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AnotherMember

Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!

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AnotherMember

That happens a lot, but hardly you will change people's mind. People sometimes fall for others who aren't compatible at all :unsure:.

Many will not want to be my partner for whatever reason, my sexuality, religion, body type, personality... but I don't have to think they are wrong just because, they are not for me, simple.

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Yukana

Are you asexual lesbian? Yes.

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are lesbian and then asexual? I figured I was queer, but it was really difficult to figure out without knowing what asexual was, so yes, I discovered I was queer first.

Are you yet not sure? Very sure.

Have you come out of the close as any of both? Hm. I came out as queer to my mom. I don't like talking about coming out really. It was a terrible experience and I am back in the closet, comfortable as ever. I've told my three closest friends I'm queer ace, and they already knew what it was :P My sister knows as well.

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pickles mcgee

Sorry you had a bad experience coming out to your mom, Yukana. But glad you have a sibling and friends you could tell.

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Purnkin Spurce

Are you asexual lesbian? ~Prefer Homoromantic Asexual

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are lesbian and then asexual? ~Knew I liked girls since childhood, just not sexually. Just knew I wanted a girlfriend and was never attracted sexually or romantically to boys. Too me a while to admit it.

Are you yet not sure? ~I wanna say very sure, but I'm still researching and trying to understand. So...mostly sure.

Have you come out of the close as any of both? ~Sort of, most of my friends think I'm gay or bi. But I feel they would think I'm just wanting attention if I keep coming out of the closet with different sexual orientations. But it's only because I'm just now starting to figure out what I am.

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CaptainObliviace

Are you asexual lesbian?

Well, I'm actually panromantic, so I'm only a part-time intruder, I suppose? If I like someone, I like them. They're a guy? That's cool. They're a girl? That's cool. I've never met anyone who's agendered, transgender, etc. but if I did and I liked them, that'd be ok too.

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first you are a lesbian and then asexual?

I found out about asexuality this summer, and it just clicked, so I started identifying as ace almost immediately. I've only come to terms with being panromantic, er, yesterday. But, I have had crushes on guys and girls since 6th grade, but was in denial for a while. (I'm also a poet and didn't know it! :lol: ) It's more explained in my topic in the Tea & Sympathy forum. (I would link, but it's hard to do on my phone.)

Are you yet not sure?

I'm sure. I have two crushes right now- one guy and one girl. I spent some time with the girl last night, and I'm definitely romantically attracted to her. This is hard to post since I only came to terms with it yesterday, but I want to be confident in who I am.

Have you come out of the closet as any of both?

I've told my mother and grandmother I'm asexual, but they don't believe that it's possible for a person to be ace and have stated that even if it was possible, they wouldn't believe that I am. My sister guessed that I'm asexual on her own, and she believes it. I haven't told anyone but you Avenites about being panromantic. I'm not looking forward to it, either. I'm nervous about coming out as either to my friends, but I might eventually.

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Palovana

This is something that's really thrown me for a loop lately, and for the last...well since this past August, really...I've been seriously wondering if I'm an asexual lesbian (or rather, agender female attracted to other females - whatever). In the past I've completely rejected the idea of being romantic with a woman, though I remember looking at girls in middle school and thinking they were very pretty, and even in college thinking "wow, that girl's really cute". And then I found myself completely attracted to a woman back in August. I know it sounds kind of silly, but I saw this girl compete in the Olympics on Day 4 or something and I never missed a game she played in for the rest of the Olympics. I saw her and I think my jaw was on the floor because she was so beautiful and talented. After that, I noticed how often I really do look at women and like what I see.

Now, I used to get asexual crushes on guys all the time when I was younger, and even more recently, but what I've noticed is that they're all fictional, except for a select few. But I don't know if that was ever more than just aesthetic attraction. And what's more, the thought of being in a relationship with a guy doesn't interest me nearly as much as being in a relationship with a girl does. So, I don't know...I've never really found myself interested in a relationship with a guy, and lately I've been daydreaming (yes, daydreaming) about having a relationship with a girl. I like the idea of having a romantic relationship with a girl. With a guy? I don't know, honestly. I've never met a guy I seriously thought "I would like to have a relationship with this person".

And yet I generally get along with men better than I do with women. Though perhaps this is simply platonic? I don't know anymore. I'm seriously confused.

So, uh, I identify as bi-romantic, because at this point I have no fucking idea and it's the only term I can think of that somewhat describes how I feel. And yet perhaps this is just some strange preoccupation or curiosity or something, and I'll get over it eventually.

*Bangs head against wall*

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Purnkin Spurce

The purpose of this thread it's to talk about the asexual lesbian experience. Of course intruders are invited to talk too, but you will be an intruder :rolleyes: haha!

Are you asexual lesbian?

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are lesbian and then asexual?

Are you yet not sure?

Have you come out of the close as any of both?

I think so, as far as I can tell.

I think I found out I was lesbian or more into women first. Just recently was when I started to consider myself asexual.

I'm not 100% sure but I am more aware that this could definitely be me.

I came out bisexual, then demisexual. Not as asexual. You can tell I was confused lol. So I think I will just keep it to myself. My family and friends won't care if I'm asexual or not. Just notice I'm with women a lot and they might assume we are having sexual contact.

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Fllay

- Actually a biromantic but I lean toward girls much more than guys. Like 80:20

- I found out I like girls far more than I like boys back in middle school. My first love was a girl in my class.

- I'm sure.

- I came out of the closet to a close cousin and both of my girlfriends (duh).

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Denibear

For years, I identified as a lesbian first before realizing I was truly a homoromantic asexual. I was never physically, sexually, or emotionally attracted to men while I was emotionally attracted to women so for years I romantically pursued women thinking that I just needed to find the right woman to share sexual experiences with.

It definitely wasn't the case as I never expressed any desire for receiving sex or giving, selfish as that may sound. I appreciate innocent affection like cuddling, kissing and holding hands but anything beyond that makes me extremely anxious and uncomfortable. I don't care for sex and I am a firm believer that I don't need sex to be happy.

The crappy thing is though is that it is very difficult to find a woman to connect with in a way that doesn't involve sex. Every relationship that I've had was with a sexual and these relationships went awry as I was forced to compromise my own ideals and comfort level to make her happy. I didn't enjoy myself, sex didn't do anything for me aside from further cementing the fact that it was uncomfortable, wasn't spectacular and it wasn't for me.

While my family knows and accepts that I am romantically interested in women, they are unaware that I am also asexual and I'm kind of wary of what their response is going to be like.

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Starr
Many will not want to be my partner for whatever reason, my sexuality, religion, body type, personality... but I don't have to think they are wrong just because, they are not for me, simple.

You're chocosexual :wub: that's good enough for me :wub: :wub: :wub:

Many (if not most) bisexual females seem to prefer men, to some degree. Which isn't unexpected, and it's perfectly fine. It does make me, personally, warier of dating girls who identify as bi, however.

Laaaaate to the party but...

I kinda lean towards girls tbh my reason is stupid but with guys..I don't know if it's society or gender roles or something but I feel like there are expectations that come with men and their family (expecially with their mothers). Like in my family the mother in laws tend to blame the wife for the son's condition even though the son themselves is at fault...

@Denibear - Yes it is difficult but don't let it get you down. Those past relationships didn't work out for a reason. You don't know what the future holds and neither do I but you very well may end up with a nice loving partner :3

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AnotherMember

Many will not want to be my partner for whatever reason, my sexuality, religion, body type, personality... but I don't have to think they are wrong just because, they are not for me, simple.

You're chocosexual :wub: that's good enough for me :wub: :wub: :wub:

:D :D Are you too? :o :P LOL

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Starr

Many will not want to be my partner for whatever reason, my sexuality, religion, body type, personality... but I don't have to think they are wrong just because, they are not for me, simple.

You're chocosexual :wub: that's good enough for me :wub: :wub: :wub:

:D :D Are you too? :o :P LOL

For you I will be :wub: * insert deep Barry White voice here *

but that's genius Chocosexual and Cakesexual xD

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Ariggie
I identify as an asexual lesbian yes but I usually tend to say that I love women and confide the asexual half to those I am close to.

I knew I loved females right from a young age - around 9/10. I had crushes on female teachers and then an unrequited love for my straight best friend for years. After I finally moved on fromher, I had on and off internet dates with other women and in Second Life under my male avatar I was in unrequited love with a best friend for over two years, found a girlfriend, dated her for months, we drifted apart and I ended things and then started dating a new girl whom in Second Life I am very much in love with.

I knew I wasn't interested in sex with anyyone from about the age of 9 or 10 as well but I didn't discover the term asexual until I read it in the newspaper at seventeen and then researched it.

Wow! I'm pretty new to this site, but I can relate. I had crushes with teachers pretty much my entire life. And then in my twenties, there were the unrequited love relationships with my besties that put me into therapy. Very upsetting. Therapists would say that I was gay emotionally, but straight sexually due to fantasies that actually had to do with sex in general and not about a guy. In any case, I thought I was asexual 10 years ago during my first heartbreak, but the therapist said there were no such things. Then with my second therapist, she said I wasn't asexual because I had fantasies. Needless to say, I was so excited to hear about asexuality even 10 years ago, but the therapists ended up confusing me all over again!

I do fall in love with women, mostly those who are a bit older (that teacher type), but I don't desire having sex with them so I don't identify as a lesbian. I love the term homoromantic and wonder how to go about finding people in my area who are like me. I remember being young wondering when I would grow out of wanting to be the love of my teachers' lives. I would date men and break it off when it started getting sexual, and I never felt emotional towards them. Mostly, I would complain about them wanting too much of my time. With women, on the other hand, that I would fall in love with, I couldn't get enough and would be jealous of their interest in the opposite sex. I would always try to explain how I could be in love without wanting sex and never understood why sex kept the ones I loved so much from wanting me. Now I get it all :)

Nice to hear you have found love :)

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AnotherMember
Wow! I'm pretty new to this site, but I can relate. (...)

Welcome to Aven ;), hope you like to be around :P.

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Reptillian

This is just a little joke.

*Reads lesbian and then clicks. Then, I think 'oh asexy'. Closes tab. *

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AnotherMember
This is just a little joke.

*Reads lesbian and then clicks. Then, I think 'oh asexy'. Closes tab. *

Awww :(

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Fitzsimmons ♡

I'm wondering how many homoromantic asexuals had a hard time accepting their romantic orientation. Was it easier to accept you were asexual, or that you were gay (as in homoromantic)? Was it easy/hard the same way?

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Perfect Blue Buildings
I'm wondering how many homoromantic asexuals had a hard time accepting their romantic orientation. Was it easier to accept you were asexual, or that you were gay (as in homoromantic)? Was it easy/hard the same way?

It just made it more confusing for me. I remember for the longest time reasoning that since I wasn't interested in sleeping with men, I must be a lesbian; but since I didn't want to sleep with women, that made me - nothing? When I finally had a real crush on a woman (a teacher, I can relate, Ariggie :) ) I felt really relieved for a while, because I thought I'd finally figured out what I was. I just felt that I was finally allowed to admit to myself that I think women are prettier and more pleasant to be around, so for a while, I was ecstatic. Then that turned into misery when I realized that I should want a relationship and I still didn't (I'm pretty aromantic, despite that one crush...) and I felt that identifying as lesbian seemed to indicate to people that I wanted physical contact, which I didn't, which in turn made me feel broken and unhappy.

So finding asexuality just made sense, in so many ways. Accepting that I probably won't have a relationship with anyone and won't get married and have children was a really hard for a while, but at the same time, I felt that I finally found out how to describe myself, and how to accept myself without trying to make myself fit in. I mean, I had always known that I was lacking something everyone else seemed to have, so it just changed from "Something is wrong with me" to "Not wrong, but different". It gave me a much clearer sense of what I want and what I need, which overall, made up for all the hard parts. However, I do get moments where I wish I could just be a 'normal' lesbian. I don't want to play down discrimination and having to decide about coming out and all that, but I think it still is a more easily understandable identity for people; and one that instinctively makes sense to sexuals, no matter how much they agree or disagree with it.

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AnotherMember
On 14/1/2013 at 2:43 AM, ithaca said:
I'm wondering how many homoromantic asexuals had a hard time accepting their romantic orientation. Was it easier to accept you were asexual, or that you were gay (as in homoromantic)? Was it easy/hard the same way?

Questions like those you are doing are part of the reasons why I started this thread. 

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Great Thief Yatagarasu
I'm wondering how many homoromantic asexuals had a hard time accepting their romantic orientation. Was it easier to accept you were asexual, or that you were gay (as in homoromantic)? Was it easy/hard the same way?

As you guys probably figured out, I had a much easier time accepting I was asexual than I did accepting that I was biromantic (or whatever word you want to use for it - ambiromantic?). I was harassed so much during high school for not being conventionally feminine that I think I closeted myself pretty hard - it was falling for my friend S that made me finally admit to it. I just didn't want to admit that they were right, or that something was so massively different about myself, even though nothing had really changed - I'd always been this way, I was just too stubborn to admit it.

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boo040494

Oh my gosh...YAY!!! Other asexual lesbians!!! / gay chicks. First time on the site, sorry if I'm offending anyone. I understand the dislike of the word "lesbian," I prefer to refer to myself as gay, too. I read through the first page of posts, got excited and skipped to the end to post. It's also nearly 2am here so I'm kind of delirious and tired. Anyone in here from California? Please bear with me as I stumble through all the proper terms because I really have no idea what I'm getting myself into. Just watched the documentary on NetFlix tonight and was like "Hey, that's ME!" and wound up on here. So stoked to start getting to know all you guys.

Okay, I just had to drop in and say hi. Love you guys already!

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AnotherMember
Oh my gosh...YAY!!! Other asexual lesbians!!! / gay chicks. First time on the site, sorry if I'm offending anyone. I understand the dislike of the word "lesbian," I prefer to refer to myself as gay, too. I read through the first page of posts, got excited and skipped to the end to post. It's also nearly 2am here so I'm kind of delirious and tired. Anyone in here from California? Please bear with me as I stumble through all the proper terms because I really have no idea what I'm getting myself into. Just watched the documentary on NetFlix tonight and was like "Hey, that's ME!" and wound up on here. So stoked to start getting to know all you guys.

Okay, I just had to drop in and say hi. Love you guys already!

You can relax now :P, take your time to learn and to enjoy being around, as I have said it before most of us (if not all :P) are here to learn and support each other. Welcome :cake:

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Electric Barbarella

How come I didn't notice this thread before? ¬¬ Well, I've read all of its pages now, so I'm at least caught up.

I just wanted to throw in my two cents on the who "bi" business, since I (mostly) identify as one as well. I think, overall, we should accept that it can signify different things to different people and move from there. It's been mentioned here that some girls that identify as bi really are much more straight than anything, but likewise there are others like me (aaaand someone else in the thread, whoooo? *checked it* it's Fllay) who are much more into girls than boys. To the point of having had only serious relationships with girls and only casual ones with boys. (Yes, that's me. And by casual I don't mean sex, though of course that wouldn't be a problem, only... I'm demi and yeah. You guys know the deal.) But at the same time, in my case, I don't feel like saying I'm gay is the right thing to do, because I've had had the odd attraction to guys (date a few too), so I think it'd be misleading. D: Anyways, rather than judge all bi people in the same way, I think the label should be only a starting point to getting to know someone. Specially if it's with the intention of dating them (since you can't help who you like, right? Maybe you like a bi girl...). One bi is certainly different from the other, yeah? Just like lesbians aren't all alike. ;)

Now, as for the "what was harder to come to terms with" question, it was definitely the gay part rather than the asexual part. I think it comes from how invisible aces are in the eyes of others. In coming out as ace most of the time we even have to explain what it means, whereas if you say you're gay people already have this idea in their minds of what that means and... you know, stereotypes. Besides, saying you're ace mostly generates confusion (from lack of knowledge), while saying you're gay can actually generate bad reactions. Coming out is scaaary. Even to the people you love. So far I've only managed to do so in bits and pieces. My parents know (they are okay with it!), and some of my family does too thanks to facebook (they seem okay with it), also my friends know... But, you know, it's a never-ending process. Once you met some new, bam, you gotta do it all over again. Eventually you might get a bad reaction from someone. =/ And, anyways, being gay in general means having to face a lot of adversities. You have to be tough to handle that. It's easy to fall into the mindset of "oh, if only I wasn't like that". I guess with asexuality that can happen as well, but it's a relatively unknown label, so there's still room for us to build our own ideas of what that means. But us gay+asexual people have really been double whammed. (Thanks, life.)

Aaaand I'm rambling. Will stop now. (Bye!)

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CaptainObliviace

To answer those newer questions, learning that I am ace was easy. Accepting it was even more so. I don't want sex. It's not a big deal to me.

The panromantic part was harder to accept. (I'm not quite sure if I'm completely comfortable with it just yet, but I'm trying.) I think it has a lot to do with my family. It's not uncommon for me to hear how 'gross gays' are when my family gets together for whatever reason. I really, really don't want to tell them, ever, which would be hard if I ever have a relationship with a girl. I think that's why I never admitted to myself that I had feelings for girls until, oh, about last month. It's a process, that's for sure, especially since I don't have anyone to confide in. (Besides you lovely people, of course :D )

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Amara

Are you asexual lesbian?

Close...I'm a biromantic ace with an aesthetic preference towards women. :)

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are lesbian and then asexual?

I've known that I am biromantic for quite some time, but I was in denial about my asexuality throughout my teenage years. I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I don't experience sexual attraction, just aesthetic and romantic, and I'm now happy with the way I am. :)

Are you yet not sure?

I am now secure in my asexuality.


Have you come out of the closet as any or both?

My closest friends know, but that is all.

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AnotherMember

I see there are kind of more bi girls around :blush:, I'll change the tittle to asexy bi and lesbian time (or something the like) if some of the present bi girls ask me too.

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Electric Barbarella
I see there are kind of more bi girls around :blush:, I'll change the tittle to asexy bi and lesbian time (or something the like) if some of the present bi girls ask me too.

I think we're okay, haha. C: After all, bi girls are at least somewhat lesbian. XD But thanks for offering~

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Purnkin Spurce

I've always known since childhood that I've had a thing for girls/women. It was never a sexual thing, but adoration and comfortableness being with them more then men. Later on in life, I've realized I'm more attracted to them romantically. And just recently I've began to call myself asexual. So I'm hoping to find that special someone who is also asexual and feels the same. I have my eye on one girl who we have a lot in common with and lives near by, but I'm trying to not get my hopes up and if it's meant to be then it is.

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Starr
I'm wondering how many homoromantic asexuals had a hard time accepting their romantic orientation. Was it easier to accept you were asexual, or that you were gay (as in homoromantic)? Was it easy/hard the same way?

Accepted asexuality easier.

When I first thought I might be attracted to a girl I denied it sooooo much then when reality sunk in I was really scared because I can tell my family I'm asexual , they will laugh it off , dismiss it say I will change etc..but tell them I like girls....I'm canidate to get disowned and subject to a lot of other trouble and embarassment. I have a bisexual cousin who went through hell with my family cause of her orientation.

This whole bi and demi thing confuses me tbh. I like both genders but only if I have that connection so sometimes idk how to identify.

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