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Signs of Asexuality (We're out there!)


biggreenmonkey

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yeah. i never played with dolls when i was little, just stuffed animals.

Very much like me. Sometimes I played with barbie dolls (mainly made clothes for them), but mostly with animals.

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I never played games, I just read books and practiced the piano.

Augh, I was/am such a social failure! :lol:

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I played with GI Joes. *is female, by the way*

I never wanted to get married and have kids. When we played house, I was the dog.

My goal in life as a child was to become a vet, then retire as a painter with several cats.

My goal in life now is to get my butt through college, become a wildlife biologist, and retire doing whatever I want with several cats.

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I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal. :lol:

Me too!!! :D

Make that three. :roll:

-Greybird

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I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal. :lol:

Yep. Same here. People look better with clothes on.

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I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal.
My fantasies have always been very similar. I often dreamed about sleeping with someone... as in literally being asleep and wearing clothes too. Something just seems so harmonious about falling asleep while holding someone you care for.
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I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal. :lol:

Me too!!! :D

Make that three. :roll:

-Greybird

me four :)

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honeyandthemoon
I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal. :lol:

Me too!!! :D

Make that three. :roll:

-Greybird

me four :)

Gee, I'm starting to think I might be normal after all! :wink:

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'll 4.5th that statement. I don't think there's even hugging, usually, but really awesome adventures.

And I'll add that I was always the kid when we played house, the old cronish teacher when we played school, and Barbie and Ken had terrible marital problems. The sex wasn't enough and Ken got bored of Barbie at one point and started fooling around at work. Chelsea tried to go out with that kid that no one knows the name of and one night they just stayed up all night hugging after prom. Well, they didn't stay up. They didn't have the energy to do that. But they fell asleep. And that was that. I did know what most people supposedly did after prom. I knew that very well. I thought it was silly, ill-thought out, and disgusting. I wasn't ever told not to watch something, so the TV and movie sex wasn't even appealing. I had waaaay too many Barbies, though. Of all kinds. I kept stealing the clothes from the others to put on the one I used most of the time. And then there would be a million naked Barbies in a box and people would tell me to clothe them. Honestly, they were dolls, it's not like it made a difference. Oh, and Ariel was happy just swimming around the pool. Eventually, I abandoned Ariel and played mermaids with my cousin. She always made sure she had a laddy in mind, but I just had too much fun swimming like a fish.

Hehe...I liked making stories when I was little. I still do.

Oh, and I always thought that Peter Pan sucked (in the Disney version (I was very much a feminist, and his sexist views got on my nerves))...but I loved the idea of eternal youth and innocence. I liked innocence. People could keep their clothes on.

And until I entered high school, I didn't touch people a lot. It always felt really awkward. It usually does now, but I've just told myself to ignore the awkward feeling (only once has a hug not felt awkward, and that's because the guy was covered in a huge sweatshirt...it was soft. XD)

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My asexual fantasies, even as a child, involved going off alone, just me and a dog or two...up into the mountains to live as a hermit...or maybe a desert island...or perhaps discovering a secret paradise all to myself way down in a cave somewhere. Now that I'm grown up, my ongoing fantasy is being able to sail solo around the world someday. Well, not just sail around the world...sail out and never come back.

Another fantasy involves becoming a lighthouse keeper on a small island off the coast of Maine... (Wood Island to be exact)...where I would be the only human. I'd have a small herd of sheep, a few dogs and spend my free time sailing, gardening, painting, taking pictures and maybe smoking a little weed every once in awhile. :wink:

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TeddyMiller

Back in elementary or junior high school, my mother got me a box of valentines to give to girls on Valentine's Day. And I was careful to use only the ones saying "Happy Valentine's Day," not the "Be my valentine" ones.

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Barbie and Ken had terrible marital problems. The sex wasn't enough and Ken got bored of Barbie at one point and started fooling around at work.

*giggles at that* Screw you, mattel!! (-:þ

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Vagina Dentata

(My first post!) I can say exactly when I realised I was asexual. It was in middle school, when all of my friends starting becoming interested in boys. I thought they were cute, I was interested in being friends with them, maybe being romantically involved but no matter how hard I tried to think about having sexual relations with a boy it just didn't click. For a while I thought maybe I was homosexual, but it didn't take long for me to figure out that I really wasn't attracted to women that way either.

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Signs??? Yeah go us!!! I think i might a go a A-nessness fishing tomorrow and see if i can go catch me some asexuals!!! See if i can find any more of us near me, armed with a few clues and determination in my heart... who knows what i'll find!!!

I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal

Aye, 'tis true!!!! t'was the sdame for me!!! although i have to confess if i truely liked the person the fantasy involved kissing, kissing only on the mouth <- - - - it was only when i could fantasise about kissing someone that i really liked someone!!!!

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Vagina Dentata

I'll add my name to the list of people whose fantasies involve hugging and cuddling and maybe a chaste kiss. :roll:

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i think it's safe to say that based on the evidence put forward so far that we can now offically claim the connudling with clothes on fantasy a certified sign for asexuals!!!

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honeyandthemoon wrote:

I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal.

Oh man. Totally concur. I had some really, really detailed dreams involving relationships that culminated in that, and they were awesome.

Another thing I did (ok, ok, I still do it) is cringe and look away during kissing/anything else on screen. It's just intensely gross. And then there was that awkward time when people started openly talking about their sex lives in front of me, and I'd squeak, cover my ears, and plead for them to stop. I am not subtle in this regard. They eventually learned to either not talk about it in front of me, or to warn me beforehand so I could cover my ears and sing to myself to drown them out.

AND on top of that when I was 8 or so I decided that I wouldn't show physical affection for ANYONE. Not even my parents. So I didn't kiss anyone until I was 17 and suddenly I had a niece who was a baby and she demanded kisses. I am nearly helpless in the face of her cuteness. :roll: Since then, I've been phasing the kisses back in for special "happy birthday, Mommy"-type occasions.

So yes. Look for really, really apparent signs. Apparently.

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In my seventh grade English class, we (12-year-olds) wrote poetry and had to add a short biography at the end. In the biography, I said I was unmarried and living in an apartment alone with my pet. All my friends said they had a husband/wife and children. I must be already asexual then. :D

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Yet another taker for the 'fully-clothed cuddle or long hug' with optional chaste kiss. God, it feels great to be among like-minded people - thank you for the sanity.

My first clues should have been my career plans in primary school: lighthouse keeper, archeologist, book reviewer. I had to revise my dream of becoming a lighthouse keeper when I discovered that you had to share the lighthouse with other people - and men at that! A friend of my parents used to collect cartons of books for monthly drop-offs at a lighthouse, my enthusiasm for the job waned once I realised they were all westerns...

Luckily I went to an all-girls' school where it was expected that the 'academically gifted' would postpone relationships with boys until they were at university. I still used to panic though and had fantasies about employing an actor to impersonate a boyfriend at social / family events. A wretched time, youth...

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I'm not really sure if I qualify for the 'hug/snuggle with optional chaste kiss' catergory, but I think I'm reasonably close. My first major teenage crush, for example: I would look at him and think: "wow, he's so neat and extroverted and such a great dancer and he can sing too and he's pretty cute and I wish I were cool enough to talk to him and, yeah, I guess I might want to kiss him if it came to that, eh." It's hard to tell from retrospective but I think I merely included kissing as a 'given', what I thought I was supposed to think.

I've always been a believer in "the chase is [all] the fun". Watching relationships in TV shows, movies, books, I would gleefully giggle over every bit of romantic subtext between two characters and concoct elaborate courtship schemes for them, but as soon as they actually got 'involved' I sort of went "oh.... that's kind of... boring." With my first (and only) boyfriend, I was pretty much just basking in my happy fluffy crushy feelings, but once we actually started dating I got nervous and it lost its fun.

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honeyandthemoon
I've always been a believer in "the chase is [all] the fun". Watching relationships in TV shows, movies, books, I would gleefully giggle over every bit of romantic subtext between two characters and concoct elaborate courtship schemes for them, but as soon as they actually got 'involved' I sort of went "oh.... that's kind of... boring." With my first (and only) boyfriend, I was pretty much just basking in my happy fluffy crushy feelings, but once we actually started dating I got nervous and it lost its fun.

I hadn't thought of that before, but that's true for me as well. I love flirting, and all the excitement leading up to a relationship is great, but once a relationship is established, it's not so much fun... :?

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My signs of asexuality?

I used to write songs (wish I still did but I haven't in over a year) and all the ones saying anything about love were made up stories.

Only one was a true story but you can see from the words that I already knew I was asexual without knowing the word. There were sentences in there like "Who would have thought love impossible is..." or "Now, looking back at that time / I know, I lied saying 'I love you too' / One big ugly lie..." (actually it's lie in a lie because I never told him I loved him, it just fit the song)

Yes, and I never liked thinking about far future because whenever I did I was alone in it and of course I used to think that it's a bad thing.

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VivreEstEsperer

Welcome to AVEN, VD!

I used to ask my mom when i was a kid why all movies had love and relationships in them, it just seemed so boring to me....

"all these people pair off!"

still dont see the logic in it:)

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girl_no_13
honeyandthemoon wrote:

I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal.

Oh man. Totally concur. I had some really, really detailed dreams involving relationships that culminated in that, and they were awesome.

AND on top of that when I was 8 or so I decided that I wouldn't show physical affection for ANYONE. Not even my parents. So I didn't kiss anyone until I was 17 and suddenly I had a niece who was a baby and she demanded kisses. I am nearly helpless in the face of her cuteness. :roll: Since then, I've been phasing the kisses back in for special "happy birthday, Mommy"-type occasions.

So yes. Look for really, really apparent signs. Apparently.

Yeah, I was thinking about this the other day andf my fantsy at the monet is- go to a ska gig with person (female, long dark hair, slim), walk home in the dark, go to bed in the same bed, and in the morning sit around drinking tea and talking. That is what my ideal relatioonship would be like!

I was the same, at the age of 7 i utterly refused to kiss or hug anyone, it took me till i was about 12 to hug one of my friends- it was on the day I was moving away and she had been my best friend for more than a year. Now im very affecvtionate, but still not with my family.

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I rather chew on shards of broken glass, shave my head, run into a mack truck and eat liver asnd onions than to have or even think about having sex.

Have a nice day. :P

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  • 2 weeks later...
cutenycgirl20
I've always seen myself as a life-long happy single. Besides, it's always been impossible for me to imagine myself having sex with someone. OK, I have sexual fantasies, but they are always in third person.

Wow. You and me both. It's just hitting me now. But I've always thought in the back of my head that I'd be a "life-long happy single" as you said. I never saw myself in a long-term committed relationship. And as far as sex is concerned, when I have fantasies, I NEVER see myself in them. I really can't picture myself having sex or doing anything sexual with ANYBODY. I can imagine other people doing it - and that can be arousing - but my fantasies never involve me.

Throughout H.S. my girlfriends were hooking up with boys all the time -whenever they went to parties their main concern was getting action. And I just NEVER understood why they were so focused on hooking up. I always thought that the highlight of the party was meeting new people, talking to them, and having good conversations. So I thought something was wrong with me, and for the past year or so, I tried to throw myself into the whole "sex-crazed-young-person" scene, but it's made me unhappy. Now I realize I was happier when I avoided sexual relationships because I truly enjoy the emotional benefits of getting to know somebody. That does the same thing for me that sex does for other people.

Now that I'm confident in my feelings, I don't have to "act" the part of a sexual person. That's just not who I am. And it's okay.

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  • 3 weeks later...
virginangelic
I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal. :lol:

yay! we share the same fantasy about crushes! Just that i prefer holding hands to cuddling.

Oh I used to love playing with dolls and pretend cooking but i didn't think it weird in any way until I went to primary school where i realised i had little to do with 'male-dominated' activities like soccer. i prefer games like hopskotsch. That was fun!

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I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug.

Heh.... you're not alone *raises hand* Cept for me it's not always FULLY clothed, but yeah.... no more than cuddling.....

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