What does it feel like to have a male or female gender?

[Talia]

I'm agender and it's kind of on this continuum where some days I am completely, rigidly, uncompromisingly, agender, and then on the other days I don't mind being referred to using female pronouns (but it's still not me... it's just not... 100% wrong, but it's not right either).

I was talking to someone who mentioned that they just "feel" a certain gender and "know" what they are. I love to write and since some of my characters are inevitably going to be male or female I would really appreciate it if people could just share how they experience their male or female gender. Or both genders. Or how they "know" (but not too far into genderqueer as there is a pinned sticky for that already ^^). It also might be interesting for other people in general too.

As much detail as makes sense to you would be awesome. <3 Even moments or stories where you just really felt, yourself, and that was attached to a gender, would be great.

[.//]

I wish I could help... But my queerness makes it difficult to really differentiate between my feelings.

Hopefully someone will be able to explain the whole thing to you. :D

[Arctic Fox]

What?? I always just assumed I was male because, err... I have the guy stuff. It's like asking me how I experience my hair ... I'm starting to wonder now if I could be a girl after all. I mean, I haven't thought about it a lot, but I do prefer to hang around with girls, and maybe I don't punch things enough either?

[Veeri]

It's not something Cis people think about a lot, I think. Me, I'm a biological female. I'm a tomboy, and like a lot of stereotypically masculine things. But just because I don't get manicures doesn't mean I'm not a girl, and I even enjoy girly things sometimes, and hanging around my female friends. Girls get to actually decorate themselves a little, and get cool hairstyles and interesting clothes, while it seems like guys have to conform more with a typical hairstyle and more boring clothes if they want to be employable. :P And girls get to carry around all of their stuff in a bag! I don't know how guys go without that. (Actually, I do. It's the reason their jeans are so baggy.)

So I just kind of know. I may be able to change my own flat tire, and may currently have short boy-like hair. But I was born female, and I'm happy female, and it's just something I take for granted. I don't think hard about it hardly at all, and I think it's the same way for most cis people. I know a few transgender people who are always deeply troubled by gender, and that's something they worry about every day of their lives, and I feel bad for them. I just haven't ever had that problem.

[Tanwen]

It's sort of difficult, well never really thought much about it, don't think much about having blue eyes either.

I but I don't think I can add much more to it than veeri - who said just about everything I was going to. :)

[Cazz333]

For me, I feel a gut response. I know more like how a woman feels with her physical body than a male but on the whole I feel what it is like to be man save sexually. I don't et that anyways. I can't relate to men completely but I can empathise with them more easily than other women, it's like temprarily I am them nad myself.

It's nebulous, I have got more comfortable with calling myself a woman but I still cringe at being called female. That hasn't gone away. I'm less gender dysphoric as I realise I can be more a good version of me rather than just a good woman- whatever people mean by that. The more I think about it; the more I find Society's hang up on gender stereotypes.

So in a nutshell, I stick with being a woman because I'm comfortable with the hormones, muscle structure, body parts; except breasts. If I changed I would be comfortable with the male body except I would miss being able to have periods,vagina and having a womb. I would miss that if I was a man. I miss as a woman having some more male attributes to my female ones.

That's how I identify as a male woman so to speak.

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

I wrote about this on tumblr, actually, so I'll copy and paste my questionings:

What does it mean to be a woman? I think that above question is the source of all my gender-based angst. What IS a woman? How do I know I am one or not?

Because obviously, you aren’t a woman by stereotypically acting “like a woman”. You aren’t a woman purely by being comfortable in a female body (seeing as there are plenty of transmasculine people who don’t medically transition). You aren’t a woman just by dressing as one. So what makes a woman a woman? Is it how you feel inside? But how can you feel like you’re a woman?

The same question applies to men, too. If I am androgynous, then I don’t think so because I happen to tick off all the male stereotypes.

I wonder this, because most of the time, I’m okay being seen as a tomboy. I don’t want to change anything medically. But does that really make me a woman when, on the inside, it’s just a little bit blank and neutral? I’m just…me, and I really don’t care for labels?

I think I’m going to settle the issue by claiming the gender and sexuality label of “Does Not Give A Fuck.” That’s my official title now, because honestly, I’ve stopped caring. The more I think it over, the more it hurts me. So I think I should stop trying, because I’m not sure that question is ever going to be answered for me, and I don’t think it’s ever going to go away.

Because I have no fucking clue. I'd like to know, too. I wrote the above when I was feeling more comfortable than usual with my body, which just made me think "Is it possible that I'm wrong?!". But yeah, I'll be a woman when someone tells me what the fuck that is.

[Janus the Fox]

Well... A bit of personal experiences wouldn't harm...

Though I am bio male, comfortable doing so with male pronouns, I really do feel the need to fit the 'male' gender in its entirety. Though I don't understand the social significance with gender as I couldn't relate to more or less any gender specifically.

It don't bother me if I had the different parts or whatever, also I find no need to appeal to others... Like masculine behaviours, looking masculine and such. I also view my own body as 'agendered' as it feels neutral in a way and oddly natural and happier not conforming to any stereotype in the physical sense.

I am autistic which may influence the decisions and such... But it don't matter to me really...

[Talia]

What?? I always just assumed I was male because, err... I have the guy stuff. It's like asking me how I experience my hair ... I'm starting to wonder now if I could be a girl after all. I mean, I haven't thought about it a lot, but I do prefer to hang around with girls, and maybe I don't punch things enough either?

That's how I started out too... I'm "biologically female" so I assumed for years well, duh, I have to be female... but then I realized I don't actually "feel female". How my body works has very little to do with how I feel, act, or live, so why should it define me? In fact, I feel less like me, when I'm defined by something that doesn't feel very much like me... if that makes sense lol.

It's not something Cis people think about a lot, I think. Me, I'm a biological female. I'm a tomboy, and like a lot of stereotypically masculine things. But just because I don't get manicures doesn't mean I'm not a girl, and I even enjoy girly things sometimes, and hanging around my female friends. Girls get to actually decorate themselves a little, and get cool hairstyles and interesting clothes, while it seems like guys have to conform more with a typical hairstyle and more boring clothes if they want to be employable. :P And girls get to carry around all of their stuff in a bag! I don't know how guys go without that. (Actually, I do. It's the reason their jeans are so baggy.)

So I just kind of know. I may be able to change my own flat tire, and may currently have short boy-like hair. But I was born female, and I'm happy female, and it's just something I take for granted. I don't think hard about it hardly at all, and I think it's the same way for most cis people. I know a few transgender people who are always deeply troubled by gender, and that's something they worry about every day of their lives, and I feel bad for them. I just haven't ever had that problem.

So to summarize (to make sure I understood it correctly) you were told you were female, never felt a need to question it, and are thus still female?

For me, I feel a gut response. I know more like how a woman feels with her physical body than a male but on the whole I feel what it is like to be man save sexually. I don't et that anyways. I can't relate to men completely but I can empathise with them more easily than other women, it's like temprarily I am them nad myself...

That's how I identify as a male woman so to speak.

So you feel like both, right? That's very neat. I appreciate the biological references.

I wrote about this on tumblr, actually, so I'll copy and paste my questionings:

Because I have no fucking clue. I'd like to know, too. I wrote the above when I was feeling more comfortable than usual with my body, which just made me think "Is it possible that I'm wrong?!". But yeah, I'll be a woman when someone tells me what the fuck that is.

LOL I adore you. That's often how I feel... like the woman part, whatever that magical... feeling like a woman is supposed to be, that's not me. Not at all. And I'd really really like to understand what makes someone feel like a woman (or anything).

Well... A bit of personal experiences wouldn't harm...

Though I am bio male, comfortable doing so with male pronouns, I really do feel the need to fit the 'male' gender in its entirety. Though I don't understand the social significance with gender as I couldn't relate to more or less any gender specifically.

It don't bother me if I had the different parts or whatever, also I find no need to appeal to others... Like masculine behaviours, looking masculine and such. I also view my own body as 'agendered' as it feels neutral in a way and oddly natural and happier not conforming to any stereotype in the physical sense.

I am autistic which may influence the decisions and such... But it don't matter to me really...

So to make sure I got it right again (yay for summary), you feel agender, but are comfortable with male pronouns?

[iff]

occassionally i've been mistaken for a female as in photos or over the phone (phone - once) or walking the dog (well that being mistaken for my mother. my theory being the person recognised the dog so assumed it was my mother)

i don't feel that i am a stereotypical male but then again who decides what a stereotypical male is? if we decided a stereotypical female loved watching soccer and bareknuckle boxing and that males didn't? that would make me a stereotypical male. terrible terrible example.

i don't feel discomfort being in a male body.

i really don't know what gender feels like.

i remember one thing at work, instead of saying the normal phrase "and i call myself a man", i said "and my passport says i'm a man". this provoked a laugh from one person and a "what?" from another colleague. the first understood what i meant in that i lack masculinity.

[Janus the Fox]

Well... A bit of personal experiences wouldn't harm...

Though I am bio male, comfortable doing so with male pronouns, I really do feel the need to fit the 'male' gender in its entirety. Though I don't understand the social significance with gender as I couldn't relate to more or less any gender specifically.

It don't bother me if I had the different parts or whatever, also I find no need to appeal to others... Like masculine behaviours, looking masculine and such. I also view my own body as 'agendered' as it feels neutral in a way and oddly natural and happier not conforming to any stereotype in the physical sense.

I am autistic which may influence the decisions and such... But it don't matter to me really...

So to make sure I got it right again (yay for summary), you feel agender, but are comfortable with male pronouns?

Yes comfortable with male pronouns, It's like a learning thing... since always being addressed with male pronouns... I never thought any different.

[Robin L]

For me, there seems to be a list of identities inside my head: Taiwanese, student, human, asexual (recently added)...

And somewhere on the list, is "male" (or sometimes female, depending on the circumstances). So it's a self-identity.

[Talia]

occassionally i've been mistaken for a female as in photos or over the phone (phone - once) or walking the dog (well that being mistaken for my mother. my theory being the person recognised the dog so assumed it was my mother)

i don't feel that i am a stereotypical male but then again who decides what a stereotypical male is? if we decided a stereotypical female loved watching soccer and bareknuckle boxing and that males didn't? that would make me a stereotypical male. terrible terrible example.

i don't feel discomfort being in a male body.

i really don't know what gender feels like.

i remember one thing at work, instead of saying the normal phrase "and i call myself a man", i said "and my passport says i'm a man". this provoked a laugh from one person and a "what?" from another colleague. the first understood what i meant in that i lack masculinity.

I don't know what gender feels like either... which I find so fascinating. There are so many male and female cisgender people out there... so one of them has to be able to answer what it feels like for me! Haha. So I hope.

For me, there seems to be a list of identities inside my head: Taiwanese, student, human, asexual (recently added)...

And somewhere on the list, is "male" (or sometimes female, depending on the circumstances). So it's a self-identity.

Do you ever actually feel "male" though? Or is it just how you identify? Like is there some feeling inside of you that you can notice (whether or not you can describe it, maybe it can't easily be described) that is specifically male, or female?

[Robin L]

For me, there seems to be a list of identities inside my head: Taiwanese, student, human, asexual (recently added)...

And somewhere on the list, is "male" (or sometimes female, depending on the circumstances). So it's a self-identity.

Do you ever actually feel "male" though? Or is it just how you identify? Like is there some feeling inside of you that you can notice (whether or not you can describe it, maybe it can't easily be described) that is specifically male, or female?

I feel gender the same way I feel nationality. Or I'm just a weirdo for feeling identity.

[Talia]

For me, there seems to be a list of identities inside my head: Taiwanese, student, human, asexual (recently added)...

And somewhere on the list, is "male" (or sometimes female, depending on the circumstances). So it's a self-identity.

Do you ever actually feel "male" though? Or is it just how you identify? Like is there some feeling inside of you that you can notice (whether or not you can describe it, maybe it can't easily be described) that is specifically male, or female?

I feel gender the same way I feel nationality. Or I'm just a weirdo for feeling identity.

Interesting... that helps a bit. I'm sure you're not a weirdo, identity is very very important. I have lots of identities I identify with, just gender isn't one of them and it's so abstract in my brain and one of those concepts I'm dying to understand because it's everywhere and it's like aaaaah why don't I get it heh.

By the same way you feel nationality, do you mean it's kind of an abstract concept you feel you belong to? Like a group you're a part of? Like... being in a club?

[Ravako]

Well, I can tell you what it was like growing up agender: I basically looked in the mirror and honestly saw someone who was neither male nor female. It's actually kind of strange looking back at old pictures of myself because I see a person who could never really be mistaken for anything but a girl, but all the same, the person who I am currently still looks in the mirror and wonders how anyone sees a full blown female. Sure, female characteristics like hips and chest, but my face looks kind of androgynous to me. Eh. Anyway, I remember wondering what made some relatives my "aunts" and some my "uncles," beside the fact my parents called them so. The idea of gender was never really intuitive to me. I remember trying to pee standing up at the age of like 4 and failing, but bolstering myself by saying I clearly just needed to grow up more. Peeing standing up was just a grown up thing I hadn't achieved yet.

Heck, I even gave myself a pseudonym that I used only with myself when I was in third grade. I felt my actual name was too overtly feminine and decided my new name would be a more ambiguous "Sam." I only used it in make-believe and in my written stories in school, however. I remember being put off by relatatives who acted surprised when I was interested in male things like hunting, motorcycles, and off-roading. I mean, I couldn't just like things because I liked them? Who decided what was male and so on? Jeez.

Then I had a university professor talk about being conscious of your gender because of doing mundane things like getting ready in the morning (something along the lines of "this skirt definitely compliments my femininity" or something. I don't know). Honestly, the concept STILL confuses me. I've only felt "conscious about" my sex, not my gender, and that's only typically when other people are taking notice or something. I asked her what she meant, and if she actually had meant "sex" rather than "gender" and she didn't. She tried to explain it to me by saying, "You know, when you put your earrings in and you feel you're doing it because you're female." Eh? No. I don't do it because I'm female. I wear earrings because I happen to like shiny dangly things. I also wear them these days because when I don't people look at me funny because my face and haircut are androgynous enough to make people uncomfortable. The earrings seem to make people quicker to categorize me into "female."

Anyway, gender is muddy and confusing. I only know I don't identify as female because my biology sometimes makes me uncomfortable, and I know I don't want to be male because I don't feel that would suit me any better.

[SpecialFXLady]

I'm a cis, hetero, woman but I've got a lot of masculine energy. So as a woman I don't look the way that society defines as feminine that often. I don't feel comfortable in clothes that society says are made for me a lot of the time. I'd say maybe 20% of the time and that is usually when I'm dressing up in a vintage dress. Modern clothing doesn't suit my figure as I'm curvy, have a beer belly, and am rather well-endowed. The activities that I enjoy have typically been reserved for men, the direct, straightforward and unapologetic way I prefer to interact with people society labels as masculine.

Despite all of this I describe myself as a woman. Why? Because I'm against gender roles. I don't bristle at the idea that I can be a woman with a lot of masculine energy and traits that have been socially defined as masculine. I've referred to myself as a guy or a dude in the past, but it's not something that I feel strongly about. I have the privilege of not being able to worry about it, so unfortunately I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that my experience as female hasn't really been rooted in any sort of 'typical' female experience, therefore, that is a version of what it 'feels' like to be female. I feel invisible a lot of the time as far as women go when I often the women talking about what it feels like to be a woman are women who are super into the gender binary and traditional gender roles.

[Notte stellata]

I feel gender the same way I feel nationality.

I think I feel the same. Neither gender nor nationality is an important part of my identity; I feel neutral about both and don't think much about either, but they're just "there", as a fact. When filling out forms I'm comfortable putting "female", just like I'm comfortable telling people where I'm from, although I don't have strong attachment to my country.

[icelloe]

I am female, but I am very masculine. Something about myself just feels more not male than actually female, but it doesn't bother me to be called with female pronouns where it would bother me to be called with male pronouns. This refernce would only be good for a musician, but I am the female trombone player who can out-blow the rest of the section who is all male. In short, I might be agender, but I was raised female and it doesn't bother me to have that as a label.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Yeah, I'm with a lot of the other folks here - it's mostly just something I am by default. Not something I actively think about.

I'm mostly fairly cisgendered in terms of how I look and carry myself, I guess, maybe slightly on the "soft" side. But it depends. If I don't shave for a couple of days and wear something like baggy cargo pants and a hoodie, I can come across like a more masculine hardcase type.

The big disconnect is in social expectations of gender roles. In many ways I'm pretty much genderless here. To the point that it actually means that I don't function well in traditional heteronormative relationships (and wouldn't want to, so it's a chicken and egg thing I guess, hehe). I have absolutely no sense of needing to "be the man" in a relationship, to the point that it frustrates more traditional women who actually desire a typically masculine/macho "take charge" kind of guy.

But anyway, yeah, mostly gender is something I'm not consciously aware of as a big part of my life. Just sort of a background thing that's there by default.

[.........................]

I... I don't know. I wear women's clothes (most of the time) and that's it. I guess. I mean, apart from feeling strongly about feminism (but, there are male feminists and agender/androgynous/gender-neutral, etc. feminists, so I don't know) , being female doesn't have much influence in my life. I'm not feminine in the classical sense... At all. And I reject concepts of femininity and masculinity. I guess I'm female because the world told me I am female.

[iff]

For me, there seems to be a list of identities inside my head: Taiwanese, student, human, asexual (recently added)...

And somewhere on the list, is "male" (or sometimes female, depending on the circumstances). So it's a self-identity.

Do you ever actually feel "male" though? Or is it just how you identify? Like is there some feeling inside of you that you can notice (whether or not you can describe it, maybe it can't easily be described) that is specifically male, or female?

I feel gender the same way I feel nationality. Or I'm just a weirdo for feeling identity.

nationality should probably be a separate topic.

previously i have wondered (and still do) on "what makes me irish?" the only answer i can come to is "that i was born here" but i don't think that's sufficient (especially once we took that out of our constitution) in that I don't feel a national. it just happens to be what's on my passport

although my post now ties into Talia's post 9 on this thread and my post 10. :)

[Notte stellata]

nationality should probably be a separate topic.

previously i have wondered (and still do) on "what makes me irish?" the only answer i can come to is "that i was born here" but i don't think that's sufficient (especially once we took that out of our constitution) in that I don't feel a national. it just happens to be what's on my passport

Yeah, I say I'm Chinese only because I was born in China and grew up there. Do I feel connected to the culture more than to other cultures? No. So for me it's pretty similar to being female: It's just an arbitrary fact determined at birth. I didn't choose it, and I don't feel strongly about it. I just admit and accept it.

[Talia]

Thanks everyone for sharing so far. <3 I think it's really neat that a lot of people have this experience of, well I was told I was such and such, and it was okay, so I stuck with it. That really is a fascinating idea about how gender works and it's neat that it seems to be shared across "male" and "female" experiences.

I was looking for someone to be able to say, well I was told such and such, and it actually fits me because.... (and come up with some feeling I have no idea what would sound like), although no one has as of yet articulated that, which is fascinating in itself. I keep searching for it because I've actually "felt" agender at times, so... someone has to have felt female or male right? I mean I don't want to exclude them before I even find them, and with so many people being male or female, someone has to have "felt" it. Maybe someone will wander along and let me know.

nationality should probably be a separate topic.
previously i have wondered (and still do) on "what makes me irish?" the only answer i can come to is "that i was born here" but i don't think that's sufficient (especially once we took that out of our constitution) in that I don't feel a national. it just happens to be what's on my passport

Yeah, I say I'm Chinese only because I was born in China and grew up there. Do I feel connected to the culture more than to other cultures? No. So for me it's pretty similar to being female: It's just an arbitrary fact determined at birth. I didn't choose it, and I don't feel strongly about it. I just admit and accept it.

I really like the last 2 sentences of this specifically. :) That's very poetically simple.

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

See, maybe it's just me - but I very much identify as being English. I've been to other places and experienced other cultures, and I've come to the conclusion that I identify the most with the culture I grew up with, and I personally like it more (no offence meant). And there are other aspects of my identity that I feel really strongly about - I very strongly identify as being a nerdy person, as being a pole dancer, as being a sister and daughter to the people in my life...but gender is kind of a "meh".

[Notte stellata]

I was looking for someone to be able to say, well I was told such and such, and it actually fits me because.... (and come up with some feeling I have no idea what would sound like), although no one has as of yet articulated that, which is fascinating in itself. I keep searching for it because I've actually "felt" agender at times, so... someone has to have felt female or male right? I mean I don't want to exclude them before I even find them, and with so many people being male or female, someone has to have "felt" it. Maybe someone will wander along and let me know.

I believe I've seen people expressing this feeling (i.e. a strong internal feeling of being male or female) in other threads similar to this one...Maybe try searching within this section a bit? Hopefully someone like that can reply in this thread too. :)

Yeah, I say I'm Chinese only because I was born in China and grew up there. Do I feel connected to the culture more than to other cultures? No. So for me it's pretty similar to being female: It's just an arbitrary fact determined at birth. I didn't choose it, and I don't feel strongly about it. I just admit and accept it.

I really like the last 2 sentences of this specifically. :) That's very poetically simple.

Thanks! :)

[Qwerty]

I feel male because I enjoy doing most of the things that the culture says are male activities. Lifting heavy objects, wiring up a new power outlet, driving a showy sportscar are all fun things for me. I can do feminine activities like cooking or sewing but I don't enjoy that so much. I know how to walk in high heels but I never think to look at that side of the shoe shop when I'm looking for shoes.

As the diversion into nationality has shown, it's more about culture than about specific behaviours. A huge amount of life experience that seems "natural" is actually not nature at all; it's culture. If you grew up in a culture where the women carry the heavy loads, then I'm sure that would make tha bility to lift heavy objects a feminine trait.

[Veeri]

To Talia's question earlier- no, I wasn't ever actually "told" by anyone that I was female. No one ever sat me down and explained to me my genitals, exactly. But I was born with the female parts, yes, and I've never felt disgusted or repulsed by them. My parents dressed me in female clothes when I was little, and I was okay with them. I went to school and the other girls were dressed like I was, and neither I nor any of them saw anything wrong with that. After all, it wasn't as bad for us as it was for guys. Whether we wanted to wear a skirt or jeans, it was okay.

I remember a little girl, in first grade, who tried to convince me that I was half-boy. This was a grade schooler with no developed concept of gender, for the record. As I said above, I was definitely a tomboy, and she thought that meant that I was really at least partly a boy in some way. I went home that night, really upset by this, and asked my parents if I were a girl or boy. I can't express how relieved I was when they told me that just because I liked to play in the mud and handle spiders, that did not mean I wasn't female.

It's not that I've never thought about it, or that I'm just accepting anything without question. I have thought about it. And within two seconds of examining myself to see if I felt okay with my gender, I had to answer myself that, yep, I felt pretty secure in it.

Every group has their bad apples, and I've noticed people who are involved in transgender issues who often have this awful attitude, that cisgender people somehow aren't legitimate just because their sex and their gender match up. That, while a transgender man might feel inside, deeply and sincerely, his actual gender, a cis person can't have any feeling like that unless they're just accepting what they were "told"- by society, by parents, by who-knows-whom. That's utter bullshit. I am a female. I was born a female. I like being female. There is NOTHING wrong with that.

[Talia]

To Talia's question earlier- no, I wasn't ever actually "told" by anyone that I was female. No one ever sat me down and explained to me my genitals, exactly. But I was born with the female parts, yes, and I've never felt disgusted or repulsed by them. My parents dressed me in female clothes when I was little, and I was okay with them. I went to school and the other girls were dressed like I was, and neither I nor any of them saw anything wrong with that. After all, it wasn't as bad for us as it was for guys. Whether we wanted to wear a skirt or jeans, it was okay.

I remember a little girl, in first grade, who tried to convince me that I was half-boy. This was a grade schooler with no developed concept of gender, for the record. As I said above, I was definitely a tomboy, and she thought that meant that I was really at least partly a boy in some way. I went home that night, really upset by this, and asked my parents if I were a girl or boy. I can't express how relieved I was when they told me that just because I liked to play in the mud and handle spiders, that did not mean I wasn't female.

It's not that I've never thought about it, or that I'm just accepting anything without question. I have thought about it. And within two seconds of examining myself to see if I felt okay with my gender, I had to answer myself that, yep, I felt pretty secure in it.

Every group has their bad apples, and I've noticed people who are involved in transgender issues who often have this awful attitude, that cisgender people somehow aren't legitimate just because their sex and their gender match up. That, while a transgender man might feel inside, deeply and sincerely, his actual gender, a cis person can't have any feeling like that unless they're just accepting what they were "told"- by society, by parents, by who-knows-whom. That's utter bullshit. I am a female. I was born a female. I like being female. There is NOTHING wrong with that.

Out of order, but I just wanted to get to this part first. ^^

I am very very aware trans people sometimes think cis people just accept it. That's why I made this thread actually, lol I believe some cis people do just accept they are a gender even just because they were told they were (as I have met some cis people that say they are like that and that's their life so it works for them yay), but I also believe just as I can deeply and richly experience being agender, other people can deeply and richly experience being cisgender, and I'd love to learn about what that feels like for them. :) Maybe you brought that up because you felt like I was questioning your gender? If so I'm sorry, I would just love for someone to say I feel this gender and this is what it looks like, sounds like, is like because I do that with my own gender. ^^ Not because they have to prove it or anything, but because I'd love to understand what it can look like. I probably won't understand (because Ive never experienced it).. but I'd at least like to see what it can feel like to be female so I can maybe theoretically get it.

Well many people are culturally told, like when the doctor announces it's a... whatever you are. And how you are dressed in certain colours or people put bows in your hair. My ears were pierced for me when I was 2 months old so people would know I was a girl lol. Like I know no one sits down and tells anyone, but that's because by the time you can realize it, it's kind of ingrained.

See that's what I'm interested in, if you don't mind sharing, I'd love to hear the thought process of examining your gender. I find that really really interesting as it's something I never experienced. When I examined my gender, I lost it. So are you secure in your gender? Or it fits you? Or it feels like you? Or it is you? I think they're all really different, and equally valid. ^^ Just curious which ones matched up for you.

[SpecialFXLady]

@Talia - what would help me is if you described what it is like when you've actually "felt" agender. That would help me understand a way to better answer your question - if I didn't already.

I know I'm coming from a place of cis privilege in not thinking about it and I'm working to be aware and challenge myself on that.