GryphBop

Why do you say you're Gray-A?

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According to the AVEN wiki, there are a lot of reasons people might choose to identify as gray-A:

  • do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes
  • experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive
  • experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them
  • people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

My question is, for those of you that are gray-A, why exactly do you identify as such? Is it for one of the reasons on the list, or some other reason?

I've toying with the idea of being gray-A for the following reason:

TMI Warning

I've found that my ability to experience sexual attraction is directly linked to my menstrual cycle. Right before and during the first one/two days of my period, I've found myself getting weird, most likely sexual feelings at the sight of attractive men. Attempting to recreate this feeling outside of that timeframe hasn't been at all successful. I guess PMS makes me temporarily sexual? I dunno.

So, what about you?

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Reason No. 1, it happened to me once in my life (I mean, multiple times with one person.)

EDIT: And if by "under very limited and specific circumstances" is meant very limited number of sexual practices, No. 4 could be added too.

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people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

That one, I guess. I'm not 100% certain, but that's the closest option. The circumstances are very very limited and extremely rare, and I definitely haven't felt any desire in a long time (nor enjoyment then, as I haven't desired sex enough to engage in it). I'm happier not having sex than having it; 99% of the time I feel very negatively about it.

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Mostly because.... oddly enough, the same as your spoiler explanation!!! O_O


Huh, how 'bout that? Like you I've tried to do it outside the time frame but all I manage to do is gross myself out (mind you it gives me a pretty good heads up when to stock up on pads) I have no idea what that means, do you?

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I chose to identify as gray A because all those reasons describe me somehow. I am not shure which statement is exactly the right one..

I think I could maybe even enjoy and desire sex if the partner would be really perfect for me (emotional connection, trust, physical attraction, matching personalities..).. Even I would be extremely attracted to someone sex would be off the table until I´d trust that person completely. So I have some demisexual features too.

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Mostly because.... oddly enough, the same as your spoiler explanation!!! O_O

Huh, how 'bout that? Like you I've tried to do it outside the time frame but all I manage to do is gross myself out (mind you it gives me a pretty good heads up when to stock up on pads) I have no idea what that means, do you?

Don't take my word for it, but I think that it has something to do with ovulation? Either that or it's just weird hormone insanity. *shrugs*

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I'm not sure yet, but I think this definition fits me best:

experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

But I'm not sure if what I experience is sexual attraction or simply physical attraction. What I do know is that I am not interested in having a sexual partner.

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Mostly because.... oddly enough, the same as your spoiler explanation!!! O_O

Huh, how 'bout that? Like you I've tried to do it outside the time frame but all I manage to do is gross myself out (mind you it gives me a pretty good heads up when to stock up on pads) I have no idea what that means, do you?

Don't take my word for it, but I think that it has something to do with ovulation? Either that or it's just weird hormone insanity. *shrugs*

I suppose it could be your body saying " Warning! Last chance to get pregnant! What not interested this time oh okay *turns off sex drive*"

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Because I experience what I believe to be sexual attraction on a consistent and regular basis, but I have no desire for sex. I think some people in my situation would call themselves asexual, but I've always felt gray-A was more descriptive.

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Bare in mind that description will not be 100% correct for everyone, people will have their reasons of identifying as grey, beyond those points.

I don't exactly use any label, I don't have a sex drive, no sexual/romantic attraction, no desires only an indication of lack of experience and a slim possibility of being "bi" (bi in terms of aesthetic attraction) if I ever did want a relationship, it probably will be sexual eventually. It's a kind of apathy to the whole thing, its kinda illustrated in the avatar... Heh it's like a 10/90 split on things... But otherwise there's 1001 obstacles with social and sensory problems would make it unlikely that future relationships would ever work. The grey area is often dry in its research... :wacko:

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I consider myself to be a gray-A because I have had sexual attraction in the past (though it has happened very few times). If one wanted to get specific, one might call me a gray-demisexual, but I generally introduce myself as a gray-asexual for the ease of convenience. Also, I'm not entirely sure if the demisexual label works for me due to how infrequently I desire sex (even while in relationships) and the seemingly random nature of my sexual attractions. I guess only time will tell.

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Mostly because.... oddly enough, the same as your spoiler explanation!!! O_O

Huh, how 'bout that? Like you I've tried to do it outside the time frame but all I manage to do is gross myself out (mind you it gives me a pretty good heads up when to stock up on pads) I have no idea what that means, do you?

I am the SAME!!

I only realized this after I had decided I was asexual. And then I find it odd that I am all touchy with my partner and I actually don't try and push him away (sadly I usually do) when he becomes sexually aroused.

I only said asexual because I am so ANTI-SEXUAL.

I hate having sexual feelings and what it does to people. And I don't want them.

Lol sooo yeah that's my reasoning.

It just means you body's mechanisms want to pro-create. That's it.

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I have a sexual fetish for the sensation of fabric and air on girls' bodies.

In simpler terms, I like seeing girls' skirts blow up.

Also, I think I actually was sexually attracted to one girl for a while. I lost my crush on her in the same process of acquiring another crush whom I liked romantically, and given that at the time I was able to compare the two attractions, I can honestly say that I want a romantic relationship over a sexual relationship. Funny thing is, the first girl turned out to be a bit of an asshole (which I kind of half expected), and the second one was lesbian (it was obvious when I think back, but at the time I was really hoping she had mild aspergers like me, because then I could relate to her)...

I think I actually am sexually attracted more often than I may think, it is just that the idea of having sex is really not attractive. I find it mildly disturbing and unpleasant, and really dislike sexual material in books/television/games (save the above mentioned, which I suppose is of a sexual nature to most sexuals).

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I have a sexual fetish for the sensation of fabric and air on girls' bodies.

In simpler terms, I like seeing girls' skirts blow up.

Swear to God if I didn't see your country right under your name I would've thought you jumped out of a Japanese school manga XD

But is that pretty much the difference between gray-a and sexual? Because that's what had me confused for so long I would feel arousal but if I tried to direct it to a person or if somebody came on to me I would freak the hell out. I kind of wish I was either completely asexual or completely sexual, this half-way thing is kind of annoying <_<

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I identify as Gray-A because while I do get turned on sometimes, it's never because of a specific person. And when I think about having a relationship with someone, thinking about sex with them is right up there with cutting off a finger on the list of things I want to do. I'm more concerned with having an emotional relationship.

Lately I've kind of been worrying over this though, and wondering if I'm demisexual, but since I've never been in a relationship and all I can rely on is my feelings, I'm not entirely sure yet. I'm just sure that sex with someone I have a crush on right now is just beyond gross. I don't even like being turned on. If it was possible to cut out that whole part of my life that cares even a little about sex, I would.

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I know right? But I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that, it's just something you gotta deal with.

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  • I've found that my ability to experience sexual attraction is directly linked to my menstrual cycle. Right before and during the first one/two days of my period, I've found myself getting weird, most likely sexual feelings at the sight of attractive men. Attempting to recreate this feeling outside of that timeframe hasn't been at all successful. I guess PMS makes me temporarily sexual?

im the same way it has to do with your hormones. as for Me im some were in between a gray A and a Demi. I've never had someone i looked at and have said "yeah i'd do them..." farthest my brain goes is ''oooh hes cute"

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According to the AVEN wiki, there are a lot of reasons people might choose to identify as gray-A:

  • do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes
  • experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive
  • experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them
  • people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

My question is, for those of you that are gray-A, why exactly do you identify as such? Is it for one of the reasons on the list, or some other reason?

Your experience is certainly interesting! Can't say I've noticed any biological pattern like that in my own situation. For me it's mostly the third point, where I might see a gorgeous guy and think, "Hmm, I'd hit that hunk of spunk..." without feeling like I need to do anything about it at all. I also think the fourth point applies to me, as I cannot consider anybody a serious sexual prospect until I know him well.

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"hunk of spunk" just made me throw up in my mouth a little :wacko:

I don't know why people use bodily fluids or anatomy to make favorable comments about other people, am I the only one who thinks that's off-putting? Seriously, talking dirty is the fastest way to turn me back off. So maybe I do have a sex drive, but it's just really really weak, and you can't actually *talk* about sex around me. Oh dear. :blink:

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I identify as gray-a because...

1. I desire emotional connections/best-friend-romantic relationships over sex.

2. I would rather eat something really delicious or have my hair played with over sex.

3. I don't want anything to do with sex/kissing, etc. if the individual makes me feel unattracted (based on personality) to them.

4. I hate the pressure of feeling that I need to provide sexual pleasure to someone in order for them to stay with me.

Identifying as gray-a makes this whole thing a lot easier - no pressure. I think with the right person, I might want to have sexual interactions - but it takes a lot for that desire to be roused.

I tend to be persuaded into having sex early on in relationships (due to pressure/expectation/societal norm) which doesn't usually pan out because then I realize that the person I am with is not someone I truly want to be with and things get messy, I lose all desire to be sexual with the person, and eventually the relationship falls apart.

I should mention that I still do feel aroused; most of my arousal is based on musings of close relationships when people are at a distance.

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"hunk of spunk" just made me throw up in my mouth a little :wacko:

I don't know why people use bodily fluids or anatomy to make favorable comments about other people, am I the only one who thinks that's off-putting? Seriously, talking dirty is the fastest way to turn me back off. So maybe I do have a sex drive, but it's just really really weak, and you can't actually *talk* about sex around me. Oh dear. :blink:

I don't get it either, people I find often casually find people greeting me with preferred um... 'Sizes'. This is usually in situations where alcohol or clubbing situations... Some can get disconcerting enough to get comments about... Um... How much ____ I can take. Even within social gatherings like that, it's quite disproportionately inappropriate for me. :blink:

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I just puts an image in my head and it's gross *hurls*

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"hunk of spunk" just made me throw up in my mouth a little :wacko:

I don't know why people use bodily fluids or anatomy to make favorable comments about other people, am I the only one who thinks that's off-putting? Seriously, talking dirty is the fastest way to turn me back off. So maybe I do have a sex drive, but it's just really really weak, and you can't actually *talk* about sex around me. Oh dear. :blink:

My comment was not intended in that manner at all, RoL34 and others who are upset. Where I come from, when we say a guy is "a spunk" or "spunky", it means he is good-looking. Perhaps it means something derogatory in your country, but then again I do not live in your country, therefore I do not use the same colloquialisms as you.

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For me, #s 1 and 4 describes my situation best.

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"hunk of spunk" just made me throw up in my mouth a little :wacko:

I don't know why people use bodily fluids or anatomy to make favorable comments about other people, am I the only one who thinks that's off-putting? Seriously, talking dirty is the fastest way to turn me back off. So maybe I do have a sex drive, but it's just really really weak, and you can't actually *talk* about sex around me. Oh dear. :blink:

My comment was not intended in that manner at all, RoL34 and others who are upset. Where I come from, when we say a guy is "a spunk" or "spunky", it means he is good-looking. Perhaps it means something derogatory in your country, but then again I do not live in your country, therefore I do not use the same colloquialisms as you.

Oh dear! Yes, where I'm from "spunk" can mean that but it is also slang for semen, so now you can understand my revulsion. I realize that you weren't trying to gross me out and I wasn't trying to admonish you, but it never even occurred to me that you would mean something entirely different. My apologies, it's not your fault in the slightest.

Heh, something like that happened to my sister when she was on her Navy summer cruise. She was assigned to a ship with some burly Aussie sailors and they were allowed to go ashore and they had asked if they were allowed to wear their "thongs". They, of course, meant "flip-flops", but my sister nearly died imagining these bulked up dudes walking around Sasabo sporting g-strings. XD XD XD

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I identify as gray-a because...

1. I desire emotional connections/best-friend-romantic relationships over sex.

2. I would rather eat something really delicious or have my hair played with over sex.

3. I don't want anything to do with sex/kissing, etc. if the individual makes me feel unattracted (based on personality) to them.

4. I hate the pressure of feeling that I need to provide sexual pleasure to someone in order for them to stay with me.

This! (#1 and #4 from the OP, basically.) And because I have a heterosexual husband whom I love and who is very patient and good to me. If he hadn't come along, I'd likely be the less-gray shade of asexual.

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I've also noticed that when I'm drunk I feel, not exactly "sexual", but more open to the idea of sex. It's that just because my inhibition is impaired?

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"hunk of spunk" just made me throw up in my mouth a little :wacko:

I don't know why people use bodily fluids or anatomy to make favorable comments about other people, am I the only one who thinks that's off-putting? Seriously, talking dirty is the fastest way to turn me back off. So maybe I do have a sex drive, but it's just really really weak, and you can't actually *talk* about sex around me. Oh dear. :blink:

My comment was not intended in that manner at all, RoL34 and others who are upset. Where I come from, when we say a guy is "a spunk" or "spunky", it means he is good-looking. Perhaps it means something derogatory in your country, but then again I do not live in your country, therefore I do not use the same colloquialisms as you.

Oh dear! Yes, where I'm from "spunk" can mean that but it is also slang for semen, so now you can understand my revulsion. I realize that you weren't trying to gross me out and I wasn't trying to admonish you, but it never even occurred to me that you would mean something entirely different. My apologies, it's not your fault in the slightest.

Heh, something like that happened to my sister when she was on her Navy summer cruise. She was assigned to a ship with some burly Aussie sailors and they were allowed to go ashore and they had asked if they were allowed to wear their "thongs". They, of course, meant "flip-flops", but my sister nearly died imagining these bulked up dudes walking around Sasabo sporting g-strings. XD XD XD

"Spunk" has always meant liveliness, spirit, or pep where I am from. It's the only definition in the dictionary too...both kinds of thongs are in there though, I grew up with the sandals and now have converted it to mean only underwear. :lol:

Back to the regularly scheduled topic...

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Mostly because.... oddly enough, the same as your spoiler explanation!!! O_O

Huh, how 'bout that? Like you I've tried to do it outside the time frame but all I manage to do is gross myself out (mind you it gives me a pretty good heads up when to stock up on pads) I have no idea what that means, do you?

I am the SAME!!

I only realized this after I had decided I was asexual. And then I find it odd that I am all touchy with my partner and I actually don't try and push him away (sadly I usually do) when he becomes sexually aroused.

I only said asexual because I am so ANTI-SEXUAL.

I hate having sexual feelings and what it does to people. And I don't want them.

Lol sooo yeah that's my reasoning.

It just means you body's mechanisms want to pro-create. That's it.

Like you, I am antisexual asexual and I think sex is something gross and bad. The mere idea of it brings me strong headaches and feelings like impurity, anxiety, guilt, the sensation of being used, etc. I avoid it in all ways, including selfsex. I think sexual people are controlled in a certain way by their hormones. Unfortunately, many sexual couples give too much priority to sex, as a fundamental requisite to "keep alive the flame of love". I think sex is only for reproduction and it should only be used for that. But sexuals use it for fun, too, and they become addicted. They can't live afterwards in complete abstinence. If they were asexuals or celibates, they would knew how much beautiful is to live a sexless life... :)

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I've also noticed that when I'm drunk I feel, not exactly "sexual", but more open to the idea of sex. It's that just because my inhibition is impaired?

I can't see any other reason for it. lol

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