Can Platonic Love Be Just As Powerful As Romantic Love?

[TheKindredSoul]

I always fight with this in my head. People a lot of times say that the love of a partner is like that of no other and no other love can outmatch that of romantic love, but I just cannot believe that. I think for some people, yes, it can indeed be the most powerful love, so I am not belittling the love of romantics.

Maybe because I am aromantic and cannot feel romantic love, it is beyond my knowledge, or maybe because I am in denial when I say that because I want my squish to love me the way I love her, or maybe it's a mixture of both (I go with the third thing I said). I have such a deep love for my squish (platonic/aromantic love for her), but I always wonder how she feels truly. I know she loves me "to pieces", but I always wonder if my love is limited in her eyes; if there is someone more worthy of her love; someone who is number one and no one can equal up to him. Maybe my platonic love is not powerful enough, and that is unfair in my eyes, but truth hurts. No matter how much poetry I write, she'll never love me the way I want her to so it is best to just give up. My poetry is useless.

So anyway, does anyone here believe platonic love can be just as powerful as romantic love or no? I think it can, but maybe I am denying the truth because I love my squish so much that I want her to love me powerfully too.

[0gb.us]

Having no experience with romance myself, I can't say for sure. But think about this: many mothers are wired in such a way that they instinctively love their children enough to die for them. That love is clearly platonic, but just as clearly powerful and strong.

[Leelian]

Well, I am currently in a relationship, but I feel that's romantic love, not sexual, just romantic. But I look at some of my friends and how I've felt platonic love for them (I don't know if to the same degree). 0gb.us was correct when he said mothers can have a platonic love, both parents can. I look at the things that my parents have done and will continue to do for me, and that's because of platonic love.

[Naosuu]

I definitively think so. As a romantic ace, to say that romantic love trumps platonic love in terms of intensity is myopic. Some of the greatest loves of my life are definitively my brother, my parents, my gay best friend and my teacher from high school (whom I shall call A). I guess for this topic I'll focus on A.

I don't know how to describe my love for A. She is an older woman, but she's incredibly active and loves dancing. High school wasn't hard in terms of being sociable, but I had some deep, personal issues I had to deal with. She was there for me when I needed her. I generally don't use "new age" terms, but sometimes I wonder if we are kindred souls. She was a guide, she is my friend, one of my most trusted confidants... and she is also a walking, talking guide to Naosuu. I don't know how she does it, but she just seems to totally understand what I try to say and why.

We love each other very, very much. The first time I saw her after a very long time, I almost burst into tears. She's not normally a huggy or touchie person, but she gives me hugs and kisses on my cheeks. When we meet or exchange e-mails, she'll always tell me that she loves me very much with a warm smile on her face. Just writing this makes me miss her and want to shoot an e-mail off to her.... actually, I think I'll do that right now.

I guess, OP, it depends on some people. Some people think romantic love is forever, some people think family is forever... personally, I think deep friendships are forever, so I place a tremendous value on friendship. When we meet, I meet and greet them as if I only saw them yesterday... precisely because my feelings for them don't change. Even if we are out of touch, no matter where they are, I still love them.

[Empty Chairs & Tables]

I have such a deep love for my squish (platonic/aromantic love for her)

What is the difference between romantic and platonic love? If it has to do with what we do with a person (are we romantic with them?), that sounds more like the type of relationship (romantic versus platonic), but must that mean we love either romantically or platonically, rather than just simply loving the person? Perhaps there are dimensions to love; what do we love about a person? Too, there seems to be varying depths to our love for different individuals. But I do not know that there is necessarily a difference between romantic and platonic love, but rather a difference in how we love each person that we do.

[TheKindredSoul]

I have such a deep love for my squish (platonic/aromantic love for her)

What is the difference between romantic and platonic love? If it has to do with what we do with a person (are we romantic with them?), that sounds more like the type of relationship (romantic versus platonic), but must that mean we love either romantically or platonically, rather than just simply loving the person? Perhaps there are dimensions to love; what do we love about a person? Too, there seems to be varying depths to our love for different individuals. But I do not know that there is necessarily a difference between romantic and platonic love, but rather a difference in how we love each person that we do.

That is what I am wondering! Romantic is one of those words that are hard to define.

Wow! You hit on very good points! Thanks! You helped me organize my scattered thoughts quite a bit.

I am still rather confused though. Romance doesn't really have a meaning to me at all.

I am not saying it is not valuable or anything, but for me, there is just no definition to describe it.

Honestly, every time I hear the word or see the word romance, I think of romans instead...

[Wobot]

I think very much yes. My best friend and I have a platonic relationship and we're very much in love and it's every bit as strong if not more so than a romantic relationship. I get kind of jealous when he's saying someone, but he's reassured me that even if he meets the most amazing guy in the world he'll still need me, his best friend, in his life. Also, he travels a lot and he says it's easier to be apart from me because he knows I'll still love him when he comes back but he worries about being away from his boyfriend for several months at a time because he's not sure what it will be like when he comes back. I am a rather permanent fixture in his life and boyfriends seem to come and go.

I am still trying to convince him we should have a boston marriage. Haha. We are going to live together once we graduate college, so it might happen.

[Jillianimal]

I never experienced romantic love so I can't say anything about this for sure, but I'm starting to think romantic love & platonic love may be essentially the same exact thing, just different "flavors". Like the romantic one is simply sugar coated. That said, I think it can be.

[zoidberger]

For me, I would say that romantic love is definitely deeper and more powerful than any platonic love I could have. I view my partner as not only my romantic partner but a best friend. Any platonic love that I'd have for a friend could never be as deep as my love for my partner. I see romance in my life as an extension of love and thus automatically more so than I could feel for a friend. The only thing I would say differs is familial love which is just not comparable (in terms of more or less) in my life.

NOTE: This is just in reference to me. I'm well aware that others can have different intensities of love for different people in their life.

Edit: This is also a difficult topic as everyone's definition of romance and love will be different.

[TheKindredSoul]

I think very much yes. My best friend and I have a platonic relationship and we're very much in love and it's every bit as strong if not more so than a romantic relationship. I get kind of jealous when he's saying someone, but he's reassured me that even if he meets the most amazing guy in the world he'll still need me, his best friend, in his life. Also, he travels a lot and he says it's easier to be apart from me because he knows I'll still love him when he comes back but he worries about being away from his boyfriend for several months at a time because he's not sure what it will be like when he comes back. I am a rather permanent fixture in his life and boyfriends seem to come and go.

I am still trying to convince him we should have a boston marriage. Haha. We are going to live together once we graduate college, so it might happen.

Aw, that's so sweet! I hope that works out for you two. :)

I never experienced romantic love so I can't say anything about this for sure, but I'm starting to think romantic love & platonic love may be essentially the same exact thing, just different "flavors". Like the romantic one is simply sugar coated. That said, I think it can be.

I've never experienced romantic love ether, and I do wonder if romantic love is the same as platonic love. Maybe romantic love is the same "species" as platonic love and different "flavors".

It is like a black cat and a white cat. They are the same species but just have a different coat color.

[passionatefriend61]

Yes, nonromantic love can be just as powerful as romantic love. I think that usually, for most people, it isn't, but it can be. And sometimes, it IS.

[Elis]

For me, I would say that romantic love is definitely deeper and more powerful than any platonic love I could have. I view my partner as not only my romantic partner but a best friend. Any platonic love that I'd have for a friend could never be as deep as my love for my partner. I see romance in my life as an extension of love and thus automatically more so than I could feel for a friend. The only thing I would say differs is familial love which is just not comparable (in terms of more or less) in my life.

NOTE: This is just in reference to me. I'm well aware that others can have different intensities of love for different people in their life.

Edit: This is also a difficult topic as everyone's definition of romance and love will be different.

ditto

[Cakey]

For me, I would say that romantic love is definitely deeper and more powerful than any platonic love I could have.

As you are romantic, is it not natural to place a greater emphasis on romance? I am aromantic, and I naturally place a greater emphasis on friendship. Thus I could equally say, platonic love is definitely deeper and more powerful than any romantic love I could have.

It was often remarked in my past, that I treated my friends better than I treated my partner, oops, I never understood why this was, until recently. Ultimately, what counts, is the measure of relationship satisfaction we personally gain, from the set of tools that nature provides us, be it through the joining of hearts or the sharing of mind.

To me, the heart speaks a foreign language, especially hard when you are not emotionally fluent, so it is certainly not my chosen medium of relationship satisfaction.

I can only see romantic love as a blob of emotionally, shapeless jelly,full of irrational, lovey-dovey, wobblynesss, lol. I need to share a syntax of philosphies, experiences, hopes, wishes, desires and wants. accented by mutual respect. This can only be expressed through a close platonic friendship. Though I am sure we experience a difference set of feelings, ultimately, our satisfaction levels may not differ that wildly?

[MadRat]

I don´t think romantic love is stronger and more powerful than other kinds of love. What about mother´s love to their kids? Love between sister and brother? Is one type of love superior to others? I don´t believe it is. They are just different.

[Palovana]

I can't speak for the romantic part, because I've never been "in love" with anyone romantically, but I can safely say that platonic love, in my experience, is extremely powerful. I used to have a best friend, for example, who suddenly wasn't there anymore - a type of "platonic breakup", I guess - and it was horrible, like I had been shot in the heart when she left, and she took a piece of myself with her. That was three years ago, and it's still quite painful if I dwell on it.

[CDSM]

I think the terms are a bit fuzzy.

Keep in mind, platonic love simply refers to love that is not sexual in nature.

To some, the term "romantic" tends to imply sexual love, but it's not necessary. So the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.

It then depends on how you define them. Because, I would think of feeling an intense love one feels for a friend, but doesn't desire a 'relationship' with, to somewhat be a 'romantic friendship'.

So it depends on how exactly you define the emotions of love and romance. And regardless, any emotion can be as intense as you can feel it.

I personally struggle with defining a line between "romantic love" and "a friend I really, really like".

[TheKindredSoul]

I don´t think romantic love is stronger and more powerful than other kinds of love. What about mother´s love to their kids? Love between sister and brother? Is one type of love superior to others? I don´t believe it is. They are just different.

Exactly! That is what I was trying to say!

[Eci]

Hell, yes! I'm a romantic asexual, but I have never felt as strongly for anyone as I have for my best friend. He is gay and sexual and I'm lesbian and asexual so definitely no romantic feelings there! Yet I feel as if I would do anything for him. He is one of the stone pillars which holds up my world. I could not imagine living without him. He means everything for me. Romantic or otherwise, I have never come close to feeling for another person the strength of what I feel for him. So do not come here and tell me that platonic love can never be as strong as romantic love. If so, then you have simply not met the right friend yet. ;)

I think that our society has put romantic love on a pedestal, while sorta overlooked the strength of platonic love between friends.

[kochouran]

Platonic love can definitely be just as powerful, maybe even more. A lot of times, the guys I get hung up on are ones I wish I could've been better friends with. I might have had a crush on them in the past, but I don't care about the romance anymore (it kind of weirds me out at times thinking about that). However, I lament the loss of an opportunity to develop a deep friendship.

[Guest]

I have such a deep love for my squish (platonic/aromantic love for her)

What is the difference between romantic and platonic love? If it has to do with what we do with a person (are we romantic with them?), that sounds more like the type of relationship (romantic versus platonic), but must that mean we love either romantically or platonically, rather than just simply loving the person? Perhaps there are dimensions to love; what do we love about a person? Too, there seems to be varying depths to our love for different individuals. But I do not know that there is necessarily a difference between romantic and platonic love, but rather a difference in how we love each person that we do.

This.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I apologise if this comes across as condescending, and I know that questioning someone else's orientation is bit of a no-no on AVEN, but....

Honestly, a lot of your posts lately sound like you're experiencing romantic love. At least how I usually understand it to feel. The intensity, the butterflies, etc. I'm struggling to understand why you're so sure that it isn't romantic? Remember, romantic love doesn't necessarily need to be pinned down by any particular action. eg. Exclusivity, sexual desire, etc. So what is your reference point to not seeing your love for your squish as being romantic? Is it a lack of particular actions - such as not wanting to do anything sexual with her? Is it not wanting an exclusive partner type relationship with her? etc.

Just curious, and I can't see an explanation in any of your recent posts. :)

[TheKindredSoul]

I apologise if this comes across as condescending, and I know that questioning someone else's orientation is bit of a no-no on AVEN, but....

Honestly, a lot of your posts lately sound like you're experiencing romantic love. At least how I usually understand it to feel. The intensity, the butterflies, etc. I'm struggling to understand why you're so sure that it isn't romantic? Remember, romantic love doesn't necessarily need to be pinned down by any particular action. eg. Exclusivity, sexual desire, etc. So what is your reference point to not seeing your love for your squish as being romantic? Is it a lack of particular actions - such as not wanting to do anything sexual with her? Is it not wanting an exclusive partner type relationship with her? etc.

Just curious, and I can't see an explanation in any of your recent posts. :)

Trust me, it is not romantic love. I do not want to be romantically involved with someone way older than me, or anyone at all.

I simply want a spiritual relationship with her or a maternal realtionship. My emotions are intense in general, so this squish's intensity is

of no surprise to me really. I do not have a relationship with my mother, so I see this squish as a mother figure.

[Trava u doma]

I have such a deep love for my squish (platonic/aromantic love for her)

What is the difference between romantic and platonic love? If it has to do with what we do with a person (are we romantic with them?), that sounds more like the type of relationship (romantic versus platonic), but must that mean we love either romantically or platonically, rather than just simply loving the person? Perhaps there are dimensions to love; what do we love about a person? Too, there seems to be varying depths to our love for different individuals. But I do not know that there is necessarily a difference between romantic and platonic love, but rather a difference in how we love each person that we do.

This.

Yes.

For me, I see love as a particular set of feelings, caring, concern, certain attachment, etc. "Romantic" or "platonic" seem to me more like modifyers of the kind of relationship we have with the person; but the underlying feeling, "love", is still the same.

Although, I also kinda believe that you can't really love more or less. But that's just my personal "opinion", and perhaps other people feel differently about the matter.

[Eric S]

In my opinion i personally believe it can for me love is love

[Rubber Bullets]

I'll be brief:

HEEELLLLS YESSSSS

[Breeze]

Most people above me have more-or-less said what I planned too. Yes it can.

I love the friendship between Harry and Hermione in the Harry Potter series, especially the books.

I love this scene from the last movie too:

[IvoryKate]

I can't speak for the romantic part, because I've never been "in love" with anyone romantically, but I can safely say that platonic love, in my experience, is extremely powerful. I used to have a best friend, for example, who suddenly wasn't there anymore - a type of "platonic breakup", I guess - and it was horrible, like I had been shot in the heart when she left, and she took a piece of myself with her. That was three years ago, and it's still quite painful if I dwell on it.

This. Exactly. It was two and a half years ago and it was horrible. It actually made me start songwriting because there was no other way to let the emotion out enough. And the songs that I wrote were so full of pain that they could easily be mistaken for romantic breakup songs.

I think that our society has put romantic love on a pedestal, while sorta overlooked the strength of platonic love between friends.

Also this. And that's why you get people who insist that fictional characters like Sherlock and John are gay, when they just have a very deep non-sexual love.

[Kallan]

Ok, I've resisted as long as I can. *grabs soap box*

Platonic love does not mean non-romantic or non-sexual. Platonic relationships refers to the relationship ideal posited by Plato. To Plato relationships should be based upon the emotional and spiritual development of those involved; The form of the relationship is not important. So it is entirely possible to have sexual and romantic platonic relationships.

Given that, true platonic relationships would always be stronger than non Platonic relationships.

*kicks soap box away*

Most of my friendships are Platonic, my romantic relationships in the past have not.

[TheKindredSoul]

Ok, I've resisted as long as I can. *grabs soap box*

Platonic love does not mean non-romantic or non-sexual. Platonic relationships refers to the relationship ideal posited by Plato. To Plato relationships should be based upon the emotional and spiritual development of those involved; The form of the relationship is not important. So it is entirely possible to have sexual and romantic platonic relationships.

Given that, true platonic relationships would always be stronger than non Platonic relationships.

*kicks soap box away*

Most of my friendships are Platonic, my romantic relationships in the past have not.

According to the dictionary, platonic love is about Plato and his ideas, but it does also mean non-sexual love.

[Guest]

Ok, I've resisted as long as I can. *grabs soap box*

Platonic love does not mean non-romantic or non-sexual. Platonic relationships refers to the relationship ideal posited by Plato. To Plato relationships should be based upon the emotional and spiritual development of those involved; The form of the relationship is not important. So it is entirely possible to have sexual and romantic platonic relationships.

Given that, true platonic relationships would always be stronger than non Platonic relationships.

*kicks soap box away*

Most of my friendships are Platonic, my romantic relationships in the past have not.

According to the dictionary, platonic love is about Plato and his ideas, but it does also mean non-sexual love.

Right, under which definition Romantic love can be platonic or it can be sexual. you know the term "bromance"? It describes a platonic, romantic relationship between friends.