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Sensual and romantic attraction. What's the difference?


banana monkey

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banana monkey

Hi I need some help here.

Whilst browsing the forums and reading about romantic (but asexual) relationships, I have kind of come across to different definitions of romantic attraction. I have also come across the word sensual attraction. According to what I have read sensual attraction is that you want to cuddle, be close to, maybe kiss that person. However, some romantics here seem to imply that this is how they define the difference between wanting a romantic relationship or a friendship with the person. Some seem to think differently and have friends they are sensually attracted to (by the above definition) but not romantically Therefore, there must be a difference between sensual and romantic attraction. What is it? It seems like with romantic attraction there is something extra that is not there if you are only sensually attracted to the person. Am I right? If so what is this extra ingredient?

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Sensual attraction is physical. It makes you want to more than fleetingly touch somebody... just not in a sexual way. (There's definitely a fuzzy grey zone seperating sensual and sexual, which R. and I are smack in the middle of, seeing how much I like her, um, chesty area. :P)

Romantic attraction is emotional. It makes you desire the feelings you have/share in a partnership, feelings which, however else you specify them, will make you decide that regardless of whether or not sex happens between you, the 'ship has gone beyond a platonic friendship (this very often, though not always, involves exclusive commitment of some sort).

To many people, those two overlap significantly (they'd only want to go sensual with people they have romantic feelings for); to me, they're utterly separate - I'm open to sharing sensuality with friends, except when I feel there's a risk of getting romance involved; I avoid romance like the plague.

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I'm not entirely sure, but for me- who experiences sensual attraction a more than I experience romantic attraction- sensual attraction means that I want to be physically close to someone, kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc. but there isn't necessarily much desire for any sort of emotional bond or anything, even in a romantic way. Romantic attraction means that I desire an emotional bond with that person in a specifically romantic way. For me since sensual attraction can occur on its own, but when I feel romantic attraction it's almost always coupled with sensual attraction, I can't really differentiate that part. From what I can figure it is just that- a desire for romantic love.

That's just my take on it though, I hope it's not to vague and is a little helpful

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I'm biromantic and highly sensually attracted to people. I agree with Mysticus that there's a very fine line between sensual and sexual attraction but for me sensual attraction is this need to touch people for reassurance. It doesn't have anything to do with wanting to have sex with them, I don't look at them and think that they're very attractive (though I can think that someone is pretty/handsome) but rather that I want to snuggle with just about everyone. It's not like a sexual looking at someone and thinking, 'damn, they're hot, I want to do them.' I don't think, 'damn, that person looks really cuddly' or anything like that. Rather as I get closer to someone emotionally I want to complete the relationship with contact and reassure myself that there's nice people in the world. And I have plenty of nice friends who like their personal space, it's just something for me that considers touch to be reassuring. - shrugs - I'm something of a demi-biromantic, though. I don't consider the possibility of falling in love with someone until I've really gotten to know them and that need for closeness increases the closer I am to falling in love with them. Does that make sense?

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banana monkey

Thanks for the replies everyone. It helps.

Filistata,

For you romantic attraction is a desire for romantic love with that other person. This leaves me with the question what is romantic love? It may seem a silly question but can anyone help. If it is anywhere else on AVEN. Please feel free to signpost me.

Thanks.

edit...

I feel I should clarify.. I think I meant what is romantic love as opposed to friendship.

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