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I want a close relationship, but I don't want sex


Falling Leaf

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Thank you for sharing. I'm the same way. I'm terrified of dating but don't want to life my entire life alone. I've tried the OKC route but there's so few out there in my area that are compatible. Dates are few and far between and it never amounts to anything. I don't understand why it's so hard to meet other asexual people who are interested in close companionship.

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nolongeractive

I do consider myself my own best friend too and like being by myself a fair amount, but as it was said we ARE a social species and would want some sort of companion ship sometimes. I'm pretty introverted for the most part, but I have found wonderful friends who i can be outgoing with and i very much love them! Friendship and relationships come naturally, you're bound to meet people ;) anything can happen

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I can relate extremely well to this entire thread. I just want a very close platonic friendship, and it's so exhausting that society seems to think that platonic love and commitment and sharing and intimacy aren't real or don't matter. I had a friendship that was very much like that once (10+ years), but she she ditched me as a friend after she met her husband and decided I wasn't important anymore. I just want someone who values close platonic friendship as much as I do, who wants to share our lives in a nonromantic, nonsexual way. Who won't place unpleasant expectations on me (ugh, relationships carry so many expectations), or try to curb my independence, or kick me to the curb once they find a romantic/sexual relationship, as if that's the only kind of closeness that matters.

I've been trying to figure out how to cultivate that kind of relationship. I miss companionship.

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I'm in the same boat as far as friend getting married and having kids. I find myself alone much of the time now and am trying to put myself out there in new situations and meeting new people has developed new friendships for me. I am myself someone, while not liking sex, needs the physical bonding of cuddling, holding hands, massage, really anything non sexual we can engage in together. I've yet to be able to broach the subject of being ACE and finding someone who will understand this,, and as there seem to be so few of us, it is often disheartening.

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  • 1 year later...
Suspension_of_Disbelief

Falling Leaf, I have the same thoughts on relationships. I want to be loved so badly, but on my terms for once. I'm done with the "grin and bear it" of having sex. I would be okay never having sex again. I want the companionship. I think the only way I could have it would be if I found another asexual. Which...can be hard :unsure: . I wish there was an easy fix, like a button I could switch on to be a normal heterosexual who loves sex.

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  • 1 year later...
alone girle
On 2/15/2014 at 10:34 PM, Adogg said:

I'm in the same boat as far as friend getting married and having kids. I find myself alone much of the time now and am trying to put myself out there in new situations and meeting new people has developed new friendships for me. I am myself someone, while not liking sex, needs the physical bonding of cuddling, holding hands, massage, really anything non sexual we can engage in together. I've yet to be able to broach the subject of being ACE and finding someone who will understand this,, and as there seem to be so few of us, it is often disheartening.

Say thanks God ,lam Egyptian girl in my county you can't find love without sex ,I can't find someone love him and lived romantic relationship without sex because I don't like sex ,

I hope you find your love 

I am sorry for my language l don't speak English well

 

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This thread's been necroed twice, jeez.  How do people even find these

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3 minutes ago, TON said:

I hear ya, I long for a QPR myself, but I'm afraid to engage in one, because sex might enter into it at some point.

Yup, this is exactly how I feel. I'm honestly sick of romantic relationships as well as sexual ones, I just want a close platonic bond with someone...is that too much to ask? Ah, so frustrating! 

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  • 4 months later...

Oh my god, I literally read this and I swear to god, this is me. You hit every nail on the head! I have the same thing with my family - they even paid for subscriptions to dating websites and I've pleased them by going on dates but all anyone wants is an intimate relationship. I've always thought I was somehow broken becuase I couldn't feel love like everyone else. Affectionate displays on tv and in real life like kissing makes me cringe like i'm five or something. 

 

I recently told this all to my best friend, who I thought understood me - i only have her as a friend because usual social relationships require too much effort - and she said the same as everyone else, that "I haven't found the right person yet, or its all in my head, or I'm looking to hard and love will find me when it wants to," except I don't want love.

Problem was, the only reason she was hanging around me was becuase she "loves" me. Which has seriously affected our relationship because i didn't want that from her. 

 

I want a unanimous relationship. I want someone i can come home to and watch our favourite movies together, rant about work, maybe have a heart to heart about our favourite books and then at the end of the evening, we'll go to bed in our own separate rooms and not fuck up the relationship by trying to be physical. 

It's so refreshing to actually find other people that feel the same and I'm not broken for not fitting in with everyone around me. Now I just have to find someone to split the bills with so i can move away from home and get my independence back!

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On 26-11-2017 at 5:23 PM, FaelynGrey said:

Oh my god, I literally read this and I swear to god, this is me. You hit every nail on the head! I have the same thing with my family - they even paid for subscriptions to dating websites and I've pleased them by going on dates but all anyone wants is an intimate relationship. I've always thought I was somehow broken becuase I couldn't feel love like everyone else. Affectionate displays on tv and in real life like kissing makes me cringe like i'm five or something. 

 

I recently told this all to my best friend, who I thought understood me - i only have her as a friend because usual social relationships require too much effort - and she said the same as everyone else, that "I haven't found the right person yet, or its all in my head, or I'm looking to hard and love will find me when it wants to," except I don't want love.

Problem was, the only reason she was hanging around me was becuase she "loves" me. Which has seriously affected our relationship because i didn't want that from her. 

 

I want a unanimous relationship. I want someone i can come home to and watch our favourite movies together, rant about work, maybe have a heart to heart about our favourite books and then at the end of the evening, we'll go to bed in our own separate rooms and not fuck up the relationship by trying to be physical. 

It's so refreshing to actually find other people that feel the same and I'm not broken for not fitting in with everyone around me. Now I just have to find someone to split the bills with so i can move away from home and get my independence back!

All of this speaks to me on a very personal level. Especially the "separate rooms" part seems to be something that is extremely uncommon for people to want, but I really like that idea. The only thing I can't share thought with is the "QPR" part, because I still do not feel like I could have this kind of bond with a male for whatever reason.

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I like this thread, i am glad it came back to life a few times. I like that there are several people who all feel the same about wanting a platonic relationship, I do too and I was getting to the point where I thought that I would be lonely for life. But this has shown me that there is a little bit of hope and fingers crossed we will all find what we want!

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On 30/11/2017 at 9:53 PM, Slanty said:

I like this thread, i am glad it came back to life a few times. I like that there are several people who all feel the same about wanting a platonic relationship, I do too and I was getting to the point where I thought that I would be lonely for life. But this has shown me that there is a little bit of hope and fingers crossed we will all find what we want!

Agreed. It's definitely good to hear there are like-minded people out there. Interestingly enough, I know of some couples (granted they are a little older), who have separate bedrooms, including my family. I can't really imagine sharing a bedroom with someone for longer periods of time. Unless they are a dog/cat ...

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4 minutes ago, kirakana said:

Agreed. It's definitely good to hear there are like-minded people out there. Interestingly enough, I know of some couples (granted they are a little older), who have separate bedrooms, including my family. I can't really imagine sharing a bedroom with someone for longer periods of time. Unless they are a dog/cat ...

I'm the same, I hate sharing a bed, unless its the cat!!

the few times I have, I haven't been able to sleep because the other person was just too close to me. I couldn't relax. But I have a big bed all to myself! except when the cat gets cold and she needs something to sleep on...:D

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  • 11 months later...
On 2/8/2014 at 5:50 AM, pfunk08 said:

I completely relate to this. I spent years through high school/college trying to make "romantic" relationships work. Looking back at those relationships now, I have realized I was only happy in the early-ish phases when it was essentially a very close friendship. Once the girl I was with pushed the various relationships into a more romantic realm, the relationships became increasingly stressful and emotionally draining for me the longer I was in them. After reading through experiences here, I have come to realize I am probably aromantic, and that, at the time, I experienced sensual attraction for the girls I was with. My confusion of sensual attraction for romantic attraction probably added to the confusion of the relationships because I associated that with "romance" but couldn't read any of the romantic signals the girls I dated were sending me.

I've spent the past few years alone and I have been much happier than I was forcing myself into all of those romantic situations. At the same time, I feel it would be great to have a companion in my life because I really enjoy cuddling/kissing/making out but only with someone I am close to emotionally. Unfortunately, I have found my interest in those activities will be misconstrued as romantic/sexual interest and my partner will seek something I am unable to comfortably provide.

You've pretty much described my whole existence... Last relationship ended because of this, and once again I started blaming myself for it... and just when I thought I had found the right partner, the whole physical connection/romantic bonding thing came up. I still don't know how to deal with situations like that and next time I would probably be up front and sincere with the partner.

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sounds nice but sounds like drama i'm so over relationships because they end. imagine the heartbreak of losing your best friend / partner you don't have sex with. we fall in love in our mind and emotions not sexually I already lost a guy last time and made me cry actually my ex husband....

 

but previously I have envisioned such a feeling and it's literally perfect but the fear of that ending is scary it's like us falling in love the deepest we are capable and then maybe losing it over sexual issues. :(

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On 12/31/2012 at 8:21 PM, Falling Leaf said:

I like being on my own and I find traditional romantic relationships very stressful and draining. I identify as aromantic, and asexual and I really wish I didn't. I have a few friendships, but I'm at the age where most of my friends are getting married, moving away and having children, which means a lot of my friendships aren't as close-knit as they used to be.

I would like to have a really close non-sexual, non-romantic relationship with somone for companionship. I'd like to be around someone who shares my interests, isn't needy or clingy, and has an upbeat personality. It does not matter whether this person is male or female. I'm familiar with the term 'queer platonic partnership' and I think that might be right up my alley.

Everyone keeps telling me to get a boyfriend but I find heterosexual male sex drives repugnant, and I cannot tolerate their constant groping and lecherous stares, nor the cheesy romantic stuff like bouquets of roses and kissing/cuddling. My family thinks I'm being immature, and has told me to just put out and tolerate it. I know all relationships are give and take but sex is something I just don't find pleasurable (it's not a physical thing - masturbation is fine, sex is horrific, degrading), and I'm not willing to partake in such an activity as often as most men/women want it.

I get energy from spending time on my own, but it would be nice to have someone there sometimes. It's difficult to explain but I want to be around someone that I'm so comfortable with, it feels kind of like being on my own but less lonely. I don't know if that makes sense. I believe most people find this in romantic relationships, but I just can't take the romance and sex that goes with them. There is also the matter of finances/utility. In this tough world, everything is made for two and I cannot afford to live on my own without someone else to help with the bills. I work a regular 9-5 job and I have a univeristy education, but I can't seem to find anything out there that offers me the stability and salary I'd need to purchase my own home, so a little bit of help would be nice.

I really, desperately want to be sexual and romantic so I can have this type of relationship, but medications, therapy, hypnosis - all of these options fail me. A partnership like the one I described seems to exist only in my imagination. It's so frustrating. It's like the whole world is obsessed with romantic, sexual relationships and there's no room for anything else. Twice I thought I had this, or at least, could have this with someone but it turned out to be a scam. The first time I don't know what happened but it didn't work, and the second time the individual was clearly hoping I'd change my mind about sex after seeing them naked (which only made me punch him in the face).

This post sounds really pathetic, but I'm so confused! I like being alone, and consider myself my own best friend, but I want companionship? Anyone else feel like this?

Im in the same boat honestly. 

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