring it all. lol

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The Great WTF

I'm moving this thread to Asexual Relationships.

The Great WTF

Off-A Moderator

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Sometimes, it takes a long time for some people to begin dating someone. To some people, getting into a relationship is a commitment, and a risk to getting your heart broken again. I think you're being a gentlemen, from reading your perspective.

I heard that girls like it when guys make the first move? I can't tell you if this is true, because I don't like guys 'that' way and I made most of the first moves on my GF. Still, putting everything on the line, and kissing her... It was the scariest moment of my life but totally fuckin' worth it, excuse my language. Be prepared to take a risk!

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Guest Scarlet Spider

Thank you! That means a lot, i try really hard to act in a very dignified manner around her. Of course we both still end up acting silly and making jokes around one another, but alas she still finds i'm good company to keep around, and vice versa.

She does, i think. She told me she was really really excited the night i first asked her out, she told all of her friends and she wouldn't shut up about it while talking to them, she had really wanted me too and felt so happy once i asked her that night. Tbh being as far as i am right now with her it's all new to me, so i'm doing the best i can, since i've never been this close to anyone before in my life. :o

And oh yeah, that's what scares me the most. I don't wanna lean in for a kiss and have her reject me, that's the worst fear that replays in my mind over and over. I sorta don't wanna have to either, i wanna try doing it while standing up (that's what she said hahahaha!~), you know, when i hug her and we both look into each other's eyes and then slowly come closer to one another, then BAM! It happens. lol

I could always lighten my load by making it easier. If i say goodbye one night i could simply kiss her on the cheek, you know, something just subtle enough to show my affection without her getting the feeling that we're "moving too fast".

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As I say in all your threads - relax and breath! If she is hung up on her exes, you two becoming "official" will be no security. Guys, in general, don't follow a honor code of "oh she is dating someone" especially if he is a jerk like you say he is. You will just have to trust her. And it may end badly for you, or it may not. That is part of relationships... in the end we can only trust that they love us enough to be loyal if we are mono. It sounds like she likes you and you are being respectful, if I were in her shoes I wouldn't be worried about an ex.

As for kissing her... if she is wanting to go slow, that can be tricky. But, read her body language and if she seems open, go for it. At the worst she could say too fast, lets wait. At the best, you two could have a first kiss. Or you could say something like "I want to kiss you" and see what she says.

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There's always going to be a risk of rejection, and there's always going to be the risk of her cheating on you if you do become a couple. That's the thing with relationships.... they're risky! It's really scary to be so close and vulnerable to someone, especially when it's your first time feeling this way. Still, that makes it all the more better when it all works out.

Haha, I had plans for me and my GFs first kiss... Yeaahh, I ended up filling up on liquid courage and basically mouth-raping her without warning in my intoxicated state. Sooo not the romantic gesture I had planned out. Still, it worked out in the end :)

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Guest Scarlet Spider

Ok, i like the advise given so far, it's greatly appreciated just to let the two of you know.

And speaking of kissing, she wants me to go ice skating with her this saturday, of course she wants to make it a double date or bring friends this time, but hopefully that will still end well, i'm not very good at Ice Skating but apparently she is. :huh:

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