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How to tell if you're genderqueer?


TomRiddleMeThis

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TomRiddleMeThis

I was just wondering how you figured out that you were gender-queer.

I think I may be genderfluid. I never really gave gender a good thinking-through until recently, and looking back on my life so far I noticed a lot of inconsistencies with what I assume I understand my gender to be. One main thing is that I've almost always refered to myself with male pronouns.

There are some days where my friends tell me I'll come off as pretty manly, and other days where I come off as very girly. On the days when I come off as manly, I noticed I refer to myself with male pronouns very heavily...

Then there are other days where I don't really feel like anything. Those are the days where I'm "Just a Ninchi (myname)"

From that little bit of information, does it seem like I could be genderfluid? How did you know what you are?

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Just from that little tidbit, it'd seem you're genderfluid. It's up to you, as far as how you identify yourself as. I identify as a genderqueer, leaning more toward transgender. I don't feel normal with masculine pronouns, feminine ones seem much more natural. I don't know how I came to that conclusion, I just prefer those pronouns and being able to act as I please. It's nice to have accepting friends, however... They accept my feelings and in turn, I accept theirs.

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I never gave it a thought, either, because I don't have gender dysphoria...but after I started thinking about it, and then looking back in hindsight, I realised that I've always felt "in between" genders. Like, I identify as a woman enough that I'm comfortable in my body, but not enough that I want to be entirely socialised as one, and I know I'm not a man, but I wouldn't mind being a feminine man. So I view myself as androgynous for that reason.

Now that you've thought about it, go with what feels right - if cisgender doesn't feel right to you, then go for something else.

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I've always felt fairly gender-neutral, leaning a little more towards male. I just never gave it any real thought until one day on another one of my random research moments I stumbled upon gender dysphoria and then onto things like genderqueer and neutrois.

Finding that stuff got me thinking really.

Then I found the definition for cisgender and realised that I really don't fit the bill for cis. XD

It all just lead on from there really.

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  • 1 month later...

I never had an issue with my body, and so I never thought much about my gender. I don't like male pronouns, but I'd never had any other pronouns used for me and I didn't realise that gender-neutral pronouns were even really a thing that people used - basically, I'd never come across non-binary gender identities. I'd always noticed that I had a lot of feminine things about me, but I was also aware that I'm not female. Once I started questioning my gender, I quickly realised that I wasn't exactly male, and I bounced around between terms, trying to find the one that fitted. Eventually I settled on "genderless" (or "agender", but I tend not to use that).

I tend to have some days when I'm more feminine and some days when I'm more masculine, but I don't really feel like I have a gender. I don't feel male or female at those times, just masculine or feminine, so I wouldn't exactly call myself genderfluid because I don't feel like my gender is actually changing.

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genderqueer can in ways cover a lot of ground. Based on your description, I'd go with genderfluid for you, but it's still your decision.

I've always presented as a rather tomboyish type, but was never educated until recently on the possibility of being trans*, or that there weren't simply MtFs and FtMs alone in the trans* spectrum. It took me a lot of research and inner soul-searching to figure out exactly what I was. I'm pretty solidly intergender on the trans* spectrum - neither one or the other dominantly, but definitely not neuter either. I am just both male and female at the same time.

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I identified as a transwoman for a while, but that inkling of my genderqueerness and genderlessness recently made me rethink that concept. I'm more feminine and I would love to have boobs, so I feel definitely partly female, but that genderqueer side of me rears its head on occasion and I think I'd like to be able to wear a binder for when I feel genderqueer. :3

It seems like you're probably genderfluid, or maybe even bi-gender. I think that thinking more about how you've felt and talking to people you trust about their perceptions of you can really lead to some interesting insights about yourself.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Robotic Emu

The best way to tell your gender is to notice behavior/identity things/dysphoria. I started feeling dysphoria, or iding my dysphoria as such and figured I was somewhere in the genderqueer transmasculine spectrum...I feel more guyish now but a bit fluid on how masculine I am.

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I realized somewhere early in my teens that I felt somewhere between masculine and feminine. I'd say about 50-50 actually. When I'm alone, I hardly think about gender at all. I have never wanted to have the organs of a woman, but I don't realy want those of a man either. I'm not a good canidate for surgery of any kind. I tend to only see doctor's when I've broken a bone or need stitches. I've always seen myself as a bit of a tom-boy. I've always had trouble telling the difference between "male" and "female" in others as well. I even have difficulties seperating women's clothing form men's. My clothing is basicly utilitarian, I feel like I'm in drag in either type of clothing. When I was in my late teens I shortend my name down to one of my middle names, Kellam. I liked it not just because my first name is one of the most common boy's names for my generation, but because it is more neutral. I have relished every instance of someone being unsure of my gender based on my name alone. Without a photo people can't tell where I'm at. Folks tend to refer to me as Kellam, more than with more specificly male pronouns. I don't mind the male pronouns but people tend to avoid them with me. I haven't asked them to, they just do. They probably aren't aware of doing it. I've never been very open with how I feel genderwise until now. I've known many trans and in between people, gendrfluid etc. But not having my sexuality pinned down, I was fighting my aceness for years, made it hard for me to give any answer to the gender question. I supose now, I'm just more comfortable with being genderqueer, I'm un-affraid to say it outloud. I also hadn't had any exposure to definitions until coming to Aven, so... I knew how I felt but I had no way to say it.

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  • 2 months later...

Throughout my life I've found myself looking in the mirror randomly when I'm dressed more tomboyish, have minimal makeup on and my hair is a bit disheveled and thinking that I would make a cute boy and feeling happy about it... It only recently occurred to me that most "normal girls" probably don't do that... :/

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This may not be the most helpful answer, but it feels as though I've always known. Years before I discovered that there was a word for it, I knew that I greatly disliked my biosex yet had no interest in the 'standard alternative'. Discovering that agender was an accepted term was a rush, a relief, validation for all that I'd felt for so long. I knew, the moment I saw it, that I finally had my explanation.

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WhenSummersGone

I always knew from like the age of 6 that I didn't feel like a girl. I always considered myself to be outside of everyone else growing up. I have tried being both male and female but I was never comfortable with either. I basically learned these new terms on here when I joined this site. I sometimes get gender dysphoria so sometimes I'm Neutrois, but mostly I don't feel like anything at all. I just can't relate to gender at all or my bio sex mostly. I think I've had a hard time dealing with it my whole life basically.

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sevenprime

The best way to tell your gender is to notice behavior/identity things/dysphoria. I started feeling dysphoria, or iding my dysphoria as such and figured I was somewhere in the genderqueer transmasculine spectrum...I feel more guyish now but a bit fluid on how masculine I am.

This is going to sound like an odd question but what if you really genuinely don't understand gender behaviors or stereotypes or roles? It sounds weird but I don't understand it, how can the kitchen be a woman's place when head chefs at restaurants are men? How can matchbox cars be boy toys when they're so much fun? How can G.I. Joes be boy toys when they fit so well in Ken's clothes? How can boys be good at one type of education when I've seen girls succeed at it? How can girls be good at another type of education when I've seen boys succeed at it? How can you gender stereotype fans of certain shows/movies/books when I've seen just as many opposite gender fans in love with it? I've never even seen clothes as being gendered other than the fact that they are separated that way in stores. It just never struck me until I got bored and decided to see if there was a gender quiz online I could take. I thought the results would be female because I've got a vagina and boobs and then it came back that while I am still a smidge girly, I'm more androgynous or gender neutral and it kind of threw me for a loop because I actually had to research genders to understand why I wasn't just a girl because of my sex. I never cared about if people called me a boy or a girl, I like what I like.

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  • 2 weeks later...
swim2thesun

well I feel that the closest label that matches me would be genderqueer although i don't fully agree with its connotations.

There was a point when I was like I'm trans, everything trans I needed to transition fully to be happy but then I realized all of the expectations being laied on me. I wasn't "trans enough"

I don't look at myself as Male or Female. I'm neither. I'm myself.

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Oakn_wi11ow

Hmm... I've said that often enough... I am simply - myself. ...and when that is enough, we will have abundance.

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I'm pretty sure I'm all guy here, but sometimes I wonder if I were born male, if I'd be MTF, too. Maybe I just feel male because this society tends to view male as the default. There's a pretty good chance I really just want to cancel out whatever I've got, genderwise, by acting so far opposite that people just cease to use gendered adjectives and such. The only reason I seem like I'm overcompensating is because in real life people gender me so femininely and so thoroughly so that I have this ridiculous dysphoria and an overwhelming need to go so far down the gender spectrum just out of hope that some random stranger will tell their kid to stop dancing in the grocery store because that guy's trying to shop for canned goods or whatever. I think I'd peg myself now as "genderqueer, with a coercive emphasis on 'not female' regarding things like epithets and adjectives." I wish there were less awkward ways of calling someone a person in a gender-neutral sense. "Give that human back their cart!" that'd be nice.

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