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BDSM, Kinks, and "Asexual Fetishes"


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Guest FlamesofFire

my fetish for drawing or writing on my skin

same thing here....I just loved the way it feels on me and it is fun. Almost putting trust into someone to create something on your body.

Oh I like that too but then I heard it was bad for your skin? so I stopped asking my classmates to do it.

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comicbookfan71

my fetish for drawing or writing on my skin

same thing here....I just loved the way it feels on me and it is fun. Almost putting trust into someone to create something on your body.

Oh I like that too but then I heard it was bad for your skin? so I stopped asking my classmates to do it.

nope..not bad for you skin. Not any worse than being out in the sun for a long time, packing on loads of products and so on. The myth of skin posioning is that....just a myth. You wont die because you are covered in paint. The worst thing that can happen is that with some types of pens / markers is that it is harder to get off on certain parts of your body. If you are going somewhere important you may not want silly drawings on your leg, back or arm popping up when you lean over or reach for something.

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I sorta have a thing for male androgyny and cross dressing, I don't see them as sexualized objects just find myself fascinated by them. Fetishes in general interest me, they are fun topic to research it also gives me a better understand of what turns people on and a bit of a chuckle honestly.

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I sorta have a thing for male androgyny and cross dressing, I don't see them as sexualized objects just find myself fascinated by them. Fetishes in general interest me, they are fun topic to research it also gives me a better understand of what turns people on and a bit of a chuckle honestly.

I have a thing for female looking guys. But their personality should be more female as well.

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my fetish for drawing or writing on my skin

same thing here....I just loved the way it feels on me and it is fun. Almost putting trust into someone to create something on your body.

Oh I like that too but then I heard it was bad for your skin? so I stopped asking my classmates to do it.

nope..not bad for you skin. Not any worse than being out in the sun for a long time, packing on loads of products and so on. The myth of skin posioning is that....just a myth. You wont die because you are covered in paint. The worst thing that can happen is that with some types of pens / markers is that it is harder to get off on certain parts of your body. If you are going somewhere important you may not want silly drawings on your leg, back or arm popping up when you lean over or reach for something.

Thank gods for that!!! If all the the pen drawings I had made on my friends or vice versa developed into a cancer, wow, that would be a lot!

BTW: writing/drawing is a great fetish

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  • 2 weeks later...

People being so amazingly open on these threads has really helped me to understand that being aroused by things but not wanting to actually do them is common among asexuals/gray A's and so I do feel more like I belong, as this point was kind of confusing me before. So thought it was only reasonable that I do some sharing of my own.

I like to fantasize about being sexually dominated but the people in my fantasies have no faces, it's the act and the body parts that turn me on. And I wouldn't want it in real life. I like watching related hentai, but only as a means to, ahem, speed things along and then I just feel weird afterwards!

I like play fighting and it was a source of confusion for me a few years ago because I used to play fight with a male friend and it turned me on but I was romantically attracted to him only so wasn't sure if I REALLY liked him.

People I really like romantically, I like to pat on the head... it's not sexual and I do it on impulse so I don't really understand it, but it helps me to realise if I really like someone!

My final one makes me glad I'm not male! I get immediate physical sensations when a male character that I like in a film or TV series is in peril. It used to include being knocked unconscious but that doesn't really do it for me any more. Being restrained, having a knife or gun held on them... and it has to be unexpected, it just doesn't feel quite the same when watched again. But this one doesn't lead to any other feelings and I don't feel any urge to act on it. It's just amazing in the moment.

So, yeah... More sharing than ever before and with (friendly) strangers!

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People being so amazingly open on these threads has really helped me to understand that being aroused by things but not wanting to actually do them is common among asexuals/gray A's and so I do feel more like I belong, as this point was kind of confusing me before. So thought it was only reasonable that I do some sharing of my own.

I like to fantasize about being sexually dominated but the people in my fantasies have no faces, it's the act and the body parts that turn me on. And I wouldn't want it in real life. I like watching related hentai, but only as a means to, ahem, speed things along and then I just feel weird afterwards!

I like play fighting and it was a source of confusion for me a few years ago because I used to play fight with a male friend and it turned me on but I was romantically attracted to him only so wasn't sure if I REALLY liked him.

People I really like romantically, I like to pat on the head... it's not sexual and I do it on impulse so I don't really understand it, but it helps me to realise if I really like someone!

My final one makes me glad I'm not male! I get immediate physical sensations when a male character that I like in a film or TV series is in peril. It used to include being knocked unconscious but that doesn't really do it for me any more. Being restrained, having a knife or gun held on them... and it has to be unexpected, it just doesn't feel quite the same when watched again. But this one doesn't lead to any other feelings and I don't feel any urge to act on it. It's just amazing in the moment.

So, yeah... More sharing than ever before and with (friendly) strangers!

Glad you're here, Luna! And welcome to AVEN :cake: Your fantasies having no faces actually makes more than sense to me :D it probably has something to do with the fact that we don't want it to really happen, ever.

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Back when I still thought I was /supposed/ to be sexual, I tried out all sorts of things to... well, find my thing, I guess. I never did of course. Invariably, I could 'get into' something, if my partner was willing to try it and took a shine - otherwise, well, I just don't care either way; from missionary sex onwards. I should point out that by 'get into', I mean I can empathize with all sorts of kinks as long as they are mutual - but I can live without them too.

Never-the-less, some things have stuck, have merits I can appreciate... in my own way. There are others too, mind, that are just: 'No. No, no, no. No like.'

I came across the fictional word 'formography' the other day. It is fictional, but it does explain a lot of things with me. While I'm not interested in nudity or even posed sexuality, I can respond to 'form,' especially if its shaped into unnatural ideals. Latex does this, corsetry and I suppose a sort of detraction from Identity. I suppose I'm a mix of voyeuristic and submissive here, i really do get the whole restraint thing. I don't fit in with S&M though and i tried to, I really did. While i find many elements of the scene alluring... I have this tendency to er, giggle, when it comes on to actually playing out your role and trust me, that can really piss folks off. If it was just giggling, I could likely have worked around it - S&M sex needn't be penetrative - I thought I was one but... i just can't take it seriously though and to be frank. making me cum is a herculean effort. A thorough spanking just isn't going to do it for me. I kinda wish it would. Or at least i wish I understood why everyone else thinks its so important. I just don't and I don't mind either, which is the really taboo factor here it seems.

Then there was the pee thing... This is more an anecdote than anything but I hope it at least gives you an idea of how open minded I was and that I really was willing to give all sorts of things a try. ... It came to my attention that my then partner liked being peed on. This really didn't do anything for me but hey, they liked it so I was game. Anyway, I decided to make this video for them (this is the days of VHS), but the camera was rather... technical. So the film ended up at the wrong speed. A very fast me wriggling across the floor and spaying pee fountains. It wasn't sexy. i am soooo glad there was no youtube back then.

These days though, i may as well be a monk or a nun. Sure, I guess I'm a well practiced onanist, but that still fits the metaphore.The point is though, that I truly don't miss that sort of human connection. I can appreciate, sexually, to a degree, but i don't want to engage with other people sexually. And more to the point, the fact that I don't want to doesn't bother me. I'm not shy, I'm just... not sexual with other people... or inanimate objects (unless they have batteries). Hell, I don't know what i am, kinda grey I guess ;p

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cemeterywitch

I'm so glad more people are sharing!
I've figured out I like pinning people down. And have my hand on someone's neck. I'm sure it's my dominant side.
I always feel like these things sound sexual but they aren't to me.

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Tea.EarlGrey.Hot

I posted something here a bit ago and it just turned out to be my ASMR, lol. I'm a little lame.

People make huge strides trying not to associate ASMR and sexual arousal but honestly it's as close as I'll ever get. I can always just pretend, right?

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Guest member25959

You could say that I'm a fan of the whole leather bondage and sex dungeon scene I guess :ph34r: Maybe the hardcore part too, but the pain part... ? Doesn't sound as fun but hey, trying new things is fun

It's still a weird thought! I still consider myself asexual and I pretty much desire these things... I dunno man, I guess the difference is that I don't actively seek it out? Something along those lines, also sorta evidenced by the fact that I'd go either way depending on the situation, still ain't a fan of the whole committed relationship and romance thing. I'd like to think that I could enjoy sex in any such situation (the "fantasy" situation), even without the sexual attraction

It's like they say: If you're questioning the presence of your sexual attraction, that's probably because it isn't there

Lacking a sexual attraction doesn't kill the nerves, right? So I'm guessing that the nerves still work "down there" anyway, so any stimulation of the nerves would be enjoyable if the situation was acceptable and enjoyable. I ain't repulsed or anything like that, so... yeah. Okay, try explaining that one to your friends... they had a hard enough time accepting asexuality in the first place (because behavior determines your sexuality, according to the basic common laws of society! "Oh, so you like sex? You're just 'normal' then!")

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It's like they say: If you're questioning the presence of your sexual attraction, that's probably because it isn't there

Couldn't agree more! Pity some friends aren't that receptive.

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I posted something here a bit ago and it just turned out to be my ASMR, lol. I'm a little lame.

People make huge strides trying not to associate ASMR and sexual arousal but honestly it's as close as I'll ever get. I can always just pretend, right?

Woohoo! Head tingles. I get those! ^_^

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You could say that I'm a fan of the whole leather bondage and sex dungeon scene I guess

Arca did you like it before I made up your cave in chat? :lol:

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  • 4 months later...
AnomalyEternal

Unnatural eye colours. And Heterochromia. I don't find it arousing or anything, but I just really love people with Heterochromia. I can't stop staring and they just make me feel all warm and I just want to gaze at their eyes forever. Also accents. I especially love Scottish and Russian accents. And Steampunk clothes, mostly waistcoats. I also have a really, really weird kink... people fainting. I don't know why I like it, but if I'm watching a movie or something and someone faints I'll go back and watch that scene multiple times. I go all tingly if I think about fainting or loss of consciousness in general.

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I have quite a bit of an interest in BDSM, and I'm actually hoping to get a chance to do some of it with someone at some point. It's not really non-sexual, as it is a turn on, but I wouldn't want it to actually involve sex, I don't think. I'm not sure if that's a common feeling or not.

To be a bit more specific, I really like femdom. Add genderfluidity to that and I'm actually interested in it from either side of the equation. I tend to feel more guy-ish when also feeling sub-ish, and it works the other way around. There are some exceptions, but that seems to be the general pattern. I think it may in part be due to an interest in flipped gender roles. I also like androgyny, but I'm not sure if that's relevant to this or not. Really, weird gender stuff may be a whole separate interest, and that one's not even all sexual. I just think it's interesting and kind of relatable.

Either way, I'm not sure how well I'd fit in with the actual BDSM scene. I'm not a huge fan of elaborate costumes, and I don't view any of this stuff as that serious. I think some joking around and back-talking each other is fun, and I know that's not always considered to be a good thing when it comes to D/s stuff. I'm not sure how I feel about the pain aspect of things either, though. I think I'd be fine giving it, seeing as that's pretty easy to figure out just based on watching stuff. In terms of receiving, I don't think I have that high of a pain tolerance, so even though I'm a fan of it in theory, I'm not sure how it would work out in reality. I've heard a few people talk more about things involving hitting and general roughhousing, and I think I'd prefer that. I just don't like stingy pain. I really like anything that has to do with marks, though, so that's a bit of an issue. I'll figure it out whenever it becomes relevant, I guess.

Edit: Oh, and I also agree with one of the above people who said male characters in peril, though I add just a general "getting hurt." That one I always feel conflicted about, though, because I also tend to feel bad for them.Then I'm caught in "This is hot but I'm also really sad." Also, adding a specific thing: Anything with Tasers/electricity. That is staying firmly in the fantasy realm, I think.

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It has been interesting to read through some of the posts on this thread. I love hearing about others experiences in relation to fetishes/kinks.

I myself have found that I have a liking for bondage, spanking/whipping, biting, and gagging. All of these are predominantly not related to sex per se. They are more of an emotional release

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I am into pain play, sensation play, flogging and rope bondage

I also almost obsessively like hands, guys with long hair or dreadlocks, girls with funky short hair or dreadlocks, piercings, tattoos and people with accents. Also people who dress in alternative fashion, like punk, goth, steampunk etc.

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cemeterywitch

Yay the thread is back! I looooove spanking, candle wax, tying someone up, giving hickies, and just generally dominating someone.

I could totally see myself being a (no sexual stuff) dominatrix. Getting paid to hit people sounds awesome xD

Clavicles are so attractive to me *__*

Especially Tom Hiddleston's clavicles omg :wub:

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well, since others are willing to share their kinks, I guess I will do the same, some of mine are a little weird though

in the realm of normal kinks and fetishes I have a weakness for guys with glasses. they just somehow always make a guy look so much better. I always seem to like asian guys too but race isn't really important

as for my two weirder kinks and fetishes well I am somewhat into dom/sub relationships where one person is practically the master of the other who is their pet. but I don't think I'd ever want a relationship like that in real life, that can stay in fiction.

my biggest and weirdest one though is that I love fat guys, feeding them and making them grow larger, cuddling their big soft bodies, watching their clothes grow tight, fattening them up until they have a big soft gut. so I guess I'm a feeder. I have a long distance boyfriend right now, and he is into fat as well so once we are someday together I'm going to start feeding him and make him fat :)

in the big picture my fetishes and kinks probably aren't that out there but yeah

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I think people are heavily confusing fetishes with kinks. A fetish is an extreme thing. You cannot be aroused or turned on or attracted without it. A kink is a trait that you particularly enjoy and can be a turn on for you. A catholic schoolgirl costume kink for example.

Yep, and I'm a definite fetishist. This is why I identify as grey-a. It's not a preference. It's not just something I like. My fetish is the only thing that turns me on, period. And it's so out-there that it's basically not an option in a real-life relationship, so... yah. I like my erotica, but in the real world, still basically asexual.

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I'm sure I don't have any of the former (nothing I can't "live" without) and am unsure if I have any of the latter. But when it comes to things I find to be "compelling", I am probably the lone ranger in that regard. Let's put it this way - I'm so far out in left field that I'm several blocks away from the ball park. I am one of those people who easily become obsessed with certain things, and I've had at least one that has been a common theme for me ever since I was a teen. Most of my obsessions have nothing to do with sexual arousal, but at least one does have some facets that do.

The main one deals with various non-human monsters and creatures (these have taken on different forms over time, but for the last 20+ years they have had a common theme) that prey upon people, often in a "traditional" way (attacking, tormenting and killing - I do not find the grievously wounding and killing stuff to be arousing but I simply have an interest in it in the way that most anyone who has an interest in horror would be) but sometimes in a sexual way. In the sexual ways, they ambush, trap, torment (sometimes, depending on which creature it is - I have assigned them all different personalities and some can be pretty nasty, and not all of them sexually attack people) and often sexually assault their female victims. They lurk in homes and other buildings disguised and unnoticed and then pounce on their unsuspecting victims. I do quite a bit of artwork and some writing about these scenarios.

Here are some of the monsters:

http://i.onfinite.com/cMMZ7d3s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/0yDZ7d3s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/N12mXw9s.jpg

Attacking people in non-sexual ways (these might be a prelude to a sexual attack, though):

http://i.onfinite.com/80h3tdts.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/rXgmXw9s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/0Q9mXw9s.jpg

A different type of creature from the other ones, but part of an over-arching theme for me:

http://i.onfinite.com/XWvt25vq.jpg

As said, I really can't describe what this might be (or be like, since I seem to be the only one here with this "interest"), but I will link some artwork here - WARNING - some of it is sexual in nature and depicts nudity and if you are sex-repulsed you will probably want to avoid looking.

http://i.onfinite.com/mdvmXw9s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/SmWMkz9s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/XgJMkz9s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/49fNkz9s.jpg]

These last two are pretty hard-core:

http://i.onfinite.com/c3sFnz9s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/X74Fnz9s.jpg

I also have a short story I wrote many years ago that I have recently re-edited and uploaded that details one of these attacks and the events leading up to it. It is about 11 single-spaced pages of a Word-type document. If anyone is interested in reading it, here is the link (again - be warned - it has sexual themes and describes sex acts):

https://onedrive.live.com/redir?resid=4325B601502AA8F2!167&authkey=!AKlwZR6kxB5kQYU&ithint=file%2c.odt

I haven't shared this story with anyone in over two decades but the reaction I got from a writing teacher in college back then was positive (this was a previous version), so feel free to let me know what you think.

As for the themes, I suppose some might consider some of the stuff to be rape fantasies, but if a human male replaced the monsters it would be a big turn-off to me (and would most likely really creep me out), especially since I survived an attempted rape when I was 13.

I do have some "interests" that involve people (on a purely fantasy level) but there is never any sex in those. I do have some writing (no drawings, though) regarding that but I have yet to digitize the story since it was written a couple of decades ago. One of these days I will do that, though. Much of the general theming is similar as with the monsters except there is no sex.

As far as actually doing anything, it would be of course impossible to act out the monster stuff (unless of course I had a relationship with someone I was OK having some sex with and perhaps they could wear an elaborate costume and pretend to be one of the monsters...), though some of the other stuff could be acted out but I don't know if I would ever want to "go there" for real.

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I'm sure I don't have any of the former (nothing I can't "live" without) and am unsure if I have any of the latter. But when it comes to things I find to be "compelling", I am probably the lone ranger in that regard. Let's put it this way - I'm so far out in left field that I'm several blocks away from the ball park. I am one of those people who easily become obsessed with certain things, and I've had at least one that has been a common theme for me ever since I was a teen. Most of my obsessions have nothing to do with sexual arousal, but at least one does have some facets that do.

The main one deals with various non-human monsters and creatures (these have taken on different forms over time, but for the last 20+ years they have had a common theme) that prey upon people, often in a "traditional" way (attacking, tormenting and killing - I do not find the grievously wounding and killing stuff to be arousing but I simply have an interest in it in the way that most anyone who has an interest in horror would be) but sometimes in a sexual way. In the sexual ways, they ambush, trap, torment (sometimes, depending on which creature it is - I have assigned them all different personalities and some can be pretty nasty, and not all of them sexually attack people) and often sexually assault their female victims. They lurk in homes and other buildings disguised and unnoticed and then pounce on their unsuspecting victims. I do quite a bit of artwork and some writing about these scenarios.

Here are some of the monsters:

http://i.onfinite.com/cMMZ7d3s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/0yDZ7d3s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/N12mXw9s.jpg

Attacking people in non-sexual ways (these might be a prelude to a sexual attack, though):

http://i.onfinite.com/80h3tdts.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/rXgmXw9s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/0Q9mXw9s.jpg

A different type of creature from the other ones, but part of an over-arching theme for me:

http://i.onfinite.com/XWvt25vq.jpg

As said, I really can't describe what this might be (or be like, since I seem to be the only one here with this "interest"), but I will link some artwork here - WARNING - some of it is sexual in nature and depicts nudity and if you are sex-repulsed you will probably want to avoid looking.

http://i.onfinite.com/mdvmXw9s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/SmWMkz9s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/XgJMkz9s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/49fNkz9s.jpg]

These last two are pretty hard-core:

http://i.onfinite.com/c3sFnz9s.jpg

http://i.onfinite.com/X74Fnz9s.jpg

I also have a short story I wrote many years ago that I have recently re-edited and uploaded that details one of these attacks and the events leading up to it. It is about 11 single-spaced pages of a Word-type document. If anyone is interested in reading it, here is the link (again - be warned - it has sexual themes and describes sex acts):

https://onedrive.live.com/redir?resid=4325B601502AA8F2!167&authkey=!AKlwZR6kxB5kQYU&ithint=file%2c.odt

I haven't shared this story with anyone in over two decades but the reaction I got from a writing teacher in college back then was positive (this was a previous version), so feel free to let me know what you think.

As for the themes, I suppose some might consider some of the stuff to be rape fantasies, but if a human male replaced the monsters it would be a big turn-off to me (and would most likely really creep me out), especially since I survived an attempted rape when I was 13.

I do have some "interests" that involve people (on a purely fantasy level) but there is never any sex in those. I do have some writing (no drawings, though) regarding that but I have yet to digitize the story since it was written a couple of decades ago. One of these days I will do that, though. Much of the general theming is similar as with the monsters except there is no sex.

As far as actually doing anything, it would be of course impossible to act out the monster stuff (unless of course I had a relationship with someone I was OK having some sex with and perhaps they could wear an elaborate costume and pretend to be one of the monsters...), though some of the other stuff could be acted out but I don't know if I would ever want to "go there" for real.

Kudos for posting this. I'm aroused by some weird fetishes myself, but I'm far too anxious to be this open about it.

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Feral_Sophisticate

Hmmm... Given that my ace and I met because we're kinky, that we have our fetishes (which overlap in complementary ways), and because we're both on a social media site for kinky people (ie. FetLife)... we're definitely kinky people.

(TMI might follow, so if you're a bit squicked when people talk about their fetishes, don't read much further...)

My big triggers are costumes, roleplaying, interrogation/torture scenes and medical play. However, "consensual nonconsent" (read, "rape play") is also intrinsically hot to me - especially when having my "victim" bound and gagged before me. I have various other things that I like, and that are very evocative for me too, but those are the main ones for me (plus, for personal reasons, some of them are ones that I will only discuss with someone I'm very close to).

I'd like to point out, though, that I find that sort of thing terribly arousing, but that I can "get off" mentally, without physical stimulus. Orgasms are nice, but I like "mindgasms" more.

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flesh-pocket

i'm ace and i have a few kinks, though the ones that are overtly sexual i find terrible in real life, would never want to act out with anyone, ect. but i have others that are "non-sexual kinks" if thats possible. things like nursing somebody back to health. especially if its a character thats had grievous bodily harm, such as being cut in half... a bit gruesome but looking at pictures is like a blow to the stomach, but in a good way? like being non-sexually turned on? also stuff thats like the opposite of bondage, like finding someone tied up, but instead of having sex you untie them and kiss their wrists. also breastfeeding but with no sexual element.....

my kinks are just very cuddly i guess, or at least the ones i'd consider acting out are because i don't see sex as affectionate and acting out more hard core things AND getting off on them would just be me not giving a shit about the other person. probably has to do with me being sex repulsed.

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I'd like to point out, though, that I find that sort of thing terribly arousing, but that I can "get off" mentally, without physical stimulus. Orgasms are nice, but I like "mindgasms" more.

Mindgasms! :cake::cake::cake::cake::cake:

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  • 1 month later...

I posted something here a bit ago and it just turned out to be my ASMR, lol. I'm a little lame.

People make huge strides trying not to associate ASMR and sexual arousal but honestly it's as close as I'll ever get. I can always just pretend, right?

I enjoyed the relaxing feeling ASMR gives me
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