A(gender)vengers Assemble!

[tommy92]

It will be at least 1 year until networking will come up I think^^

[Renaldo]

I had my last class of the semester today, and what a relief it was. Not strictly related to gender, but I feel like sharing some interesting occurrence with all of you nice people.

The instructor, a well-meaning but sometimes-inconsiderate person, decided to slap me on the back as he passed my desk. Instantly, I tensed up and sharply inhaled (I might have even groaned/growled). I think I have a bit of an aversion to touch, especially unwanted contact from relative strangers and strange relatives. The instructor takes notice of my physical discomfort and says "You're pretty quiet. You don't know how to deal with me, do you?" He says this with an amused smile. Of course, the only thing that I could do was a muffled "mrrrph", given my state of mild shock. Fortunately, an associate was seated nearby to answer for me. "[name] doesn't do people" was his response. Even though this associate is my polar opposite in introversion/extroversion, they understood my discomfort. It's nice to see someone who even just accepts you for who you are, even though they may not understand.

Have any of you ever encountered this sort of thing? Discomfort with unprovoked physical contact?

More happily, have you ever had a seemingly random person show a little bit of understanding, acceptance, or consideration for the unique features of you?

For a long time I've had a problem with people touching me and I have no idea where it came from. Strangers are the worst; I hate when strangers touch me. I've known one of my friends for 3 years and i'm just starting to get used to her hugs and stuff. She does know I don't like it, so she tries not to. Its also kinda nice when people try to shake my hand or hug me she tells them otherwise so I don't sound rude. :P I think when it got really bad is when I was in my first relationship and it was going too fast.This was before I even knew I was asexual. In a way though, I think it helped me a bit. It got me more out of my shell, it led me to AVEN, and I made many new friends.

[VanHelsing]

Physical aversion: absolutely. The breakup I recently went through (hardest and most painful thing I've ever gone through) has left me with a REALLY severe aversion to touch. Unfortunately, my sister is the opposite and loves touching me. A really common conversation when she is home is: me: "STOP TOUCHING ME [pet name for her]!!!!" her: "SHUT UP [pet name for me]!!!". It doesn't bug me if she touches me that much, but anyone else drives me crazy. and if someone touches me and I don't see them coming, I flinch really strongly. Which makes it weird that I crave cuddling and such so strongly.

Random acceptance: Not really, because I am EXTREMELY closeted, and am good at acting like a straight cis guy.

[in.visible]

Yes! Finally the forum is working again! Sorry, I couldn't access any topics, nor post anything, so I've missed out the very interesting pronouns discussion you guys had.

All that I can add is... I have to agree to tommy92, "es" in german sounds simply weird, like an object and I do want to be regarded as a person. ;) I like the english "they".

(Also, good luck for honorific change and your exam!)

To:

Also, I am in awe of the fact that most of you here are bilingual/multilingual and the fact that the non-native English speakers speak (or in this case type) English so eloquently. I'm quite serious when I say that I know very many for whom English is a first language who appear to have less control of its intricacies than you guys.

Well, I love english. Actually I love the language a lot more than my native language, German. I'd be totally fine speaking english all day long... I don't even bother watching stuff in German anymore (unless it was made in Germany, of course).
Aside from that I know some japanese and I can still read french (unfortunately I completely forgot how to write or speak it since I left school). I've had latin, helps with some languages indeed.


Last, but not least... I've got problems with physical contact too. It is especially horrible in masses of people, crowded busses and trains. Ugh. I have to admit I feel really uncomfortable going outside without my mp3 player plugged into my ears, being distracted by some music (or being with friend, that's ok too).
Tbh, the last time I visited my parents I bluntly told them to please refrain from hugging me. Worked out well, although they were startled at first. Said that I don't like it and they accepted it.

Edit: I was just writing about transsexuality with a friend and I figured, a quite neutral way to write about someone in German might using "die Person" (the person) at first and using "sie" (which would then be the equalence to "they", since it's referring to "die Person" and the noun itself has the female gender) afterwards. Correct me if I'm wrong.

(I guess it only works if you're talking about someone without a name, though.)

[tommy92]

Yes! Finally the forum is working again! Sorry, I couldn't access any topics, nor post anything, so I've missed out the very interesting pronouns discussion you guys had.

All that I can add is... I have to agree to tommy92, "es" in german sounds simply weird, like an object and I do want to be regarded as a person. ;) I like the english "they".

(Also, good luck for honorific change and your exam!)

To:

Also, I am in awe of the fact that most of you here are bilingual/multilingual and the fact that the non-native English speakers speak (or in this case type) English so eloquently. I'm quite serious when I say that I know very many for whom English is a first language who appear to have less control of its intricacies than you guys.

Well, I love english. Actually I love the language a lot more than my native language, German. I'd be totally fine speaking english all day long... I don't even bother watching stuff in German anymore (unless it was made in Germany, of course).

Aside from that I know some japanese and I can still read french (unfortunately I completely forgot how to write or speak it since I left school). I've had latin, helps with some languages indeed.

Last, but not least... I've got problems with physical contact too. It is especially horrible in masses of people, crowded busses and trains. Ugh. I have to admit I feel really uncomfortable going outside without my mp3 player plugged into my ears, being distracted by some music (or being with friend, that's ok too).

Tbh, the last time I visited my parents I bluntly told them to please refrain from hugging me. Worked out well, although they were startled at first. Said that I don't like it and they accepted it.

Edit: I was just writing about transsexuality with a friend and I figured, a quite neutral way to write about someone in German might using "die Person" (the person) at first and using "sie" (which would then be the equalence to "they", since it's referring to "die Person" and the noun itself has the female gender) afterwards. Correct me if I'm wrong.

(I guess it only works if you're talking about someone without a name, though.)

I also love the stuff in english...do almost everything in English even thinking^^ (but I am also half american...sooo yeah)

I thought about a funny system to make people aware of it...if the name was female one would use 'der' and if people asked why one uses 'der', one could say because it's 'der Mensch' and if it was male one would use 'die' and then say 'die Person'...impractical but yeah, at least it might raise awareness.

To yours: Well, then again if you have a female name and don't want to be adressed as female then 'die Person' wouldn't probably help^^

I am kinda happy if people just knew I don't feel like a male and have that in mind when refering to me...though still prefer neutrality^^

[Masque_Ace]

I don't mind physical contact if I know it's coming so handshakes and hugs that are offered with outstretched arms are fine by me. If I don't know it's coming however, anything as much as a brush of the hand will freak me out - the only unknown contact I can handle is a tap on the shoulder.

[Guest_49836]

I don't mind physical contact if I know it's coming so handshakes and hugs that are offered with outstretched arms are fine by me. If I don't know it's coming however, anything as much as a brush of the hand will freak me out - the only unknown contact I can handle is a tap on the shoulder.

I feel ya on that... I also looove hugs...

I think it bugs me because of differences in people's bio-electric frequencies and when it comes to something I'm prepared for it's more pleasant because I can 'prepare'

[Robin L]

I'm a really touch-feely person, but I don't know many people who I can just hug, so I always end up hugging/cuddling my blanket.

I was just writing about transsexuality with a friend and I figured, a quite neutral way to write about someone in German might using "die Person" (the person) at first and using "sie" (which would then be the equalence to "they", since it's referring to "die Person" and the noun itself has the female gender) afterwards. Correct me if I'm wrong.

(I guess it only works if you're talking about someone without a name, though.)

I actually tried that with my host family before. They said it sounds really weird.

(Is it just me, or are there lots of German speakers on AVEN?)

[Guest]

(Is it just me, or are there lots of German speakers on AVEN?)

The concentration of computer people in this thread is even higher. I'm surprised it hasn't reached critical levels yet. :P

On another note, am I the only one who really likes Christmas things? Not Christmas in itself. Just lights, decorations and all that. Even when they pop up at the end of October it doesn't really bother me.

[Robin L]

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!

It sucks that lights cost so much, or else I will have LOTS of them at home.

[Lambda Corvus]

(Is it just me, or are there lots of German speakers on AVEN?)

The concentration of computer people in this thread is even higher. I'm surprised it hasn't reached critical levels yet. :P

On another note, am I the only one who really likes Christmas things? Not Christmas in itself. Just lights, decorations and all that. Even when they pop up at the end of October it doesn't really bother me.

Let f(x) be the function denoting the concentration of computer people in thread x.

... ... ... ...

Clearly, f('A(gender)vengers')↑, and thus f('A(gender)vengers') = Φ

Meh, I actually like seeing the Christmas lights, but they're a pain to string up and get down. I also like the Christmas cookies, perhaps a little too much. It is fun to watch the social chain reaction that occurs when one person, being daring, puts up their lights before everyone else does (and earlier than last year). This then sets off the other people in the neighborhood, lest they appear to be antisocial, and be rejected from the herd. Within two days of the initial lights application, the entire neighborhood is covered.

[tommy92]

I enjoy the lights as well...though if it is excessive I don't like it...especially if I think about all the wasted energy...if it is excessive but with LEDs then it might be ok... but I enjoy tastefully placed lights^^

(Is it just me, or are there lots of German speakers on AVEN?)

The concentration of computer people in this thread is even higher. I'm surprised it hasn't reached critical levels yet. :P

On another note, am I the only one who really likes Christmas things? Not Christmas in itself. Just lights, decorations and all that. Even when they pop up at the end of October it doesn't really bother me.

What will happen then? Will the thread combust?

[tommy92]

Good news :)

I just got an answer to the e-mail and they told me that while I am the first one to have such a request, they are more than happy to help me with that issue. They will try to talk with someone of the management if such a thing would be possible^^ I feel happy right now :3

Also my exam went good^^ I didn't 100% it...too much to write too little time O-O

I hope it will be 80% or so...but still it kinda hurts that I wasn't even able to do everything :(

[Dirge]

(Is it just me, or are there lots of German speakers on AVEN?)

The concentration of computer people in this thread is even higher. I'm surprised it hasn't reached critical levels yet. :P

On another note, am I the only one who really likes Christmas things? Not Christmas in itself. Just lights, decorations and all that. Even when they pop up at the end of October it doesn't really bother me.

I don't mind the decorations, and the lights are beautiful at night. My problem is with the crowds that spring up in every major store. There are several locations around town that are effectively dead to me until January.

[ObsessedWithCats]

I got my hair cut, but chickened out of getting it short (again). It's shorter than it was by quite a bit but still fairly long. My problem is that the craziness of my hair means that since I'm not willing to put any effort in besides washing and brushing it any style I can go for will slide straight past ambiguous and into boyish, which I don't want. I got more layers in than I usually do so I could get it shorter without looking like Alice from the Dilbert comics:

On the plus side my Mum said that if I got my hair cut short it would 'confuse people' (I thought of the comeback of 'And that matter because....?' about two hours later), which I take to mean that hair aside I look pretty androgynous.

(Actually on topic(s), I like Christmas but prefer it in moderation. Christmas lights are very pretty but I worry about them as a fire hazard, there are actually a couple of Christmas songs I will listen to voluntarily listen to although most I can't stand, and Christmas food makes all the other annoyances of Christmas worth it. I do my Christmas present shopping early so I only have to do food shopping while things are busy.

Hugs from my parents and sisters are nice (though my youngest sister has been known to overdo it and get told to leave me alone on occasion), but other physical contact, especially with strangers, is uncomfortable or inconvenient at best.)

[Lambda Corvus]

Good news :)

I just got an answer to the e-mail and they told me that while I am the first one to have such a request, they are more than happy to help me with that issue. They will try to talk with someone of the management if such a thing would be possible^^ I feel happy right now :3

Also my exam went good^^ I didn't 100% it...too much to write too little time O-O

I hope it will be 80% or so...but still it kinda hurts that I wasn't even able to do everything :(

This is good news indeed. The chance for recognition on an official identification device => *envy*.

I still don't know why the state really needs to know my sex, height, weight, and eye colour in order for me to drive. I also don't know how those values (from four years ago) are still reflective of who I am. That's more for weight than anything else.

Sorry to hear about the exam, however. There's one particular professor here that is renown for creating exams which are consistently too long.

[Guest]

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[Lambda Corvus]

I still don't know why the state really needs to know my sex, height, weight, and eye colour in order for me to drive. I also don't know how those values (from four years ago) are still reflective of who I am. That's more for weight than anything else.

Without physical data, criminals can't be identified, nor can street criminals - people who drive while being drunk, surpass the speed limit on a regular basis and are responsible for car crashes, etc.

It's basic information which is just needed to share for security reasons. I'm more bugged by needing to share my identity for other purposes, such as university or work. Okay, you've got my first name and last name, and then you have my age, now why should I give you my """gender""" (which you are wrongly labelling that, on top of everything)?

Ah yes, this is very much true. One unfortunate aspect about living in the U.S. (I am not sure about various European nations) is that if one doesn't have a driver's license, one is essentially unidentifiable. In some ways, I wish that I could update the fields in my driving license somehow (short of applying for a new one). The university documents are particularly bad, especially with the so-called "gender".

[Guest]

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[tommy92]

Good news :)

I just got an answer to the e-mail and they told me that while I am the first one to have such a request, they are more than happy to help me with that issue. They will try to talk with someone of the management if such a thing would be possible^^ I feel happy right now :3

Also my exam went good^^ I didn't 100% it...too much to write too little time O-O

I hope it will be 80% or so...but still it kinda hurts that I wasn't even able to do everything :(

This is good news indeed. The chance for recognition on an official identification device => *envy*.

I still don't know why the state really needs to know my sex, height, weight, and eye colour in order for me to drive. I also don't know how those values (from four years ago) are still reflective of who I am. That's more for weight than anything else.

Sorry to hear about the exam, however. There's one particular professor here that is renown for creating exams which are consistently too long.

Also it could be considered pioneering work, since it is the first time someone asked about that^^

Well, it might be that people can't impersonate you...somehow...our drivers license is kinda sparing with personal information^^

I don't want to say it was unfair. The exam was really fair, but it wasn't enough time to fully solve it (I only rarely had to think about the tasks and I was still not able to finish it...)

[Masque_Ace]

I wish I spoke German better... I only have a VERY weak grasp of it from studying it from two years. I guess languages are definitely something learnt best in practice.

All our outdoor Christmas lights are solar powered so that solves the energy problem I guess :)

I'm glad they're being so good about your request Tommy. Hopefully everything turns out with management *crosses fingers*

Like you, Cats, I have also recently gotten my hair cut and I love it :D I believe I have complained about my long hair in here several times before but some of my hairs are now shoulder length whilst others are cut right to my skull. I love it!

Also, some exciting news I have yet to tell you all... I've been accepted into an acting university course providing that I pass high school (which at this point I am fairly certain I will). I am beyond excited as they only take up to 30 people into my course so I guess I'm quite lucky.

I hope that wasn't too boring to hear for all you CS people :P

[Guest]

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[Lambda Corvus]

<...>

Also, some exciting news I have yet to tell you all... I've been accepted into an acting university course providing that I pass high school (which at this point I am fairly certain I will). I am beyond excited as they only take up to 30 people into my course so I guess I'm quite lucky.

I hope that wasn't too boring to hear for all you CS people :P

Boring? Hardly! Yes, I raise my tea/coffee cup to you as well; congratulations!

I, too, am in the similar position that Silver describes, where I've applied to a school and, if accepted, I will need to be a B.Sc by May/June/July. The pressure is familiarly uncomfortable, but it may just drive you forwards unto success (as it has with me in the past).

[Masque_Ace]

That sounds interesting (and perhaps anxiety inducing) for you both. I wish you the best of luck.

I got my VCE (Victorian Certificate of Education) results today. I did everywhere between bad to slightly above mediocre at my subjects but somehow still managed to end up ranked in the top 28% of Australian year 12 students which is pretty good :D

At least I now know I have definitely passed and thus will be receiving an official offer to study Acting soon :)

[in.visible]

Ugh. A friend of mine posted a link to an article where a man proposed to his girlfriend in the cinema, right before the screening of The Hobbit. And now I'm the idiot because I was criticizing it. The girlfriend said she didn't see much of the movie afterwards and my friend doesn't understand how I can consider it more important to watch a damn movie you paid a lot of money for than this. <_<

[Lambda Corvus]

That sounds interesting (and perhaps anxiety inducing) for you both. I wish you the best of luck.

I got my VCE (Victorian Certificate of Education) results today. I did everywhere between bad to slightly above mediocre at my subjects but somehow still managed to end up ranked in the top 28% of Australian year 12 students which is pretty good :D

At least I now know I have definitely passed and thus will be receiving an official offer to study Acting soon :)

Ah, very many congratulations to you Masque. I hope your studies in acting provide much enjoyment.

On a related note, I received the score for my Computer Networks final exam. 90.48% on the exam means a 91.55% in the overall class. I get the 'A' that I wanted!

Ugh. A friend of mine posted a link to an article where a man proposed to his girlfriend in the cinema, right before the screening of The Hobbit. And now I'm the idiot because I was criticizing it. The girlfriend said she didn't see much of the movie afterwards and my friend doesn't understand how I can consider it more important to watch a damn movie you paid a lot of money for than this. <_<

This so much. While it may be sweet for two people to interrupt the movie on a special moment that may or may not last a lifetime, it is completely disrespectful of other people's reasons for being in the theater in the first place.

[tommy92]

Congratulations to you both :)

I have my next exam tomorrow and I am a little nervous, as usual :3

I am sure that it will turn out well though^^

[Guest]

Idk, I would think "Why a cinema of all places? They could've gone somewhere more well-lit and intimate".

...Then again, my unfailingly non-phased self prevails :P

Good luck, Tom!

[tommy92]

I have new news about my honorifc case^^ It is a step forward, but it looks like the way might take a while^^

I will elaborate further later on...currently composing an answer, just wanted you to know that I have news :3

[tommy92]

OK ^^

So I got an answer and they were saying that they asked someone if that was possible and they got the answer that it might be possible but the answering person isn't sure about whether or not it would be possible but they are continueing to ask the next higher instance. So we now arranged it so, that they continue on my behalf, but if needed I can be talked to directly since I can stand up for myself :P

I will continue to keep you all up-to-date :3 I still have hope that something is possible^^