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Bye Bye Birdy

Why are there more FtM asexuals than MtF?

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Just a simple question.

FtM asexuals seem to vastly outnumber MtF asexuals, at least here. Also, the only asexual I've met in person is FtM.

Why is that?

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Why do you use abbreviations?? I can't understand them. Sorry!

My apologies!!

FtM -- female to male transgender person

MtF -- male to female transgender person

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My guess would be that it's easier to be out as FtM than MtF. Just by the fact that women wearing men's clothes and generally being masculine is better accepted by society than the other way around. Even if a FtM doesn't pass well, he is probably less likely to get harassed. A MtF who doesn't pass well is quite likely to get a hell of a lot of negative attention.

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I have noticed that there are more female-born people in AVEN, and that there are a number of trans people in AVEN, so perhaps that might help explain why there are more FtM peeps in AVEN? :mellow:

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Another thing I wonder myself is why there aren't many asexuals who are also antisexuals (those who are against sex) on this site.

And a lack of anti sex Aces is a bad thing because...?

Seems like a reasonable explanation to me, Kelly.

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Another thing I wonder myself is why there aren't many asexuals who are also antisexuals (those who are against sex) on this site.

And a lack of anti sex Aces is a bad thing because...?

Because I would be very happy if I found an antisexual partner and the searching of it is really hard.

You'd have better luck if you looked elsewhere.

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Just a simple question.

FtM asexuals seem to vastly outnumber MtF asexuals, at least here. Also, the only asexual I've met in person is FtM.

Why is that?

Statistically, there are more female users on AVEN. So naturally, they outnumber guys in everything here. I didn't do the math, but I would guess that there are also more female demisexuals (or any demographic of choice) here, simply because there are more female users to begin with.

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Even if a FtM doesn't pass well, he is probably less likely to get harassed. A MtF who doesn't pass well is quite likely to get a hell of a lot of negative attention.

If only that were true ... I know several FtMs irl, not least my fiancé, who are harassed on a daily basis when trying to pass; one of the most common insults they experience is to be called lesbian (it is actually alot worse than that, but I will spare you that ...)

Also this is not just confined to AVEN; one of my guilty pleasures is that I frequent Queer Secrets on a daily basis, and I often noticed there are more secrets posted by FtMs then by MtFs ...

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My friend Dave says FTM is the new bisexual, but i'm inclined to doubt this...

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The new bisexual? How could that be? They're separate issues. Bisexuality is a sexual orientation, FTM is a gender identity.

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My friend Dave says FTM is the new bisexual, but i'm inclined to doubt this...

What ... ?? I don't even ... Erm ... I suggest you tell Dave he is wrong on so many levels ...

The new bisexual? How could that be? They're separate issues. Bisexuality is a sexual orientation, FTM is a gender identity.

Indeed so ...

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Apparently it is (was?) cool/trendy/whatever to be bisexual...?

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Since when were sexual orientations and gender identities trendy?

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Why do you use abbreviations?? I can't understand them. Sorry!

My apologies!!

Trans man -- male-identified transgender person

Trans woman -- female-identified transgender person

There. Fixed it for you.

I have noticed that there are more female-born people in AVEN, and that there are a number of trans people in AVEN, so perhaps that might help explain why there are more FtM peeps in AVEN? :mellow:

At the very least, it could suggest places to look: hormonal effects or differences in AFAB or AMAB socialisation spring to mind, but both of those are just guesses.

Statistically, there are more female users on AVEN. So naturally, they outnumber guys in everything here. I didn't do the math, but I would guess that there are also more female demisexuals (or any demographic of choice) here, simply because there are more female users to begin with.

Definitionally, trans men are men. This explanation would hold only if there were more trans women than trans men.

My friend Dave says FTM is the new bisexual, but i'm inclined to doubt this...

I'm inclined to agree that skepticism is appropriate for things your friend Dave says.

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Since when were sexual orientations and gender identities trendy?

Since it's considered sexy for women to be attracted to to other women. I've lost count of the number of girls I went to high school with (and still go to college with) who claim to be bisexual but are actually doing it for the attention and/or to impress a guy. :rolleyes:

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Since when were sexual orientations and gender identities trendy?

Are you new to the internet?

Seriously, certain orientations (most notably bi and pan) and mental illnesses (Asperger's, bipolar) are seen as "trendy" (at least by teenagers).

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I'm gonna go on a limb here and guess that if there are more trans men asexuals than there are trans women, which I don't think there are, that it has to do with their surgeries. Trans women have very effective surgeries that allow for functional genitals that allow for pleasurable sex and even orgasms. Trans men's surgeries are about 3 times as expensive, less effective, and non-orgasmic. So in essence, they're not really asexual, they're celibate. They can't afford surgeries or they decide not to get them because of how non-functional they are, but at the same time are so repulsed by their genitals as to be anti-sexual.

Asexuality is more than just celibacy. I'm asexual, and even post-op, I expect to remain as such, though I may at that point enjoy sex with my sexual partners. It's probably that distinction between asexual and celibate that makes all the difference, and there's more celibate trans men than there are celibate trans women. Just my guess though as a trans woman.

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Since when were sexual orientations and gender identities trendy?

Are you new to the internet?

Depends on what you consider 'new to the internet'. As I've been on the internet for at least 13 years, most of that was spent in chatrooms, taking personality quizzes, reading stuff on religion and politics etc etc. And that was during my teen years.

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SleepIncarnate: you're probably right.

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Since when were sexual orientations and gender identities trendy?

Are you new to the internet?

Depends on what you consider 'new to the internet'. As I've been on the internet for at least 13 years, most of that was spent in chatrooms, taking personality quizzes, reading stuff on religion and politics etc etc. And that was during my teen years.

Except for maybe chatrooms (depending what kind and subject), you mostly avoided the gathering points of teenagers then. Religion and politics in particular aren't things kids seek out online, and taking quizzes and reading stuff doesn't imply interaction with other users.

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I would like to point out one detail: being asexual isn't about not being able to have an orgasm, it's about the (lack of) attraction.

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I would like to point out one detail: being asexual isn't about not being able to have an orgasm, it's about the (lack of) attraction.

Yes, but it can also be about the lack of desire for sex. And that's the point I'm making. Just because someone is celibate (i.e. desires sex and/or has physical attractions to other people, but does not have sex for one reason or another) does not make them asexual. I know lots of trans men who are attracted to people of either (or both) sexes and want sex, but struggle to find ways to make actual sex work due to the configuration they have, and thus are celibate. I on the other hand have no physical attractions and no desire for sex (not even back when I had a libido due to testosterone), but am capable of enjoying intercourse with a sexual partner so long as my genitals aren't involved (i.e. with me giving oral and/or receiving anal), and post-op and healing, the genitals may become an open field, but I still won't have those attractions or desires.

A priest who takes a vow of celibacy is not asexual; he still has desires but chooses not to act on them. A sexual offender who has hormonal castration and is incapable of having sex or orgasming is not suddenly asexual, they still have desires but are incapable of acting on them. A trans man who chooses not to have sex either because his genitals feel wrong or because his post-op genitals aren't properly functional is also not asexual, merely celibate. It's all about desire.

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SleepIncarnate: You meant that if there are more FtM:s who call themselves asexual, not all of them are asexual, but some are celibate - right?

I'm not the one to judge anybody's orientation and I don't think you really want to do that either, but still... That could hold some truth.

I also suspect that bad sexual experiences (such as having the wrong body parts) can lower your desire for sex and your feelings of attraction towards other people, thus making you feel asexual.

I don't mean ace transsexuals and victims of sexual harassment are "not really" ace and should be "cured" - absolutely not! Several of them might have been asexual anyway, and we don't know who. And even if your asexuality is the result of bad experience, it might still be what works best for you. We can't erase our experiences, can we. Sex is not TheMostImportantThingInLife and if you don't want it, for whatever reason, that's ok.

If I had had a standard male body (I'm FtM), I'd still be less sexual than most people, but maybe I'd be more sexual than I am now. I don't know. I don't have the experience of liking my body, so I don't know how I'd feel about sex if I did.

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SleepIncarnate: You meant that if there are more FtM:s who call themselves asexual, not all of them are asexual, but some are celibate - right?

Yes and no. Let me give an example. My current partner identifies as a celibate bisexual, and still has physical desires and acts on them solo, but she tells others that she's asexual to make it easier for them to understand. Yeah, I know, asexual being the easier to understand thing is funny, but considering she's a manager at a local fetish club, it's easier to explain than being celibate and working there. There may be guys who choose to be celibate because of their genitals, but tell others that they're asexual to avoid uncomfortable probing that could reveal them as trans. Or others see them being celibate and make the leap to asexual because of our increased visibility lately, despite the guy having physical attractions.

Let me put it another way. A "stone" lesbian is one who enjoys pleasuring her partner but does not want sexual stimulation of her own body. Just because she doesn't like having herself touched in that way, does that invalidate her attractions? Is she suddenly a homoromantic asexual? No, she's still a lesbian, and still enjoys sex with other women, just in a non-traditional manner.

The fact is that human sexuality and gender are so incredibly diverse that no two people are alike, and the labels we use are just that, a means to help us categorize people so that we can better understand and comprehend them. I'm an asexual femme panromantic trans lesbian (i.e. panromantic asexual trans woman with heavy homoromantic leanings, or a homoflexible asexual male-to-female transsexual, or a celibate stone bisexual, or...), and however I choose to identify, there are other ways I can be identified by others, or even myself as I just showed. How others label me does not mean they know who and what I am, and sometimes I may use the wrong labels, at least compared to how others use them.

So, are there more asexual trans men than asexual trans women? I doubt it. Is every trans man who identifies as or is read as asexual actually asexual? Probably not, but it's not my place, or the place of others, to speak for them.

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Since when was teenage onset bipolar trendy? And Aspergers? (I was OFFICIALLY MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED with both).

The trendy thing to do as a teen is to reject labels entirely, a moronic attitude.

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