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Lady Girl

I Don't Want Sex and That's Okay? How it Feels to Hear About Asexuality!

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BlueBoxFox

I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I cried from relief.

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anatheartist

Hello everyone,

New to the forums. All I want to say is:

I don't want sex, and that's ok!

Thank you for existing. Now, I don't feel so alone.

:*)

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byanyotherusername

It's been almost a year, and I feel like I keep having to realize that I am asexual, and keep having to realize that it is okay--it's hard to stay convinced. I can wrap my head around my aromanticism much more easily than my asexuality, and even feel like it is an advantage (not to sound elitist, I simply mean an advantage due to the way I want to live my life, not because it is in any way inherently superior). But asexuality still feels limiting, and I hate feeling like I don't have a choice about something that will affect my life in such a deep way, and make it very different than the lives of everyone around me.

My first response was panic, and it lasted several days before subsiding, then would creep up again periodically. I rarely feel that way about it now, and I even experience that "relief" so many talk about on occasion, but in general I consider it an accomplishment that I feel neutral about my asexuality most of the time. I guess it would be different if I had been more experienced and aware of how much I didn't fit into the sexual world, but I really did think I was basically "normal"--I knew that my philosophy on relationships was unusual, but I considered that just a perspective and lifestyle choice that I could change any time I felt like it, not a significant difference in my wiring from the majority of the population. I learned more about asexuality on accident, not because I was looking for answers, and was shocked to find the descriptions so similar to my thoughts and feelings.

So as not to sound completely negative, there are times where I am really grateful to have discovered AVEN and my asexuality, because even if I don't always consider it an ideal orientation, it is nice to feel, for the first time, that there are people who are completely on the same page as me when it comes to romance/sex. A sense of "belonging" is worth a lot, and I appreciate it.

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thylacine

Re: "At 50, I still don't know who I am. I'm still not sure what I truly like to do or what I feel obligated to do. That used to just apply to sex but now it's bled over into all facets of my life, why I don't know."

I think society does a lot of damage to people because of our culture's expectations of who and what we are supposed to be. People spend their whole lives thinking that something is "wrong" with them, and try so hard to "fit in," to appear normal, when really, it's society that is all mixed up.

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p /o/ p?

I just realized the nature of my (a)sexuality about a month ago. It took two very messy events in my life to finally start to research what (I thought) was wrong with me. I tried changing my diet (I was a strict vegetarian with a very healthy appetite for soy and cheese) and taking various herbs... Then it just hit that I don't want sex. I was relieved, but still have a somber feeling that I'll never find someone who will be in a romantic relationship with me.

After finding the AVEN website and reading post on this forum I have a newfound sense that everything is fine. I'm truly thankful that there is a community like this.

A side note: The cake thing freaked me out. When people ask what I write songs about I always say "Cake and my cats." :blink:

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Storm Dancing

I've always known I was asexual. I never had a name for it, never knew there were other people that felt the same way, so I kept it a secret. I was some kind of freak of nature. And I've been with people I love very much but was told that my "love" couldn't be real because I didn't want to have sex. Plus, I understood that the person I was with, that I cared about, wanted to have sex to show their love for me....so because I loved THEM, I didn't want them to feel rejected. Sound confusing? yeah,it was. I simply dreaded that a romantic dinner, a night out, was always going to end in sex. I finally reached the point of where I'd rather run bamboo beneath my fingernails then have sex. So, all the excuses started. And I'm creative,so I came up with a ton of them. And I saw a side to the people I cared about that I hadn't known existed. In retrospect,I don't blame them, they felt rejected and if they cared about me as much as they said they did, I know it had to hurt. But I didn't have the words to explain myself nor did I know there were other people like me.

I just found AVEN a few days ago. I read through all the labels and I'm NOT a label person but I embraced them because it gave me a word with a meaning. It somehow made it all "legit." It made me realize that there's other people like me, who've taken the time to give different words with different meanings to all facets of how I am. And that I'm not just a freak of nature. I was very relieved yet...I felt a little cheated. By myself. I wish I'd known all those years that it was okay to be this way and I wasn't the only person.

Tyler

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nateoke

I'm not too sure what if felt like to first hear the word, I've known about it for a long time now.

I remember browsing the Wikipedia article for homosexuality, because that's what I assumed I was. Not because I was attracted to men, but because I wasn't attracted to women, so therefore I had to be a repressed homosexual. But then I saw "Asexuality," so I clicked it as I didn't know what it was.

I wasn't sure what to think, I was probably 15 at the time, so I thought it was too early to say or I was a "late bloomer," but it was nice having a word for what I was feeling, or not feeling hahaha. Being 17 now I'm pretty certain that I'm asexual, and I'm happy with that. It does feel great knowing asexuality is a real thing and that I'm not broken or alone. I couldn't tell you how confused I would be had I not read that article.

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KodeMore

I was very excited to find out I wasn't alone in my feelings. (Or lack there of). I have never really desired a relationship beyond friendship with another person. I remember a part of the asexual documentary that stated that there are many people that just assume you are sexual. I know whenever I meet someone I always start off thinking they are a virgin and have the same lack of desire I do. It always comes as a shock to me when someone says, "I slept with so-and-so the other day." It blows my poor little mind. I think it's cool that there is such a spectrum and that we are the same yet vastly unique.

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FashionIsMyBoyfriend

Hi! I am new to this site. I happen to hear about AVEN from the documentary on Net Flix and I was delighted to know tat I was not alone. I have told people before and have gotten different reactions from disbelief to anger so I am so happy to be here.

I regards to sex, I always felt like there was this BIG party going on that no one invited me to. I got to the point where I hated sex and I had a boyfriend at the time that demanded sex on a daily basis. I was sooo unhappy! After breaking it off from him I swore I would never again have sex and I don't miss it at all!

Edited by Lady Girl
Merge Posts

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Steelmagnolia

I hope I'm doing this right and am in the right place to post my feelings.

Obviously, I'm new here today. Saw Jay's movie last night and could not believe

he was telling my story. I may be a newbie here but I'm not a newbie to this old world. I have tried in the past to explain how I feel to certain guarded people, but the looks of horror soon made me realized that I was "abnormal" and not to try speaking out loud about that again. The last few months have been eye openers for me as I've had breast cancer, operation and starting treatments. What a bonus it was to see Jay's movie. You might say it was the light at the end of a tunnel.

I'm from a time called "Age of Aquarius" but believe me, non of those love children could possibly know how I feel! Lord knows, I've tried and tried to fit into

what is called normal. Been married twice and even have a child trying to please everyone but myself. It's no wonder I felt like an alien on this planet. It's not that I don't love, it's just different. In the long run I can see that no one was really pleased, especially me. But now, I'm on a new path and so very delighted to know there are others who truly feel the same as I. Astonishing and wonderful!

Thank you, Jay, for your wonderful movie and how you managed put it together

in a way that was not shameful or embarrassing but rather informative for anyone who might watch it.

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KTBeth

Hey guys! New to the site. I can honestly say that I was SO relieved. I was definitely worried there was something wrong with me, and I'm super glad there's an name for it and an accepting community.

I like labels to a certain extent. Naturally there's a danger to labels that can lead to them completely defining who you are. I've never really defined myself by one thing or another, and I certainly haven't defined myself by a sexual desire. My lack of interest in dating or relationships seemed to stem from a lack of interest in where they led. Because I hadn't had a boyfriend, I kind of wished I was gay just so I could have a justification for my lack of a boyfriend. I didn't want to think that I was unappealing, though I haven't really been approached by boys. I knew that I could always make the first move, but I never really had a desire to. So I suspected I was gay. Since I danced and swam which involved lots of communal dressing areas, I was worried about being gay because I assumed people would be uncomfortable changing in front of me and treat me completely differently. I would have been OK with that though, because then at least would have a reason for the way I felt and a group that I could identify with. I never really felt like I fit in with that definition either, so I still felt extremely out of place.

So discovering that this was a thing that actually exists make me feel a little bit less like an odd duck. I don't feel like the label defines me, but it does give me a greater sense of belonging. I'm not a freak, I just belong to a statistical minority, and that's OK. I think I always had a notion that it existed, but I didn't really understand it. I kind of assumed that it meant I was doomed to be alone, but after exploring the definitions, I'm extremely relieved to discover that identifying as asexual encompasses a wide array of feelings and desires, and I've come to accept the label as part of me rather than my destiny.

Thank you.

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CrazyBlues

My mother, while we would watch TV, would constantly ask me questions like "oh isn't that guy hot?" or "that guy's sexy, isn't he?" My response was always no. Eventually, the questions changed to "isn't she cute?" or "she's sexy, isn't she?" The answer was still always no, along with a remark about how I'm not a lesbian. I tried to explain that I wasn't attracted to looks, but I don't think she ever believed me. She ran out on us about 2 years ago, so I never got the opportunity to explain things to her once I found out more.

I discovered asexuality about a year ago through tumblr. One of my friends there was constantly posting asexuality-related things on her blog, and it was starting to drive me crazy! One day, though, I deceded to stop and think about it. I came to AVEN and read through the whole FAQ section, realizing that it sounded just like me! After spending my childhood feeling like I didn't belong, I finally had a word for what I was.

At first, it felt amazing. After a bit, though, it just lead to all sorts of questions. I no longer even knew who I would and wouldn't be comfortable dating, if even anyone at all! I had always just assumed that I was into guys because I wasn't sexually attracted to women, but suddenly it occured to me that I wasn't sexually attracted to anyone at all ever! I've had "crushes," but I was no longer sure, as I thought about them, if they were even romantic, let alone sexual!

By this point, I think I would prefer to date men since I get along with more masculine types better, though I'm not sure that I'm really interested in anything "romantic." My younger brother describes me as being "Asexual Heterobromantic," because I seem to just want a bromance more than an actual romance, and I get along with men better than women.

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OperettaZero-of-Hearts

Hi everybody~! I'm just getting into this forum. Actually, today's my second day of being an AVEN member :cake:

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RobotKid

I was all "is that what it is? Hmm".

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Nomru

The first time I heard about asexuality was during a chat with some people last year or the year before...I would not call them friends, but familiar to me. We frequented the same forum often, so most knew at least a little about each other's offline lives. I have not yet said much about myself other than a few facts here and there, so I suppose they were bound to ask eventually...Either way, the subject of my sexuality came up. I was surprised, because if I ever thought about it at all it was just a passing thought like "Heh, I wonder if I'm not interested in the opposite gender at all, or if the ones in my area are simply unattractive to me?"

They guessed that I might be homosexual at first, which was mildly confusing (Did I really put out that vibe? o.o), but I felt no need to say anything, though I did not think I was. They were having so much fun talking amongst themselves, and I was never very good when it came to answering personal questions. Then came up a word I haven't heard of before: asexual. More questions came and I panicked, as usual, and embarrassed myself in an attempt to change the subject, but it made me think...Surely by now I would have felt...something, right? Mother was always very open about sex talk, something I did not want to hear about (especially not from her >.>;; ), so I knew it was expected for me as a teen to be crazy with hormones. But it wasn't there. I was not interested in sex at all, no matter how much I might flirt with others. I realized that the words came easily because I had, through years of being online around people who flirted like they breathed, come to see it as just another way of expressing affection, whether it be platonic or romantic. And the more I thought about it, the more I saw that sex was actually a little repelling to me. I liked the idea and emotions behind some sensual acts, but not the actions themselves, and not once it crossed that blurry line into sexual.

At first I thought there was definitely something wrong. Which was not surprising, especially given my history, so I rejected the idea. I started trying more and more to be "normal". I entered another relationship I did not want to, but felt I had to in order to be sure. To be absolutely positive that I was not damaged goods. Sex was the goal, but I stopped it after a week of still feeling nothing and getting irritated by their advances. After that mistake I figured I'd try it with my gender. Nothing happened there either, though I was romantically invested in the beginning before it just...Faded away. That tends to happen alot. >.< Wow, that looks even worse typed here, but it's the truth. Ouch. By this time I was losing hope. The rest of last year and into this one I still denied it. To accept would mean I'm really screwed up, if I can't "love" or "Love".

It was only this week I accepted it. Now I'm just about done running. I'm reading up on almost every post and clicking darn near every link and...I'm relieved...My mind is still not at ease about this and some other things relating to it, but I see stories similar to my own and it's like singing along to a song you've always known.

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m13

Hey everybody. I just found this site today after watching the documentary on Netflix. I'm middle-aged, so I've had plenty of time to figure out my sexuality. I've known for many years that I am not a fan of sex with others, though I've always found autosexuality to be appealing (although less so now than when I was younger). I first knew something was up on my wedding night! In three years of marriage, we never had intercourse, only oral sex (which I could definitely have done without). I went to bed with a few other men, but there was never intercourse. I tried dating women (I was in love with a woman once... could I be gay?), but I still wasn't interested in sex. The only time I had intercourse was in my 30s with a man I was madly in love with. That didn't work out so well, being asexual and all! I learned to accept my sexual preference after that. Since accepting it, I haven't felt broken or confused at all, but I haven't dated or pursued any romance either. I have many close friends, but I'm not out of the closet yet. I'm sure they are all wondering why I'm still single! Perhaps I'll find a partner some day, and perhaps not. Regardless, I'm still living a happy life. I'm glad there is a community, though. I don't know any other asexuals (at least none that I'm aware of), so it'll be interesting to hear what you all have to say!

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Storm Dancing

Hey everybody. I just found this site today after watching the documentary on Netflix. I'm middle-aged, so I've had plenty of time to figure out my sexuality. I've known for many years that I am not a fan of sex with others, though I've always found autosexuality to be appealing (although less so now than when I was younger). I first knew something was up on my wedding night! In three years of marriage, we never had intercourse, only oral sex (which I could definitely have done without). I went to bed with a few other men, but there was never intercourse. I tried dating women (I was in love with a woman once... could I be gay?), but I still wasn't interested in sex. The only time I had intercourse was in my 30s with a man I was madly in love with. That didn't work out so well, being asexual and all! I learned to accept my sexual preference after that. Since accepting it, I haven't felt broken or confused at all, but I haven't dated or pursued any romance either. I have many close friends, but I'm not out of the closet yet. I'm sure they are all wondering why I'm still single! Perhaps I'll find a partner some day, and perhaps not. Regardless, I'm still living a happy life. I'm glad there is a community, though. I don't know any other asexuals (at least none that I'm aware of), so it'll be interesting to hear what you all have to say!

Yay,another upstate New Yorker! I was starting to think it was just me on this forum...and all the other members in Sweden. :p Welcome. :) I found this site about a week ago after reading an interview with an asexual girl on AOL. I looked up the term "asexuality" and this site was mentioned. I turned 50 this past August and had never thought that I was asexual and that it was okay to not be married, or not be in a relationship,or to not want sex. To know that there's other people who feel the same way is a vast relief, I had always thought something was wrong with me, that I was abnormal.

To me, someone sharing something very personal with me, like their poetry, their writing, their sense of humor, their goals in life, everything that defines the person that they are, is infinitely more intimate then sexual contact. I've always felt that anyone can have sex. But it takes a lot for a person to trust someone else enough to open up to them and show them who they truly are, inside. But in the majority of my relationships,I apparently,was the only one that felt this way,lol. But now I know I'm not the only one, and it's a relief. I wish I'd known a little earlier in life but it's a huge relief to know now instead of going on as I have for years. Anyway...yeah,I can ramble...welcome,I'm glad you found your way here.:)

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m13

Hey everybody. I just found this site today after watching the documentary on Netflix. I'm middle-aged, so I've had plenty of time to figure out my sexuality. I've known for many years that I am not a fan of sex with others, though I've always found autosexuality to be appealing (although less so now than when I was younger). I first knew something was up on my wedding night! In three years of marriage, we never had intercourse, only oral sex (which I could definitely have done without). I went to bed with a few other men, but there was never intercourse. I tried dating women (I was in love with a woman once... could I be gay?), but I still wasn't interested in sex. The only time I had intercourse was in my 30s with a man I was madly in love with. That didn't work out so well, being asexual and all! I learned to accept my sexual preference after that. Since accepting it, I haven't felt broken or confused at all, but I haven't dated or pursued any romance either. I have many close friends, but I'm not out of the closet yet. I'm sure they are all wondering why I'm still single! Perhaps I'll find a partner some day, and perhaps not. Regardless, I'm still living a happy life. I'm glad there is a community, though. I don't know any other asexuals (at least none that I'm aware of), so it'll be interesting to hear what you all have to say!

Yay,another upstate New Yorker! I was starting to think it was just me on this forum...and all the other members in Sweden. :P Welcome. :) I found this site about a week ago after reading an interview with an asexual girl on AOL. I looked up the term "asexuality" and this site was mentioned. I turned 50 this past August and had never thought that I was asexual and that it was okay to not be married, or not be in a relationship,or to not want sex. To know that there's other people who feel the same way is a vast relief, I had always thought something was wrong with me, that I was abnormal.

To me, someone sharing something very personal with me, like their poetry, their writing, their sense of humor, their goals in life, everything that defines the person that they are, is infinitely more intimate then sexual contact. I've always felt that anyone can have sex. But it takes a lot for a person to trust someone else enough to open up to them and show them who they truly are, inside. But in the majority of my relationships,I apparently,was the only one that felt this way,lol. But now I know I'm not the only one, and it's a relief. I wish I'd known a little earlier in life but it's a huge relief to know now instead of going on as I have for years. Anyway...yeah,I can ramble...welcome,I'm glad you found your way here. :)

I completely agree that sex is not the most intimate way to know someone! I'm far more turned on by someone's talent, intellect, sense of humor, sensitivity, etc. Anyone can boink, 'tis true! What's the big deal? How about just holding someone or engaging in deep intimate conversation? That's real connection. Nice to know you're in the neighborhood, Amoeba, and the same age even! :D

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Cadence

Greetings, I am so elated right now. I've known about Asexuality, for many years. It was brought up in many discussions of been apart of with friends, but I never embraced it as my own sexuality. I've spent many years trying to change the fact that I never wanted to have sex. I just figured that I haven't found the right one. Honestly I have come across several of the right ones, but I was never sexual attracted to them. But I never felt sad for me, or felt that there was something wrong with me. I've always felt sorry for the others because they couldn't seem to find any element other than sex to show their partners they are in love or committed to them. After watching the documentary on Netflix, I was very happy to see other people that are the same and hear their experiences. I knew I was not alone with this, I've ALWAYS accepted that fact that its ok that I'm not interested in sex, and I even accepted that fact that many people that come into my life, may not be there very long, but I was always happy that I had a chance to share my talent and time with them, and vise-versa.

To find out there is a resource that has brought together a community of people that have shared the same experience is amazing. Thank you for bringing the community together!!!

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Storm Dancing

Greetings, I am so elated right now. I've known about Asexuality, for many years. It was brought up in many discussions of been apart of with friends, but I never embraced it as my own sexuality. I've spent many years trying to change the fact that I never wanted to have sex. I just figured that I haven't found the right one. Honestly I have come across several of the right ones, but I was never sexual attracted to them. But I never felt sad for me, or felt that there was something wrong with me. I've always felt sorry for the others because they couldn't seem to find any element other than sex to show their partners they are in love or committed to them. After watching the documentary on Netflix, I was very happy to see other people that are the same and hear their experiences. I knew I was not alone with this, I've ALWAYS accepted that fact that its ok that I'm not interested in sex, and I even accepted that fact that many people that come into my life, may not be there very long, but I was always happy that I had a chance to share my talent and time with them, and vise-versa.

To find out there is a resource that has brought together a community of people that have shared the same experience is amazing. Thank you for bringing the community together!!!

I'm glad you found your way here. :P

Hey everybody. I just found this site today after watching the documentary on Netflix. I'm middle-aged, so I've had plenty of time to figure out my sexuality. I've known for many years that I am not a fan of sex with others, though I've always found autosexuality to be appealing (although less so now than when I was younger). I first knew something was up on my wedding night! In three years of marriage, we never had intercourse, only oral sex (which I could definitely have done without). I went to bed with a few other men, but there was never intercourse. I tried dating women (I was in love with a woman once... could I be gay?), but I still wasn't interested in sex. The only time I had intercourse was in my 30s with a man I was madly in love with. That didn't work out so well, being asexual and all! I learned to accept my sexual preference after that. Since accepting it, I haven't felt broken or confused at all, but I haven't dated or pursued any romance either. I have many close friends, but I'm not out of the closet yet. I'm sure they are all wondering why I'm still single! Perhaps I'll find a partner some day, and perhaps not. Regardless, I'm still living a happy life. I'm glad there is a community, though. I don't know any other asexuals (at least none that I'm aware of), so it'll be interesting to hear what you all have to say!

Yay,another upstate New Yorker! I was starting to think it was just me on this forum...and all the other members in Sweden. :P Welcome. :P Seriously though, it just got sooooo old. I used to have a much better attitude towards people who feel sex is a normal and natural part of a relationship. To each his own,right? But I ran across so many people where sex was so important...that it started making me feel a bit disgusted by someone needing something so much that they were willing to compromise themselves...and try to compromise who I was as a person...in order to get it. What is UP with that? lol

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Xerces Blue

I always knew I was asexual, I just didn't know what it was called! ^_^

I was so relieved that could finally find the words to describe how I felt.

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luna2

I really never gave much thought to my sexuality until one day my daughter suggested I was perhaps asexual. I was raised with extremely religious parents so carried and still do a sense of guilt over many things. I was raped at 14 while 2 guys watched on doing nothing to help. From that point I made myself fat thinking that would keep me safe. I had sex again at almost 17 not really enjoying it but going with the flow. I became pregnant and remember the next 14 years with my childrens father as hellish. Nights of sobbing while having sex, feeling dirty and repulsed. Thinking I was somehow broken. After the divorce I was celibate for 3 years no self gratification just content being non sexual. Now I do find men attractive but not in a sexual way. I find the female body beautiful but again not attracted.

After 3 years alone I remarried and again went through the motions of sex, at the end of that marriage it was repulsive to me, although his abuse and cheating probably played a part in that. I have now been celibate and again no self satisfaction for the last 8 years and am happily content with it. I have tossed it around in mind wondering am I gay, am I broken, am I just nothing......

I still dont know if I fit in the asexual mold but found a documentary I was watching about it interesting and they referenced this site. It is hard being uninterested in dating and having sex. Friends always pushing you to date, find a man blah blah. I am 48 have never had an orgasm and am perfectly content being this way the rest of my life. NOw I would love to have a friend to go to dinner with, hug when feeling sad or just talking... my idea of the perfect mate would be my gay best friend who is a man. I look forward to hearing from others on here.

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elliebellie

I am dismayed by the fact that although I have none for some time that I am asexual, my friends and family refuse to accept this fact. I was married, had two kids and realized that I never wanted to have sex and found myself happy with that; my husband forced me into therapy, brought me to doctors but there was no physical reason - it was who I am. I've never masturbated, never had a desire to and am simply happy with non sexual relationships. The issue is not me but those around me who simply won't acknowlege this - my kids say I must be lonely but I'm not; my siblings say I need to have sex and it will be fine but I don't want to and my friends keep telling me to go hook up but I can't imagine it. Why can't people accept that not everyone needs to have sex to be happy? Thank you for this site as today I feel relieved.

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ameliaglitter

I actually feel (really, I'm only a few weeks into this) kind of justified. I don't feel particularly relieved. I accepted this about myself several years ago, without any labels to define it. I have always felt this way, always known these things about myself, and always felt that I couldn't possibly be the only person who felt this way. Finding this community is more of a "I told you so!" feeling. Like I want to run up to all the friends and acquaintances who ever told me I was weird or in denial and shove it in their faces. I'd probably be screaming something along the lines of "See! It isn't just some stupid joke you made up! Asexuality is real and there are others like me!". Labelling doesn't change it, but it does make it more real for me.

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CirithHalfmoon

I have to admit that I'm the opposite of relieved. I'm so afraid that being asexual means that I'll always be alone; that no one will love me if I won't have sex. Please someone tell me that I'm not unlovable. I don't want to be alone anymore.

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Fitzsimmons ♡

I have to admit that I'm the opposite of relieved. I'm so afraid that being asexual means that I'll always be alone; that no one will love me if I won't have sex. Please someone tell me that I'm not unlovable. I don't want to be alone anymore.

I know many many asexuals who have beautiful relationships, either with other asexuals or (most of them) with non asexual people :)

If you look at the forums, we have a forum for sexual partners, friends and allies, and while relationships may not be easy (they're not easy for sexuals with sexuals either), lots of partners come here because they want to try their best for their partners. Many other examples are posted in Asexual Relationships forum, and this thread is an example of couples being okay with a sexless relationship or marriage.

I prefer giving links instead of just saying "It's gonna be okay" because what helped (and helps) me the most is reading other people's stories and see how they deal, in general or specific situations, with asexuality. Hope this helps.

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Reishi

I don't quite remember when it was-- probably somewhere around my senior year of high school-- that I stumbled upon the Wikipedia article for asexuality. I still didn't quite consider myself asexual then, but probably because very few of my friends had boyfriends or girlfriends and sex wasn't a part of everyday discourse in that environment. I went through high school without having any romantic relationships, and eventually realized that this was actually pretty weird (my friends had at least been through a few boyfriends/girlfriends). And I was perfectly fine with not having a partner. For a while, I considered the possibility of being a lesbian, but, while the thought of sex with a woman seemed more appealing than sex with a man, it ultimately wasn't what I wanted.

In college, there was a lot of LGBTQIA awareness stuff happening and I read more about asexuality, eventually determining that yes, this was me. Sometimes I doubted it because I do have a sex drive (I considered myself demi, but now I'm pretty sure I'm ace), but the thought of sex with another person still freaks me out.

I reacted to discovering my asexuality, and thus being a part of a sexual minority, with a mixture of excitement and secrecy. It was a new feeling to be a part of a sexual minority, and liberating not to have to be ashamed of the fact that I'd basically never had a boyfriend. However, since asexuality isn't commonly known, I usually keep my sexuality on a need-to-know basis.

I have to admit, it's a little disheartening at times to think that the world is so driven by sex and physical attraction. I remember learning, basically through books, that most people initially find a boyfriend/girlfriend through physical appearance. It explained a lot, but left me a bit disillusioned, knowing that love wasn't entirely based on the attraction between two souls.

At the moment, I'm reluctant to say that I want a romantic relationship, but I think I might. It would be nice to have a single person to know on a very intimate (but not sexual) level, but being asexual and not exceptionally attentive to makeup and fashion and such, I find it unlikely to happen the way I want it to. But who knows.

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PostalLuck

I first thought about being asexual when my sister asked if I was. At the time I didn't even know what asexual was, so I looked online and read for hours about what it is to be asexual. When I took an asexual quiz which told me I was asexual that was when it really sunk in. Currently I am happy to be on a website where people feel the same as I do and to feel like I am not alone. ^_^

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julawso

I've known about asexuality for awhile, having come across this site a few years ago, but at that point I hadn't really thought about my sexual orientation much. I knew that I didn't enjoy sex or have any desire for it, but like many others I thought I just hadn't met the right person. Recently I had the epiphany that I just don't want to have sex anymore, ever. In retrospect, I can't remember ever dating anyone, or even meeting anyone, and thinking about sex with them, let alone wanting to have sex with them.

I've been reading through the forums and it's nice to see my feelings articulated by so many others... I wouldn't say that I ever felt broken, but I certainly didn't feel normal.

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