Before you ask ''Am I asexual''...

[Sally]

Have sex with sex toys is sexual or asexual? I am not sure yet just enjoy the pleasure.

Both sexuals and asexuals can use those. Asexuals can feel a sex drive, but they aren't interested in having sex with anyone else. I.e., they're not attracted sexually to anyone.

[WhenSummersGone]

Have sex with sex toys is sexual or asexual? I am not sure yet just enjoy the pleasure.

I think anyone can use sex toys for pleasure. It's just asexuals prefer not to have another person for help. I have a sex toy that I use for help and I use the label asexual for myself.

[alli.efeelink]

Great post, I'd also like to add that there's really not even a reason to label yourself..... Asexual, gray-a, aromantic, demisexual, these are all just terms we use to help convey our current feelings to people. Those feelings could very possibly change throughout your lifetime, because life changes. Until we die we're constantly growing and discovering new things about ourselves, and why ever constrict yourself under any type of label? If you feel comfortable identifying as asexual, that's great. If you're not comfortable identifying as asexual, that's okay too. If you feel like you connect and can relate to the people on this forum, and exploring your asexual feelings helps you understand yourself better and what you're looking for in life, then go ahead and chat a while. A lot of us will never be interested in sex, some of us will be. Some of us used to be interested in sex, but aren't anymore. Some of us went through experiences that caused our asexuality, and some of us have always been this way. There are no set of rules, and there shouldn't be. The reason we're all here is to talk to other people who understand our feelings. You don't have to be asexual, straight, gay, bi. Nobody is asking you to identify as anything.

If I can make an assumption, I would say most of the "Am I asexual" posts are probably written by people who are young. While you're young, you're going to try to define yourself by your sexual orientation, your political stance, your religion, your body type, your family or friends, whatever it is you've decided makes you who you are. As you get older you'll start to understand that all of that is only external, it's not who you are. You don't have try to figure out who you are, you can just do what feels natural and let yourself experience it.

Agreed!

[Domo-san]

I approve of this.

[Jenibi]

Thanks for this thread. This should really help me out.

[Manly Ace]

Have sex with sex toys is sexual or asexual? I am not sure yet just enjoy the pleasure.

It depends on whether you are sexually attracted to sex toys or not.

[shrilampi]

Hi, I am terribly confused and looking for some clarity. I do enjoy kissing and hugging. I am sexually attracted to guys in the sense I think about having sex getting physical and enjoy those imaginations. But when it comes to brass tracks actually doing the deed i feel a strange sense of detachment. Physically I give all the right responses but emotionally and mentally I feel nothing. I feel like an actor watching myself. I derive no pleasure from not only the act itself but also from foreplay. At the same time I am not repulsed by it either – I feel a kind of numbness, with my mind wandering off usually. Even kissing and hugging become the same when they are prelude to sex. At best I feel nothing at all or at worst I feel bored. I can go without sex for long periods of time (2 yrs) and not miss it at all. I never masturbate. I have never had a climax or any other pleasurable sensations one grows up expecting from sex.

I am 29 years of age and even with the person I am extremely fond of or attached to the experience has always been the same. I have sex cos its something expected of me – but frankly it feels nothing special to me.

And I do not believe relationship to be the centre and most influential factor in my life – I am more concentrated on myself and my personal goals. So in that sense even in closest relationships I am emotionally detached with the person involved to a large degree. I like to pursue my own entertainment with own set of friends rather than doing everything with my better half. I actually make an effort to have interests and people separate from my partner. Has this emotional distance I am maintaining has anything to do with my non-enjoyment of sex? Or am I frigid? Or simply asexual?

[Sally]

Shrilampi, we cannot tell you, because only you can really know your feelings for certain. Read the first post in this thread, and read the Front Page of AVEN, and you'll find more information about asexuality. It is actually against the Terms of Service of AVEN to tell people whether they're asexual or not, because we're not diagnosticians, and this is simply an internet forum. Read all the info, and see if you think it applies to you, and then think about it for a while. You don't need to make up your mind right now --- in fact, you don't need to decide anything at all. Just live for a while and see how you feel.

[Heart]

Hi, I am terribly confused and looking for some clarity. I do enjoy kissing and hugging. I am sexually attracted to guys in the sense I think about having sex getting physical and enjoy those imaginations. But when it comes to brass tracks actually doing the deed i feel a strange sense of detachment. Physically I give all the right responses but emotionally and mentally I feel nothing. I feel like an actor watching myself. I derive no pleasure from not only the act itself but also from foreplay. At the same time I am not repulsed by it either – I feel a kind of numbness, with my mind wandering off usually. Even kissing and hugging become the same when they are prelude to sex. At best I feel nothing at all or at worst I feel bored. I can go without sex for long periods of time (2 yrs) and not miss it at all. I never masturbate. I have never had a climax or any other pleasurable sensations one grows up expecting from sex.

I am 29 years of age and even with the person I am extremely fond of or attached to the experience has always been the same. I have sex cos its something expected of me – but frankly it feels nothing special to me.

And I do not believe relationship to be the centre and most influential factor in my life – I am more concentrated on myself and my personal goals. So in that sense even in closest relationships I am emotionally detached with the person involved to a large degree. I like to pursue my own entertainment with own set of friends rather than doing everything with my better half. I actually make an effort to have interests and people separate from my partner. Has this emotional distance I am maintaining has anything to do with my non-enjoyment of sex? Or am I frigid? Or simply asexual?

Welcome to AVEN shrilampi!!

Technically, the definition of asexuality has more to do with whether you experience sexual attraction towards others or not, so your experiences with sex itself are less relevant to the label. There are many asexuals out there who enjoy sex, many who do not, and many others that feel completely neutral towards it. The same goes for sexuals; liking sex or not is not really a function of your orientation.

Take some time, float around, and read up on anything that catches your eye. Have fun with the self-exploration, and let us know if we can help!

[interpol]

You'll probably want to read through these things first;

Frequently Asked Questions - AVENwiki - Advanced Search - The answer you're probably looking for

And keep these things in mind...[a]For the love of God, don't revive any old threads. Reading is good.

[ь]You can edit the Wiki, see here.

[c]You're probably thinking ''I can answer these questions!'' No no no, see below!

• You've probably read through some of the other Q&A threads (.. I hope!), so you'll have some idea of how often this very question gets repeated (veeeeery often), in fact I'm willing to bet that it's the single most repeated question on AVEN! Jackpot!
• But of course, we're ain't you, you are you. Obvious statement is obvious, but it has some relevancy here. No matter how thoroughly you describe your experiences, we cannot pass judgment on them (no we really can't, see below)
• Thus, we (the members), can't really judge you or your sexuality, only you can do this! Yes granted, feedback may be necessary, but so is reading the FAQ (see above) and reading though past informative posts.
• Not to mention, we're (the members) not trained professionals, we can only offer our observations based on what information you give us.
• And one last point... we can't tell you what you are. No really, we actually can't, it breaks rules. We can't post and say ''Yes you're asexual'' or ''No you're not''... that'd be way too easy, but sorry, but this would get us into trouble.

So there ya go. Still got some questions? Questions that can't be answered by the FAQ? Answers that can't be found in the AVENwiki? Answers that couldn't be found by searching through past posts? Well, the chances are... the questions couldn't be answered by our members (or it's a new and unique question). But you could give it a try and ask, it's always worth a try right?That's it for now! If you're still wondering ''Am I asexual?'' (hopefully not, eh!)... well then, allow our Q&A forum to serve its purpose, take it out for a spin and ask your question! But please, for the sake of my dwindling sanity, choose a more creative title, something that hasn't been repeated a few billion times over. Please.

Just keep this in mind: Ultimately, it's your identity, and only you can decide how you identify. Really, if some random people on the 'net choose your identity for you, is it really your identity?

... is it friendly enough yet??

I think of sexual identity in general this way:

Stop worrying you're xyz. If you were, you'd know.

[spretasky]

im new to this and Ive been doing a lot of soul searching and I found out about being asexual .. am I really asexual? I feel like I need to talk with someone that's asexual so I can understand my self. Things I have hard time talking about with my friends. I try with my buddy and he didn't understand.. I try my friend that is a woman and she thought I just need sex when I actually felt the opposite. I just don't understand this feelings and about myself. I wonder I can do one on one chat with man or woman about this that is asexual

[nobdoy]

Curious... sometimes evidence can be misleading. Won't know for sure who did it until you caught the bandit red-handed know what I mean? I think the same applies for asexuality. You have to know for certain, without a doubt, that you are asexual. Beyond all reasonable comprehension, beyond knowing what is to be known, etc.. etc...

[Sisinilam]

I just joined the AVEN network because I suspect my husband is asexual. Reading this made me feel unwelcome because the only thing that I wanted was a response from fellow members about the symptoms (that's all the information I or any medical professional would ever have anyway). It is such a soul crushing experience to have a partner like this when you are not and I understand it's frustrating to keep hearing it, but it is something so beneficial to others.

[WhenSummersGone]

I just joined the AVEN network because I suspect my husband is asexual. Reading this made me feel unwelcome because the only thing that I wanted was a response from fellow members about the symptoms (that's all the information I or any medical professional would ever have anyway). It is such a soul crushing experience to have a partner like this when you are not and I understand it's frustrating to keep hearing it, but it is something so beneficial to others.

Asexuality isn't a disorder, it's a sexual orientation. It's just how people are like Homosexuality.

[prettyvacant]

i understand that members of a site cannot tell someone who they are.. but as someone who has just come onto this site and if confused about the feelings they are having, this post just made me feel stupid. this is supposed to be a supportive environment and this is a very unsupportive post to those who arent as experienced as you in asexuality and even on this forum!

[WünderBâhr]

I appreciate the feedback, for sure, and agree that the tone of the original post (while it is informative), could be more supportive than it reads. This is being taken into consideration and an update planned.

I fully appreciate getting the perspective of new members about what they find useful vs. a hinderance to community understanding. Should anyone have questions or concerns about pinned threads or the forum, please feel free to contact myself or another Admod via PM. :) Thank you.

Bipolar Bear

Asexual Q&A Mod

[rtlloyd98]

This is the main reason I believe im asexual. I can look at women in lengerie with a straight face, but as soon as sex toys come up I feel nauseated and light headed. I've never felt tempted to watch porn or even m*********e. Its all makes me think yuck

[Acegirl22]

Only reason i asked, is because i have already read many Q/A's and Wikis and gotten nowhere.

[Calysto]

As someone from Virginia, I have nothing against people using "ain't" in everyday conversation, but I had to look at "we're ain't" you for a good ten seconds before I understood what it was saying. It has confusing redundancy since we're (the contraction of we are) and ain't (the contraction of am not/are not) were used together, basically saying "we are are not". To fix this, one could eliminate either of the contractions and say either "we ain't" or we're not". Hope I wasn't annoying, just wanted to have my input.

[SkyWorld]

Unpinned this thread, mentioned here under "About the forum"

SkyWorld

Asexual Q&A Co-Mod

[VicDustrael]

I know this is a pretty old post, I just wanted to mention that all the links in the OP are dead

[SkyWorld]

I know this is a pretty old post, I just wanted to mention that all the links in the OP are dead

Yeah.. it's pretty outdated, though there may be an update (not sure when). But the thread "READ ME: A Guide to the Asexual Q&A Wonderland" is also quite helpful.

[WeirdDreams]

The FAQ link appears to be broken

[chromanebula]

This needs to be re-pinned. Seriously.

[SithLord]

This needs to be re-pinned. Seriously.

It's not repinned because it's mentioned in a pinned thread which SkyWorld made. That goes over a lot more than just not asking "Am I asexual?" though I agree this needs to be more prominent because it just keeps happening. -_-

Maybe moderators should try and lock all threads with that question as soon as they notice it and reply saying we're not allowed to answer.

[SkyWorld]

This needs to be re-pinned. Seriously.

It's not repinned because it's mentioned in a pinned thread which SkyWorld made. That goes over a lot more than just not asking "Am I asexual?" though I agree this needs to be more prominent because it just keeps happening. -_-

Maybe moderators should try and lock all threads with that question as soon as they notice it and reply saying we're not allowed to answer.

Before the READ ME thread, there was about 8 pinned threads in Q&A. Not only is the READ ME an FAQ, but it's also a guide and has a list of very important threads in the first post. 8 pinned threads is a lot, but I didn't want any of them down because I thought that they are very important. So, I included them in a list that is pinned, so in a way, it's still there at the top, but takes less room.

The problem with pinned threads is that some people don't bother to read them. Even when this thread was pinned, there was still often questions asking if they're asexual. Even after I created the Guide and FAQ, there was still the common questions asked. Yet, it's there because it can still be helpful to some people. That's why I tried to make the title an attention grabber to get more people to actually read it as well as mention it in my signature so it's out there more.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that. AVEN is about Education and Visibility and the goal is to educate more people about asexuality. And the "Am I asexual" threads are very personal to the OP and sometimes they have situations that may sound different from others and are looking for answers... which is what Asexual Q&A is all about, giving answers to questions. Yes, it's important to mention that you can't slap a label on someone, but you can direct them to sources that may help or maybe even share your own experience (if you want of course) and show them that they are not alone.

[binary suns]

is it just my computer or do the links in op not work?

[Janus the Fox]

6 hours ago, binary suns said:

is it just my computer or do the links in op not work?

The firls link yeah, the link slightly change in 8 years, so I've updated it to the current front FAQ page.