Is there an alterntive to AVEN?

[Phoebe]

I hope this isn't taken the wrong way, but I'm kind of looking for an alternative to AVEN. I don't really feel accepted here, and I have questions about the causes of asexuality that I feel people here take offense to. First off, I'm not sure I fit the bill of a typical asexual because I have both depression and a sexual disfunction, which I hear is not typical to asexuals.

I'm not against the idea of asexuality as a orientation, per se, but I don't feel comfortable jumping to that conclusion about myself unless I have exsuasted all other potential causes for why I'm this way. I am looking for a community that will help me work though that, instead of interpreting my questions as threats.

I know AVEN is an asexual awareness community, so I get tthat the mission of this organization isn't going to involve much challenging or questioning of asexuality. I just feel kind of caught in the middle because, while I do belive there should be an awareness of asexuality, I also think dialogue should be kept open for people who are still in the process of figuring things out. Is there a part of AVEN that would be ok with this kind of talk, or am I out of luck? Where might I go to get objective answers to some of these questions?

[R_1]

The avatar of yours, haven't I seen that before?

There's empty closets, apositve.org, and more. I wish I can find an alternative site to AVEN and empty closets, but none that works for people under my identity.

[Phoebe]

The avatar of yours, haven't I seen that before?

There's empty closets, apositve.org, and more. I wish I can find an alternative site to AVEN and empty closets, but none that works for people under my identity.

Ummm, Google? It's suppose to be the Little Mermaid, so it's possible you saw it elsewhere.

Thanks for the links, both the sites you posted seem potentially helpful.

[R_1]

Found the image at tineye.

Anyways, no problem.

[Sally]

I hope this isn't taken the wrong way, but I'm kind of looking for an alternative to AVEN. I don't really feel accepted here, and I have questions about the causes of asexuality that I feel people here take offense to. First off, I'm not sure I fit the bill of a typical asexual because I have both depression and a sexual disfunction, which I hear is not typical to asexuals.

I'm not against the idea of asexuality as a orientation, per se, but I don't feel comfortable jumping to that conclusion about myself unless I have exsuasted all other potential causes for why I'm this way. I am looking for a community that will help me work though that, instead of interpreting my questions as threats.

I know AVEN is an asexual awareness community, so I get tthat the mission of this organization isn't going to involve much challenging or questioning of asexuality. I just feel kind of caught in the middle because, while I do belive there should be an awareness of asexuality, I also think dialogue should be kept open for people who are still in the process of figuring things out. Is there a part of AVEN that would be ok with this kind of talk, or am I out of luck? Where might I go to get objective answers to some of these questions?

There is extensive questioning on AVEN -- many threads have been made by people trying to figure things out. Also, a number of AVEN members have experienced depression. Since you don't specify your sexual dysfunction, it's hard to say whether there have been AVEN discussions about it.

The only thing that AVEN discourages is people coming onto the site and telling people what asexuality is -- essentially lecturing, when many AVEN members have experienced being asexual for years. There really aren't any "objective" answers to questions, because we don't have a scientific explanation of how or why asexuality occurs. When we do know is that for just about every supposed cause of asexuality that has been proposed on AVEN, sexuals also have experienced those supposed causes in their lives, so the theories just don't seem logical.

Look around AVEN -- it's pretty varied and deep. Don't dismiss it because you've found something you don't like in one or two threads.

[Arctic Fox]

I've seen quite a few people on here that have depression or sexual dysfunction, in fact I'm having serious issues with depression/bipolar disorder myself at the moment. I do feel more sexual when I'm happier so I'm wondering the same thing as you - could my asexuality be down to my condition? I really don't think anyone would have a problem if you started a topic in Asexual Q&A about that, and you might be surprised by the feedback you get. The only reason I haven't started one myself is because I'm happy to just accept that I'm kind of asexual for now, and if it turns out later that it's because of my condition then that's cool too. Even if your asexuality is caused by your condition that doesn't make it any less valid (although obviously it will disappear when you get better). Hope you figure things out! :D

[Veeri]

Have to agree with the other posters here. Also, you have to be careful, looking for answers to your psychology on the internet. The forums here are friendly, and people seem willing to talk and listen overall. But if your sexuality is something that seriously troubles you and that you're looking to explore the personal root causes of.... Well, I'm not optimistic about the percentage of us with PhDs in fields required to be psychologists. If it's therapy you need, you'll probably be happier with a professional.

If it's just answering questions, though, then like Artic Fox said, try starting a thread and seeing where it goes.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

I hope this isn't taken the wrong way, but I'm kind of looking for an alternative to AVEN. I don't really feel accepted here, and I have questions about the causes of asexuality that I feel people here take offense to. First off, I'm not sure I fit the bill of a typical asexual because I have both depression and a sexual disfunction, which I hear is not typical to asexuals.

I'm not against the idea of asexuality as a orientation, per se, but I don't feel comfortable jumping to that conclusion about myself unless I have exsuasted all other potential causes for why I'm this way. I am looking for a community that will help me work though that, instead of interpreting my questions as threats.

I know AVEN is an asexual awareness community, so I get tthat the mission of this organization isn't going to involve much challenging or questioning of asexuality. I just feel kind of caught in the middle because, while I do belive there should be an awareness of asexuality, I also think dialogue should be kept open for people who are still in the process of figuring things out. Is there a part of AVEN that would be ok with this kind of talk, or am I out of luck? Where might I go to get objective answers to some of these questions?

I think anyone with multiple and varied issues is going to feel there's a dominant culture about a particular place from which they feel excluded. I know I often do. It's nobody's fault really, it's just that a river tends to travel by staying within its banks, and if you're panning for gold in the form of insights, you'll have to sift through a lot of ore for just a few nuggets.

But sometimes, one or two is all it takes.

Stay. Just a little bit longer, never forgetting that graphite and diamonds are made of the same basic element, it's just arranged differently.

[Janus the Fox]

Theres a few places that do outwardly challenge what asexuality should be.

There's the sub reddit of r/asexuality, most of the stuff there mirrors AVEN in a few ways.

There's the Tags of Asexuality and ActualAsexual of Tumblr, that's where really mixed opinions and that is openly challenged, just be wary of the ActualAsexual tag.

There's also a small corner of Wrong Planet, within its LGBT group there's a number of active threads for Asexuals. The site deals with Autism spectrum disorders which regards distinguishing difficulties with things.

There's also another forum that splintered off from AVEN when it changed its rules or something... I can't remember the name... But it had something to do with Asexuals and Avalanches...

There I think are a number of forums for Aromantics, again not sure of any names.

For everything else... There's the The useful Links Thread from World Watch this and google which should also find AVEN in different languages plus alternatives...

[Guest member25959]

Apparently there's a few of 'em

There's also Avalanche (it may appear inactive but there are things happening), various Facebook groups (if you dislike elitism, avoid these), and Tum-... T-... nevermind

[Blossomforth]

I know Tumblr has a pretty healthy asexual community. Not to sound offensive but I prefer it to AVEN, though it does have its problems; for example there's been a lot of problems with aromantics, demiromantics, and demisexuals lately.

[Phoebe]

I know Tumblr has a pretty healthy asexual community. Not to sound offensive but I prefer it to AVEN, though it does have its problems; for example there's been a lot of problems with aromantics, demiromantics, and demisexuals lately.

What do you mean by "problems"?

[Member54880]

Tumblr does have good a/demi/greysexual and aromantic communities, but as of very recently in the asexual, actuallyasexual, demisexual, etc. tags, some have been spewing massive amounts of asexual elitism. The elitists, who are trying to tear the asexual community apart, are going so far as to denounce demisexuals and greys as not 'real' asexuals who are trying to undermine the asexual community and their spaces.

[Janus the Fox]

Yeah, I've also notice a lot of erasure of asexuality on Tumblr as well. It's basically 'You're not asexual if you are romantic' that kind of thing going around from time to time.

[cemeterywitch]

I've been attacked on tumblr because of the way I worded a sentence -.-

I said "support my life choices"

And they go "IT SHOULDN'T BE A CHOICE YOU AREN'T ASEXUAL!!!!111ONE!!!111"

And I replied "It's a life choice to come out as asexual."

Then no reply. Their ask box wasn't open either. COWARD.

There's a lot of mindless hate and bickering on tumblr.

[Guest]

I don't think questioning the cause of ones own feelings or orientation are discouraged here. The discouraged part is more questioning OTHERS feelings or orientation. There are any number of reasons someone may feel one way and another who experienced the same stuff feels a different way. There are members here who have mentioned possible causes for how they feel about sex. The important factor in my opinion is : are you happy with the way you are? If not, then by all means try to figure things out and if it is a medical issue rather than orientation, as far as I can tell, many would be happy for you if you figured that out. I for one would not be offended if someone discovered their lack of interest in sex was say due to an abuse or low hormones or whatever, as long as they accepted mine is not. :)

So, in short : don't feel unwelcome, just approach it sensitive to not sounding like you are saying all asexuals should seek a reason. I have not found another good site / community personally, tumblr seems a little... intense. :s

[Calligraphette_Coe]

I've been attacked on tumblr because of the way I worded a sentence -.-

I said "support my life choices"

And they go "IT SHOULDN'T BE A CHOICE YOU AREN'T ASEXUAL!!!!111ONE!!!111"

And I replied "It's a life choice to come out as asexual."

Then no reply. Their ask box wasn't open either. COWARD.

There's a lot of mindless hate and bickering on tumblr.

This same sort of trial by ordeal started happening in the trans community back in the 90s-- it's usually a sign that an oppressed community is achieving mainstream status and some are jockeying for position in the pecking order. Or are becoming self-appointed guardians of the purity of the herd.

As I researched different venues in re. asexuality awareness, I immediately got this vibe about the Tumblr community. It was the same old same old, narcissism writ large and it's been with the human race ever since the human race invented finish lines, spoils of wars and mirrors. "If you're not of us, you're one of THEM."

The human race never seems to learn to get over itself. :(

[cemeterywitch]

I've been attacked on tumblr because of the way I worded a sentence -.-

I said "support my life choices"

And they go "IT SHOULDN'T BE A CHOICE YOU AREN'T ASEXUAL!!!!111ONE!!!111"

And I replied "It's a life choice to come out as asexual."

Then no reply. Their ask box wasn't open either. COWARD.

There's a lot of mindless hate and bickering on tumblr.

This same sort of trial by ordeal started happening in the trans community back in the 90s-- it's usually a sign that an oppressed community is achieving mainstream status and some are jockeying for position in the pecking order. Or are becoming self-appointed guardians of the purity of the herd.

As I researched different venues in re. asexuality awareness, I immediately got this vibe about the Tumblr community. It was the same old same old, narcissism writ large and it's been with the human race ever since the human race invented finish lines, spoils of wars and mirrors. "If you're not of us, you're one of THEM."

The human race never seems to learn to get over itself. :(

I'm glad someone else feels the same as me :)

Tumblr can be great sometimes. But other times people get obsessed and turn on everyone.

I guess maybe this behavior will always exist. I wonder what kind of bickering happened back in the 16th century.

"I was born in a field, I know nature better!" "Yeah?! Well I was born in a river!!!"

XDDDD

[Siggy]

In response to the original question... yes, there are lots of alternatives to AVEN!

If you prefer forums, you may be out of luck. Most alternative forums have been failures. However, the Transyada forum is still active. It is not a specifically asexual forum, but it was started by some people who left AVEN because of perceived transphobia. They'd be pretty accepting, that's the idea they were built on.

As already mentioned, there is the ace tumblr community, which is a very active, rivaling AVEN. Tumblr tends to be a bit more radical and queerer than AVEN. Also, because of the unmoderated format, they have serious troll problems. It helps if you follow a few tumblrs rather than following the "asexual" tag directly.

If you like blogs, I have to plug my own, The Asexual Agenda. It is a good place to find other asexual blogs you might like. I recall some bloggers have talked about depression or sexual dysfunction before, but maybe you're more interested in a place where you can ask questions, not just a place to read what other people think. If you like I could dig up the links though.

There's also a LiveJournal community, a Reddit community, and Acebook, but I don't know much about those.

[Sally]

I wonder what kind of bickering happened back in the 16th century.

Queen Elizabeth's court bickered like mad; the difference was that they killed each other, or the Queen killed them, when they bickered. ^_^

[Calligraphette_Coe]

I've been attacked on tumblr because of the way I worded a sentence -.-

I said "support my life choices"

And they go "IT SHOULDN'T BE A CHOICE YOU AREN'T ASEXUAL!!!!111ONE!!!111"

And I replied "It's a life choice to come out as asexual."

Then no reply. Their ask box wasn't open either. COWARD.

There's a lot of mindless hate and bickering on tumblr.

This same sort of trial by ordeal started happening in the trans community back in the 90s-- it's usually a sign that an oppressed community is achieving mainstream status and some are jockeying for position in the pecking order. Or are becoming self-appointed guardians of the purity of the herd.

As I researched different venues in re. asexuality awareness, I immediately got this vibe about the Tumblr community. It was the same old same old, narcissism writ large and it's been with the human race ever since the human race invented finish lines, spoils of wars and mirrors. "If you're not of us, you're one of THEM."

The human race never seems to learn to get over itself. :(

I'm glad someone else feels the same as me :)

Tumblr can be great sometimes. But other times people get obsessed and turn on everyone.

I guess maybe this behavior will always exist. I wonder what kind of bickering happened back in the 16th century.

"I was born in a field, I know nature better!" "Yeah?! Well I was born in a river!!!"

XDDDD

Ahh yes-- for times such as those, I often ponder this little gem!

::::singing::::::

Whenever life gets you down Mrs. Brown / and things seem hard or tough

/ and people are stupid, obnoxious or daft / and you feel that you've

had quite enough! / just remember that your standing on a planet thats

evolving / revolving at nine-hundred miles an hour / its orbiting at

ninety miles a second / so its reckoned / a sun that is the source of

all our power / the sun and you and me / and all the stars that we can

see / are moving at a million miles a day / in an outer spiral arm at

forty-thousand miles an hour / of the galaxy we call the Milky Way /

Our galaxy itself / contains a hundred billion stars / its a hundred

thousand lightyears side to side / it bulges in the middle /

sixteen-thousand lightyears thick / but out by us its just

three-thousand lightyears wide / were thirty-thousand lightyears from

galatic central point / we go round every two-hundred-million years /

and our galaxy is only one of millions of billions in this amazing and

expanding universe.

:::::musical interlude::::

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding / in all of the

directions it can whiz / as fast as it can go / the speed of light you

know / twelve million miles a minute and thats the fastest speed there

is / so remember when your feeling very small and insecure / how

amazingly unlikely is your birth / and pray that there intelligent life

somewhere up in space / cause theres bugger all down here on Earth.

-- "The Galaxy Song" from Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life"

[purplesapphire13]

I can't remember if I've seen you on the "Gray Zone" subforum here, but if not, you might want to take a look. I think there might be more "questioning" types of threads there than on the other subforums. I do have a mental health background, and while I think asexuality is a genuine orientation, it makes total sense to me that depression could affect your sexuality, as could being on certain types of medication for depression, and of course medical reasons like a sexual dysfunction.