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AnotherMember

Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!

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Fitzsimmons ♡

Hahaha I actually like that the title is like that, I have seen many new people identify as lesbian and either keep it or only after a while adopt the label homoromantic. So I think it's good for people to find it ^_^

:cake: to you for this thread

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clockwork bird

I'm another bi (or well, I usually say pan these days) grey-a, so also sort of an intruder? Heh. Sort of have gone back and forth on all of it a lot? But I was calling myself asexual as a joke (and then seriously) before I really realized I was not only not straight but more than just in the "I wouldn't mind being with a girl" way. I think I used to think I was like 90% straight, with some wiggle room, but I kind of realized that I've actually got more of an inclination for women than men, just I've also usually been interested in straight women who were definitely not into me that way, so those crushes never had a chance to go anywhere. Whereas a few of the guys I'd had a little interest in turned out to be interested in me, so I've had a chance to test that side of it out more.

Realizing I was into girls in some way was more surprising than realizing I was asexual, even though it did take me a while to realize I was in fact asexual and not just a "late bloomer." I think partly it's that I actually don't know many lesbians in person, so it seemed more natural to try to fit myself in with my straight friends, and it was able to be overlooked since I did have some interest in guys, even if it was incredibly low compared to my friends. I mean part of me is still unsure, because not having had a relationship/crush on someone I could actually bring it up with, it kind of remains to be seen how it'd play out, but.

I'm not really in the closet about being ace, though I don't really tell people unless it comes up either. Kind of the same about being pan. Closer friends know about both, but it's not usually anybody else's business.

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LadyAnya

For as long as I could remember, I've always been more attracted to feminine energy and I've always found the female form more beautiful than the male form. Also, I've always known that I have no desire for a sexual relationship; even during puberty. Things like making out, cuddling, and possibly even a little bit of fondling is okay, but I've never really been interested in anything past that.

With that being said, I've had a very hard time finding a relationship, given that so many people perceive me as some sort of fuddy duddy due to my asexuality. And since I've moved to SF, it's even worse given how very sexual a lot of folks out here like to be. I'm at a point now where if I do meet someone that's great, but if not, I've got a lot of other things to occupy my spirit as well....

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runester

Oh gosh seems like most dislike the term. Should I change the name of the thread to: Asexy-female-gay time? :lol:

Please notice that I have altered my statement containing the word "intercourse" to "relations" for the benefit of "ith's" well-placed question about my post. Wow, this has become quite a lengthy reply to include many folk, when originally meaning a mere observation of mine (which is what it was).

In re: to your Post #14, I did not intend for the idea of 'finding someone' to broach the subject, at all. I guess I was an 'intruder', if that is the appropriate given term; but I much prefer the descriptor of, student - to learn from your thread. TY for your patience with me!! :)

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DexM

I also am not fond of the term 'lesbian', and if I was strictly homoromantic/homosexual, I think I'd much prefer to go with 'gay' instead.

Same here. :)

It took me a long time to be able to use the term Lesbian,as where I am from it was used in such a derogatory way that I felt when I used it,I was being offensive.A friend of a friend introduced herself simply as "Lisa(not her real name)the Lesbian" and she giggled when I blushed and subsequently told her that story.

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AnotherMember

(...) Now I don't really know anyone I feel comfortable going to when I have stupid questions that stem from my utter lack of experience with romantic/sexual relationships. (...) :lol:

I kind of had that in mind when did this thread, so to have an space to talk about all the situation related to it and a bit of curiosity too... like, others Avenites females who are somehow in the same situation know each other?, talk to each other and all that :P :unsure: :redface:

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Trava u doma

I've never liked the word "lesbian", either. I'm oddly pleased to know I'm not the only one :mellow: It squicks me out, to be honest.

As for the questions, "I'm not sure yet" would probably be my answer... I've never really been exposed to any gay people (I blame my country), which makes it especially hard. And the few times I've ever felt anything, it doesn't seem to line up with what other people describe... As for "coming out", I did get the courage to tell a few people that I'm asexual; and that's it.

I'm moving to Edinburgh soon, and I've already checked that there are some LGBT organisations there. Hopefully, I'll be able to join in, and maybe it will help me with finding my identity =)

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DexM

I actually have more crushes on men,whereas I tend to squish over women.Celebrity wise at least.

You did mention intruders on an earlier post :ph34r: So Yummy,could I suggest a title change or a sub-category to,Asexy-male-celebrity crush,time :P

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Opel the Old

Homo-hypo-sexual here

I am identified as a lesbian since I was 12, but my lack of sexual interest was simply discarded as being naive and inexperienced.

but after all these years, i am still disinterest in sex, so there you go.

I endorse don't ask don't tell for my lesbianism

and I am a closeted asexual (very few people know, obviously besides AVENites)

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L0uise

Until six months ago I had never heard of the term asexuality, and considering my repulsion at the thought of relations with men, I identified as gay (I don't really feel comfortable using the term lesbian either).

I'm out as gay to all my friends and family, and when I meet strangers I don't hide the fact.

Because I've only recently identified as asexual I have only told one person that I am and I'm not sure about telling other people. I consulted an asexual advice blog on Tumblr about this and their reply was; it's up to you who you want to tell, but whose business is it who you are (or in this case not) having sex with.

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Quill Pen Gentleman

I guess I identify as an an asexual lesbian. It's really hard for me to even say it, though. I first saw this thread when it was first posted and I waited so long to actually post.

I knew of my asexuality in highschool as a senior and it took me a couple years to come to terms with that. For a while, I considered myself an aromantic ace until I developed an extremly strong crush on a girl in my college english class last November. I knew that moment when I felt my heart dragging it's way to her, I was never going to be the same. With that, I freaked out. I knew what I was and I went into a total denial stage. I kept trying to be attracted to males...I really did. I would fantasize about them but when I met with them in person, there was really no feelings other than arousal that I stimulated in my mind. Sometimes they aroused me without my mind's help, but I didn't feel the tug in my heart that I feel for females.

Time went on, and I was still trying to deny it. Then, in August of this year, another girl crossed my path. I felt so much asexual attraction to this girl that I can say that I swooned for her. I felt it so strongly, even stronger than my first crush. I couldn't really deny it anymore after that occurance. The facts really hit me in the face, that time around. Kind've like someone took a shoe and threw it in my face and shouted: "YOU LIKE GIRLS. GET OVER YOURSELF!!!"

But I still struggle. I grew up with the beliefs thrown at me that people like me are "sinning", that my attraction is an "abomination". I struggle with the fact that I was born female and I so happen to be attracted to females.

The people that know I am attracted to females are very accepting of me and love me to death. And it hurts me to know that I can't be the same way towards myself.

I'm so double-sided on this topic in my life. One part of me is trying to deny the (very clear) facts and in the same breath I'm gushing over cute girls at school.

For the most part I'm "in the closet" unless someone that I trust asks me. I don't just come out to anyone. I can come out as an asexual, I'm cool with that. It's just the other part of my orientation that I keep very quiet about.

So, that's the really short version of my asexy lesbian-ness.

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Fitzsimmons ♡

I guess I identify as an an asexual lesbian. It's really hard for me to even say it, though. I first saw this thread when it was first posted and I waited so long to actually post.

I knew of my asexuality in highschool as a senior and it took me a couple years to come to terms with that. For a while, I considered myself an aromantic ace until I developed an extremly strong crush on a girl in my college english class last November. I knew that moment when I felt my heart dragging it's way to her, I was never going to be the same. With that, I freaked out. I knew what I was and I went into a total denial stage. I kept trying to be attracted to males...I really did. I would fantasize about them but when I met with them in person, there was really no feelings other than arousal that I stimulated in my mind. Sometimes they aroused me without my mind's help, but I didn't feel the tug in my heart that I feel for females.

Time went on, and I was still trying to deny it. Then, in August of this year, another girl crossed my path. I felt so much asexual attraction to this girl that I can say that I swooned for her. I felt it so strongly, even stronger than my first crush. I couldn't really deny it anymore after that occurance. The facts really hit me in the face, that time around. Kind've like someone took a shoe and threw it in my face and shouted: "YOU LIKE GIRLS. GET OVER YOURSELF!!!"

But I still struggle. I grew up with the beliefs thrown at me that people like me are "sinning", that my attraction is an "abomination". I struggle with the fact that I was born female and I so happen to be attracted to females.

The people that know I am attracted to females are very accepting of me and love me to death. And it hurts me to know that I can't be the same way towards myself.

I'm so double-sided on this topic in my life. One part of me is trying to deny the (very clear) facts and in the same breath I'm gushing over cute girls at school.

For the most part I'm "in the closet" unless someone that I trust asks me. I don't just come out to anyone. I can come out as an asexual, I'm cool with that. It's just the other part of my orientation that I keep very quiet about.

So, that's the really short version of my asexy lesbian-ness.

**huuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs**

I know how hard it is to deal with romantic orientation, and how easier it is to come out as ace than as X-romantic. For now I find myself in the questioning area, probably being more on the aromantic side; but I often wonder if I may be a bi/panromantic or a homoromantic in denial, having been bullied most of my teen age by people who thought I was gay for not looking for a boyfriend and being perfectly happy with my female friends.

It's even hard to post about this, I've tried and deleted posts like this one hundreds of times.

I'm always open to PM, if you want to talk about this in private :cake:

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Quill Pen Gentleman

*hugs* Thanks.

I know exactly how you feel about trying to post stuff like this and then deleting them. I do all the time.

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RiverSong

I came out as a lesbian about 4 years ago and just got out of a two and a half year relationship because we realized I'm not much into sex. Sure, stick your tongue down there and I'm a happy camper, but I don't crave it and honestly the thought of me going down there disgusts me. I identify as an asexual lesbian, I don't have close relationships with men, never have, never will but I'm also not looking for a relationship with a woman where sex is a must. It's proving a little more difficult than one would imagine.

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Lost Girl

Super confusing because I realized I was into chicks before I realized I was also asexual. I knew I went gaga for girls but not in the same way other lesbians did and I couldn't wrap my head around it. It took me a couple years to realize I was a romantic asexual who's got a preference for ladies. Now the only obstacle left to tackle is finding someone out there who fits, which is proving to be super difficult.

This is pretty much the same story with me. I had known for a while that I was different and that I liked girls and then at the beginning of the year I found out about asexuality and realized that I am in fact a homoromantic asexual.

I don't like the word lesbian either, I much prefer the term gay.

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Quill Pen Gentleman

How come there's so many people on this thread that don't like the word "lesbian'? Just curious.

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RiverSong

I don't quite understand it either. Gay, lesbian, I don't care what people call me, as long as it's said without malice

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Trava u doma

I think it just sounds bad... And, besides, gay is used so often it's easier to apply it to oneself - "lesbian" automatically makes you think of the sexual preference, so it feels weird - that's just my theory, though.

On another note, I went to my first LGBT meeting a few days ago... And, I just felt weird. Everyone was just assumed to be L, G, B or T, and I felt like in a closet, kind of... I don't know, I just felt weird in a way I can't quite describe. Like a liar or something...

It was so stressful, though :( I almost turned around and run away while I was waiting at the door. Writing things on the internet is vastly easier (although still hard) than actually admitting to being part of the umbrella to real-life people, even if they're LGBT themselves... If that makes any sense? I chickened out and didn't go today, but I hope I'll gather the courage to go the next time.... :unsure:

Out of curiosity, is anyone else on here taking part in LGBT groups?

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RiverSong

I don't quite go to groups but every semester my school holds a "LGBT panel" where the students can ask a variety of our community questions. It's quite wonderful to be a part of it but I remember my first time, it was nerveracking to be in front of so many people!

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Shaded

I consider myself a homoromantic lesbian.

Depending on the context, I call myself bot a lesbian, asexual, gay, or homoromantic, together or in different occasions xD

It's hard to tell what came first. I remember knowing for a long time (not the label of asexual, but that I wasn't interested in sex) and I'd always thought of being with a girl when I grew up. So what came first? Well, I came out as a lesbian first, and I identified with the term first. I found asexuality and came out as asexual afterwards.

Oh, I totally don't mind the term lesbian. Either way is cool for me, but I typically refer to myself as gay.

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Quill Pen Gentleman

I think it just sounds bad... And, besides, gay is used so often it's easier to apply it to oneself - "lesbian" automatically makes you think of the sexual preference, so it feels weird - that's just my theory, though.

On another note, I went to my first LGBT meeting a few days ago... And, I just felt weird. Everyone was just assumed to be L, G, B or T, and I felt like in a closet, kind of... I don't know, I just felt weird in a way I can't quite describe. Like a liar or something...

It was so stressful, though :( I almost turned around and run away while I was waiting at the door. Writing things on the internet is vastly easier (although still hard) than actually admitting to being part of the umbrella to real-life people, even if they're LGBT themselves... If that makes any sense? I chickened out and didn't go today, but I hope I'll gather the courage to go the next time.... :unsure:

Out of curiosity, is anyone else on here taking part in LGBT groups?

I went to a group and the first time I went, I had the same reaction that you did. I was so scared to come to the meeting that it ruined my first time. I went again the other day and it was alright.

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Fitzsimmons ♡

I think it just sounds bad... And, besides, gay is used so often it's easier to apply it to oneself - "lesbian" automatically makes you think of the sexual preference, so it feels weird - that's just my theory, though.

On another note, I went to my first LGBT meeting a few days ago... And, I just felt weird. Everyone was just assumed to be L, G, B or T, and I felt like in a closet, kind of... I don't know, I just felt weird in a way I can't quite describe. Like a liar or something...

It was so stressful, though :( I almost turned around and run away while I was waiting at the door. Writing things on the internet is vastly easier (although still hard) than actually admitting to being part of the umbrella to real-life people, even if they're LGBT themselves... If that makes any sense? I chickened out and didn't go today, but I hope I'll gather the courage to go the next time.... :unsure:

Out of curiosity, is anyone else on here taking part in LGBT groups?

Even though I'm quite used to talking to strangers, the first time I went to a LGBT club (which is unusual already in Italy) I was nervous and shy. I was with an another italian AVENite after a meetup, and we stopped to ask if they could be interested in discussing abotu asexuality once. The boy we talked to was very nice and said yes likely, suggesting that we email the direction. For several reasons, including that I've never discussed asexuality in italian and I'm weirdly blocked about it, I still have to do so, though the new italian mod is helping me out ^_^

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Starr

Are you asexual lesbian?

Not really I'm more biromantic but identifies as demiromantic.

How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are lesbian and then asexual?

Discovered asexuality first in 2010.

In January of this year I began to feel romantically attracted to a female friend of mine for the first time ever. Idk why after crushing on guys for years I felt rather terrified of liking a girl. I went as far as to deny myself and lie to myself. Mainly cause I thought she was straight and would hate me if she knew.

Are you yet not sure?

I'm sure.

Have you come out of the closet as any of both?

The girl knows cause I told her but she liked me back , my sister and best friend know too.

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Fitzsimmons ♡

The girl knows cause I told her but she liked me back

Congrats ^_^ :cake:

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Starr

The girl knows cause I told her but she liked me back

Congrats ^_^ :cake:

Lol I dunno if congrats is the right word cause even though she likes me , she still likes her dead bf so I'm just in a romantic friendship for now cause of trust issues xD

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Fitzsimmons ♡

Oops. Well anyway I guess a romantic friendship is better than an outright rejection of your feelings? As of "she does not like me back at all?"

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pickles mcgee

How come there's so many people on this thread that don't like the word "lesbian'? Just curious.

I've never liked it. There's something uncomfortable about the way it gets used as a noun instead of an adjective, although I'm not sure why.* So, I even like "She's lesbian" better than "She is A lesbian."

But I don't prefer "gay" at all; I much prefer "queer."

(*I'm worried that it has something to do with the cultural pattern of denigrating anything that has to do with female lives and experience.)

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Fitzsimmons ♡

Personally I don't like the sound of the word "lesbian" and also how much the word itself is overly sexualized in a way, like I met many boys that only hearing the word "lesbian" would make them start bad jokes about watching/participating in any sort of sex occurring, like all gay women have sex all the time and would surely like boys to watch/participate.

It is also used here as derogatory when someone doesn't show interest in relationships, like "what are you, a lesbian?", while gay sounds different considering i like the sound, so even though i can receive the same question, it happens less often and in a less derogatory tone of voice than when people use lesbian.

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Trava u doma

I don't quite go to groups but every semester my school holds a "LGBT panel" where the students can ask a variety of our community questions. It's quite wonderful to be a part of it but I remember my first time, it was nerveracking to be in front of so many people!

Hm, I think it's a bit different from my experience, then. The group I went to was more of a social group composed of LGBT members - we didn't really discuss much LGBT stuff...

I went to a group and the first time I went, I had the same reaction that you did. I was so scared to come to the meeting that it ruined my first time. I went again the other day and it was alright.

That's good, then, I guess. Out of curiosity, are you planning to go again?

Even though I'm quite used to talking to strangers, the first time I went to a LGBT club (which is unusual already in Italy) I was nervous and shy. I was with an another italian AVENite after a meetup, and we stopped to ask if they could be interested in discussing abotu asexuality once. The boy we talked to was very nice and said yes likely, suggesting that we email the direction. For several reasons, including that I've never discussed asexuality in italian and I'm weirdly blocked about it, I still have to do so, though the new italian mod is helping me out ^_^

Ohh, I can imagine the added stress of talking in non-english language! As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I told a few people of my asexuality... And the Polish terms I was using sounded sooo weird (and soooo much worse than the Englis ones)! It definitely made it harder. So, I emphatise.

Although, I think I can swallow the asexuality bit somewhat easier... One of the real problems I had at the meeting was that I was assumed to be gay (or half gay), and that was what made me feel so uncomfortable and scared...

How come there's so many people on this thread that don't like the word "lesbian'? Just curious.

I've never liked it. There's something uncomfortable about the way it gets used as a noun instead of an adjective, although I'm not sure why.* So, I even like "She's lesbian" better than "She is A lesbian."

You may have a point there.

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