What does Sexual Attraction feel like?

[Michelleelley]

I think maybe the hardest part about realizing we are asexual may be differentiating between sexual attraction and objective attractiveness. I spent a lot of time trying to discover who (which sex) I was sexually attracted to. The thing was, that I didn't have anything to compare it to. I think I realized a little earlier that I have a lower sex drive than most, just because of how often it's talked about. But I don't exactly have a model for what sexual attraction feels like for females. When watching a movie with friends, and they say how hot the actor is, I can agree and say that, objectively, he is really good looking. But are they feeling something, physiologically, that I'm not able to?

Perhaps this isn't the perfect place to ask a question like this, to a group of other asexuals :-P but still, I was wondering if anyone here feels sexual attraction or can give a good description of it, to maybe help everyone here.

It's kind of like if you're color-blind, and you think you can see colors, because you never had anything to compare it to.

[.//]

I wish I could give some input, but I don't get any form of sexual attraction. I can see aesthetic beauty... But I still lack the sexual attraction portion.

[Einy]

I think it's highly individual. I'm sexual and yet I've never had any special feelings about actors or singers. For me personally, sexual attraction means simply that I want to be sexual with the person I'm in love with.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I don't really have an answer, but just wanted to chime in to say that it's confusing indeed...

What I do remember though, for the first 32 years of my existence before I heard about asexuality, is that people always used to annoy me when carrying on about how "hot" people are, and how they'd "tap that", or "give her a hard one" or whatever. It always seemed like some kind of massive exaggeration of macho bravado to me, and I simply thought I'm the quiet introvert and everyone else just likes to talk like that even though they don't really mean it literally.

Eventually I had a few moments which connected the dots for me just before I found AVEN, where I realised that what I'm seeing in people is just a totally sexually-neutral aesthetic appreciation, with maybe a dash of non-sexual romantic attraction in the case of certain cute females, sometimes.

But I think I can imagine what happens with other people: maybe it's sort of like the "cuddle urge" I can experience with girls whom I see as very cute. I guess with sexual guys, this attraction can project right through to thinking about sex with them straight away, but with me that brain connection just doesn't get made. No matter who I look at. But it's also a bit of a chicken and egg problem - because I don't really think of sex as a "thing" I'd want to do with people by itself either, so it's hard to see "attraction" for something in random people when you don't even desire that thing for its own sake anyway.

Okay, now I'm totally mentally derailed. :D

[Gingerbread_Girl]

I've never felt it either, but I guess it would be like a combination of a psychological and a physiological urge to get nekkid with that person.

And from what I've seen it often makes people act like total looneys. :D

[Roy M.]

As a former heterosexual male, I know pretty well what it feels like.

At the most basic, it's a gut feeling. You want to be near this person (to whom you are attracted). You want to touch them, even if in a non-sexual way. Their bodies, particularly they're breasts and hips, have auras of pleasure. In the more extreme cases, you feel hot. In fact, I'd say that this is why people say, "He/she has the hots for you." It's not a typical type of hot. You're probably not about to sweat, but you feel this heat inside of your body. At its worst, especially if you never able to satisfy your lust, it begins to feel like hunger. This is probably why I became asexual. The frustration of being unable to find a partner for mutual sexual pleasure my whole life made women seem pretty unattractive after a while, so now I can't really feel what I once did.

This is why I feel so bad for those threads that sexuals make about how their lives are miserable because they have gone ten years without sex. I may not be a heterosexual anymore, but I still have heteroempathy.

[Breathing Notes]

I don't really have an answer, but just wanted to chime in to say that it's confusing indeed...

What I do remember though, for the first 32 years of my existence before I heard about asexuality, is that people always used to annoy me when carrying on about how "hot" people are, and how they'd "tap that", or "give her a hard one" or whatever. It always seemed like some kind of massive exaggeration of macho bravado to me, and I simply thought I'm the quiet introvert and everyone else just likes to talk like that even though they don't really mean it literally.

Eventually I had a few moments which connected the dots for me just before I found AVEN, where I realised that what I'm seeing in people is just a totally sexually-neutral aesthetic appreciation, with maybe a dash of non-sexual romantic attraction in the case of certain cute females, sometimes.

But I think I can imagine what happens with other people: maybe it's sort of like the "cuddle urge" I can experience with girls whom I see as very cute. I guess with sexual guys, this attraction can project right through to thinking about sex with them straight away, but with me that brain connection just doesn't get made. No matter who I look at. But it's also a bit of a chicken and egg problem - because I don't really think of sex as a "thing" I'd want to do with people by itself either, so it's hard to see "attraction" for something in random people when you don't even desire that thing for its own sake anyway.

Okay, now I'm totally mentally derailed. :D

You know, I feel the same way.

And just having "found out" I'm asexual makes me more at peace with my fellow mates when they discuss/comment sex, if you know what I mean.

Like I do not worry so much "why don't I feel that way"? "How can they be so f****** horny?"

They don't annoy me anymore, because I know now I'm just different and that's okay.

[Arf]

I was best able to define myself as demisexual by differentiating between aesthetic, sensual, and sexual attraction. I can join in discussions about hot celebrities because I find people aesthetically attractive, but I hadn't realized that that has a sexual component for many people. I can't imagine wanting to even touch someone I don't know.

With some guy friends, as I got to know them, I found them more aesthetically attractive and even sensually attractive - I wanted to hug and cuddle them. Sexual attraction for me was best defined as what it was not; the idea of having sex with someone I'm not sexually attracted to is almost repulsive, but if I am sexually attracted, it turns into a dirty train of thought. XD

I've never given much thought to the physiological reactions. For me, I just have to ask myself, would I be okay seeing this person's junk? For most people, the answer is ewwww no!

[Oddplume]

As a former heterosexual male, I know pretty well what it feels like.

At the most basic, it's a gut feeling. You want to be near this person (to whom you are attracted). You want to touch them, even if in a non-sexual way. Their bodies, particularly they're breasts and hips, have auras of pleasure. In the more extreme cases, you feel hot. In fact, I'd say that this is why people say, "He/she has the hots for you." It's not a typical type of hot. You're probably not about to sweat, but you feel this heat inside of your body. At its worst, especially if you never able to satisfy your lust, it begins to feel like hunger. This is probably why I became asexual. The frustration of being unable to find a partner for mutual sexual pleasure my whole life made women seem pretty unattractive after a while, so now I can't really feel what I once did.

This is why I feel so bad for those threads that sexuals make about how their lives are miserable because they have gone ten years without sex. I may not be a heterosexual anymore, but I still have heteroempathy.

At last, a solid description! My friends couldn't describe it this clearly.

Realizing this, I have been very unsympathetic to my friends' sexual interests. I never really got it because it was such a non issue to me. I always had to tilt my head and think about it when the "hot" talk came up, because I couldn't see it. I tried to think of relative qualities that they would mention but my ability to predict what one of them might think of as "hot" only went up minutely. Celebrity talk never helped either. Anytime I would hear a name, the first thought I had was "Who?", and with no google available, I wasn't able to find out very quickly. At least now I know the physiological reactions they experience though, thank you.

[Ace-of-Blades]

I don't get sexual attraction, at all pretty much. But sometimes I'll see someone, and something will click. It's nothing about how they look, I just find them interesting, and I don't know why.

Anyone here read City of Bones? A year ago I was in the shopping center, and saw someone that fit the description of Jace, was wearing all black too. Something just clicked, and that was it. I stalked the guy for like ten minutes! I wasn't attracted to him, I just found his presence interesting.

Does anyone else get this? Just random, inexplicable, interest in seemingly random strangers? And by interest, I mean I find them curious, you know.

[Arf]

I don't get sexual attraction, at all pretty much. But sometimes I'll see someone, and something will click. It's nothing about how they look, I just find them interesting, and I don't know why.

Anyone here read City of Bones? A year ago I was in the shopping center, and saw someone that fit the description of Jace, was wearing all black too. Something just clicked, and that was it. I stalked the guy for like ten minutes! I wasn't attracted to him, I just found his presence interesting.

Does anyone else get this? Just random, inexplicable, interest in seemingly random strangers? And by interest, I mean I find them curious, you know.

YES. It's very rare but I get it. Sometimes it's partially fueled by aesthetic attraction (which also doesn't hit me as often as it hits full sexuals) but sometimes it's not. For me, it's like an urge to just look at the person because something about them looks interesting or maybe talk to them because they look like they'd be interesting to talk to... But that doesn't quite sound right; it is indeed inexplicable. I wonder if there's a word for it.

[AsaBoutiquish]

I believe its when you look at a person and your heart races, you feel your body temp. rise, mouth waters, sometimes you become speachless, and thoughts (sexual of course) play out in your mind. It's all really a feeling that once it's over exerted you just don't feel it any longer and can learn to live with out after you realize the other emotions that come after/with it because people tend to play with it or have no regard for what your feeling.