9 replies to this topic

[PerfectlyDarkTails]

http://neutrois.me/2...ybodys-asexual/
The above article titled Everybody's Asexual from Neutrois Nonsense describes a very different point of view on things. It also references AVEN.

It describes growing up completely oblivious to gender and sexuality and the assumption that everyone must be asexual because the person couldn't understand their feelings or read what's happening to happen expecting to "bloom" which never happened.

Extraordinarily, this has distinctive parallels with me and my own growing up not having that human interface everyone else takes for granted. Mine goes further as I also had a distinctive inability to socialize, I guess furthering my own cluelessness...

[gilnokoibito]

Gotta say, while reading that, I found some striking parallels with the way I used to think growing up.

 

To me when people my age started dating it seemed like they completely changed around their partner...like their entire personality became false and I couldn't help but think back then "If they fake their personalities, how are they ever going to actually find someone to fully love and accept them?" To me, it was if what they were doing was defeating their own purpose and I couldn't understand why they all did that! Made no sense to me. And it still doesn't make sense a bit to me, though now all my friends are married and act more like themselves around their partners...but I still can't help but wonder how they fell in love at all acting so different as they did. I still feel the same way when it comes to people trying to be all sexy while looking for true and meaningful love and why people get so mushy around their partners. I think I just don't understand any of this crazy world! XD I think at some point I thought the same as the person writing that article...like people faked it all for some strange reason. I kind of want to go interrogate...err...ask my sexual friends about that now and see if they can explain it to me.

[rainbow_panda]

I definitely found that an interesting read, i think it had a few interesting points particularly about gender roles in society. Men are supposed to be obsessed with sex, and Women are expected to have a focus on romance, when this is not necessarily the case.

 

I can relate a bit as well, i never felt sexual attraction but experienced attraction in other ways: romantic asthetic, etc. I just assumed my attractions were sexual ones and that everyone else was experiencing the same thing i was. I just thought that they were just sort of overreacting to it because they were all expected to as hormonal teenagers. I too had the idea that everyone was asexual like me, though i experienced a little hinted feeling that i was different. Eventually i really started questioning my sexuality and what i was feeling, and found AVEN, which cleared up alot for me.

[Philip027]

The way I've seen things is that everyone is born essentially "asexual" since sexuality involves learned behavior that is picked up later on.

 

I certainly don't know how I'd ever have understood what sex was without any sort of exposure.  I actually think that at least part of the reason I am still ace today is that my exposure occurred very late comparatively.

[Oxalis]

One of my favorite bloggers! ;D

[Tenebre]

Sex was an abstract idea for me until I was somewhere in my late teens. I knew it existed, I knew the mechanics, but it never occurred to me that the people around me did it and wanted it. Crushes and sexual desire were the things of books, not real life. Then I had to wake up to the fact that maybe they were a bit more real than I thought... Does this mean that unicorns are real too?

[Rome]

It might be refreshing to remember that sex drives come with puberty, so everyone has experienced asexuality as a child.

[Striped Sweater]

I could definitely relate to the article.  As I've mentioned a few times on this site, I thought that I was normal by having no interest in sex or feeling any sort of sexual attraction.  It wasn't until I was in college that I learned that my thoughts were only representative of a whopping 1% of the population.

[ThorHera]

i could have been the author of this article (but i am not).  I dont think sexuality is learned, at least, not for me - for i should have learned it from my mother and sisters or my g/f's.  Not to exclude the males either.  So, IMO, sexuality is not learned.

 

I thought i was abnormal - as i could not "See" what others were talking about, nor did i feel the things they were.  I was clueless, blind as a bat when it came to sex.  And as the author said - i thought men were sex machines w/no brains (my words) - no feelings of love, just this horrendous sex drive (lust).  My g/f's had to tell me some guy was hitting on me, flirting, etc.  They continually tried to arrange dates (oh ugh - NEVER go on blind dates, EVER), to get me involved with some guy, sigh. 

 

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what their (friends) attraction to males was, why i didnt feel the same way, why i didnt want a guy.  Was perfectly happy w/all my relatnshps, male/female.  Couldnt understand why you couldnt just have a male friend - in the same way you had a girlfriend.  Weird.

 

I would stare at, and wonder/think, why my g/f's  fanned themselves (SO Fakey!!!), holding their foreheads, dropping onto their beds over some actors/musicians.  Why didnt i get this heat, get hot? Heh.  WHY did the girls want to get dressed up in "sexy" (for that era; pfft), putting on make-up, styling their hair - all for what?  To get a man?!  I never did all that (dress up), and despite my wanting to be wallpaper, those horn-dogs were always there panting.  Pathetic.  So getting all gussied up was unnecessary (fake).  Why do girls do that?  No clue - but they all wanted a man, needed a man, wanted to marry a man - i STILL dont get it.

 

Watching a sister, change her personality daily, hourly, to PLEASE a man (fake, and those relatnshps never lasted, even the marriages she had).  Watching my other sister, sweet, giggly, adoring to men, (guess they call that honey), and as soon as the man was out of sight, a mean old hag (fake again).  Amazing.  So, my perception was - you did thus & so to get a man - the main purpose to life, as everyone was seeking a boy/girlfriend, so they could hopefully marry one.   I would never stoop to being a phony piece of baloney.  And for my era, sex was just revolutionizing, yet still for the most part was for the engaged or married. 

 

But .... i wasnt like that; what you see is what you get, and you aint even going to get it.   I waded thru all that .... wondering forever, why i seemed to have this inability to want a man or attach myself to a man.

[WoodwindWoman]

I remember when my mom explained sex- I was like "Oh, okay," and never thought about it again. I just assumed it was in my personality to focus more on school than boys.

 

Sexuality is definitely not learned. We are animals, biology and all. XD If anything, asexuality might be learned in some cases. As I often say, just think- other primates don't "sheild" thier young from sexual behavoir. Not all cultures do, either.

 

And sure, men experience heartbreak and women experience sexual attraction, but the general trends are there, too.