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Why do you say you're Gray-A?

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#61 iamjeodo


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Posted 25 February 2013 - 04:42 AM

I am evaluating myself right now in terms of gray-asexuality, because while I do sometimes experience what (I think) is sexual attraction, it has always been linked to symptoms of my psychiatric illnesses.  So I don't know what it's like to experience 'normal' sexual attraction without obsessive, disorderly, and borderline psychotic thoughts. My current belief is that if it weren't for my bipolar schizophrenia-ness, I wouldn't feel any sort of sexual attraction.  Sometimes I think my brain is trying to make connections and arouse feelings that are not really there -- which makes perfect sense because psychosis is, by definition, the creation of non-realities that are perceived as real.  Perhaps these sexual feelings are no different than feeling fear in response to other non-realities, such as evil spirits, or any other feelings psychotic mood disorders create.


But since I will never be without my mental illness, I will never know, and in the meantime, even if it is only concocted like a dream is, I've decided that, based on how others describe sexual attraction, I do experience some version of sexual attraction.  So I consider that 'gray-asexual' might be more accurate than purely 'asexual'.  Another reason I consider that it's just mental nonsense, though, is that I've never experienced sexual attraction without simultaneous sexual repulsion for the person.  It's like there's something fighting whatever sexual feelings are there.


Any one else experience anything remotely similar to this stuff?  I've always thought it was pretty weird.


I can relate to what someone on this thread said, though, which is that I wish I DID experience true asexuality, fitting the definition that one doesn't feel any attraction toward either sex. Because I've never been interested in acting upon any attraction, I have no desire to become sexual, I don't feel I'm missing out on anything, I don't think lack of interest is a problem that in any way needs to be 'fixed', so I wish it would all just go away.

#62 RoL34


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Posted 25 February 2013 - 04:57 AM

I feel like that might be similar to my experiencing arousal based on my cycle, but I noticed since I've been on the pill that's mostly gone away, so, I now I feel more like I'm totally asexual, which I am perfectly happy with.


I really don't know a lot about schizophrenia so I really can't help you figure out what's real or not. But you should go with whatever definition you feel like fits you best. But remember, just because you feel arousal once in a while doesn't make you any less asexual than someone who never feels arousal, and if it is brought on by the psychosis, does that really count?


Yeah, it is annoying to feel that random bout of arousal (first time it happened to me, when I was, I dunno, twenty-two, it freaked me out and I was all omgwhatisthishappeningmakeitstopew) but I really wouldn't worry about it too much. It's not going to change the fact you don't feel attraction towards people, it's just a natural bodily function that you have to deal with like... *sigh*... cramps <_<

#63 _Maritime_



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Posted 25 February 2013 - 05:09 AM

I identify as Gray-A for that fourth reason only. I would identify as Asexual if not for it. I would call myself a demisexual, but I don't actually as the last part states "desire" sex. I can have it without a care in the world--completely indifferent--but only when I've been with the person as a friend or partner for an extensive period of time. Other than that, I am completely averse to sexual contact.

#64 FabulousEnding



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Posted 25 February 2013 - 10:52 AM

I thought I was completely asexual because I had no sex drive, no desire to see anyone naked, and looked at sex with disgust. The only reason I had sex in the past was because my hormones were so bad. My sex drive is still low to average, but I'm starting to think I'm demisexual. I've never looked at someone with sexual attraction in life. I still prefer it when my hormones are dead and prefer to engage in sex as little as possible. But then I met the man I'm dating and I feel 1,000% comfortable being my real self around him. I find him aesthetically attractive at times, which is fine enough since I don't find anyone attractive (including brad pitt). So now that I've had this safe emotional attachment formed, I find myself wanting to be with him intimately. Not sure if its sexual attraction though, since its more about sharing a side of myself with someone I'm comfortable with.

It's confusing and not sure what I am technically. It'll be interesting to see if my sex drive dies off. He's totally content hanging around in pjs cuddling on the couch, so there's no pressure to give in since he's sexual.

#65 J-Clarke91



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Posted 26 February 2013 - 10:47 PM

yeah i experience sexual attraction but not massively, i dont really like being touched and i totally fear the emotional consequences of such... certain people i meet/look at and think ... "wow, youre so out of my league" ... happens from time to time. 

#66 ElHombre(chiste)



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Posted 27 February 2013 - 04:12 AM

While I think my current tendencies could be called grayish due to definition #4, I don't have much use for the notion of "identity" as in "identify as a .....". That said, I am happy to be homo sapien sapien and appreciate the marvelous adaptability and diversity of our species - as even a small sampling of the posts to this topic display.


To the posting folk who experience some frustration with some aspect/absence of sexuality: isn't the main message of AVEN that it is perfectly fine to be different than other people? To those who can't be fine with differences: avoid such folk and seek thine own - birds of a feather and all that.


Happy trails.

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#67 kala83


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Posted 27 February 2013 - 04:55 AM

its kind of oppsite for me I have a fairly stong sex drive but I find that on occasion I do have partners that I just don't feel a sexual attraction toward.


I do care and love them, romantically but sexual urge is just not there. That was my main reason for identifying as Grey-A as well as Demisexual now.

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#68 LonelySiren



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Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:13 PM

I've had quite some trouble finding a lable for me. I've never counted myself a "normal" sexual so I searched for other terms. For a long time something like asexual seems to be closer to what I feel then sexual but neither of those fits my orientation.

I've got a very strong desire for cuddling and I love kissing if it's "the right" person. It doesn't have to be my partner or someone I love, just someone I feel attracted to in some way. As much as I like touching and kissing I dislike the fact my partner usually assumes that means I would want sex as well. I've got a very low sex drive.I'm not even sure whether I can call it sexual attraction what I feel in a few rare cases. I never had sex with a man so I'm somehow curious what it feels like, but it's not like I really feel like I want to do it... Very often I'm just ruled by my head to decided what to do, though I can be very emotional as well but for example if someone crosses the line and tries to get too close and it's wanted I can be cold as a stone.

Although I'm still unsure which my gender orientation is (bi, pan, straight, whatever...?) I think at least I can identify myself very well with being Gray-A :)

#69 Perseph_rising


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Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:54 PM

  • do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes

  • experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive

  • experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

  • people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances


I identify as as Grey-A, for the first, third, and fourth reasons. I realized recently that part of these reasons are what makes my life so, er, complicated and irritating at times; I have a very high sex drive, but a very low sexual attraction to others. Hence, the annoyance, as I know I've got the potential, but it's like being stuck in a cage that is my body with virtually no link (or human partner) to the outside physical world.


I also have only ever felt what I would call pure sexual attraction to one man, and I was dating him, so it made sense. As I knew him, and loved him, so I wanted him. Luckily for me, he wanted me too, and might have been a Gray-A/demi himself.


But I have gotten a few confused, and even rude comments from friends and acquaintances, as my first reaction to anyone is to wonder who they are, and what they are like as a person. I as yet, have not felt that rather intellectually fascinating concept of primary sexual attraction. And I will admit it tends to strongly repulse me when men or women feel that way about me, or when people talk about having feelings for a celebrity, or author, or someone they've never met in their lives. It's just confusing to me, but I do love studying sex, and human sexuality, as it's an interesting subject.

#70 JayBird



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Posted 01 March 2013 - 02:31 PM

(A little TMI, maybe?)


I identify mostly because of the 1st reason, though it correlates with 2 and 3 in some ways. I've never been highly interested in sex, and nor have I ever had a very high libido. And even when my body wants sex, I don't desire it at all. At least, not with anyone else. Masturbation takes care of any urges I have pretty easily. 


The only time I have ever wanted sex with another person, is when I was with a girlfriend I was very, very much in love with. So, I guess I may require an emotional bond as well. I'll have to look into that...

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#71 GoldenLillies


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Posted 02 March 2013 - 04:24 PM

Sorry if this is a bit TMI :S

I say that I'm grey-A because I've always been interested in boys, even from an early age. I've also felt sexual attraction in the past towards both boys and girls. I don't really experience it frequently and it tends to happen after I've had a crush on someone for a while. It also tends to happen more when I know someone is interested in me.

I can get turned on by other people and what they're doing, but it's usually more about the act for me. I think about sex quite a lot but I don't really fantasise about real people that much. It's more fictional characters and what it would be like to have a relationship with them. Honestly grey-A just seems to fit best at the moment while I figure out everything. I do sometimes feel sexual attraction and desire etc. but not enough for me to be considered sexual and some of my thoughts and feelings are quite similar to those of an asexual so I don't really fit completely into either area :)

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#72 Queer As Cat

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 07:00 AM

the definition given in the OP describes me very well, although i identify as Demisexual (or maybe even as Gray-Demisexual, as some in this thread have suggested??).
i seriously thought i was asexual for a long time because i wasn't sexually attracted to anyone. there were no "gray/demi moments"-- i was essentially asexual back then. then i met my first partner when i was 18 and experienced a really strong romantic attraction for the first time, but even then it was a while before my love for him developed into sexual attraction. when it did, the attraction was relatively weak, which confused me even more. i was with that partner for 5 years and throughout those 5 years my sexual attraction towards my partner came and went until finally it was permanently gone.... blown out as if a candle flame by the wind that was the turbulence in our relationship at the time. this resulted in even more hard times between us...
now i am 27 and with my second ever partner of 4 years. once again i wasn't sexually attracted to him until several months into the relationship and once again my sexual attraction is still relatively weak. even now my sexual attraction comes and goes..... except now my partner is much more understanding of it and i am much more aware of myself. :)
i've always seen Demisexuality as a subset of Gray-Asexuality, but perhaps i'm wrong...?

....so yeah. people who have seen my recent posts in this forum may have noticed that i've been struggling with my demisexuality. i couldn't help but question if what i've always thought of as my brand of sexual attraction was really sexual attraction at all. i did a lot of researching into what various people (sexual or not) think sexual attraction is, reflected on my own experiences with sexual attraction and even sat down for a long talk about it with my (sexual) partner. i also looked into various definitions of asexuality.

in the end, i came to the conclusion that what i developed towards someone once really, extremely close to them wasn't actually sexual attraction at all, but instead was/is just an openness/willingness to have sex with that person. there is never any sexual arousal towards that person, nor any desire to have sex with that person-- there is simply the desire for intimacy with that person and to see that person happy and if that involves having sex then so be it. i'd prefer a romantic, candlelit dinner and a movie + snuggling on the couch just the two of us, but whatever.

looking at it that way, i can't be demisexual.... sexual attraction just isn't there. hell, i don't think i'm even gray-asexual because the two partners i've had i have loved with all of my being and yet sexual attraction was still never a part of it. so i guess that makes me asexual after all....
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#73 Ripjawwolffang


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Posted 14 March 2013 - 07:09 AM

I enjoy writing and reading smut, and I feel sort of kind of sexual feelings towards those characters when I'm sort of kind of in that mind set. I also get the hots for people every now and then, but it's insanely rare and I don't ever feel the urge to follow through with it.

#74 Aero87



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Posted 19 March 2013 - 10:59 PM

According to the AVEN wiki, there are a lot of reasons people might choose to identify as gray-A:



  • do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes

  • experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive

  • experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

  • people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances


My question is, for those of you that are gray-A, why exactly do you identify as such? Is it for one of the reasons on the list, or some other reason?


I've toying with the idea of being gray-A for the following reason:

TMI Warning



So, what about you?


I'm new to this site and am still learning about asexuality. 


I always assume that males just have a stronger and more frequent sexual drive that needs to be addressed, compared to females.  Being a female and not always wanting or enjoying sex as much as any of my male partners, I thought it might just be normal for this imbalance.  However, it was getting tiresome to have to address the frequent sexual urges and needs my boyfriends have in each relationship I've had.  I just want an intimate, romantic, exclusive relationship, without the sexual activity emphasized so strongly.  Thus, I feel more resonated with the Gray-A orientation.  To look further into this...    


I do "feel" sexually attracted to my partner ONLY when I experience a high sex drive, which is not that often. [This applies to reasons #1 and 2]


Firstly, I have no interest in becoming pregnant or having children.  Secondly, I am currently not in any position to afford being pregnant from a financial and physical perspective.  Therefore, I absolutely fear the chance of pregnancy. To avoid any risk, I feel that I might be comfortable practicing abstinence from sexual intercourse indefinitely.  With this fear, I do not want sex enough to act on these sexual attraction or drive. [This appies to reason #3] 


It is only when I have a sex drive that I will have a sexual attraction.  I enjoy having sex when I have a sex drive, but it always feel like a "means to an end" as in to feel release of any sexual urges.  I notice that I'm not so much sexually attracted to my partner, as I am aesthetically attracted to them.    From my own reflection, the sexual attraction may be directed as an available vehicle to release sexual urges for myself and partner... an action out of serving a purpose than to behave according to a sexual attraction. [This is how I resonate with the asexual identity]  


I desire sex because I enjoy the sensual pleasures it provides, not because I am sexually attracted to the partner.  I suppose the simplest way to put it is, I want the sex for the pleasurable feeling and not because I am sexually turned on by my partner.  I say this because I notice that I enjoy receiving sexual pleasure, than giving sexual pleasure. (For example: receiving and giving oral sex)  Many of my partners enjoy and are turned on while giving just as much as receiving.  For me, I enjoy receiving but I don't enjoy giving (maybe due to the lack of sexual attraction) - which isn't fair, in my opinion.  I'm very particular about how I experience sex - there are a lot of things that might turn others on or make others feel good, but I don't feel turned on by those factors.  [This view point seem to fit with Reason #4]


In the FAQ section of this website,


"I really want to have sex with people I love but when I do I feel nothing and it's horrible. What's wrong with me?

If you don't enjoy sex or find it deeply disappointing this might be
because you don't actually want sex, you want your idea of what sex is."


When I read this question and answer in the FAQ section, it resonated with me instantly. 


Considering that it was only yesterday that I found this site and learned an actual existence of asexuality, I am not sure if I know enough to say I know how to identify myself.  However, from the overview and FAQ sections, I think I resonate with an asexual gray-A orientation.  Or, am I totally wrong? I don't know. It doesn't matter.  If truth is that sexuality and asexuality is fluid, then I suppose it doesn't matter what I label myself. But it's kind of fun to have an awareness of thy self. 

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#75 Tater


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Posted 27 March 2013 - 02:33 PM

Reasons one and maybe four. Except instead of "do experience sexual attraction sometimes" it's more like "experienced sexual attraction once". It was really freaky. I don't know if I do actually want to experience it again. As far as enjoying and liking sexual contact, I haven't before, but I'm not ruling it out with my new partner. She sparked the one time I felt sexual attraction and is low-key and low-demands enough that I don't feel automatically obligated to have sexual contact with her. That leaves some room for actually enjoying it, I think. 

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#76 eurydice


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Posted 28 March 2013 - 01:48 AM

I'm 21.  Around two years ago, I realized that I was asexual.  Before then, I had thought that I was just disinterested, focused on other things, or had low-hormone levels.  But around my sophomore year of college, I finally faced the fact that I had never felt sexual attraction or sexual pleasure.  Kissing was like an awkward and unhygienic handshake, even if it was with someone I thought was attractive (aesthetically and/or romantically).  It wasn't that I was repulsed by sexual activity, it was just a complete apathy.  And that makes sexual activity just... very strange.  I can count the number of times I've felt anything sexual on one hand, and they are disparate, far apart, fleeting.  


I came out to a few friends, but because I am heteroromantic and not necessarily opposed to sexual behavior, it seemed easier to not have to explain myself to every person I knew.  I remember reading testimonials on AVEN, and realizing that I wasn't alone.  It was comforting to know that there wasn't something wrong with me, or that it wasn't my fault - it was just who I was, and that was okay.


Around two months ago, a good friend of mine gave me a hug, and I felt something.  And then, all of a sudden, it was all the time with him.  Butterflies and warmness.  Even a kiss that didn't feel like a handshake.  Honestly, 21 feels too late to be learning what butterflies-in-your-stomach means.  And so, "Identity Crisis, part 2" is in full swing.  Unfortunately, my friend has a girlfriend, so it's been particularly difficult and not very fun.


I guess I say that I'm Gray-A, because I thought I was asexual, and then I discovered that there was someone who I would like to have sex with. That doesn't mean that sexual attraction is something that I need in a romantic partner, but it does change how I perceive myself, sex, and potential romantic interests.

#77 katiecanflyyy



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Posted 03 April 2013 - 06:04 AM

Not a single one of those defines exactly why i feel grey, but some of them come close.


experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

These two probably come the closest. I have a VERRRRRY low sex drive. No sexual attraction though. All emotional attraction for me. 

I can enjoy sex. but only with people with whom i have an emotional connection with. which is why i identify with being demi as well. I have sex quite regularly because I am in a relationship with a sexual person. But I never really desire it. I only initiate when I'm like "hey, nothing good on tv. this could be fun" and because i like making my partner feel good. there are a billion other things i would rather do. but its part of my relationship and it can be fun activity wise but not drive wise if that makes sense? I can compare it to just something else we do together. on the same level as playing video games or watching movies together. 

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#78 Schrecken


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Posted 03 April 2013 - 08:10 PM

For me it's mostly reason one and three - I can literally count on one hand the times in my life (and I don't even need all the digits) where I have been sexually attracted to anyone (for me it's men, as I am hetero-romantic).  Considering that I'm going to be 43 very soon, that seems like an un-naturally low number of people to be attracted to (this of course means real people, not celebrities and fantasy characters) so hence the grey-A label.  Outside of those instances, I have had plenty of instances where my libido rears its head, but other than taking care of it myself I have no desire to find a partner to help me squelch it, hence #3.


The very first real sexual attraction (to a real person) I ever experienced was when I was 14 (and I use the term "sexual" very loosely here - will explain later), and at that time I was simply too young (and the object of my infatuation too old) for anything to develop.

From then on I would have minor "squishes" on various celebrities (I swear I had a crush on half the Baltimore Orioles baseball team when I was 13! :redface: ) - in other words, people I would never have a chance with.  As I got older, into my late teens and early 20's, I began to wonder if something wasn't wrong with me because whenever I'd have a crush I could never imagine wanting to have sex with the guy (let's say even if by some chance I had a chance with a famous person).  I would fantasize and masturbate away but could never even begin to think about a guy putting his penis into my vagina (and oral sex was just gross, gross, gross!).  Actually if that thought crossed my mind during a fantasy, that was a surefire way to kill it!  Kinda like a mental cold shower.

As I got into my early 20's I got into therapy for unrelated reasons and eventually I got around to asking my therapist about this issue.  She really had no idea why I might be sex averse, but she told me that I could train my mind to want to have sex with someone I was attracted to.   So I did try her suggestion, and really had little luck with it (I suppose it was like trying to acquire a taste for a food you have no desire to eat).  The only reason I ever wanted to try to want sex was that I was hoping I could have a relationship and naturally figured that the vast majority of men would want sex at some point.  Otherwise, I figured there would be no point in me persuing relationships if I could never get aroused by the idea of having sexual intercourse.


So when I was 24 I met this man one day at work (he didn't really work there, he was just there to do some contracting work) and I developed a serious crush on him.  But still there was the problem of sex - basically I was just romantically attracted to him and never thought about or desired sex with him.  However, somewhere along the way I continued to follow that therapist's advice and eventually somehow taught my mind to want to have sex with him, even though some part of me still never wanted to actually follow thru.  He was receptive to the idea of having sex with me, but eventually I turned him down (one big reason was that it would only be sex, since I found out later that he had a live-in girlfriend, and there were tons of other smaller red flags).  So had circumstances been different, I probably could have had a sexual relationship with this man and possibly even wanted and enjoyed sex.


Then I went several more years (between these episodes there was nothing - no attractions, no crushes, nothing) and again met a man at work (he actually worked for the company and was there everyday like I was) who I fell for.  Well, at this point I finally had gotten to better "acquire the taste" (I had never actually had sex, just what I could imagine in my mind) and did indeed many times imagine dragging this guy into the closet under the stairs and pouncing on him for some sexual action.  But I never got the chance to cross that final bridge of choosing whether or not to have sex with him as I did with the last guy.  This guy was eternally wishy-washy and kept breaking up (that's when I'd make a move) with his GF but he kept going back to her and breaking up in an endless cycle, and it became so very depressing to wait around for some wishy-washy guy to make up his mind once and for all.  So then began another drought of nothingness.  But this one was, unlike the others, short-lived, and when I was around 30 I met another guy with whom I had had a professional relationship and I fell for him.  Didn't work with him, just a professional dealing where I had hired him to do some work for me (and I did a little work for him in a trade of sorts).  Again, I was able to imagine having sex with him, and indeed this was by far the most powerful sexual attraction I've ever felt so far in my life.  It was all I could do (sorry this sounds like some kind of bad romance novel) to restrain my self from pouncing on him when I was with him in his office.  I had been flirting with him and he with me (probably the only time in my life when I was able to figure out what flirting was and how to do it, somehow it just came naturally at that point but probably only because I was in the throes of a heavy-duty attraction) but that's about as far as it ever got.  Eventually he told me that he was moving his business back to his home state (which was far from where we currently were) and at that point I no longer had any business dealings with him.  I wanted to escalate things into some kind of a formal relationship (outside of business and just flirting and chit-chat) but it was at this point he revealed to me that he was bi-sexual (just assuming the bi part, as generally gay men don't flirt with straight women in a serious way) and had a male partner who he was going home to meet.  Needless to say I was devastated, especially since this was the closest thing I've ever had to developing into a serious relationship in my whole life.  That and the fact that he led me on for so long and made me think I had a chance and then came out to me in that way.  Well, he moved back home and I never saw him again, and after that I had some other rotten things happen in my life and not long after that I ended up also moving back home, back in with my parents out of necessity.

That was 13 years ago, and since then I've had no more attractions (romantic or sexual or both) to anyone since.  I still have a libido (which is mostly iced now due to me being on the pill) and masturbate once in a blue moon, and while I may imagine sexual intercourse once in a while, I think of no one in particular.


So, compared to a typical female sexual, I am of course not totally A since I have had a few sexual attractions, but I think that my level of attractions falls far short of what is "normal" (hate that word, I prefer the term "default" - in that is the typical situation) in a sexual woman.  Even if I had managed to have been able to have an actual relationship with any of the three men, and had engaged in intercourse, I still would be a grey-A since these desires are so very rare in me and I never seek them out (all these incidences were accidental crushes - I didn't date or try to meet them on the basis of establishing a romantic or sexual relationship).   That, and the whole thing of having to train my self to imagine wanting sex - in other words it did not come naturally for me like it apparently does for most women.

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#79 JR17



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Posted 04 April 2013 - 11:20 PM

I pretty much fit all four definitions:


That's true.  I would say I'm attracted to about less than 5 percent of men which is a very low percentage.  If it weren't for men with good physiques, I would basically consider myself a true asexual.  . 

  • experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive

My libido is pretty inconsisent.  There are days when it's high and there are days when it's nonexistant.  

  • experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

I do what to act on them at times, but I don't really want to act on them by having sex or even oral sex for that matter.  The closest thing to me wanting to act on my attraction is me wanting to grab a guy's muscles and then masturbate to it later on.  Occasionally I have the urge to make out with a guy, but that's rare.  

  • people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

I really don't desire sex.  I'm not repulsed by the idea, but it's not something that I look forward to doing either.  

#80 WhenSummersGone



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Posted 06 April 2013 - 05:00 AM

For me my Demisexuality is a lack of innate sexual desire until emotional connections have been made.

"I Am Who I Am" by Lee Ryan.

#81 Vincisomething



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Posted 06 April 2013 - 03:49 PM

When I had crushes in high school, I thought imagining being sexually intimate with them was really weird- and when I would watch teens in movies having sex after like two days of meeting each other, I would think, "okay, no on does that -.-".


I couldn't imagine having sex with anyone until we really loved each other. Then a couple years ago, I took an asexual test on okcupid for shits and giggles. I didn't think I was in the asexual/gray-A community, but the results showed I was demisexual. I read more about it and thought, "there's a name for this?? Not everyone is like this?? I've been this my whole life and never knew there was a term for it until now??"

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"Nothing is true; everything is permitted"

"Fear not the darkness- but welcome its embrace"

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"What is called Nothingness is to be found only in time and in speech. In time it stands between the past and future and has no existence in the present; and thus in speech it is one of the things of which we say: They are not, or they are impossible."

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#82 Kitty Spoon Train

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Posted 06 April 2013 - 08:57 PM

When I had crushes in high school, I thought imagining being sexually intimate with them was really weird- and when I would watch teens in movies having sex after like two days of meeting each other, I would think, "okay, no on does that -.-".


Yeah, I was the same. To this day I can't really wrap my head around how people have sex on the first date, or have one night stands, or whatever like that.


I thought it was just something that happens in the movies. Or if in real life - that it must be caused by temporary insanity such as being on a massive rebound or something. Never realised that lots of people actually see sex as something they want for its own sake, out of basically any good looking member of a certain gender.

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#83 Vincisomething



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Posted 08 April 2013 - 07:01 AM

When I had crushes in high school, I thought imagining being sexually intimate with them was really weird- and when I would watch teens in movies having sex after like two days of meeting each other, I would think, "okay, no on does that -.-".


Yeah, I was the same. To this day I can't really wrap my head around how people have sex on the first date, or have one night stands, or whatever like that.


I thought it was just something that happens in the movies. Or if in real life - that it must be caused by temporary insanity such as being on a massive rebound or something. Never realised that lots of people actually see sex as something they want for its own sake, out of basically any good looking member of a certain gender.

I thought it was in those tween/teen dramas or exaggerated-life dramas, and then I realized, "wait, people actually do that?"

"Nothing is true; everything is permitted"

"Fear not the darkness- but welcome its embrace"

-- Assassin's Creed

"What is called Nothingness is to be found only in time and in speech. In time it stands between the past and future and has no existence in the present; and thus in speech it is one of the things of which we say: They are not, or they are impossible."

-- Leonardo Da Vinci

#84 Derp-D-Derp



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Posted 10 April 2013 - 12:58 PM

I agree with all of these. In addition, 


I used to rush into sexual relationships but, as I told my therapist, "as soon as they said something stupid, I turned off." So, he taught me to wait till they said something stupid FIRST lol ...


I am attracted to very young men (gay or straight) and masculine women; I enjoy all forms of closeness and affection, I enjoy skin-to-skin contact; I have no sex drive and do not enjoy any type of sexual activity that requires me to be a participant, if that makes sense (trying not to offend anyone).

I identify as gray-a because...


1. I desire emotional connections/best-friend-romantic relationships over sex.

2. I would rather eat something really delicious or have my hair played with over sex.

3. I don't want anything to do with sex/kissing, etc. if the individual makes me feel unattracted (based on personality) to them.

4. I hate the pressure of feeling that I need to provide sexual pleasure to someone in order for them to stay with me.

#85 Anindya


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Posted 13 April 2013 - 03:28 AM

Oh hell, another term to ponder but yeah that fits sort of, the halfway house situation again just like everything else about me.


I am attracted to androgyny and other gender variations based on male, but being a mild gender variation myself it kind of fits that I should be attracted to my own kind.


And perhaps that's it, the reason for my apparent lack of interest in either gender is because what my mind seeks is rare as I have tried it, I have bimbled about over periods of time looking at either gender, many different people and I have not felt any sexual attraction to either.


So again damned, the tantalus situation again

#86 Hanaar



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Posted 17 April 2013 - 02:35 PM

I'm not very attracted to looks. To an extent yes, but for the most part I furrow my brows at how aesthetically unpleasing 99% of people are. I enjoy sex though it's not super strong and it doesn't make it a priority in my life more than eating dessert or going to the movies or any other activity. It's just an activity like any other.

I mostly enjoy it because I love making other people feel good and them having sexual emotions doesn't stifle their romantic emotions so what's the big whoop?  :mellow:

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Food for thought.

#87 JagodaDevojka



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Posted 21 April 2013 - 05:15 AM

I guess because I do get romantic feelings and fancy somebody. I'm okay with kissing and cuddling, but not intercourse or oral sex. Anything with the genitals freaks me out.

#88 ameline



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Posted 23 April 2013 - 01:04 AM

I classify myself as demisexual because even though I've never really messed with the dating thing (which yes, means I haven't even done low level sexual things like kissing) I have been sexualy attracted a few times in my life. Once completly randomly when I didn't know the person, but all the other times it only started to happen after somone had become a close friend. But other than that small handfull of occourances, most of the time I am more than content spending my time reading, doing crafts (like the pikachu who is my icon, I cross stitched that guy :D), and spending time with my friends.

#89 Anhamirak


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Posted 30 April 2013 - 06:28 PM

I think all of these apply to me on some level; does that make me ultra-gray?   :P  Just kidding.



• do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes


This is certainly true, since there are definitely men I've seen that I wanted to touch and be touched by, but it doesn't happen all that frequently.



• experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive


Yup, that's me, Miss Almost-non-existent-libido



• experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them


On those rare occasions when sexual attraction and drive coincide for me, I'm still sort of like, "Meh.  Sounds like a lot of effort."



• people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances


I think I would enjoy sex, if it were in the context of an intimate, committed, monogamous relationship, but (again, point number three) not enough to instigate or seek it out.  It's not like I'm freaked/grossed out by sex, so there's really no reason why I couldn't enjoy it, and it would be nice to feel desired by my significant other in a physical sense.  So yeah, if they instigated...it could happen.

#90 Paul22


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Posted 30 April 2013 - 10:04 PM

I think all four points apply to me. I've been sexually attracted to (I think) three people, and each time was/is only when I had really strong feelings in general toward each person.


I think if I tried to have sex with someone I wasn't in love with/had a crush on, it'd be confusing for me because I don't usually associate touch with intimacy. Never mind that I wouldn't feel attracted that way, anyway.


I guess that makes me a demisexual?

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