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Hi I'm a new girl :O)

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Hi, my name is Geraldin Rich Jones, I am 21 (11-12-80), I am Asexual, and I have recently written a book on this subject, called "That's when I realised I was an Amoeba", that will be published later this year. Though I'm still looking for people to talk to, for some missing links ...

There is a strong interest in this book by potential buyers, as there is hardly any information on Asexuality around. My quest is to raise more Asexual awareness among people.

I do this in various ways, I perform self written comedy shows, and in those I often turn the subject to Asexuality, and try to make people aware of it's existence via the power of laughter. Most recently, I've been touring with a solo comedy show called: "The Mad Gerald Show", in which I perform as British male homosexual-Asexual nobility Mad Gerald.

I've done interviews with various newspapers, among them the Daily Mirror well known Dutch newspapersand soon the Daily Record, more magazines, and perhaps on TV!

I've noticed that there is a strong interest in Asexuallity, as all the reactions I got after my interview were from positive people interested in the book ...

I've also written a sitcom called: "Pat, Vivian and Geri" featuring a prominent Asexual character. As far as I heard from other Asexuals, there hasn't been a real Asexual character on TV besides Mr. Bean, whom might be called an Asexual Icon ...

Any other character in a series or movies that seems to have even the slightest Asexual qualities is always "cured" in the first hour of the movie, or the third episode of a series. Well the fact is: In real life this is never gonna happen.

For years I was in the dark about what my sexuality was. At school, while all the kids talked about sex, it didn't make the slightest impression on me. I was interested in deep conversations about politics and culture (I'm working as an actress-comedian-writer-artist now). This, in combination of being slightly overweight at that time, soon made me the school outsider.

I had a boyfriend when I was at school and he wanted to have sex with me. One moment we were sitting talking and the next minute he'd put himself on top of me. I saw his face above me and I felt sick. I just wanted to get out. We'd been seeing each other for three years, we had this really nice relationship and then just because I didn't want to have sex, he dumped me.

After that I wondered if I might be a lesbian, because that's what everyone told me: "Hey, you don't like boys? You must be a lesbian." So I went to one of these evenings. I was out of there quicker then I came in. I was as out of place as a paperclip in a set of needles.

It was a relief when I realised I was asexual. I started performing stand-up comedy when I was 16 and people started chatting me up. I wanted a label, as my main audience was -and still is- in gay clubs (my father is gay, so I grew up in the gay circuit. I like being among gay men, its often more fun, and non threatening for me .) I told people I was bisexual for a while so I could be "something". This, of course made matters even worse ...

I wanted to know why I was different, so I could explain that the fact I wasn't interested sexually in the person approaching me and that it was nothing personal - I just wasn't into sex. Then a year and a half ago a friend showed me a website - Haven For The Human Amoeba - I read the messages carefully, one by one and by the end of the day I had a name for what I am: I am Asexual, I am ... an Amoeba ...

I do fall in love - it's just not sexual. Love to me is the same as to other people: you keep thinking about that person and you want to be with him/her all the time but instead of fantasising about being with each other sexually you imagine the two of you hugging, walking hand-in-hand through a forest, a kiss on the cheek...

Asexuality is being born without SEXUAL feelings: it is not being born without feelings.

There are hundreds of ways that one can express oneself without sex, and an Asexual has all these hundreds of feelings, and perhaps even more.

After that first boyfriend at school I had two more relationships, both with gay men.

My last relationship was great because he really loved me and I deeply loved him, a perfect relationship without sex ... We went out for dinner, we were always round each other's houses, we went for walks, we hugged and kissed and we were planning on starting a theatre company together. Then he met a boy he really fell for, and soon it was over between us. I was devastated. We had all these plans and we were really having fun together and now we hardly see each other because his boyfriend thinks I'm in the way.

After the "liberating day that I found out that I was Asexual" I searched in vain for more information, I was shocked to learn that there wasn't any more information about Asexuality, except for plant forms, and I wasn't green the last time I looked into the mirror ...

Soon the lack of interest from the medical world, and the constant questions like: "What's an Asexual, is it contagious?" or "Everyone's supposed to have sex". Drove me round the bend. I realised that no-one non-asexual would really understand and believe what I was talking about as long as there wasn't any real information out there bundled in a way that's easy to read for Asexuals, curious might be Asexuals and interested Sexuals. So, as a writer it was a case of: "If I don't do it, perhaps nobody will" ... And I decided to write a book. Asexuals as well as Sexuals reacted equally positive to this.

Sex has always featured so prominently in the media, that drawing attention towards Asexuallity would be a relief for a large group of people, I was told.

And so I started writing the book; it's a combination of the few scientific facts that have been released, my own experiences and stories by other Asexuals.

I hope you don't find me an annoying rambling lips, but I just wanted to tell this to all of you, I'm so glad that this board is here :-)

Regards love, and A-Pride,

Geraldin Rich Jones


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Hi welcome,

It's really cool that you're getting a book published on asexuality.

I don't want this to be negative really... but I read your website and I can't say I completely agree with how you're defining asexuality and who you're excluding from your definition. Usually I wouldn't say anything about this sort of thing but if you're going to put it into a book, the first book on asexuality, then I'd really want it to be at least in line with what others in the asexual community use.

So, you're defining asexuality as lack of sex drive in any form (you explicitly exclude people with no sexual attractions who masturbate for example), whereas the definition I've seen used, and is used here, is lack of sexual attraction to others. You're talking about lacking the need/desire to have sex, whereas what we tend to talk about with equal importance is lack of sexual orientation -- as in some people are attracted to one sex, some the other, some both, but asexuals aren't attracted to anyone, regardless of if something else can arouse them.

I know that more than one prominent member of this forum, and of Haven, are capable of arousing theirselves by thought but otherwise have no attraction to people and therefore ID as asexual. I know of a whole bunch of asexuals who are aroused by completely abstract things (concepts, the environment, their own minds) which they don't connect to other people at all -- ie they completely lack the desire to be sexual with other people and the ability to experience sexual attraction towards other people.

Your definitions page excludes a massive swathe of people in the asexual community, what we all have in common is that we have no way (or very little way) of feeling sexual towards other people or of being aroused by or sexually attracted to them. Even if some of us have abstract things that they can think about to arouse themselves in private, that doesn't mean that we don't all have no sexual orientation.

'Sexuality' as it's used in our society is 'the set of people a person is attracted to' (gay, straight and bi are sexualities). An 'asexuality' would be lack of a type of person that you're sexually attracted to (asexuals with gender orientations are attracted to them in non-sexual ways (or have very very low sex drive attached to their orientation)).

Of course there's also space for your 'no sex drive' definition, in fact I'd include 'low sex drive' in there too. The thing I like about our community is that it's inclusive of all the different people who experience no sexual attractions and who have no group of people they're sexually oriented towards.

Eeep, sorry this turned out to be sort of confrontational, I'm just really worried about a published book excluding asexuals.

Asexuality is a lot of things, not any one thing, the primary concept that we all have in common is that we're not sexually attracted to others or our sex drives are so low that any attractions we do have are not something we're driven to act upon (completely ignorable).

I don't think it's possible to come up with a completely neat definition of asexuality without excluding a whole bunch of people who completely share the asexual experience and would really benefit from inclusion in the community. Perhaps it's better to define the asexual experience rather than the specific way a person has to be to get into the club. It would worry me if we were saying 'well sure you can be part of our community, you share our experience... oh but you realise that you're not /really/ asexual right?'.

Oh and big clarification, this is not a personal attack. Really, welcome to the group, it's great to see you here.

(this post is really long and messy, I'm sorry if I've been inarticulate or inadvertantly offended/excluded anyone as I struggled to express myself).


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Welcome Geri! I haven't seen you since the amoeba circuit.

I personally have to agree with paranoidgynandroid on the sex drive issue, I think that ze's outlined the argument better than I could. It's a good larger discussion to have (though the welcome area might be an awkward place to have it, i'll start a new thread).

I can't wait to read your book. Can you post snippets, or an outline or something somewhere on the forum so we can take a look at it?

Whyever did lesbians send you running off? They tend to be some of my favorite people :)...

Nice site by the way, you have a few links up there that I don't which I'll have to check out (the stronghold and some of the antisex sites I don't put up just by personal choice, but some of the other ones I've never heard of..) A heads up though- right now your links don't actually link, you'll have to put in the HTML tags.

Can't say I see Mr. Bean as an asexual icon, but I suppose that's personal opinion :)

Good to have you here..

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welcome geri,

that is cool that you are doing a book on asexuality. I guess i am responding more to what paranoidgynandroid said about defining asexuality. My experience has been that when i out myself, people are curious and say they dont know what i mean by asexuality. does an asexual not have sex? does an asexual have no sex drive? and my response now would be that an asexual would be someone who feels enough affinity with that word to define themselves in that way. Then I try to explain my experiences and feelings to explaing why I feel that affinity. what MY story is a whole other story...

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I definitely agree, the only person who can determine somone's identity is themselves. I have the big definition up on top of AVEN just because it seems to include the most people, and because the technical definition (asexual:anyone who says they are) is a tad recursive.

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Sorry my reply is late, but my provider left me without the net for over a day ...

Sorry D.J. about not having linking links, I don't know how to get that HTML stuff working :-{

I kinda had a bit of trouble with those lesbians that evening, they were kind of drunk and WAY to flirty ;-)

I do have lesbian friends, and I wish they'd been there that evening :-) ...

Gotta go now, as I'm in a rush repying to people that sent me e-mail over the past days ...

Glad you all like my book, and I like the feedback you've all thrown me, I'll look into it!!



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For all those who could not access Aven since Nov. 5. WE’RE BACK!!! Aven was TOSsed temporarily but the heroes here have resurrected the site!

In case you don’t already have this on your Favorites List add it now:


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Please do not reply this a welcome post from 2002!

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