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Signs of Asexuality (We're out there!)


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#1 biggreenmonkey

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 04:48 AM

I don't know if there's a thread like this, so forgive me if there is. However, I was wondering if, looking back, there are specific signs that you noticed that pointed to asexuality that didn't seme like anything back then?

For instance, I have a plan to overthrow the papacy and become the first female pope (the actual plan is much longer then that, and a separate thread entirely). However, the first step in my plan was getting a rich, gay Jewish husband to bribe off the entire College of Cardinals.

The Jewish thing is sort of an inside joke. Judaism and Catholicism are the two monotheistic religions I find 'sexy', and I said if I married I wanted to marry into one of them.

However, I made him gay too. I said at the inception of the plan it was because I didn't want focusing on sex to mess up my chances of correctly carrying out my plan, but the truth was that's what I wanted. A guy I liked in a long term relationship that didn't require sex.

So, any other takers?
I was present at one time when someone asked the poet Sophocles: 'How are you in reguards to sex? Can you still make love to a woman?' 'Hush, man,' the poet replied. 'I am very glad to escape from this, like a slave has escaped from a mad and cruel master.'

#2 Shivers

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 04:50 AM

I dream of going to mars. And yet, I never dream of having someone with me.

#3 str8fuknpimpin

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 05:26 AM

i dream of walking the Great Wall with vodka and another person. but i never dream of having sex with them. just laughing with them :)
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#4 Shivers

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 05:31 AM

i dream of walking the Great Wall with vodka and another person. but i never dream of having sex with them. just laughing with them :)


Thats a cool dream (-:ū

Can I have it too? Except with something else instead of vodka?

#5 allyva

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 05:48 AM

A jug of wine,
A leg of lamb
And thou!
Beside me,
Whistling in
the darkness.

The Principia Discordia.

Also... it's odd. None of the random fantasies I've had about my future ever involved a sexual relationship. In one, I had a shipping service and a high-speed internet connection on my own small, private-with-population-of-ME island (looking a bit like that of Castaway, with my home on the 'mountain').

#6 Nerrin

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 06:03 AM

I realized pretty recently that I've long been spending my life planning to be alone. I still have problems imagining marriage or even making a proposal (even now knowing someone I could spend the rest of my life with), and I've always felt that when I die, that it would just be my siblings and their families there, that I wouldn't have a partner -- of either sex -- to see me off. But one of the most overt indicators was when we had some stupid elementary-school art class assignment of drawing our "dream" home. I drew a place with four rooms, just big enough for me to feel comfortable in, while everyone else drew gargantuan mansions. I've never anticipated having someone with me through my adult life.

#7 str8fuknpimpin

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 06:25 AM

i dream of walking the Great Wall with vodka and another person. but i never dream of having sex with them. just laughing with them :)


Thats a cool dream (-:ū

Can I have it too? Except with something else instead of vodka?



ofcourse dude!!! dream it whenever! yeah, and you can have vodka or hot cocoa or LSD or anything, man.
sweet. Spock-Jay's on the Great Wall. :) :o
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#8 Hexpiral

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 03:41 PM

So, any other takers?


Well, I never planned for a family. Never really talked about any possible relationship, as other things interest me more. That's why I suspect my best friend is also A (no GF ever being 20, never tallking about love/sex/etc), though he could also be a closet gay or just a complete loser (well, he IS quite a moron anyway...).
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#9 honeyandthemoon

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 04:18 PM

I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal. :lol:

#10 Mallard

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 07:28 PM

I realized pretty recently that I've long been spending my life planning to be alone.


Well, you're not alone :)

I've always seen myself as a life-long happy single. Besides, it's always been impossible for me to imagine myself having sex with someone. OK, I have sexual fantasies, but they are always in third person.

And I've never quite understood people who say that living in celibate is difficult :)

And my mother remembers, that when I was very small (1-2 years old), I didn't want to sit on her lap. I only started wanting to sit on her lap when she began to read books aloud for me. So I'm always been somewhat touch-aversive/indifferent. I've never quite understood, why people feel so bad if they can't be physically close to their partners (even if they could communicate with them via phone, letters or email).

And when an acquaintance of mine said "Love without sex is *nothing*" I thought that she was wrong.

#11 Amcan

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 09:44 PM

When I was littel and other girls insisted on playing families I never understood why there had to be two parents.
I always saw myself as just having kids...no guy involved and that was something that lasted from about age 7 onward even once I knew you 'needed' a mum and a dad to 'make' babies.
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#12 corialis

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 09:50 PM

in all the years that i have been having relationships with poeple i have never once fantasized about having sex with them. i have had sex with them but i would never think about it afterwards or before in any but the most practical terms. most of my sexual experiences ( however minor) i cannot bare to remember. and avoid it at all costs. even when i hit puberty, though i had fantasies they never included sex. soetimes violence and often rescuing or being rescued but never sex.

none of my adult life fantasies include a partner either, though they sometimes include children.
( i always thought this was just because i was raised by a single mother though, and i am still not convinced that this is untrue)

back to the sex issue i have never wanted to have sex with anyone. i have done it becuase i thought i should or it seemed like the thing to do at the time . never because i had the urge to.

pretty clear signs i guess. took me a damn long time to read them though.

#13 Neabsco

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 10:18 PM

And I've never quite understood people who say that living in celibate is difficult :)


Amen to that! It's so weird to hear people say that they need sex or are "driven" to do such things with other people.

When I was little but no longer watching cartoons I would say "eww, GROSS!" whenever characters on the TV would start playing suck-face. I still do that, quietly, to myself, and turn away during sex scenes in TV and films.

#14 bard of aven

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 11:09 PM

I dream of being the founder of The Most Holy Monastery of the Unitarian Atheist Jihad, and having all my followers through the ages fall down laughing whenever anyone says anything serious or pious about the sacred memory of Brother Fusion Bomb of Perfect Peace.

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#15 Mallard

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Posted 18 April 2005 - 08:04 PM

none of my adult life fantasies include a partner either, though they sometimes include children.
( i always thought this was just because i was raised by a single mother though, and i am still not convinced that this is untrue)


I was also raised by a single mother. I grew up with my mother and grandmother. (My grandma had also been a single mother.) So I've always thought that women can live without men (and vice versa). I've never understood why people should desperately aim for marriage and traditional family structures.

#16 Joyous56

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Posted 18 April 2005 - 11:59 PM

Growing up I never, ever imagined being married, planning a wedding, etc., like lots of other girls did. I thought that finding someone I liked well enough to spend my life with to be as good as it could get. And that hasn't happened. I have tried sexual relationships, but they never lasted...with the exception of the guy I married and had a baby with.

I always thought that my 'problem' was first, about not being attractive or good enough for any of the people I had a crush on. Then I thought I was too critical because the guys I did go out with didn't interest me intellectually or emotionally....and it never occured to me that their attractiveness could/would/should have anything to do with my feelings for them.

Now I've met a guy who says he loves me and enjoys being with me as much as I enjoy being with him, we connect on a cerebral level amazingly....but he isn't interested in a physical relationship, nor does he demonstrate any clingy overly romantic behavior. It is probably the most satisfying relationship I have ever had. However, deep down, I sometimes wonder if it's just that he's not attracted to me. Either way, I'm trying not to focus on the future, but to wring every morsel of happiness out of our time together.

I think I'm nuts sometimes. Oh well....

#17 slatterly

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Posted 19 April 2005 - 04:06 AM

I do the whole looking-away-when-the-action-starts thing. Watching other people have sex, fictionally or no, just makes me sort of... uncomfortable, and a little embarassed. And I would always get a little paranoid of what the person watching with me was thinking. When I was out watching Constantine with my now-boyfriend, and the two lead characters started looking like they were about to kiss, I got really nervous. I didn't know what he thought about it. It's kind of hard to express, but... I guess I was just scared he would try to kiss me. Which is funny, because I spent a good chunk of the evening trying to get him to. (I was being a little stupid, as I now realize. Sigh.)

I had a few dreams where someone would kiss me. It was always a very chaste kiss, and I would always wake up feeling slightly disappointed. I expected kisses to be some magical, sensational thing, but really we just touched lips and that was it. I thought it was because it was only a dream, and once I actually kissed a real person it would be better.

And one time I was writing, and a character I've always suspected was a tad asexual was pondering over why he had enjoyed being kissed by his love interest. 'It's only another kind of physical contact, when you get right down to it' he said at one point, and I remember stopping and thinking 'hey, he's right. It doesn't make any sense. That's weird.'

#18 honeyandthemoon

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Posted 19 April 2005 - 06:07 AM

I dream of being the founder of The Most Holy Monastery of the Unitarian Atheist Jihad...


Oh my god, you just reminded me! When I was in high school, I wanted to be a nun! It was sort of a joke with me and my best friend, that we would start our own convent, but I really thought that sounded like a good idea. :lol:

#19 Dippy

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Posted 19 April 2005 - 06:57 PM

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#20 hyperfine

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Posted 19 April 2005 - 08:43 PM

When I was little and reading fairy tales I used to think that it would be fun to be a princess and have a castle and whatnot. But I always imagined ditching Prince Charming somewhere along the way. Or maybe fixing him up with a friend.

I have a few friends who are wedding crazy, always talking about their dream wedding dress/bouquet/honeymoon/whatever. Any time I've tried to imagine a wedding of my own it always features me running back down the aisle, out of the church and driving off in a conveniently waiting car.

I have one friend who's offered to be my getaway driver. :wink:
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#21 Tanasha

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Posted 20 April 2005 - 12:48 AM

I never had any interest in dating when everyone in middle and high school were going crazy over it. I should have realized it then. ;)

#22 Absi

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Posted 21 April 2005 - 11:46 PM

I do the whole looking-away-when-the-action-starts thing. Watching other people have sex, fictionally or no, just makes me sort of... uncomfortable, and a little embarassed. And I would always get a little paranoid of what the person watching with me was thinking.



'It's only another kind of physical contact, when you get right down to it' he said at one point, and I remember stopping and thinking 'hey, he's right. It doesn't make any sense. That's weird.'


I agree with both those points :-)
Looking back over my life knowing that there is this thing of sexual attraction which I don't experience it makes a lot of sense of things like - I didn't have crushes on people, except when I knew them well, and those never involved any kind of sexual desires or fantasies, I never understood why it would be hard to be celibate, I didn't enjoy kissing my boyfriend - I much prefered the evening we spent talking to the times we spent kissing and cuddling, I was freaked out by the fact people my age have sex, I really didn't understand the attraction of porn, I have never imagined myself having sex...
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#23 The Evenstar

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Posted 22 April 2005 - 06:05 AM

I have sexual fantasies, but they are always in third person.


I feel the same way. I had trouble imagining it and I thought it was because I hadnt done it before, but I think it is also because it made me uncomfortable.
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#24 Shion

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Posted 22 April 2005 - 02:19 PM

I realized pretty recently that I've long been spending my life planning to be alone.


Well, you're not alone :)


well yeah....i never imagined my life with someone else. in fact it seemed a horror to me to have to share my life when i grow up. that might be translate as "commitment phobia" or even 'marriage phobia" as sexuals seemed to have. but ultimately i think i just dont wanna invovled in any person that way.
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#25 mindlife

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Posted 22 April 2005 - 02:49 PM

I didn't mind the idea of sharing my life with someone, but sex was never part of the dream at all, even after I was a teenager.
When people kept saying that all humans are sexual, I always thought, oh yeah? I'm just not feeling it.
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#26 Ambiguous

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Posted 23 April 2005 - 01:28 PM

I realized pretty recently that I've long been spending my life planning to be alone.......and I've always felt that when I die, that it would just be my siblings and their families there, that I wouldn't have a partner -- of either sex -- to see me off.


Yes, me too. :)

Another big indicator for me was realizing how much I identified with "odd" or "asexual" television or movie characters like Spock, Data, Yoda, etc. They all related to human beings in a nonsexual way, and I subconsciously admired them. One of my favourite "seemingly" asexual couple is the older couple in the movie Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. They never indulged in sex, but yet they truly loved and cherished one another. A loving glance meant more than a touch of the hand. So sweet...., but also sad for me too because I don't find many men out there who are like that. :(

#27 Mallard

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Posted 23 April 2005 - 04:18 PM

Another big indicator for me was realizing how much I identified with "odd" or "asexual" television or movie characters like Spock, Data, Yoda, etc. They all related to human beings in a nonsexual way, and I subconsciously admired them.


I remember admiring witches (=good, white magic ones), sages, shamans etc.

#28 confused but not confused

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Posted 28 April 2005 - 05:43 AM

I always dream myself with a loving partner/ husband but never thought of sex. That's the worst part when I try to realize my dream but being with my loved one is such a strong wish that I feel that I will have to go through something I don't want just to have him.

#29 str8fuknpimpin

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Posted 28 April 2005 - 06:42 AM

yeah. i never played with dolls when i was little, just stuffed animals. i pampered those animals though.
they got to ride in my bike basket on their b-days, i snuggled and kissed all of them everyday, making sure that nobody would feel left out;...i'm pretty sure i sang to them too (i sing to my non-stuffed cat now) :)
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#30 DarkPrincess

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Posted 28 April 2005 - 11:20 AM

I realized recently that whenever I've had a crush on anyone and I'd, well, I guess, fantasize about them, my fantasy would always consummate with fully-clothed cuddling or a long hug. And I always thought I was so normal. :lol:



Me too!!! :D




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