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Do asexuals get "horny"?


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#1 illuminates

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

Okay, so....I told my friend I was asexual a little while ago. She, after a bit of explaining, finally seemed to believe me, but her main argument not to was this:
"Asexuals can't exist because everyone--of all sexualities--gets horny. So you can't be asexual."

I'm pretty sure that getting horny can happen from things other than people, though--say you sexually arouse yourself (not that I do or anything, just heard it somewhere)? I told her this, but she said you needed a person to get sexually aroused...I need something to tell her to make her understand. Any suggestions?

Also, she also said that *cough* everyone, some day, will "reach the top of the mountain" (you know what I mean), sexually aroused or not. I asked her how this can happen if you never have sex or MB, but she said that it can happen anytime. This has really creeped me out....so say I'm at the library when I suddenly have an orgasm? :blink:

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#2 Ritchie333

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 09:02 PM

I can get aroused (I think that's the term best to describe it) in the early morning and just want to masturbate to get it out of the way, but that doesn't mean I want sex there and then. I certainly don't get that when I'm out and about.
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#3 Philip027

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 09:05 PM

This one doesn't.

Asexuality is more of a mental thing -- sexual arousal can be a purely physical thing. While I can't speak from personal experience, from what most people here say, they are two completely separate things.
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#4 Doozer

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

Yeah I'm sort of with Ritchie333. It happens on occasion when I'm alone, but it's more of a biological 'take care of it yourself' kind of thing. Thinking about involving another person kind of kills it for me.
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#5 CBC.Radio.Girl

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 09:35 PM

Well it depends what you consider 'horny' to mean...

Anyway, I'm grey-a (I guess...) and although my, er, "bits" will respond to stimulation in the way they're supposed to, with someone else or alone (though I haven't had sex with a partner in months and haven't attempted mastubation in ages -- I really have no clue -- and don't see myself doing so ever again), I have never in my life been what people seem to call 'horny'. I don't really have any idea what being horny would even feel like. Outside of any scenario where I'm already 100% involved in an overtly sexual activity, and my body is responding accordingly, I have honestly never experienced either a mental or a physical state where I felt I needed or desired some type of sexual release. From what I understand of other people's experiences, 'horny' seems to be a feeling, mental or physical, that prompts a person to want to engage in sexual behaviour. It's not arousal, as it comes before arousal -- though possibly if it's a strong enough feeling, it may lead to arousal. (Maybe? Not sure on that one.) I also don't think it's the same as thinking, "Hrmm, maybe my partner and I should have sex this evening," in the same way one might think, "Hrmm, I guess I should take the dog for a walk," or "I guess I should get my Christmas shopping done." Somebody might even actually enjoy walking their dog or doing their Christmas shopping, and the same could go for sex with a partner, but it's still not a strong drive, something experienced kind of like a craving (which is what I think of being horny as). I've felt cravings for things very strongly, and because of my mental health issues I have some experience with addiction/addictive behaviours (which are like overwhelming cravings that you feel completely powerless to control), and I can tell you that I've never once felt even a mild craving for sexual stimulation and/or release. The concept of doing so sounds fairly bizarre to me... like the idea of someone craving fixing the brakes on their car or standing in line at the grocery store. (Haha, I'm trying to come up with examples that sound potentially more boring than my aforementioned dog walking and Christmas shopping.)

Anyway, kinda rambling now I think. But that's my take on what 'horny' is, and why I feel I've never experienced it.
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#6 storminateacup

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 09:37 PM

Okay, so....I told my friend I was asexual a little while ago. She, after a bit of explaining, finally seemed to believe me, but her main argument not to was this:
"Asexuals can't exist because everyone--of all sexualities--gets horny. So you can't be asexual."

I'm pretty sure that getting horny can happen from things other than people, though--say you sexually arouse yourself (not that I do or anything, just heard it somewhere)? I told her this, but she said you needed a person to get sexually aroused...I need something to tell her to make her understand. Any suggestions?

Also, she also said that *cough* everyone, some day, will "reach the top of the mountain" (you know what I mean), sexually aroused or not. I asked her how this can happen if you never have sex or MB, but she said that it can happen anytime. This has really creeped me out....so say I'm at the library when I suddenly have an orgasm? :blink:


I don´t think your friend really understands what asexuality is. And the part about asexuals not existing kind of bothers me I mean ok you don´t understand what asexuality is ok, but don´t tell people what the feel isn´t real, just be like I don´t understand what being asexual means can you explain to me? Is there a way I kind find more information, I mean something like that. As for asexuality maybe she can check out aven. aven wiki?? I´m not sure maybe someone else here knows more resources??

As for being horny, I think I´ve been sexual aroused possibly three times in my entire life and one time it was because I was watching a sex scene that was extremely hot and I think the only reason it was hot was because the sexual tension was ridiculous and so and I was invested in the characters. And the other two times I don´t remember...

Also some people with a clitoris can have an orgasm by stimulating the clitoris so for those who can they don´t actually need another person, to, ¨reach the top of the mountain¨ besides that what about erotica/porn/sex toys etcetc. I think you friend either a) doesn´t know what she is talking about or b) really wants to persuade you not to be asexual which really needs to stop..

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#7 Kitty Spoon Train

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 09:39 PM

There are different kinds of asexuals. Some are "nonlibidoist" in the sense that they literally don't get "horny". But many are not.

Probably the best way to think of asexuality (if you're straight or gay that is - this analogy won't work if you're bi) is that the whole world is made up of people of the gender that you're not attracted to. So even though you've got the physical ability to "get horny", you just don't mentally project any of that onto other people, because noone feels like an appropriate target of it in your mind.

This seems to be (very roughly speaking) the most common form of asexuality around.
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Posted 08 November 2012 - 09:51 PM

...

Yes. Your friend sounds amazing, where did they get their degree in sexology from?

#9 illuminates

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:14 PM

...

Yes. Your friend sounds amazing, where did they get their degree in sexology from?

Harvard. :D

Thank you for your replies. My friend just doesn't understand--I'm going to show her AVEN tomorrow and see if she freaks out.
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#10 SisterKate

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:30 PM

"Asexuals can't exist because everyone--of all sexualities--gets horny. So you can't be asexual."


I don't.

I have never found myself in a mental state where I desired sex of any kind. I have tried to masturbate once or twice, to see what the fuss was about. (And this desire to experiment was much like CBC's comment about walking the dog.) Quickly got bored and stopped.

#11 Verust

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:46 PM

Probably the best way to think of asexuality (if you're straight or gay that is - this analogy won't work if you're bi) is that the whole world is made up of people of the gender that you're not attracted to. So even though you've got the physical ability to "get horny", you just don't mentally project any of that onto other people, because noone feels like an appropriate target of it in your mind.

*Pretending to be the opposition*: But what about [male?] prisoners!?
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[My opinion: They likely treat each other purely as "sex objects" if it opposes their orientation]
.
I don't see how one can believe you need another person to get aroused though. I mean, you can get aroused while you are sleeping through dreams so... does that count as another person? It's not required to think of another person if you "hornify" yourself either...? Is there some difference b/w being horny or being aroused with a "final goal in mind" :blink: ?

#12 PerfectlyDarkTails

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 12:29 AM

If "Horny" means getting the urge to masturbate then yes, it is just one of those things that... "happen" without reason, cause or whatever as there's nothing in the mind to identify a trigger. Libido for me is infrequent and weak, the state of "horny-ness" is also an extremely rare occurrence indeed.

#13 Woodworker1968

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:19 AM

If it's possible to get "horny" for hugging and caressing without sex, then yes.

In that case, I have a lot of unfulfilled desire.

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#14 Batman's Ace

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:03 AM

Okay, so....I told my friend I was asexual a little while ago. She, after a bit of explaining, finally seemed to believe me, but her main argument not to was this:
"Asexuals can't exist because everyone--of all sexualities--gets horny. So you can't be asexual."

For heterosexuals, that feeling drives them towards the opposite sex. For homosexuals, it drives them towards the same sex. For me, it drives me up the wall. Or something like that.
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#15 Arctic_Revenge

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 05:06 AM

From personal experience, I do experience pretty extreme spikes in libido- normally just before PMS hits, as is natural for reproduction. But I still think sex is filthy and I don't want to engage in it, ever. Asexuality is a mental setting for me. It's how I'm wired. Just because my body wants a stimulus, doesn't mean I have to want or like that stimulus.

My body and I argue a lot. <.<

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#16 Serran

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 06:12 AM

I am ace and nonlibidoist. I do not get "horny" ... i never want sex or masturbation. Have I had an orgasm anyway? I think so, not sure...if so I don't get why people desire it. *shrug* When it happens to people without physical stimulus it is usually due to a dream not randomly in a library or something. I did try masturbation since everyone told me to and I would magically want to do it often and have sex but all I got from it was "ok... boring and gross why do people want to do this " lol

So.. no not everyone does.
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#17 Eci

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 11:28 AM

Probably the best way to think of asexuality (if you're straight or gay that is - this analogy won't work if you're bi) is that the whole world is made up of people of the gender that you're not attracted to. So even though you've got the physical ability to "get horny", you just don't mentally project any of that onto other people, because noone feels like an appropriate target of it in your mind.This seems to be (very roughly speaking) the most common form of asexuality around.


Well put :)

I get horny sometimes, either as part of my cycle or by "I'm really bored now and will arouse myself by thinking of my fetish to pass the time". In his new book, "understanding asexuality", Anthony Bogeart seperates between sexual attraction, sexual behavior and sex drive/libido/"hornyness". You can be very horny and masturbate a lot and still be asexual, or you can have sex with other people, enjoy it, and still be asexual.
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#18 WhenSummersGone

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 11:49 AM

I'm a libidoist with a high sex drive. I used to say horny when I thought I was heterosexual but not so much anymore. Does horny mean you want to have sex? Or just really frustrated from arousal? I can get frustrated from arousal but never in my life have I been frustrated from not having sex. I guess before I masturbate I can say "I'm horny" but I never really use that word.
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#19 OtherWise

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 01:24 PM

If your friend doesn't believe that feeling horny is any different from feeling sexually attracted, ask her - for example - whether she believes a lesbian woman is still a lesbian even if she's taking medication that has the side-effect of reducing her libido.

Arousal is like feeling hungry. Sexual attraction is like having an appetite. Ever come home hungry then looked in the fridge, looked in the cupboard, and realised that despite your growling stomach there's not a single thing in your kitchen that you have any particular desire to eat? That's sort of like what being asexual with a libido is like.
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#20 AthenaCain

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:01 PM

If your friend doesn't believe that feeling horny is any different from feeling sexually attracted, ask her - for example - whether she believes a lesbian woman is still a lesbian even if she's taking medication that has the side-effect of reducing her libido.

Arousal is like feeling hungry. Sexual attraction is like having an appetite. Ever come home hungry then looked in the fridge, looked in the cupboard, and realised that despite your growling stomach there's not a single thing in your kitchen that you have any particular desire to eat? That's sort of like what being asexual with a libido is like.


What about having an appetite, but not being able to get what you like to have ? Hamburgers, chocolate cake....but no...not available.

To me "horny" is like hungry, but not for food, but for sex/MB or any other sexual stimulation, that will lead to orgasm in order to take the "hornyness" away.
I never thought of myself as without libido,although it won't happen too often, but it's clearly there.
One can become horny caused by hormons, but also by external stimulus like a picture of a naked person, a sex scene in a movie etc. or purely physically when being touched.
just a little confused...

#21 Yukana

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Posted 19 November 2012 - 07:08 AM

I don't, but I am aware that some do. Pretty much a restatement of what has already been said, but whatever.

#22 byronic_hero

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Posted 21 November 2012 - 05:42 PM

I get the physical need to relieve myself so I guess I do get horny. I just don't want to do it with anyone. I'd rather deal myself alone and get it over with.

#23 kochouran

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Posted 22 November 2012 - 06:52 AM

I say that I get horny, but that's usually in reference to a need to burn off energy via masturbation (one of the most effective means to do so for me). I don't ever feel a need for sex unless it's in response to my partner doing something arousing or my brain reminding me that our quota needs to be filled.
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#24 Naylien

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 01:36 AM

I'm confused with the feelings I get.

I'll think about sex, but I won't want to do it. In fact I'll be thinking about it; I actually might like the *idea* of what I'm thinking about, but then I realize what it actually is, and I'm immediately repulsed. Really confusing. I never even think about masturbating, and I never have. Whenever this happens it doesn't last very long. I think the thing I enjoy the most (when I'm thinking) is the kissing aspect or the "closeness"- not the sex.
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#25 wordforger

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Posted 25 November 2012 - 07:56 AM

What would probably blow her mind is the idea of an aromantic asexual with a libido. They aren't remotely attracted to anyone, but thanks to hormones that naturally occur can get aroused. That arousal is not remotely attached to another person. It's just a chemical reaction.

#26 Miss Behavin'

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Posted 27 November 2012 - 02:47 AM

From personal experience, I do experience pretty extreme spikes in libido- normally just before PMS hits, as is natural for reproduction. But I still think sex is filthy and I don't want to engage in it, ever. Asexuality is a mental setting for me. It's how I'm wired. Just because my body wants a stimulus, doesn't mean I have to want or like that stimulus.

My body and I argue a lot. <.<


Yep, same here. When I'm on my period and not in a ton of pain, or when I'm about to be on my period, my body is suddenly like "sexsexsexsexSEEEEX!" but my brain is just going "WTF?!? Stop this! It's getting too weird!"
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#27 zeulared

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Posted 28 November 2012 - 05:15 PM

My mom has the same idea - that a person can't be asexual if they have any kind of physical whatever. But attraction is really a mental thing and arousal is physical. Personally, I occasionally feel a little... swirly (horny) . It has never been a result of another person and I feel no need to "take care of it" myself or get assistance in the matter. Honestly it all depends on the person. To each his own and all that. I have come to the conclusion, however, that there is a portion of asexuals that do get swirly and that does not detract from their asexuality.

#28 kurokuro

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Posted 28 November 2012 - 11:40 PM

I hope I'm not the only one here who actually gets turned on by people. Sometimes the urge just pops up out of nowhere, but a lot of times I'll get it from looking at someone I find attractive, in the same way that I assume happens with a sexual person.

I find both genders nice to look at, but guys are the only ones I actually get turned on by. When it gets to the point that I have to wrist one out, I'm usually thinking about guys while doing it. For a long time I thought I was gay because of this, but then at a certain point I actually started thinking about the act of having sex with a guy and realized it was complete nightmare fuel for me. Being the receiver just sounds painful and awkward, and being on the giving end doesn't sound much better to me. I mean, that's where poop comes from! Just--why?

So yeah, I definitely get 'horny', but I have absolutely no desire to act on it with another person. If I do get horny, that's between me and my hand. ^_^
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#29 merkat82

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 05:04 PM

I don't agree with most of what your sister says, of course, but my reasoning has already been said multiple times in this thread.

 

She is right in a sense about one thing though - I doubt everyone will orgasm without having sex because there isn't even evidence of that happening, but I was just reading where some women do orgasm once in a while due to physical exercise.  Science isn't even sure why this happens.  It's possibly from the already huge flood of other hormones into the body creating a sudden rush, or maybe the constant stimulation due to movement is what does it.  There's also Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder, which ended up briefly in the media a while ago from a woman talking about her experience.  Sounded absolutely horrible. 



#30 SuperMagicMuffin

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Posted 01 December 2012 - 08:45 PM

I think it's physically possible for everyone to get aroused because it's a natural sensation you get from sexual contact. Weather that's by someone else or just yourself. But it doesn't mean you want sex or crave it. It just means you want to have that feeling. I get horny, but it doesn't mean I want to have sex with someone. I usually just go masturbate and it takes care of that feeling. 


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