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Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!


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idontknowhattoputhere

 

I think i am homoromantic, but i'm not 100%, maybe like 80% sure.

 Its taken me almost three years to come to term with my asexuality and have only come out to close friends (and a few others who a close friend accidently outed me to when she was wasted - they were all super chill though and came up with some "never have i ever"s that i could drink to) who i knew would be very supportive (thou one wasnt at the time but is now). The main reason i havent told family is good old anxiety and their opinons on not being straight. I won't call them (lgbtqa+)phobic but their opinons are enough to make me not want to tell them because of how they might react. They would never kick me out or anything like that, but would probably dismiss it in someway or another. But, im happy with just my close friends knowing for now.

i always assumed that i would be aromantic because i know im not attracted to guys and totally dismissed the idea that i could like girls while i was working out who i was sexually attracted too. But, looking back, i have definatly had feelings for other girls. I had alway told myself that it was because we were friends or i just wanted to get to know them more or i was jealous, but I'm no longer sure. In my mind, it all makes sense but im still not quite willing to accept it, the same stage i was at 3 years ago when i found out about asexuality. 
 Its probably why i have finally joined AVEN after stalking the forums for 3 years. :cake::D

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SamwiseLovesLife

At 19 I came out as gay, but despite attempts at relationships, in 2 years I haven't once been sexually inclined towards any woman. Every time I kiss someone I fell bored and just think about something else. I do experience romantic feelings for women and identify as homoromantic but for me this does not include inclination to do anything more than having a romantic connection, cuddle and perhaps chastly kiss someone.

Still gay, but also A :)

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SithAzathoth WinterDragon

I have been thought to be hetero a few times and never told anyone yet that I'm homoromantic and asexual. I'll like cuddles as long as there is no sexual activity, I just been pretending to be "normal" to fix in society when I was back in school. Now I am going to start pointing out that I've never been hetero. 

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I think I am a biromantic asexual. I am still trying to find who I really am, but I think I need less sex tHan most people. However I am not sure whether I am a biromantic asexual or simply a lesbian. I am not sure of anything.

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strangerthanfiction

I haven't read this whole thread, so sorry if someone else has posted something similar.

 

I feel like during my pre-teen/teen/early 20s, I wasn't really attracted to anyone. I think I maybe had one or two crushes on men and assumed I was just straight by default. I've literally gone on one date in my life (I'm 27). Lately, I'm interested in the idea of being with a woman romantically (maybe sexually???...I'm not sure). I just find it weird that I've never really had major romantic-type feelings for anyone, really (regardless of gender). So, for all you lesbian asexuals out there, I guess what I'm wondering is did you develop crushes etc on women at a younger age? Or is there anybody else out there like me? lol. Just kind of confused right now.

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thegreywarren
On 4/14/2017 at 2:25 PM, strangerthanfiction said:

I haven't read this whole thread, so sorry if someone else has posted something similar.

 

I feel like during my pre-teen/teen/early 20s, I wasn't really attracted to anyone. I think I maybe had one or two crushes on men and assumed I was just straight by default. I've literally gone on one date in my life (I'm 27). Lately, I'm interested in the idea of being with a woman romantically (maybe sexually???...I'm not sure). I just find it weird that I've never really had major romantic-type feelings for anyone, really (regardless of gender). So, for all you lesbian asexuals out there, I guess what I'm wondering is did you develop crushes etc on women at a younger age? Or is there anybody else out there like me? lol. Just kind of confused right now.

Wow, this sounds pretty darned close to me. I'm a couple years older than you and have never been on a date. I've identified (to myself) as asexual for a while, but am starting to think that I like girls. So, unfortunately I'm not going to be any help, cause I'm just as confused as you say you are! But, you're not alone. 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

I came out as homosexual in 2003 before finally discovering my real asexual identity last year. I even fell in love with a boy about 3 years ago which caught me off guard and put my whole world upside down...causing a lot of confusing inner questions. I'd still give myself  99% for female attraction and 1% for males atm.

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Ashes Floating

I recently started reading the book 'We Awaken; by Callista Lynne, which includes an asexual lesbian relationship.

 

Yes. Just... yes.

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Carsonspire
3 hours ago, Ashes Floating said:

I recently started reading the book 'We Awaken; by Callista Lynne, which includes an asexual lesbian relationship.

This name, Callista Lynne, is so familiar. Any chance the author was a member of AVEN in the early 2000s (2004/2006ish)? I've Google searched and found a few interviews, which don't mention AVEN, but hmmm ... that name ...

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Yeaaaaaaaah its awesome to see 15 pages of fabulous. Ive always been attracted to women but every time I sensed one was into me, Id literally run away, keeping as far a distance as possible. I never wanted to hurt anyone but the sexual attraction just wasnt there. In school Id be like 'yeeah honey, butter my biscuit!' but at the end of the day Id be sleeping on her couch pretending to be sick or on the rag. Lol Now that I know nothing is wrong with me its all snuggles no struggles for this Moose. ;)

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

I'm not sure if I'm still 100% homoromantic after my last relationship tbh. Character and emotional bonds have become so much more important and valuable to me than gender but I'll never deny my "soft spot" for masculine / androgyne women in this universe either. It could always make me fall.

 

 

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On August 29, 2012 at 5:26 PM, Girl George said:

Super confusing because I realized I was into chicks before I realized I was also asexual. I knew I went gaga for girls but not in the same way other lesbians did and I couldn't wrap my head around it. It took me a couple years to realize I was a romantic asexual who's got a preference for ladies. Now the only obstacle left to tackle is finding someone out there who fits, which is proving to be super difficult.

I can sonewhat understand whayour feeling because I have felt some of this too. I would love to talk to you more about this and understand what it is that I am.

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Mrs Dalloway

Hi, I'm new here. Definitely 100% sapphist, but sex and even kissing have never done it for me. I have had a few sexual relationships in which I pretended, and very recently I tried to be sexual again with disastrous consequences. I guess I was just trying to connect/ feel something. It was a brief catastrophic end to a new whirlwind intense friendship.

I would love an asexual lover. To have the sense of belonging, emotional attraction & romance. Something healthy but with the intensity of lovers. A primary someone. But I don't even know where to start. I'm an introvert, very shy, which makes the whole thing even more scary. I would love friends like me too, real ones with whom I can chat face to face, take a walk, ruminate. Doesn't anyone else hunger for these things?

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Carsonspire
5 hours ago, Mrs Dalloway said:

I would love an asexual lover. To have the sense of belonging, emotional attraction & romance. Something healthy but with the intensity of lovers. A primary someone. But I don't even know where to start. I'm an introvert, very shy, which makes the whole thing even more scary. I would love friends like me too, real ones with whom I can chat face to face, take a walk, ruminate. Doesn't anyone else hunger for these things?

This. Yes, other people hunger for this, too.

 

Welcome to AVEN. I hope you find some like-minded, and even local, friends around here.

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Hey guys. Not sure if I belong here. I'm still questioning if I'm homo-cupioromantic or aro. 

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words are futile devices

Sooo... my lady crush wants to join me for a road trip to a different city to see a mutual favorite band in concert this fall. I almost died when she told me. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration.

 

Stillllll though. :wub:

 

She and I have been hanging out, on average, one afternoon per week. It's all we can manage with our conflicting schedules. I've yet to discover how she actually feels about me, but I am totally smitten with her. I'm far too afraid to admit my feelings, though. Plus, I'm not exactly sure I'm ready to plunge into all that. Things are good the way they are now. It's just sometimes a little bit miserable not knowing. Maybe on this upcoming trip we can go to a bar and I'll get hammered and spill my heart in a drunken stream-of-consciousness speech. Kidding. That would be super attractive, I'm sure. 

 

Does anyone have any experience with crushing on someone and the other person seeming to like you but you weren't sure in what context? And did you ever find out how they truly felt? Were you honest about your feelings? I'm so lost, and the fact that I've got zero experience dating girls doesn't help. 

 

Also, I'm really beginning to think I'm done with guys forever. I have no interest as far as dating or even having a queerplatonic relationship with one. It's been a wonderful couple of months, not even putting thought to pursuing a man or giving any of them a "shot." I feel freeeee. 

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^ this is also me. Omg, such resemblance.

I'm crushing so hard on my best friend, but not sure how she feels toward me. I've recently confided in a few lesbian friends of mine, and they think I should tell my best friend how I feel: Nothing will change unless I act. But I fear of ruining this close relationship I have. 10 months of an irreplaceable friendship.

When you find out what to do, let me know D:

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words are futile devices
17 hours ago, Risu said:

When you find out what to do, let me know D:

Likewise. :blush::blush: 

 

Maybe I should ask a couple of my lesbian friends for advice as well, and see what they say. I went to this Human Rights Campaign sponsored pool party several weeks ago (aforementioned crush invited me) and met a girl there, and we got into a discussion about my asexuality and how I'd only dated men in the past. She seemed to really understand the kind of relationship I want (a best friend, someone to cuddle and do things with, and no unnecessary pressure to ever have sex) and encouraged me to at least try dating a woman. Of course, at the time I was too afraid to confide in her about my feelings for the girl who'd invited me there. Perhaps I could message her about it now... 

 

Like you, Risu, I fear ruining a good thing. It just seems like maybe we should be honest about how we're feeling... scary as that is. :o

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Are you asexual lesbian or better called homoromantic?

I a bit grey in both categories I think, I don't care to dig enough to label myself. Just easier to say lesbian.
How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are homoromantic or lesbian -or insert here proper name- and then asexual?

I found out I was gay first. 
Are you yet not sure?

The only thing I'm sure of is that I crush on women and don't feel like having sex any time soon. 

Have you come out of the close as any of both?

I'm out as gay and don't see the point of coming out as grey-ace. 

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Hi - I can't remember whether I've posted here before because I log on very irregularly. At risk of repeating myself, here's my story. 

 

I came out as lesbian ages before I had any inkling about my asexuality. I was around 14 when I realised I like girls but didn't come out widely to others until I was around 21. I had a 4year relationship that basically ended because I wasnt interested in sex any more, but I thought it was just her/ that relationship. I then had another relationship with a partner who was much more patient because we managed 11 years before the lack of sex really became an issue and a couple more years before we officially broke up. 

 

For the last two years we've still lived together and we've basically got a primary friendship thing going on. It's perfect for me but I don't expect she'll be happy with this forever. I kind of think she might be demi. She has no interest at all in having sex with anyone that she doesn't know and like, and also refuses to do internet dating so she's not really meeting anyone else. 

 

If you added all those time spans together you'll realise I'm pretty old - I'm 45. It's good to hear from others like me. 

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On 8/29/2012 at 7:53 AM, AnotherMember said:

The purpose of this thread it's to talk about the homoromantic or lesbian experience. Of course Bi girls and intruders are invited to talk too, but you will be an intruder :evil:, just like me :rolleyes: haha!

Are you asexual lesbian or better called homoromantic?
How was it the process of discovering it? Did you find out first that you are homoromantic or lesbian -or insert here proper name- and then asexual?
Are you yet not sure?
Have you come out of the close as any of both?

Editeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed! LOL

Please inform me if this need more editing for failing in labels :P

As a transwoman I have put *WAY* too much work into my identity for the word lesbian not to be in there somewhere. :)

 

I was romantically involved before my transition but, asexual or not, was strongly opposed to the idea of sex while I had the wrong body. By the time my body matched my mental map I found out my partner was asexual. The more I thought about it the more I realized asexual applied to me as well.

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin
1 hour ago, KaraH said:

As a transwoman I have put *WAY* too much work into my identity for the word lesbian not to be in there somewhere. :)

 

I was romantically involved before my transition but, asexual or not, was strongly opposed to the idea of sex while I had the wrong body. By the time my body matched my mental map I found out my partner was asexual. The more I thought about it the more I realized asexual applied to me as well.

I'm glad that things are working well for you. And as I said in my first post, let me know if I need to add something, but be really specific about how should I add so anyone feels excluded, just in case :P.

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On 7/30/2017 at 1:47 AM, Mrs Dalloway said:

Hi, I'm new here. Definitely 100% sapphist, but sex and even kissing have never done it for me. I have had a few sexual relationships in which I pretended, and very recently I tried to be sexual again with disastrous consequences. I guess I was just trying to connect/ feel something. It was a brief catastrophic end to a new whirlwind intense friendship.

I would love an asexual lover. To have the sense of belonging, emotional attraction & romance. Something healthy but with the intensity of lovers. A primary someone. But I don't even know where to start. I'm an introvert, very shy, which makes the whole thing even more scary. I would love friends like me too, real ones with whom I can chat face to face, take a walk, ruminate. Doesn't anyone else hunger for these things?

I am reluctantly identifying as homo-romantic asexual--just trying to fit it all together, not meaning anything harmful by my use of 'relucantly'--but I leapt at your description of an ideal relationship because it is what I am after too.

 

My descriptiom for it is 'A level of friendship which is exclusive, monogamus in the sense that nobody else holds the same or higher relationship level and that it be a lifetime commitment.' That is my ideal. That is my dream relationship. hehe

 

I thoroughly believe it to be possible. Not gonna live my life so focused on it, though, that I am miserable without 'my one'.

 

*wishful sigh* But wouldn't it be grand?

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words are futile devices

Okay I just really need to briefly vent about this. 

 

I'm steadily becoming more and more convinced that I have actually been a raging [[still asexual]] lesbian my whole life and just never feckin' knew until recently. HOW THE HELL WOULD I NOT KNOW? I'm at a point where merely thinking about dating straight cis-men makes me want to vomit (that's a bit of an over-dramatization but you get the picture. It's NOT a good thought). There's something about the way being with a man makes me feel not myself. Every time I've been in a ""relationship"" - and it's difficult to even use that word seriously because my longest-running relationship was about 3 months altogether and the most we did was kiss a few times - I just let one thing roll into another and go with the flow of the thing and while the guy's feelings for me are deepening, my feelings (if they ever even actually existed) are stagnating and then regressing. And all the while I get the sensation of slipping away from myself. Losing who I am at the core, to this meaningless directionless relationship. Suddenly I don't talk in the way I normally do, my mannerisms feel forced and acted out instead of natural, I don't possess the confidence necessary to speak what's on my mind. I become someone that I don't even recognize... trying to fit the identity of 'girlfriend' but not understanding how it's supposed to work, how it's supposed to feel... but being certain that it doesn't feel good. Regardless, I lie down and let the relationship take over until I reach my breaking point. And my true self finds the voice to shout "What the eff are you doing? Why are you letting this happen again? Do you enjoy feeling trapped and smothered?" 

 

All that to say... I don't know if it would feel any different with a woman. Maybe I'd deal with the same complications. Maybe I truly am meant to be alone. But I've been thinking about it a lot lately. And when I read accounts of women falling in love with each other, and see my lesbian friends post on social media, it all appeals to me so much more, affects me more powerfully, than hetero love stories. It makes me think, Damnwant something like that. The other day a female cashier flirted with me at a convenience store, and not only was I flattered, I was legitimately pleased. To the point where I almost wanted to go back and talk to her some more. If it had been a guy flirting with me, I without a doubt would have shrunk awkwardly into myself and gotten out of there as quickly as possible. I don't know... I just suspect maybe my entire life I never dared to entertain the thought of dating girls, but now suddenly all bets are off. And yet I'm sitting here terrified at the prospect of actually doing it. 

 

That's all I wanted to say, really. I'm confused AF. But still ace. THAT I am absolutely sure of, no matter what my romantic leanings might be. Thank the gods I'm not completely clueless. :lol:

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@words are futile devices

Thank you for sharing your story. This is all so relatable and so real! And that cashier flirting with you? That means something about your appearance or behavior was visible enough to her to do so. I don't know about you, but visibility has been key for me to feeling more accepted and learning what I want. (Also, femme invisibility is real.) One thing we both know: definitely ace here. :-)

 

 

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I identify as an asexual lesbian. I don't mind the term homoromantic asexual, but I think that ace lesbian has a better ring to it. I'm currently seeing a woman who identifies as a biromantic asexual. I like monogamous relationships, kissing, cuddling, nonsexual touching. But when it comes to sex, I'm just not interested. 

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words are futile devices
20 hours ago, Carsonspire said:

@words are futile devices

Thank you for sharing your story. This is all so relatable and so real! And that cashier flirting with you? That means something about your appearance or behavior was visible enough to her to do so. I don't know about you, but visibility has been key for me to feeling more accepted and learning what I want. (Also, femme invisibility is real.) One thing we both know: definitely ace here. :-)

 

 

Thank you for this! Just a couple days ago I was reading articles on femme lesbianism and the struggles that come along with that. I do worry that I give off a "straight" vibe based on the way I dress, the fact that I often wear makeup, etc. My hair is short - buzzed on the sides even - but the rest of me looks rather feminine. I do avoid wearing things that pronounce my hips or chest, and usually I opt for sports bras over regular ones just to minimize things as much as possible. But I also like dresses. *shrug*

 

When you say visibility has helped you feel accepted, what do you mean by that exactly? Visibility as in finding other like-minded people? You're right, femme invisibility definitely is real! I'd love to help combat it somehow, but just am not sure how to go about that, you know? 

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