Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!

[Nirnroot]

On 10/24/2021 at 1:58 AM, Murr said:

People are so creative with labels this days

Im going to use that or Neptunic.

I love that term. I love the variety of terms these days.

[Guest]

On 10/25/2021 at 4:15 AM, Hypnotic said:

Oh yes I just looked that up & I feel it fits me too! I love it actually, I’m glad there is such a cute name for it 🥰

I've never heard of bambi lesbian but it suits me so I'm going to start using it!

[Hypnotic]

18 hours ago, figisafatcat said:

I've never heard of bambi lesbian but it suits me so I'm going to start using it!

Great!  
 

Would you put it on your dating profile? 🤔

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Hypnotic said:

Great!  
 

Would you put it on your dating profile? 🤔

If I was single I definitely would. I feel like it makes asexuality seem more approachable and can open up that conversation.

[Hypnotic]

 

I use the label grey-a lesbian panromantic and I think it’s the only thing which accurately fits me.

When I was very young I had a sexual experience with another girl which I initiated and I immediately new was wrong and buried it however I knew I really wanted to do it. I was very young at the time and I feel it was very instinctual as I had not had much information about sex at that age. From then until I was in my mid twenties I had no more sexual feelings for females at all although I always felt far more comfortable around women. When I was at school I had romantic ‘crushes’ on boys and went out with a few but I always ended it after a few weeks due to me becoming ‘bored’. Then I went to University and i had no relationships at all and never had sex until I was 24. I basically forced myself to have sex with this guy I was kind of seeing and did not really like, it was honestly one of the worst experiences of my life. 

About a year later I met my ex boyfriend who I was madly, romantically in love with for about three years. I did not really enjoy sex but I did it anyway to please him. It was not so bad as I loved him but most of the time I was looking forward to it being over. While I was going out with him I started to have very strong sexual feelings towards other women. It was the first time I had experienced any sexual feelings at all since I was very young, I never ever felt aroused around men and I was totally confused by these feelings. They were overpowering. I was incredibly attracted to a friend of a friend to the point where I used to act very bizarrely around her, I became very jealous that she was going to steal my boyfriend (!), I did not understand the feelings at all... but it happened with other women too. Now I still am not sure if they were sexual attraction or arousal but they were very very strong. Sometimes I would also accidently try to kiss a friend (really I did not intend to do it, like they would go in for a hug and I would go to kiss them :)) or also wanted to sleep with one of my friends on a few occasions when we were sharing a bed together but I obviously did not as she is not gay but I really wanted to. I have shared a bed again with her since and not wanted to have sex. I therefore became convinced that I am gay and came out as gay. HOWEVER.... whilst I have had a few occasions where I have genuinely wanted to have sex with another woman, they are few and far between. I think I become very confused because I do get incredibly aroused around other women quite frequently, but I never seem to want to act on it really very often. Its very hard for me to know that maybe if I just meet the right person I will want to have sex with them. I am definitely very sensual and really enjoy the sensual side of things, especially even being naked with people but I find it very hard to draw boundaries with people in this regard. In my thirties I have been single for a very long time for various reasons but I think I also tend to shut things down very quickly with people as I am afraid that they will rush me into having sex.

I have recently started to have a different approach in that I am now just trying to see what happens on dates and not rush and its’ okay not to have sex immediately. I have been dating someone else. I am very asthetically attracted to her. I haven’t told her about my greysexuality yet as to be honest I dont know how she will react and I don’t really feel that comfortable opening up to her yet.

We did end up having sex the other night after quite a few drinks. Again I enjoyed the sensual part but the sex I did not like that much, she was really into it though and really kept asking, almost pleading with me to have sex...

Anyway I’m off on a tangent now but yeah, often I don’t feel I fit in anywhere, theres a lot of gatekeeping that goes on in the queer community.

I just live in hope I will eventually meet a woman that I will be comfortable with to occasionally have sex and enjoy it, but I’m not sure if my greysexuality is willing to following any kind of predictable pattern.

 

The other weird thing is that since I have been with my ex in my 20's I have not been romantically attracted to any other people who identify as men apart from trans men/non binary.  

So now I only really date other queer people and I would consider an asexual cis man but seems like it would be pretty rare that I would be attracted to one now, I don't know why that is....

 

I hope this isn’t TMI but I just wanted to share as I find the whole thing so confusing.

 

P.S. I wish there was a whole separate forum for the asexy romantic lesbians!

[Thujaplicata]

A random ramble:

I'm visiting and staying with my girlfriend right now and that meant quite a few moments through the airport etc when I had opportunity to use "my girlfriend" in conversation. And I always found myself running a swift mental debate concerning whether this stranger might be homophobic or similar, if I cared, it didn't really matter anyway, should I say it? Be an open and happy example to normalize non-straight relationships? Or avoid it because it really doesn't matter and then I don't risk an unpleasant interaction? 

Mind you, I haven't actually had an unpleasant interaction from a stranger, but I am aware it could happen. One of my grandmothers thinks it a sin and doesn't actually know, my other grandfather was overjoyed that I'd found someone and wanted to know if we were considering marriage. (We'd been dating for maybe six months.)

My dad is very happy for me, my mom avoids the topic at all costs which is in striking contrast to her exuberant gossiping about any boy I spent any time near previously. 

All of which is just to say I've had varied reactions within my family and tread carefully to avoid setting anything off when at my mom's house. 

So I guess I'm in the habit of overthinking it. I dunno, I'm kind of curious how other people approach this.

[rainbowocollie]

I identify as on the aro spectrum as well as asexual, but I have concluded that I'm homoromantic/a bambi lesbian 🙂

[CaittMarr]

For the longest time I have Identified as a lesbian. As I am now into my adulthood and people in my life are seriously pursuing relationships. I naturally feel kind of behind. I have friends that are now in serous relationships and live with their partners. Before, dating was never a hot topic within my friend group. I have thought about relationships just not enough to even consider one. I have always been described by others as simple and independent. When my friends asked me what I see in a partner, they inform that it was sounded more like a deep friendship. This kind of made me spiral because for the first time I actually wondered if I ever felt attracted to anybody sexually. I have not. Anytime I have had crush has been mostly just not to be only one without one. I found women pretty and fun, but I wouldn't consider kissing them let alone anything more. I had a major crush on a long-term best friend, but I just wanted to spend every waking moment with her. I had never once wanted to do be anything else with her. I am kind of at a loss right now. 

[rainbowocollie]

On 5/26/2022 at 7:23 PM, CaittMarr said:

For the longest time I have Identified as a lesbian. As I am now into my adulthood and people in my life are seriously pursuing relationships. I naturally feel kind of behind. I have friends that are now in serous relationships and live with their partners. Before, dating was never a hot topic within my friend group. I have thought about relationships just not enough to even consider one. I have always been described by others as simple and independent. When my friends asked me what I see in a partner, they inform that it was sounded more like a deep friendship. This kind of made me spiral because for the first time I actually wondered if I ever felt attracted to anybody sexually. I have not. Anytime I have had crush has been mostly just not to be only one without one. I found women pretty and fun, but I wouldn't consider kissing them let alone anything more. I had a major crush on a long-term best friend, but I just wanted to spend every waking moment with her. I had never once wanted to do be anything else with her. I am kind of at a loss right now. 

It's possible to have tertiary attractions, ie strong attractions that are neither romantic or sexual.

But yeah, I relate a lot to your description. I'm grey-aro, grey-ace, but while I have definitellyyyy had actual romantic feelings for other women, I don't find things like kissing appealing either. Occasionally I can see a romantic interest in a sexual way and have explored those feelings independently when they appear, but that's rare af.

[Ace_Anthropology]

I need advice. So eventually I will have to come out to my family, if I date a women. I don't really care to come out till necessary since its none of their business. I debating though just saying I'm bisexual instead of the whole deal. Anyone have advice or experience on this. 

[rainbowocollie]

3 hours ago, Ace_Anthropology said:

I need advice. So eventually I will have to come out to my family, if I date a women. I don't really care to come out till necessary since its none of their business. I debating though just saying I'm bisexual instead of the whole deal. Anyone have advice or experience on this. 

Sooo basically you don't want to get into the whole "I'm asexual but not aromantc" thing? Understandable. It's up to you, explaining that can be a PAIN. 

I am technically out as asexual, and use the asexual flag in my public FB profile, etc. But people know me more as a lesbian, so even though I have made passing mentions of being asexual they still assume that I am into banging girls. (Maybe in my imagination, being lithsexual, but in reality? Ew.) Honestly I don't really bother to explain the difference unless it comes up specifically.
And I see it this way? Let's say that I do date a woman one day. My asexuality with her and our subsequent sex life - nobody's business but our own.

[Lulu48]

I've always known I liked girls. I've had 'crushes' and being attracted to my girl classmates and imagining romantic relationships with them was kinda fun. Until at high school I discovered asexuality and feel that label fits me like a glove. I always liked romantic gestures and romance fantasies but sex is so... ew. Slowly realizing this because since I liked to read romance stories and want to be in romantic relationships it's so INFURIATING because eventually it always ends with sex, I hated those. I grow into a teenager that hated sex and romance altogether, lol.

 

But I DO feel romantic attraction to women (perhaps not as intense or as frequent). Since then I started to question my romantic orientation, I also feel I might not fit into the 'allo'romantic circle, so I decided to go with grey-ro. Still, I do prefer to call myself lesbian asexual. 

[thanhtam23]

Hi there, it's me again after go through all previous pages of rambling/confusing of romantic orientation. I love this thread because I can relate a lot to my own experiences. I just want to share those again hoping can help some of you who is still confusing.

I always know that I'm into girl, I just don't want to admit it, and I still need to deal with internal homophobia. I never come out with my own family, they are still hoping I will find a husband someday but it's not going to happen. I just can't bring myself to tell them all of that and since I don't have any partner there is no need to actually come out just yet.

How do I tell the difference, I always (secretly) admire ladies in the movie/drama that I watch. When I develop crush on someone, I always want to be around, talk to her, protect her and all sort of intimacy urges with her like holding hands, cuddling, even kissing, just no sex. You will have such feelings only with certain person and not all and that's how it's different with normal friendship. Maybe it's different experience for different people but it is how it is for me.

Unfortunately, I always find myself in unrequited love, my crushes are all straight like board and I've never able to tell them how I feel. I came out (as I like girls) with some of my close friends, since they noticed and asked. I did question those high-ups above too, why they didn't make me straight to have an easier life. Anyway, we really can't choose so I still hope I can find a life partner one day and I can share to the whole world that this is my girl

[AmazingGrAce]

I just wanted to drop into this thread to say hi. I've been thinking about my romantic orientation a fair bit over the last year and I've reached the conclusion that I would in fact be open to and interested in dating women.

 

I have not had the opportunity to try this yet, and I'm not yet completely sure that I am romantically attracted to women (rather than just aesthetically/emotionally attracted), but to me this feels like an important step. It's also leading me to evaluate (disastrous) past relationships with men and figure out whether I actually was interested in them in any way other than platonically. 

 

I may be getting closer to figuring myself out! 

[Guest]

I just want to be pretty. 

[winter solstice 冬至]

Sometimes I just wonder whether I feel comfortable with female is just because they make me feel safe as an ace who doesn’t want sex at all …But anyway,I am now good with my girlfriend, so I just stop thinking that

[CaittMarr]

On 5/26/2022 at 5:23 PM, CaittMarr said:

For the longest time I have Identified as a lesbian. As I am now into my adulthood and people in my life are seriously pursuing relationships. I naturally feel kind of behind. I have friends that are now in serous relationships and live with their partners. Before, dating was never a hot topic within my friend group. I have thought about relationships just not enough to even consider one. I have always been described by others as simple and independent. When my friends asked me what I see in a partner, they inform that it was sounded more like a deep friendship. This kind of made me spiral because for the first time I actually wondered if I ever felt attracted to anybody sexually. I have not. Anytime I have had crush has been mostly just not to be only one without one. I found women pretty and fun, but I wouldn't consider kissing them let alone anything more. I had a major crush on a long-term best friend, but I just wanted to spend every waking moment with her. I had never once wanted to do be anything else with her. I am kind of at a loss right now. 

Been almost two years since this post. Yea, it's sad but I have stopped referring to myself as lesbian. I still feel attracted to women and feminine people but I have come to realize that I love their energy. It's not anything sexually or romantic. I can have a good laugh with them and relate. Its hard for me move on from lesbian label. It meant a lot to me and I love the community. Right now and for a while now, its not fit me. Maybe it future that will change again.