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AnotherMember

Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!

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Fitzsimmons ♡

Sometimes I think that last year I may have had a crush on a girl, and while rationally I know it is okay, it's a thought that scares me (for unknown reasons). Posting this is not easy.

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Trava u doma

Sometimes I think that last year I may have had a crush on a girl, and while rationally I know it is okay, it's a thought that scares me (for unknown reasons). Posting this is not easy.

Oh, yes. *hugs*

Admittedly, I often wonder if being sexual, or at least high-romantic, makes it easier? (I don't think I've ever had a crush like other people describe...) Like, you just have to accept it... As it is, it's just too easy to downplay the whole thing and force yourself to ignore the issue, instead of trying to solve it... It's so much easier than trying to accept the possibility - even if, yeah, I have no problem whatsoever with LGBT people - that are NOT me.... Does it make sense...? :unsure:

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Quill Pen Gentleman

@ Trava U Dona: I might go again. This most recent visit wasn't as intimidating. Actually, they are hosting this big dance called a formal just for LGBT(A) people and I'm thinking about going.

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Butterball

I've identified as a lesbian for at least 12 years now, but am just now coming to terms with my asexuality, and honestly I'm quite depressed by it now. I'm really glad I've found this excellent source for information and networking among asexuals or I probably would have driven myself crazy trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Now I know that I'm a romantic a-sexy lesbian, but I'm still very unsure about what that means in terms of me finding another relationship that won't blow up because of how I freak out about sex.

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FiReLigHT

Are you asexual lesbian?

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are lesbian and then asexual?

Are you yet not sure?

Have you come out of the close as any of both?

I found it really hard to figure it all out, and I'm still not sure...

For a long time I just didn't have the need to date someone and the thought of me having sex with a guy was not helping. In those years a friend told me something about asexuality, I never knew it was a thing or something like that, I thought it was just me. I thought about it for a while, but never really accepted it, maybe it was something else.

So then I discovered the gay thing, took me a while to accept it though. Then I became close to some girls, but I never knew whether I was in love or not, because I didn't want to kiss them and stuff. But anyway, I had a relationship with one girl and it worked for a while. I really loved her but I still didn't like to kiss and everything. In the beginning I could bring it up, but it became too much for me. So I rather hugged her than kiss her. And I tried to talk about it, but she didn't believe me. She just thought I didn't love her and we broke up.

So it brought me back to the beginning. I was in doubt about almost everything. But after a while a realized that I'd really loved her so that wasn't the problem. And finally I googled asexuality. But I'm still trying to figure it all out. I'm pretty sure about the asexuality now, but I'm not sure whether I'm homoromantic or biromantic. Everything changes when you put it in a different perspective...

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGWZcJrAw-I

Funnily enough, I DO actually really like the word lesbian. To me, it's one of those words which rolls off the tongue, and I find it fun to say. Lesbian. It sounds nice to me, is all I'm saying. The odd thing I've found is that literally every lesbian I've ever met (face to face, rather) has used the term "dyke" to refer to themselves, rather than something more PC. I wonder why that is? Is "dyke" an acceptable term nowadays? To answer the questions, though:

Are you an asexual lesbian?

Nope, although I do like girls. I know that "straight" no longer suits me (if it ever did at all - in hindsight, I've never felt like I fit in with straight girls), and I like girls, but I'll get into all this on a later question, methinks. I am currently in the pursuit of the affections of this one particular dyke (and yes, that's the term she uses for herself), so I am interested in being in a lesbian relationship at some point with her, so I guess, should that happen, I'll have to settle on some kind of label, and quick. An extra thing is that I'm demisexual rather than asexual.

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are lesbian and then asexual?

It's been...fraught. I "found out" that I was demisexual before I really figured out that I was...whatever it is that I am, but looking back, I think the signs were all there - I just wilfully ignored it, because how could I be gay? I'd always admired men, all my celebrity crushes were men (even if I faked the intensity of some of them)...but in hindsight, I've realised that my first proper crush was on a girl. Sophie, her name was, and she was best friends with my older sister. She moved to Australia after a year, and I suppose I should have noticed how upset I'd gotten at her leaving and how I'd pretty much been like a puppy following after her all the time, but I honestly thought it was just girlish admiration. Throughout my teenage years, I brushed off all my girlcrushes in a similar way - "You just admire them greatly as friends, is all. It's not at all like how you like boys." Which I suppose is true, to an extent, but I was still being ignorant on purpose. Since my second year of college, though, I started to really realise that it was possible for me to like girls. I didn't tell anyone at the time, though. It's only now with this one girl in my life that I'm starting to actually accept it properly and come out as being...whatever word I decide on using. So the discovery process has been fraught to say the least, and is still ongoing.

Are you yet not sure?

As you've probably guessed by now, I don't know what label to use to describe myself, so no, I'm not sure yet. As a genderqueer individual, things like "heterosexual" and "homosexual" kind of felt uncomfortable anyway, even before I realised I was genderqueer. "Gay/Lesbian" isn't right, because I like dudes, and "Straight" doesn't fit because I like girls. But "bisexual" (biromantic?) doesn't seem right either, seeing as my attraction between men and women isn't equal (I know it doesn't have to be, but I know it's an implication that comes with the identity), I think saying "I like men and women" is too simplistic and it kind of feels like false advertising. Pansexual almost fits, seeing as the reasons I like people have little to do with their gender, but at the same time, if THAT'S the case, then why have I always preferred boys over girls? I've started to think that maybe "polysexual" - being attracted to more than one gender/sex without specifying what they are - is a closer thing. I think it fits because the things I like in people - my "types," if you will - are irrespective of gender (you have to be a major nerd and you have to be androgynous in looks or personality), but because I tend to appreciate the appearance of more types of guys than girls (I like some more masculine men and femme/androgynous men, but I only really like butch/androgynous women), it fits better to say that I can like men, and women who appear to fall outside the gender binary. Normally, I just use "queer."

Have you come out of the close as any of both?

I've come out as being demisexual (although I tend to actually say "asexual" or "pretty much asexual") to several people, mostly friends and relatives, but I've not really come out as liking girls yet. I've poked my toes out the closet, though, and if I manage to ask this girl out and she says yes, then I guess I'd HAVE to mention it (I wouldn't want to keep someone as a secret, you know?).

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Quill Pen Gentleman

Many (if not most) bisexual females seem to prefer men, to some degree. Which isn't unexpected, and it's perfectly fine. It does make me, personally, warier of dating girls who identify as bi, however.

That's true, I have noticed that as well. My friend from highshcool identifies as Bi but she is crazy over boys way more than girls.

I'd think I'd be warier as well.

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Kitty Spoon Train

Many (if not most) bisexual females seem to prefer men, to some degree. Which isn't unexpected, and it's perfectly fine. It does make me, personally, warier of dating girls who identify as bi, however.

I have a feeling a lot of females who identify as "bi" might actually be essentially what we'd call Biromantic Heterosexuals in AVEN speak. I've known a few women like this when I think about it now (either as friends or via dating). Basically what I mean by this is that they could easily get emotionally close to other women, perhaps to an extent such as having a "romantic friendship" with another woman - but when it comes to having a full-on life partner they really only consider men as potentials there.

One girl I dated was quite explicit about it: had a strong interest in having close and cuddly friendships with close female friends that was unmistakably past all usual platonic boundaries and in romantic friendship territory - wanting to cuddle, make out, share a bed, etc, with very close female friends - but was actively repulsed by interacting with vaginas, and ultimately wanted a permanent relationship (and marriage and bio kids) with a man, eventually. *shrug*

I could be totally off the mark, but I have a feeling this pattern is very common, just from what I've observed so far in life. Though admittedly it's a limited sample. But yes, I don't think too many "bi" females are actually "equal opportunity bi" as such. I think it's more that they have a specialised interest in women on a less committed (and often less sexualised) level than in males. And that in terms of looking for a serious life partner they are essentially as good as "straight".

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

...And this is where I run and hide from this thread forever.

Because honestly, I don't get where this attitude is coming from. Why is it a problem for bi girls to prefer one gender over the other? Because the only reasons I can think of as to why that's problematic are that people are going to claim that "they're not really bi", or that people are going to be scared that their bi partner is going to cheat on them with a man. Why is that assumption there? Because I can tell it's what you're all thinking - why else would you be wary of dating a bi girl? It's almost like a cruel cycle - a bi girl wants to go out with another girl, but none of the lesbians she knows will date her because she's bi and "what if she cheats on me with a man/is not really bi?", so she ends up dating a man, which makes the lesbians assume that most bi girls prefer boys, and the cycle goes on.

This is exactly why my sister is terrified of going into LGBT spaces, even though she adores women - she has a boyfriend, and she knows that this is exactly the kind of reaction she'd get. I honestly just don't understand where this attitude is coming from. There's a girl I very much adore, and I'm practically biting my tongue every time I see her...why should that feeling be undermined by the fact that I usually like dudes?

I'm sorry if that sounded rude, or angry, or dismissive. I just don't see why being bisexual is such a problem, or should make people wary.

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Fitzsimmons ♡

I agree with GTY. Enforcing stereotypes can be really harmful to the bisexual community, and hurtful to bisexual people, in my opinion.

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Lady Loki

Well I personally have only met women that claimed to be bisexual, because it seems to be the cool thing to do right now, they are not actually interested in women. It has made my wary to who I trust when they tell me such thing, it's kinda hard to pick out the one's that are genuinely interested in both sexes. Also it seems to throw a bad light at actual bisexuals, which is quiet sad, and I think that's where some of the reservation towards bisexuals come from.

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Notte stellata

I have a feeling a lot of females who identify as "bi" might actually be essentially what we'd call Biromantic Heterosexuals in AVEN speak. I've known a few women like this when I think about it now (either as friends or via dating). Basically what I mean by this is that they could easily get emotionally close to other women, perhaps to an extent such as having a "romantic friendship" with another woman - but when it comes to having a full-on life partner they really only consider men as potentials there.

I guess there are bi females of the opposite pattern as well - bisexual heteroromantic. I don't personally know any, but on forums I've seen bi women say they're sexually attracted to both sexes, but only want to have a romantic relationship with a man, or they're already married to a man and want to invite another woman for threesomes, etc.

Well I personally have only met women that claimed to be bisexual, because it seems to be the cool thing to do right now, they are not actually interested in women. It has made my wary to who I trust when they tell me such thing, it's kinda hard to pick out the one's that are genuinely interested in both sexes. Also it seems to throw a bad light at actual bisexuals, which is quiet sad, and I think that's where some of the reservation towards bisexuals come from.

Yeah, I think this kind of fake bisexual women contribute a lot to the general distrust of bi women. They may claim to be bi just because bi women are considered "hot", while all they have done is making out with a girl once when they were drunk. Claiming to be bi in order to be desirable certainly hurts the reputation of bi women as a group. On the other hand, few people doubt bisexual guys, because being bi seems to put guys at disadvantage - many women think they're promiscuous or something. I can never wrap my head around such double standards.

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I think I maybe have to point something out, about the whole "bi girls usually end up with guys in the end" thing. Having seen other people give a similar explanation, having my own fears about being in a gay relationship and the problems that I know would come with that...I think that this might ring true for a lot of bi people.

Mainly, there's the fact that being gay still isn't an okay thing to do in the UK and the US (it's pretty well accepted in the UK, but not enough for a lot of the LGBT people I know to be honest about it). Sure, it's probably socially acceptable - and possibly even cool - for a bisexual girl to make out with another girl on occasion, because that's hot and it's "obvious" it's just a one-time fling before she goes back to being straight...but being in a loving, committed relationship with another woman, with marriage, a house, possibly kids? Now THAT is just too damn gay, and we can't have that, can we?

Because at least when a girl is bi, there's still the possibility that she'd have a "straight life", that she won't end up permanently in a gay relationship, and I think a lot of bi girls feel pressured and/or shamed into focusing on heterosexual relationships, just because they know how hard it is for lesbian women to be able to have their relationships without people judging them or hating them, knowing just how much easier it would be for them to settle with with the person they love, knowing that they wouldn't have to fight to attain the simple things. Add to that the fact that almost all the lesbians I've ever met have been really wary of dating bi girls for fear of them cheating or being "not really bi", and you get girls who want to try and express their bisexuality, but feel pressured on one side to be straight and feel rejected by the other for not being gay enough. To sum up, it's a mix of internalised homophobia and biphobia from other people.

So you know what? I actually think that cutting out the biphobia and being more willing to give them a chance would actually make them more willing and able to be in these gay relationships. It means they have more choice, rather than feeling that they've got to take the easy route. Because honestly, when the queer community is so hostile and unwelcoming for bi people who even vaguely appear to be attracted to members of the opposite sex, is it really so baffling to find that they stay out of those circles and end up marrying opposite sex people instead?

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AnotherMember
On 6/11/2012 at 1:52 PM, Guzica said:
On 6/11/2012 at 4:04 AM, ScholasticBird said:

Many (if not most) bisexual females seem to prefer men, to some degree. Which isn't unexpected, and it's perfectly fine. It does make me, personally, warier of dating girls who identify as bi, however.

I have a feeling a lot of females who identify as "bi" might actually be essentially what we'd call Biromantic Heterosexuals in AVEN speak. I've known a few women like this when I think about it now (either as friends or via dating). Basically what I mean by this is that they could easily get emotionally close to other women, perhaps to an extent such as having a "romantic friendship" with another woman - but when it comes to having a full-on life partner they really only consider men as potentials there.

One girl I dated was quite explicit about it: had a strong interest in having close and cuddly friendships with close female friends that was unmistakably past all usual platonic boundaries and in romantic friendship territory - wanting to cuddle, make out, share a bed, etc, with very close female friends - but was actively repulsed by interacting with vaginas, and ultimately wanted a permanent relationship (and marriage and bio kids) with a man, eventually. *shrug*

I could be totally off the mark, but I have a feeling this pattern is very common, just from what I've observed so far in life. Though admittedly it's a limited sample. But yes, I don't think too many "bi" females are actually "equal opportunity bi" as such. I think it's more that they have a specialised interest in women on a less committed (and often less sexualised) level than in males. And that in terms of looking for a serious life partner they are essentially as good as "straight".

I'm a bit like that, I'm not lesbian I don't label myself as bisexual either, but to be honest I see the practical side of this, if I don't sync with guys could I sync with women? If I could crush on a girl but the whole sexual thing just drag me off, also several bi/lesbian women I know tend to be more intense, emotional, dramatic and moody -than me- (sure not all are this way, I'm clear of that, and sorry if that offend some people, I'm just speaking about the kind of people I have deeply* interacted with (not talking about online people, but RL ones) which have being a totally turn off for me, at the end I keep my idea of preferring guys because it's more acceptable -socially speaking- and for all I stated before.

On 6/11/2012 at 2:05 PM, Great Thief Yatagarasu said:

...And this is where I run and hide from this thread forever.

Because honestly, I don't get where this attitude is coming from.

I can't speak for the people you know nor I can't for Guizca, but seems like they are talking about their experience, the fact that sadly enforcer some stereotypes shouldn't make less valid his experience and opinion.

On 6/11/2012 at 2:05 PM, Great Thief Yatagarasu said:

Why is it a problem for bi girls to prefer one gender over the other? Because the only reasons I can think of as to why that's problematic are that people are going to claim that "they're not really bi", or that people are going to be scared that their bi partner is going to cheat on them with a man. Why is that assumption there? Because I can tell it's what you're all thinking - why else would you be wary of dating a bi girl? It's almost like a cruel cycle - a bi girl wants to go out with another girl, but none of the lesbians she knows will date her because she's bi and "what if she cheats on me with a man/is not really bi?", so she ends up dating a man, which makes the lesbians assume that most bi girls prefer boys, and the cycle goes on.

This is exactly why my sister is terrified of going into LGBT spaces, even though she adores women - she has a boyfriend, and she knows that this is exactly the kind of reaction she'd get. I honestly just don't understand where this attitude is coming from. There's a girl I very much adore, and I'm practically biting my tongue every time I see her...why should that feeling be undermined by the fact that I usually like dudes?

I'm sorry if that sounded rude, or angry, or dismissive. I just don't see why being bisexual is such a problem, or should make people wary.

You all? :unsure: There are reasons why I wouldn't date a bi girl, but that doesn't mean someone or anyone knows why :lol:, because I haven't stated my reasons anywhere. Also I don't think all the lesbian rather not date bi-girls nor that why bi-girls date women it's because they can't find a lesbian to date. You have may seen that around you, but in (my world) I find the whole idea somehow biased and can't agree with it.

Well, that's my opinion, again I don't want to offend anyone. If so, apologize in advance and offer a sign of peaceful cake :cake:

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Bye Bye Birdy

[unpopular opinion censored]

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Kitty Spoon Train

I have a feeling a lot of females who identify as "bi" might actually be essentially what we'd call Biromantic Heterosexuals in AVEN speak. I've known a few women like this when I think about it now (either as friends or via dating). Basically what I mean by this is that they could easily get emotionally close to other women, perhaps to an extent such as having a "romantic friendship" with another woman - but when it comes to having a full-on life partner they really only consider men as potentials there.

I guess there are bi females of the opposite pattern as well - bisexual heteroromantic. I don't personally know any, but on forums I've seen bi women say they're sexually attracted to both sexes, but only want to have a romantic relationship with a man, or they're already married to a man and want to invite another woman for threesomes, etc.

Come to think of it, I've known a few like this too. But I guess in both cases, the focus is on the idea of being "bi" in a casual sense - either sexually or romantically - rather than being fully open to both genders for a possible committed life partner type relationship.

Note to Yata and others regarding "biphobia": All the women I've known who were like this were quite explicit about their "imbalance" of interest in the two genders (most actually publicly identify as straight in fact). None would lead gay females on into thinking that they could have committed life partner type scenarios with them. They were upfront about the fact that it was either sexually casual, or else a kind of deep romantically-charged friendship.

Funnily enough - one of the girls I dated off OkCupid has a romantic friendship with another girl, but didn't know the name for what it is they have. When I pointed it out to her, they were both quite spun out - and her friend even wrote a blog post about how awesome it was to finally have a name for what they have, because everybody just saw them as some kind of "lesbian couple" when they both knew they're not, so it drove them crazy not to have a word to describe their special friendship. :lol:

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I guess I just get really kind of angry when I see people be all like "Oh, but most of the bi people I know were like this, so I'm wary of ALL the bi girls." I know several bisexual girls who are either really struggling with the whole questioning/coming out process (both because it's hard to admit that you're LGBT, and they know all the elements that go along with biphobia on both sides), or are out and just so happen to be with guys and are therefore shunned and not believed by any LGBT circles they try and get into. My sister, especially, suffers with it, knowing that most people would question her orientation purely because she's with a boy and has had no sexual experiences with women - pretty much, she feels that if she wants to be accepted as bisexual, then she'd have to cheat on her boyfriend with a woman, which she's just not prepared to do. So I've never met any of these "fake bisexuals" that you people seem so fixated on - but I've met plenty of girls who suffer the fallout from it, because they've all been upfront about the fact that they love whoever it is they date, and they're especially NOT looking for anything casual.

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Lady Loki

It's a natural process to be wary of things when you had bad experience. It's not something anybody choses to do, it's just the way it is. If you haven't met any fake bisexuals, good for you, but that doesn't make anybody else's experiences less real. I am not denying that actual bisexual girls have problems with being accepted and coming out and god knows I would support an actual bisexual girl if I knew one, but I don't.

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

It's a natural process to be wary of things when you had bad experience. It's not something anybody choses to do, it's just the way it is. If you haven't met any fake bisexuals, good for you, but that doesn't make anybody else's experiences less real. I am not denying that actual bisexual girls have problems with being accepted and coming out and god knows I would support an actual bisexual girl if I knew one, but I don't.

I'm not saying that you can't base opinions off experience, either - but when those opinions are things like "I'm uber wary of ALL bisexual girls because SOME bisexual girls were fakes", when they're big blanket statements like that, I just don't get them. It's like saying "I'm uber wary of ALL boys because some boys were mean to me in high school." Does that sound like a fair evaluation of it?

Plus, I love how there's apparently a distinction between "real bisexuals" and "fake bisexuals". What's the difference - one has more casual sex than the other? One prefers same-sex relationships over gay ones? What? You know, it sounds almost like when people say that they're "more asexual" than other people...

Here's a thing that bothers me a little, only slightly. So a girl is bisexual, but (for whatever reasons she has - and you can't really read her mind and tell what these are) she only wants casual relationships with the same sex. Why does that invalidate the fact that she likes girls? Is it because casual relationships are somehow bad? Why would they be bad?

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Lady Loki

It's a natural process to be wary of things when you had bad experience. It's not something anybody choses to do, it's just the way it is. If you haven't met any fake bisexuals, good for you, but that doesn't make anybody else's experiences less real. I am not denying that actual bisexual girls have problems with being accepted and coming out and god knows I would support an actual bisexual girl if I knew one, but I don't.

I'm not saying that you can't base opinions off experience, either - but when those opinions are things like "I'm uber wary of ALL bisexual girls because SOME bisexual girls were fakes", when they're big blanket statements like that, I just don't get them. It's like saying "I'm uber wary of ALL boys because some boys were mean to me in high school." Does that sound like a fair evaluation of it?

Plus, I love how there's apparently a distinction between "real bisexuals" and "fake bisexuals". What's the difference - one has more casual sex than the other? One prefers same-sex relationships over gay ones? What? You know, it sounds almost like when people say that they're "more asexual" than other people...

Here's a thing that bothers me a little, only slightly. So a girl is bisexual, but (for whatever reasons she has - and you can't really read her mind and tell what these are) she only wants casual relationships with the same sex. Why does that invalidate the fact that she likes girls? Is it because casual relationships are somehow bad? Why would they be bad?

I am not UBER wary, but I am wary, because I fell for a girl. HARD. and it turned out she was lying about her bisexuality all along. I can't help being wary.

And I think you misunderstood me. I am NOT saying that women who only enjoy casual sex with other women or prefer men are fake bisexuals. I was talking about those that SAY they are bisexual, but actually are only saying that so that guys are more interested in them, they're not actually bi. THOSE make actual bisexual look bad.

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AnotherMember

I guess I just get really kind of angry when I see people be all like "Oh, but most of the bi people I know were like this, so I'm wary of ALL the bi girls." I know several bisexual girls who are either really struggling with the whole questioning/coming out process (both because it's hard to admit that you're LGBT, and they know all the elements that go along with biphobia on both sides), or are out and just so happen to be with guys and are therefore shunned and not believed by any LGBT circles they try and get into. My sister, especially, suffers with it, knowing that most people would question her orientation purely because she's with a boy and has had no sexual experiences with women - pretty much, she feels that if she wants to be accepted as bisexual, then she'd have to cheat on her boyfriend with a woman, which she's just not prepared to do. So I've never met any of these "fake bisexuals" that you people seem so fixated on - but I've met plenty of girls who suffer the fallout from it, because they've all been upfront about the fact that they love whoever it is they date, and they're especially NOT looking for anything casual.

I have no issues with cheater, they do what they feel like and I don't judge them, I do however not approve cheating, I think it's just horrible wrong in so many levels. No one ever should be ready to cheat or encourage to do so much less to prove or validate others sexual orientation, which by the way I find mean and silly at the same time.

Can you doubt of the sexual orientation of a 16 years old girl who tells its hetero just because haven't have a sexual experience? No, I don't think people normally would. However, I see where they are coming from (in relationship with your sis situation), many people ensure that having for example a sexual fantasies with someone of the same sex doesn't means 1. they want to make it real 2. they are actually bi or gay; other example would be the fact that having a criminal mind don't make someone criminal, but doing crimes does. Do I doubt of your sister sexuality? Of course no, I don't even know her and if I did I wouldn't either :P.

I think we should educate ourselves about some topics, we should try to not being drove by stereotypes but not because someone tells me I'm wrong I am actually going to change, in fact that can create some resistance and I will still be attached to my beliefs system. I have my preferences and I'm wary of bi-girls, of lesbian, of hetero guys (name others sexual orientation I could possible like) and well even myself LOL. I don't think that's wrong, everybody should seek for what they think will work better for them.

Anyway I want to remain all of you that this thread it's about gay females and of course bi girls too, to share experiences not about who is more bi than others. ;)

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

It's a natural process to be wary of things when you had bad experience. It's not something anybody choses to do, it's just the way it is. If you haven't met any fake bisexuals, good for you, but that doesn't make anybody else's experiences less real. I am not denying that actual bisexual girls have problems with being accepted and coming out and god knows I would support an actual bisexual girl if I knew one, but I don't.

I'm not saying that you can't base opinions off experience, either - but when those opinions are things like "I'm uber wary of ALL bisexual girls because SOME bisexual girls were fakes", when they're big blanket statements like that, I just don't get them. It's like saying "I'm uber wary of ALL boys because some boys were mean to me in high school." Does that sound like a fair evaluation of it?

Plus, I love how there's apparently a distinction between "real bisexuals" and "fake bisexuals". What's the difference - one has more casual sex than the other? One prefers same-sex relationships over gay ones? What? You know, it sounds almost like when people say that they're "more asexual" than other people...

Here's a thing that bothers me a little, only slightly. So a girl is bisexual, but (for whatever reasons she has - and you can't really read her mind and tell what these are) she only wants casual relationships with the same sex. Why does that invalidate the fact that she likes girls? Is it because casual relationships are somehow bad? Why would they be bad?

I am not UBER wary, but I am wary, because I fell for a girl. HARD. and it turned out she was lying about her bisexuality all along. I can't help being wary.

And I think you misunderstood me. I am NOT saying that women who only enjoy casual sex with other women or prefer men are fake bisexuals. I was talking about those that SAY they are bisexual, but actually are only saying that so that guys are more interested in them, they're not actually bi. THOSE make actual bisexual look bad.

I've honestly never understood why people would think that's a good idea, or even that that's something that happens often. It's not all that common for people to pretend to be homosexual - again, something which isn't widely thought to be okay - for attention. And the people who do do it, I'd have thought would either get caught out really quickly or would take it back having had something awful happen to them because of their apparent bisexuality.

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

Here's a thing that bothers me a little, only slightly. So a girl is bisexual, but (for whatever reasons she has - and you can't really read her mind and tell what these are) she only wants casual relationships with the same sex. Why does that invalidate the fact that she likes girls? Is it because casual relationships are somehow bad? Why would they be bad?

Who says that's bad? I'm not saying wanting casual relationships is bad, or invalidating. Girls who are seeking casual relationships can get together and have casual relationships. Cool, that's fine. It's bad for me because I have no interest in a casual relationship with anyone, gay or bi. I just don't feel like I need to pretend being gay and being bisexual are exactly the same, when they're overlapping but substantially different experiences, and yes, I know there are bisexual females who are also seeking more serious relationships. I haven't met any personally, but I know there are plenty.

Thief, you say

I know several bisexual girls who are either really struggling with the whole questioning/coming out process
, and it's honestly that "questioning" that I don't want to be a part of. I'm all for people questioning and trying new things, but I'm not obligated to date them if I don't want to. Like it or not, it's a risk on my part, and it's a risk I've lost enough on that I'm not willing to take it again. I'm sure there are others who'd be very excited to be a part of that experience, and that's great! But it's not for me.

And I wasn't saying that you HAVE to date them, either. Just that people here were saying that they're wary of dating bi girls because...just because, no reasons given.

And when I say "questioning," I don't mean "having lots of gay sex just to check," - I mean the traditional "OMG, What's going on, I kinda like girls?!"

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AnotherMember

There are reasons why people don't date bi girls. Some could be:

1. Sexual/romantic orientation. Usually hetero people want to date heteros, gays wants to date gays, asexuals want to date asexuals and so on (No, it's not a rule, of course! people at the end date who they like -normally-).

2. Thinking you can't please a bi (I read that form a guy, as he doesn't have what a girl do, he felt he would never satisfy a bi and that's why he don't want to date one).

3. Some people think bis are more prone to cheat or to get bored easily because 4. They think bis wave of orientation, from one point to the other.

5. Some people believe bisexuality it's not an orientation more like a stage or to yet not be defined (I even hear that from a sexologist).

There may be more reasons, I don't know... The fact that we don't like them doesn't means there are any, yes, they may be based on irrational beliefs, but still are reasons.

BTW, I'm not saying I do agree with those reasons, I'm just commenting what I have hear. Even if all are false, again, people should seek for what they think suit them better, if I was a bi I would find worse that a guy don't want to date bis and date me just because he don't want so closed minded and then leave me because he really don't want to be with a bi girl.

Ok... Remember: asexy gay icecream time :P

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CBC

I know several bisexual girls who are either really struggling with the whole questioning/coming out process (both because it's hard to admit that you're LGBT, and they know all the elements that go along with biphobia on both sides), or are out and just so happen to be with guys and are therefore shunned and not believed by any LGBT circles they try and get into. My sister, especially, suffers with it, knowing that most people would question her orientation purely because she's with a boy and has had no sexual experiences with women - pretty much, she feels that if she wants to be accepted as bisexual, then she'd have to cheat on her boyfriend with a woman, which she's just not prepared to do.

This is pretty much my scenario as well. I know I have very little chance of being taken seriously when I say I'm biromantic (or bisexual if I want to make it simpler, and because I'm grey-a-ish and would in theory have sex with a partner regardless of whether they were a guy or a girl). I have no actual experience with women -- but the thing is, I have very little experience at all with either sex. I've had one relationship and had sex with one person -- my husband. I've never been one for having tons of crushes, but I have had crushes on both guys and girls; in fact, the biggest crush I've had in my life (after my husband of course, and he's the only person I've ever actually truly loved in the full sense of that word) was on a girl. It messed with my head, messed with my emotions, and messed with my relationship (this was after getting married... yeah, fun times). I'd had some minor crushes on girls before, but I had trouble telling whether they were romantic or whether they were more what people here on AVEN describe as "squishes" -- but I had the same trouble with determining the nature of my feelings for guys as well. This one crush left no doubt in my mind, though; it was unmistakably romantic in nature -- quite intensely so, at various points. I'd honestly say that now I'm even fairly certain that I lean slightly more towards being into girls than guys. There's nothing I can do to "prove" this though, nothing to make my orientation seem legitimate. I do love my husband and plan on spending the rest of my life with him and have no intention of ever cheating. (Though really, it's hard to even say what counts as cheating; I know my husband perceived my intense feelings for this other girl to be a form of emotional cheating -- though nothing ever happened because of them and she was not at all aware of my feelings, nor did she reciprocate them in the same way, as far as I know -- and it's not my place to tell him that it wasn't a form of cheating. Anyway, I don't ever want to hurt him that way again.) Unfortunately, all of this means that I'm not likely to be taken very seriously when I say I'm bi. I feel like I'm a fraud or something, just because the ONE relationship I've had in my life -- and the only one I ever will have, I assume -- has been with a man. That actually makes me quite sad, knowing there's nothing I can do to be taken seriously.

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I think the thing that's worrying me is that, well...what if the girl I like thinks the same thing about bi girls? Also, on a more practical note, I know that she's single and wants to have some kind of relationship...but at the same time, she's made it clear that she's very into sex and the one thing she's been complaining about the most is having been unable to get a good shag since she's been here at uni (she's not into one night stands, so she wants to like the people she's with, but otherwise no real fuss). So my main worry in trying to ask her out is, what if her ideas on a relationship are majorly incompatible with mine?

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