Jump to content


Photo

Asexual personality?


  • Please log in to reply
65 replies to this topic

#1 DangerousD

DangerousD

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • 8 posts
  • A/Sexuality:gray a

Posted 23 May 2012 - 05:31 AM

I was just wondering; typically, hetero men and women have a certain way of acting as well as gays and lesbians. Do you think asexuality can effect a personality as well? My two best friends are on the asexual spectrum and we figured this out after we already were friends so I was wondering if there is a sort of personality that drew us to each other. Anyone have any thoughts on this or have also been drawn to people who you later find out are also ace?

#2 improbability

improbability

    Amoeba

  • AVEN Members
  • 55 posts
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual heteroromantic (with a side of bicurious/poly)

Posted 23 May 2012 - 05:48 AM

I think the idea that people of a certain sexual orientation have certain personality traits is bunk. Yeah, there are stereotypes, but that doesn't mean that everyone conforms to them. Glad you have some ace friends, though.

#3 Sally

Sally

    Space Ace

  • AVEN Members
  • 23,233 posts
  • Location:Seattle
  • A/Sexuality:old asexual

Posted 23 May 2012 - 05:52 AM

I was just wondering; typically, hetero men and women have a certain way of acting as well as gays and lesbians.


Not really. Orientation doesn't determine your personality. Think about all the people you've known (other than the two friends you say are asexual): do they all have the same personality? Do members of your family all have the same personality? Your teachers? Your classmates? All those people are likely to be either heterosexual or homosexual or asexual. Can you really tell what they are from their personalities?

I don't do PMs -- everything I want to say is in my posts where everyone can read them.    ;) 


#4 The Great WTF

The Great WTF

    Causer of horrible fairy genocides

  • Moderators
  • 5,669 posts
  • Gender:Tomboy
  • Location:Buried in a pile of plot bunnies
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual

Posted 23 May 2012 - 05:52 AM

Last I checked, no sexuality has a definitive personality type. They have stereotypes, such as gay men being queeny/dramatic/colorful and lesbians being feminists, but I've never seen any evidence of specific personality types arising among sexualities. I doubt you'll find a good basis to find a "type" for asexuality on AVEN, either, particularly because a good portion of our membership is high school and college age with very little adult representation. I think I can count the number of active over-30 members without taking off my shoes.

Las Vegas now has a weekly asexual group! Whether you live in the area or are just passing through, please feel free to stop in and say hi!

 

We invite you to join the A/Sexy Tango, aka The Great WTF's asexual/sexual relationship blog. Warning: Snark ahead.


#5 Sally

Sally

    Space Ace

  • AVEN Members
  • 23,233 posts
  • Location:Seattle
  • A/Sexuality:old asexual

Posted 23 May 2012 - 05:55 AM

Last I checked, no sexuality has a definitive personality type. They have stereotypes, such as gay men being queeny/dramatic/colorful and lesbians being feminists, but I've never seen any evidence of specific personality types arising among sexualities. I doubt you'll find a good basis to find a "type" for asexuality on AVEN, either, particularly because a good portion of our membership is high school and college age with very little adult representation. I think I can count the number of active over-30 members without taking off my shoes.


Well, maybe you'd have to take at least one shoe off.

I don't do PMs -- everything I want to say is in my posts where everyone can read them.    ;) 


#6 The Great WTF

The Great WTF

    Causer of horrible fairy genocides

  • Moderators
  • 5,669 posts
  • Gender:Tomboy
  • Location:Buried in a pile of plot bunnies
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual

Posted 23 May 2012 - 05:56 AM


Last I checked, no sexuality has a definitive personality type. They have stereotypes, such as gay men being queeny/dramatic/colorful and lesbians being feminists, but I've never seen any evidence of specific personality types arising among sexualities. I doubt you'll find a good basis to find a "type" for asexuality on AVEN, either, particularly because a good portion of our membership is high school and college age with very little adult representation. I think I can count the number of active over-30 members without taking off my shoes.


Well, maybe you'd have to take at least one shoe off.

True. I don't venture into the Older forum much unless it's the primary 30something thread, so I probably can't give a good headcount.

Las Vegas now has a weekly asexual group! Whether you live in the area or are just passing through, please feel free to stop in and say hi!

 

We invite you to join the A/Sexy Tango, aka The Great WTF's asexual/sexual relationship blog. Warning: Snark ahead.


#7 DangerousD

DangerousD

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • 8 posts
  • A/Sexuality:gray a

Posted 23 May 2012 - 06:35 AM


I was just wondering; typically, hetero men and women have a certain way of acting as well as gays and lesbians.


Not really. Orientation doesn't determine your personality. Think about all the people you've known (other than the two friends you say are asexual): do they all have the same personality? Do members of your family all have the same personality? Your teachers? Your classmates? All those people are likely to be either heterosexual or homosexual or asexual. Can you really tell what they are from their personalities?


there are masculine and feminine personality traits. women tend to use communication to connect to each other where as men tend to use it to show dominance<- one example. Ofcourse it doesn't determine your personality but it effects it often. You don't have to be a "cookie cutter" to be more of a feminine personality or more of a masculine personality. I know a lot of different unique people but the hetero guys i know are more similar to each other than to the homo guys i know and same with he hetero gals and the homo gals.

#8 The Great WTF

The Great WTF

    Causer of horrible fairy genocides

  • Moderators
  • 5,669 posts
  • Gender:Tomboy
  • Location:Buried in a pile of plot bunnies
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual

Posted 23 May 2012 - 07:24 AM



I was just wondering; typically, hetero men and women have a certain way of acting as well as gays and lesbians.


Not really. Orientation doesn't determine your personality. Think about all the people you've known (other than the two friends you say are asexual): do they all have the same personality? Do members of your family all have the same personality? Your teachers? Your classmates? All those people are likely to be either heterosexual or homosexual or asexual. Can you really tell what they are from their personalities?


there are masculine and feminine personality traits. women tend to use communication to connect to each other where as men tend to use it to show dominance<- one example. Ofcourse it doesn't determine your personality but it effects it often. You don't have to be a "cookie cutter" to be more of a feminine personality or more of a masculine personality. I know a lot of different unique people but the hetero guys i know are more similar to each other than to the homo guys i know and same with he hetero gals and the homo gals.

I think that is a massive over-simplification. The traits you're describing are just as often a product of environment and social situation as they are actual personality traits. There's also an annoying "herd" mentality a lot of people tend towards, where their individual traits, likes, dislikes, or quirks tend to get lost in a large group. They feed off of each other and become more similar while they're together because it's easier to get along that way.

Las Vegas now has a weekly asexual group! Whether you live in the area or are just passing through, please feel free to stop in and say hi!

 

We invite you to join the A/Sexy Tango, aka The Great WTF's asexual/sexual relationship blog. Warning: Snark ahead.


#9 DangerousD

DangerousD

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • 8 posts
  • A/Sexuality:gray a

Posted 23 May 2012 - 08:01 AM




I was just wondering; typically, hetero men and women have a certain way of acting as well as gays and lesbians.


Not really. Orientation doesn't determine your personality. Think about all the people you've known (other than the two friends you say are asexual): do they all have the same personality? Do members of your family all have the same personality? Your teachers? Your classmates? All those people are likely to be either heterosexual or homosexual or asexual. Can you really tell what they are from their personalities?


there are masculine and feminine personality traits. women tend to use communication to connect to each other where as men tend to use it to show dominance<- one example. Ofcourse it doesn't determine your personality but it effects it often. You don't have to be a "cookie cutter" to be more of a feminine personality or more of a masculine personality. I know a lot of different unique people but the hetero guys i know are more similar to each other than to the homo guys i know and same with he hetero gals and the homo gals.

I think that is a massive over-simplification. The traits you're describing are just as often a product of environment and social situation as they are actual personality traits. There's also an annoying "herd" mentality a lot of people tend towards, where their individual traits, likes, dislikes, or quirks tend to get lost in a large group. They feed off of each other and become more similar while they're together because it's easier to get along that way.



How are personality traits that are a product of environment not actual personality traits?

#10 The Great WTF

The Great WTF

    Causer of horrible fairy genocides

  • Moderators
  • 5,669 posts
  • Gender:Tomboy
  • Location:Buried in a pile of plot bunnies
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual

Posted 23 May 2012 - 08:04 AM





I was just wondering; typically, hetero men and women have a certain way of acting as well as gays and lesbians.


Not really. Orientation doesn't determine your personality. Think about all the people you've known (other than the two friends you say are asexual): do they all have the same personality? Do members of your family all have the same personality? Your teachers? Your classmates? All those people are likely to be either heterosexual or homosexual or asexual. Can you really tell what they are from their personalities?


there are masculine and feminine personality traits. women tend to use communication to connect to each other where as men tend to use it to show dominance<- one example. Ofcourse it doesn't determine your personality but it effects it often. You don't have to be a "cookie cutter" to be more of a feminine personality or more of a masculine personality. I know a lot of different unique people but the hetero guys i know are more similar to each other than to the homo guys i know and same with he hetero gals and the homo gals.

I think that is a massive over-simplification. The traits you're describing are just as often a product of environment and social situation as they are actual personality traits. There's also an annoying "herd" mentality a lot of people tend towards, where their individual traits, likes, dislikes, or quirks tend to get lost in a large group. They feed off of each other and become more similar while they're together because it's easier to get along that way.



How are personality traits that are a product of environment not actual personality traits?

Oops. Bad phrasing. I meant to say that they're not inherent personality traits, ones that arise for reasons such as genetics or just general mental development. One day I will learn not to try to type anything logical when I've been up for 48 hours straight.

Las Vegas now has a weekly asexual group! Whether you live in the area or are just passing through, please feel free to stop in and say hi!

 

We invite you to join the A/Sexy Tango, aka The Great WTF's asexual/sexual relationship blog. Warning: Snark ahead.


#11 Kai99

Kai99

    Amoeba Colony

  • AVEN Members
  • 117 posts

Posted 23 May 2012 - 12:59 PM

Stereotypes are stereotypes beause there is truth behind it. As much as some people don't like to admit it, many gay people do have a very similar build and physic that you can tell right away if they are gay or not. Of course there are exceptions though. It reminds me of a Tyra Banks episode where she had a group of gay and straight men sitting line up in role and she ask the audience to point out who they think is gay or not. The audience were 100% correct on appearance who they believed were gay, and Tyra was disappointed beause she wanted to show how people could not just by looking whether or not somebody is gay. If there is some correlation with appearance, why not certain traits? I'm not saying that personailty is all genetic, but I do think genetics have some affeect on it.

I've also been looking for a geneneral asexy personailty, mostly to see whether or not that, if I ever meet an asexual, I would be able to tell. One thing I have notice, just by looking at asexuals in various videos, is that many asexuals have a very, very calm like demeanor. They send off a vibe of complete disinterest. Maybe it is the absence of the sexual pursuit that we lack, but it looks like we really don't give a f**k, honestly (hate to curse but that is the only word to best fit that discription). I also think that asexuals, overall, are less comformist and more likely to be outside th social norm. What I meant about that is, while there are people who actively try their best to be outside the box, asexuals are just naturally out there, they don't need to try, they just are. Those are just a view I can think of at the moment.

To the OP, you got to ask yourself what made you three come together and socialize in the first place. I don't think it was just coincidence that you three got together.

#12 Whofan York

Whofan York

    A-Mazing

  • AVEN Members
  • 74 posts
  • Location:York
  • A/Sexuality:asexual

Posted 23 May 2012 - 07:14 PM

Hate to play devil's advocate (again) but I think both arguments are right. A bit. The stereotypes arise because there are enough examples of people that conform to carry the image across. It doesn't even have to be a lot of the group that does meet the stereotype, just enough to notice.

I've also been looking for a geneneral asexy personailty, mostly to see whether or not that, if I ever meet an asexual, I would be able to tell. One thing I have notice, just by looking at asexuals in various videos, is that many asexuals have a very, very calm like demeanor. They send off a vibe of complete disinterest. Maybe it is the absence of the sexual pursuit that we lack, but it looks like we really don't give a f**k, honestly (hate to curse but that is the only word to best fit that discription). I also think that asexuals, overall, are less comformist and more likely to be outside th social norm. What I meant about that is, while there are people who actively try their best to be outside the box, asexuals are just naturally out there, they don't need to try, they just are. Those are just a view I can think of at the moment.


I've been called 'weird' for as long as I can remember. The asexual personality description seems to fit me. It probably fits a lot of our other members too, in their own minds at least. If you are the one reading the description you can pull examples out of your own memory that fit the words, but even your own mum might not agree. That's why horoscopes seem to work, people make them fit.

On the other hand, maybe there's some truth in it. I've never knowingly met an asexual but I'm going to get to a meet-up this weekend. I'll certainly have this in mind!
'Brainy is the new sexy' - BBC's Sherlock

'Mystic alien swords are commonplace, but Aces are rare.' Seventh Doctor, in 'Battlefield'

#13 The Great WTF

The Great WTF

    Causer of horrible fairy genocides

  • Moderators
  • 5,669 posts
  • Gender:Tomboy
  • Location:Buried in a pile of plot bunnies
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual

Posted 23 May 2012 - 07:28 PM

Hate to play devil's advocate (again) but I think both arguments are right. A bit. The stereotypes arise because there are enough examples of people that conform to carry the image across. It doesn't even have to be a lot of the group that does meet the stereotype, just enough to notice.

Stereotypes often come from the more... obvious? vocal? loud? generally noticeable members of a community. Take, for example, religious fundies. Even though I have experience with more of the understated, mellow religious people in my community, someone brings up Mormons around me and the first thing I think of is my boyfriend's batshit crazy grandmother who thinks I'm a devil-worshiping heathen because I'm asexual and don't want children. If I hear Christian, I tend to think of the over-zealous lunatics that want to take away my rights to my own body, ban some of my dearest friends from getting married, and make me subservient to my boyfriend, not the loving, even-tempered people I interact with daily. The stereotypes come from people who stand out and make a fuss.

In the same sense, I have a lot of gay friends. Most are noticeably not-gay, as far as stereotypes go, but the first person I think of when I hear gay is the big, loud, flamboyant spaz friend who is constantly yelling at me for not acting feminine enough.

Las Vegas now has a weekly asexual group! Whether you live in the area or are just passing through, please feel free to stop in and say hi!

 

We invite you to join the A/Sexy Tango, aka The Great WTF's asexual/sexual relationship blog. Warning: Snark ahead.


#14 Reptillian

Reptillian

    Aeros Incarnate

  • AVEN Members
  • 2,141 posts
  • Gender:Bio-male / Igender / Cis-Genderless / Cissexual
  • A/Sexuality:Hetero-autochorissexual

Posted 23 May 2012 - 08:02 PM

I've also been looking for a geneneral asexy personailty, mostly to see whether or not that, if I ever meet an asexual, I would be able to tell.


If we ever meet someday, you're not going to tell I'm an asexual or not (especially around pretty formed women). Just because I look and find myself look sexually interested doesn't mean I want to do them.

Terminologies into my profile
...
Igender : The identity in which one takes the position of the worldview that people generally assumes too much about gender and gender is not coherently defined.

Cis-genderless : The perspective in which one has no gender mentality although does identity with his own sex as if one identifies with it by default.

Igsexual : The identity in which one takes the position of the worldview that sexual attraction is not coherently defined and cannot identity within a sexual identity unless a reference point of what's sexual attraction has been coherently defined.

 

Autochorissexual (Term coined by Anthony F. Bogaert) : The state of being in which one experiences sexual arousal from sensory stimulis and generally needs to take care of the deed by self, but does not experience the inherent needs to engage into partnered sex.

...


#15 5_♦♣

5_♦♣

    Asexy & Precise Timenerd

  • AVEN Members
  • 23,122 posts
  • Gender:Woman
  • A/Sexuality:Polyamorous hetero A

Posted 23 May 2012 - 08:13 PM

"many gay people do have a very similar build and physic that you can tell right away if they are gay or not".

Perhaps I shouldn't really say anything about this as I know very few gay people. However, there was one guy I went to high school with, never even so much as suspected that he was gay and I still wouldn't today, if I hadn't found out from a friend that he is, in fact gay. And he has quite a different build from another guy I went to high school with that people kept telling me was gay.

For cars she couldn't care less. Fastidious and precise-Queen.  

 

"Without death all we have are random events, accumlation. You can't call that life"-CC.

 

Also known as: 5DC, 5, DC, DCC, Diamond(s), Club(s), CC, C2, CCCD, CD, CoD, 5d, 5oD, Clubsie, Clubbles.

 

Call me Cookie and you die-Me paraphrasing Dot somewhat.

 


#16 PiF

PiF

    Asexy Authoritay!

  • Banned
  • 7,138 posts

Posted 23 May 2012 - 08:40 PM

I suspect this is wandering down the road of the question "Is there such a thing as Aydar" The simple answer is no. I hope that helps.
I am a vapid sod.... Apparently... Sounds kinda kinky

#17 Ravako

Ravako

    Drunken Feline

  • AVEN Members
  • 693 posts
  • A/Sexuality:asexual

Posted 23 May 2012 - 08:45 PM

I was just wondering; typically, hetero men and women have a certain way of acting as well as gays and lesbians. Do you think asexuality can effect a personality as well? My two best friends are on the asexual spectrum and we figured this out after we already were friends so I was wondering if there is a sort of personality that drew us to each other. Anyone have any thoughts on this or have also been drawn to people who you later find out are also ace?

People don't go in singular boxes. Not even sexuality is a singular box people can fit in to and stay in. People aren't easy to categorize, label, and list. Not even race is that easy to do, considering world history.
In other words, no. Asexuals don't have a definitive personality type. You could probably go into the chat and figure that out pretty quickly, though. >.>

#18 Kai99

Kai99

    Amoeba Colony

  • AVEN Members
  • 117 posts

Posted 23 May 2012 - 09:51 PM

"many gay people do have a very similar build and physic that you can tell right away if they are gay or not".

Perhaps I shouldn't really say anything about this as I know very few gay people. However, there was one guy I went to high school with, never even so much as suspected that he was gay and I still wouldn't today, if I hadn't found out from a friend that he is, in fact gay. And he has quite a different build from another guy I went to high school with that people kept telling me was gay.


I've been surprise as well. I'm not saying all gay men have a similar build, but many of them do.

I've been called 'weird' for as long as I can remember. The asexual personality description seems to fit me. It probably fits a lot of our other members too, in their own minds at least. If you are the one reading the description you can pull examples out of your own memory that fit the words, but even your own mum might not agree. That's why horoscopes seem to work, people make them fit.

On the other hand, maybe there's some truth in it. I've never knowingly met an asexual but I'm going to get to a meet-up this weekend. I'll certainly have this in mind!


Same here. I've been called weird by not just my family members, but my friends as well. Its funny, but whenever I ask what is so weird about me, they say it something they can't put into words. Tell us about the meet up when you go!


About asexuals recognizing other asexuals. Actually, I do have an example of that. I had became a huge fan of Michael Jackson, as person, after he passed away( I was curious who the man behind the mask was, so I read up and watch his interviews). He was the fist person I truly became a fan of because the things I've seen and heard of him. Something about his personailty and his view on life I couldnt help but relate to. Keep in mind, this was long before I discovered my aceness.

Now, I know there are lot of controversey on this guy with the alledge child abuse cases, but don't look at that and read his views on love and sex. He shares a very asexual view on it, being that he never understood sex as the ultimate expression of love, and also he preferred holding the hands of his wife( at that time) than he ever did making out with her. He also express some sex repulsion when he describe once going out on the date with Madonna and being utterly turn off by her overly sexual nature. I didn't learn his view on sex until very recently, actually a couple of months ago, a couple of months ahead of my discovering asexuality. It is interesting that, even if I didn't know his views on sex, something about him just related so much to me it is crazy. It was his overall personilty that I related to. Here on Aven I can relate to so many people, something that I've never had before. I've been on other forums that shared my interest, like dog forums, anime, harry potter forums, and we are bascally like family on those forums. None of those forums, however, ever came close to how much I relate to people here.

No group is just one personailty, of course. I do think your sexual orientation does have some affect on your personailty, however.

One of my favorite videos of Michael.


#19 DangerousD

DangerousD

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • 8 posts
  • A/Sexuality:gray a

Posted 24 May 2012 - 01:49 AM

Same here. I've been called weird by not just my family members, but my friends as well. Its funny, but whenever I ask what is so weird about me, they say it something they can't put into words. Tell us about the meet up when you go!


About asexuals recognizing other asexuals. Actually, I do have an example of that. I had became a huge fan of Michael Jackson, as person, after he passed away( I was curious who the man behind the mask was, so I read up and watch his interviews). He was the fist person I truly became a fan of because the things I've seen and heard of him. Something about his personailty and his view on life I couldnt help but relate to. Keep in mind, this was long before I discovered my aceness.

Now, I know there are lot of controversey on this guy with the alledge child abuse cases, but don't look at that and read his views on love and sex. He shares a very asexual view on it, being that he never understood sex as the ultimate expression of love, and also he preferred holding the hands of his wife( at that time) than he ever did making out with her. He also express some sex repulsion when he describe once going out on the date with Madonna and being utterly turn off by her overly sexual nature. I didn't learn his view on sex until very recently, actually a couple of months ago, a couple of months ahead of my discovering asexuality. It is interesting that, even if I didn't know his views on sex, something about him just related so much to me it is crazy. It was his overall personilty that I related to. Here on Aven I can relate to so many people, something that I've never had before. I've been on other forums that shared my interest, like dog forums, anime, harry potter forums, and we are bascally like family on those forums. None of those forums, however, ever came close to how much I relate to people here.

No group is just one personailty, of course. I do think your sexual orientation does have some affect on your personailty, however.

One of my favorite videos of Michael.


people also consider me weird. Thinking about Michael Jackson, he was very into childhood, and now that I think about it i can see how he might have crossed boundaries with some children but meaning it in a non-sexual , childlike way, and then it was misinterpreted as sexual. This kind of stuff happens to me all the time, like where I make a comment or do something that's meant to be silly and people think I'm being sexual and coming on to them. Maybe we're just less attached to any certain label and so we're "weirder" and more childlike?

#20 thylacine

thylacine

    Asexy Authoritay!

  • AVEN Members
  • 7,169 posts
  • Location:the suburbs
  • A/Sexuality:Go away. Don't want any.

Posted 24 May 2012 - 01:15 PM

Okay... nobody jump on me, okay?

Many years ago, I used to think that orientation did not determine someone's personality, but after all I've seen in life, now I do...

All of the gay guys I have known were very nice, friendly, thoughtful, polite, creative, yeah, okay, they were what we would call "effeminate." They dress well, and wear things that match.

Most of the lesbians I have known have been people with serious anger management issues, explosive tempers, and seem to have a "chip on their shoulder" thing going on... sort of what you expect of a guy. And sorry again, but I have to say it, they don't dress very well. I knew one who wore men's shirts and sweaters all the time. Well, they fit her, because she was built like a football player.

Sorry, but that's how I've seen it.

Is there an asexual personality type? That's quite possible. But we're only 1% of the population, so it's hard to tell.

But aren't there a lot of us who:

1. Like to read? You know... I mean, actual books!
2. Like intellectual things?
3. Own cats?
4. Watch Dr. Who?

Okay... come on. Admit it, people!

Turn away from the computer screen for a minute. Look around the room. How many cats can you count?
"War! What is it good for? Absolutely nuthin!"

#21 Philip027

Philip027

    AVENator

  • AVEN Members
  • 3,520 posts
  • Gender:Male-bodied, probably agendered
  • Pronouns:Anything, really
  • Location:Hawaii
  • A/Sexuality:Nonlibidoist demiheteromantic asexual

Posted 24 May 2012 - 01:33 PM

Stereotypes are stereotypes beause there is truth behind it. As much as some people don't like to admit it, many gay people do have a very similar build and physic that you can tell right away if they are gay or not. Of course there are exceptions though. It reminds me of a Tyra Banks episode where she had a group of gay and straight men sitting line up in role and she ask the audience to point out who they think is gay or not. The audience were 100% correct on appearance who they believed were gay, and Tyra was disappointed beause she wanted to show how people could not just by looking whether or not somebody is gay. If there is some correlation with appearance, why not certain traits? I'm not saying that personailty is all genetic, but I do think genetics have some affeect on it.


Bingo

I can never tell (unless they directly point it out somehow) if someone is gay, but that's mainly because I just don't care.

My mom is the type of person that, while driving a car or something, she'll point out some seemingly random person on the sidewalk and comment how he/she is gay, due to the way they're walking or dressed. She's not a homophobe or anything, but I'll never understand why she gets the compulsion to point that kind of thing out, regardless of whether or not she's actually right.

But aren't there a lot of us who:

1. Like to read? You know... I mean, actual books!
2. Like intellectual things?
3. Own cats?
4. Watch Dr. Who?


Well, for me, I only fall under #2 >_>

There's a couple of cats in the house, but they're due to my mom. If it was up to me, I wouldn't have any pets around. If it was up to her and if she was able to manage one, she'd keep a zoo in here.
Posted Image

#22 Flour Confessor

Flour Confessor

    Asexy A-postle

  • AVEN Members
  • 535 posts

Posted 24 May 2012 - 03:02 PM

The "asexuals on the internet" stereotype is Dr. Who, anime, cats, books, video games, introversion, and tea. I think the key words here are "on the internet," though. I can name off about ten different people I work with who do/like/are all these things, and they're not asexual at all—just internet geeks.

#23 Vampyremage

Vampyremage

    A-Grade AVENite

  • AVEN Members
  • 4,730 posts
  • Gender:Agender prefer they/them
  • Location:Vancouver, Canada
  • A/Sexuality:Panromantic

Posted 24 May 2012 - 04:36 PM

Stereotypes are usually there for a reason. That is to say, there are usually enough people with enough similarities in a given group of people, that a stereotype is born. However, it is important to keep aware that even though one segment of a given group might have a certain stereotyped behaviour as true, that does not mean that all or even most within that group hold that trait or traits. To pull from an example used earlier in the thread, I've known gay guys who were the stereotypical fashionable, skinny, over the top effeminate guys and I've known gay guys who you would never know were gay until you actually talked to them and they told you for themselves.

I think the same can be said of asexuals. Although there may be some traits that show up more often than in the general public, I don't think you can extend those traits sufficiently to have an 'asexual personality'.
Shiny new blog I've started.
Musings and Rantings of Vampyremage

#24 Kai99

Kai99

    Amoeba Colony

  • AVEN Members
  • 117 posts

Posted 24 May 2012 - 07:47 PM



Same here. I've been called weird by not just my family members, but my friends as well. Its funny, but whenever I ask what is so weird about me, they say it something they can't put into words. Tell us about the meet up when you go!


About asexuals recognizing other asexuals. Actually, I do have an example of that. I had became a huge fan of Michael Jackson, as person, after he passed away( I was curious who the man behind the mask was, so I read up and watch his interviews). He was the fist person I truly became a fan of because the things I've seen and heard of him. Something about his personailty and his view on life I couldnt help but relate to. Keep in mind, this was long before I discovered my aceness.

Now, I know there are lot of controversey on this guy with the alledge child abuse cases, but don't look at that and read his views on love and sex. He shares a very asexual view on it, being that he never understood sex as the ultimate expression of love, and also he preferred holding the hands of his wife( at that time) than he ever did making out with her. He also express some sex repulsion when he describe once going out on the date with Madonna and being utterly turn off by her overly sexual nature. I didn't learn his view on sex until very recently, actually a couple of months ago, a couple of months ahead of my discovering asexuality. It is interesting that, even if I didn't know his views on sex, something about him just related so much to me it is crazy. It was his overall personilty that I related to. Here on Aven I can relate to so many people, something that I've never had before. I've been on other forums that shared my interest, like dog forums, anime, harry potter forums, and we are bascally like family on those forums. None of those forums, however, ever came close to how much I relate to people here.

No group is just one personailty, of course. I do think your sexual orientation does have some affect on your personailty, however.

One of my favorite videos of Michael.


people also consider me weird. Thinking about Michael Jackson, he was very into childhood, and now that I think about it i can see how he might have crossed boundaries with some children but meaning it in a non-sexual , childlike way, and then it was misinterpreted as sexual. This kind of stuff happens to me all the time, like where I make a comment or do something that's meant to be silly and people think I'm being sexual and coming on to them. Maybe we're just less attached to any certain label and so we're "weirder" and more childlike?


Good point. I believe that missing sexual attraction is what sends off the weird vibes. That lack of sexual attraction for some reason or another, made sex somewhat meaningless to asexuals. We don't need it or value it, and even if we do get it, we don't see it the same way sexuals do. I think asexuals are more likely to be "content", which is probably why we appear so calm. To sexuals, sex is much more than just a pleasurable activity. Sex is connected to their emotional well being. Not getting sex, or without sex for too long, many sexuals would become irritated, depress, they feel a lack of self worth, many are more easily angered, and if they have a partner, they feel a disconnect when not getting any. This need for sex is what drive so many sexuals into relationships or the relentless pursuit for just sex. Its that sexual drive that distingushies adults from children. Children don't feel sexual attraction either, and they are often seen appearing carefree. Asexuals never develope that sexual attraction, so they appear to be "childlike." My brother tells me he has a hard time seeing me as an adult, though I act much more adult than most people my age.

I believe that asexuals are diffinitly more likely to have pets. Since we don't need sex, and some even avoid it, having a close relationship with something that wont ask for sex from us and you can love and be love in return freely and live together is a huge plus. Asexuals, overall, urge for that pure love. Cuddles, kisses, having fun together with no risk of sex in sight. Living alone isn't so lonely if you have a furry companionby by your side. Of course not all animal lovers are asexuals and not all asexuals have pets, but I think we are more likely to have them.

I also think that asexuals have the ability to become the best in there craft. We might not all be creative, have a love for knowledge, or have many talents, but the asexuals who do diffinitly have an advantage. I have read many posts by highly intelligent or creative sexuals who still became distracted by their sexual attractions that they have to fulfill. Michael Jackson became the most famous of his brothers and ended up changing music as we know it. His focus was completely on music, while his brothers were busy trying to sleep with groupies. Isaac Newton was also asexual and he change science as we know. J. M. Barrie wrote some of the best plays and and the ever famous peter pan. I think we focus on our interest way more than most, whether it is pets, games, drawing, painting, etc.

#25 The Great WTF

The Great WTF

    Causer of horrible fairy genocides

  • Moderators
  • 5,669 posts
  • Gender:Tomboy
  • Location:Buried in a pile of plot bunnies
  • A/Sexuality:Asexual

Posted 24 May 2012 - 08:18 PM




Same here. I've been called weird by not just my family members, but my friends as well. Its funny, but whenever I ask what is so weird about me, they say it something they can't put into words. Tell us about the meet up when you go!


About asexuals recognizing other asexuals. Actually, I do have an example of that. I had became a huge fan of Michael Jackson, as person, after he passed away( I was curious who the man behind the mask was, so I read up and watch his interviews). He was the fist person I truly became a fan of because the things I've seen and heard of him. Something about his personailty and his view on life I couldnt help but relate to. Keep in mind, this was long before I discovered my aceness.

Now, I know there are lot of controversey on this guy with the alledge child abuse cases, but don't look at that and read his views on love and sex. He shares a very asexual view on it, being that he never understood sex as the ultimate expression of love, and also he preferred holding the hands of his wife( at that time) than he ever did making out with her. He also express some sex repulsion when he describe once going out on the date with Madonna and being utterly turn off by her overly sexual nature. I didn't learn his view on sex until very recently, actually a couple of months ago, a couple of months ahead of my discovering asexuality. It is interesting that, even if I didn't know his views on sex, something about him just related so much to me it is crazy. It was his overall personilty that I related to. Here on Aven I can relate to so many people, something that I've never had before. I've been on other forums that shared my interest, like dog forums, anime, harry potter forums, and we are bascally like family on those forums. None of those forums, however, ever came close to how much I relate to people here.

No group is just one personailty, of course. I do think your sexual orientation does have some affect on your personailty, however.

One of my favorite videos of Michael.


people also consider me weird. Thinking about Michael Jackson, he was very into childhood, and now that I think about it i can see how he might have crossed boundaries with some children but meaning it in a non-sexual , childlike way, and then it was misinterpreted as sexual. This kind of stuff happens to me all the time, like where I make a comment or do something that's meant to be silly and people think I'm being sexual and coming on to them. Maybe we're just less attached to any certain label and so we're "weirder" and more childlike?


Good point. I believe that missing sexual attraction is what sends off the weird vibes. That lack of sexual attraction for some reason or another, made sex somewhat meaningless to asexuals. We don't need it or value it, and even if we do get it, we don't see it the same way sexuals do. I think asexuals are more likely to be "content", which is probably why we appear so calm. To sexuals, sex is much more than just a pleasurable activity. Sex is connected to their emotional well being. Not getting sex, or without sex for too long, many sexuals would become irritated, depress, they feel a lack of self worth, many are more easily angered, and if they have a partner, they feel a disconnect when not getting any. This need for sex is what drive so many sexuals into relationships or the relentless pursuit for just sex. Its that sexual drive that distingushies adults from children. Children don't feel sexual attraction either, and they are often seen appearing carefree. Asexuals never develope that sexual attraction, so they appear to be "childlike." My brother tells me he has a hard time seeing me as an adult, though I act much more adult than most people my age.

I believe that asexuals are diffinitly more likely to have pets. Since we don't need sex, and some even avoid it, having a close relationship with something that wont ask for sex from us and you can love and be love in return freely and live together is a huge plus. Asexuals, overall, urge for that pure love. Cuddles, kisses, having fun together with no risk of sex in sight. Living alone isn't so lonely if you have a furry companionby by your side. Of course not all animal lovers are asexuals and not all asexuals have pets, but I think we are more likely to have them.

I also think that asexuals have the ability to become the best in there craft. We might not all be creative, have a love for knowledge, or have many talents, but the asexuals who do diffinitly have an advantage. I have read many posts by highly intelligent or creative sexuals who still became distracted by their sexual attractions that they have to fulfill. Michael Jackson became the most famous of his brothers and ended up changing music as we know it. His focus was completely on music, while his brothers were busy trying to sleep with groupies. Isaac Newton was also asexual and he change science as we know. J. M. Barrie wrote some of the best plays and and the ever famous peter pan. I think we focus on our interest way more than most, whether it is pets, games, drawing, painting, etc.

All of this seems like over-simplified conjecture to me. You'll find "calm" or "weird" vibes in all sorts of people, regardless of their sexuality, for any number of reasons. It's also absurd that you're lumping all sexuals together as being driven to extremes by their sexual desire. Many are perfectly happy, calm, and content even if they're not getting laid for a long period of time. For some, sex IS just a pleasurable activity. For others, it's something important and worth obsessing over, just like Doctor Who is for parts of the asexual community.

There's no evidence whatsoever that an asexual person would be more like to have animal companions, nor that we have a desire for some form of "pure" love because we don't desire sex. (I certainly don't.) Everyone, sexual and asexual alike, appreciates the unquestioning love of a pet. It's why they're so precious to those of us who have them.

I call BS outright on our potential to be the "best in our craft". No. Just no. It smacks of elitism and makes no sense. We have no evidence that any of the people you're talking about were asexual, for one. All we have are second-hand accounts and guesswork. While many brilliant people were or might have been asexual (Tesla comes quickly to mind, possibly Newton), so, so many other brilliant people were not. Einstein, Frank Herbert, J.R.R. Tolkien, Isaac Asimov. Also, lack of sexual distractions does not mean we're not going to be distracted by other things. We can still be distracted by relationships, family, drugs, our own insecurities or mental issues, or even just a crappy job.

Las Vegas now has a weekly asexual group! Whether you live in the area or are just passing through, please feel free to stop in and say hi!

 

We invite you to join the A/Sexy Tango, aka The Great WTF's asexual/sexual relationship blog. Warning: Snark ahead.


#26 Kai99

Kai99

    Amoeba Colony

  • AVEN Members
  • 117 posts

Posted 24 May 2012 - 08:51 PM





Same here. I've been called weird by not just my family members, but my friends as well. Its funny, but whenever I ask what is so weird about me, they say it something they can't put into words. Tell us about the meet up when you go!


About asexuals recognizing other asexuals. Actually, I do have an example of that. I had became a huge fan of Michael Jackson, as person, after he passed away( I was curious who the man behind the mask was, so I read up and watch his interviews). He was the fist person I truly became a fan of because the things I've seen and heard of him. Something about his personailty and his view on life I couldnt help but relate to. Keep in mind, this was long before I discovered my aceness.

Now, I know there are lot of controversey on this guy with the alledge child abuse cases, but don't look at that and read his views on love and sex. He shares a very asexual view on it, being that he never understood sex as the ultimate expression of love, and also he preferred holding the hands of his wife( at that time) than he ever did making out with her. He also express some sex repulsion when he describe once going out on the date with Madonna and being utterly turn off by her overly sexual nature. I didn't learn his view on sex until very recently, actually a couple of months ago, a couple of months ahead of my discovering asexuality. It is interesting that, even if I didn't know his views on sex, something about him just related so much to me it is crazy. It was his overall personilty that I related to. Here on Aven I can relate to so many people, something that I've never had before. I've been on other forums that shared my interest, like dog forums, anime, harry potter forums, and we are bascally like family on those forums. None of those forums, however, ever came close to how much I relate to people here.

No group is just one personailty, of course. I do think your sexual orientation does have some affect on your personailty, however.

One of my favorite videos of Michael.


people also consider me weird. Thinking about Michael Jackson, he was very into childhood, and now that I think about it i can see how he might have crossed boundaries with some children but meaning it in a non-sexual , childlike way, and then it was misinterpreted as sexual. This kind of stuff happens to me all the time, like where I make a comment or do something that's meant to be silly and people think I'm being sexual and coming on to them. Maybe we're just less attached to any certain label and so we're "weirder" and more childlike?


Good point. I believe that missing sexual attraction is what sends off the weird vibes. That lack of sexual attraction for some reason or another, made sex somewhat meaningless to asexuals. We don't need it or value it, and even if we do get it, we don't see it the same way sexuals do. I think asexuals are more likely to be "content", which is probably why we appear so calm. To sexuals, sex is much more than just a pleasurable activity. Sex is connected to their emotional well being. Not getting sex, or without sex for too long, many sexuals would become irritated, depress, they feel a lack of self worth, many are more easily angered, and if they have a partner, they feel a disconnect when not getting any. This need for sex is what drive so many sexuals into relationships or the relentless pursuit for just sex. Its that sexual drive that distingushies adults from children. Children don't feel sexual attraction either, and they are often seen appearing carefree. Asexuals never develope that sexual attraction, so they appear to be "childlike." My brother tells me he has a hard time seeing me as an adult, though I act much more adult than most people my age.

I believe that asexuals are diffinitly more likely to have pets. Since we don't need sex, and some even avoid it, having a close relationship with something that wont ask for sex from us and you can love and be love in return freely and live together is a huge plus. Asexuals, overall, urge for that pure love. Cuddles, kisses, having fun together with no risk of sex in sight. Living alone isn't so lonely if you have a furry companionby by your side. Of course not all animal lovers are asexuals and not all asexuals have pets, but I think we are more likely to have them.

I also think that asexuals have the ability to become the best in there craft. We might not all be creative, have a love for knowledge, or have many talents, but the asexuals who do diffinitly have an advantage. I have read many posts by highly intelligent or creative sexuals who still became distracted by their sexual attractions that they have to fulfill. Michael Jackson became the most famous of his brothers and ended up changing music as we know it. His focus was completely on music, while his brothers were busy trying to sleep with groupies. Isaac Newton was also asexual and he change science as we know. J. M. Barrie wrote some of the best plays and and the ever famous peter pan. I think we focus on our interest way more than most, whether it is pets, games, drawing, painting, etc.

All of this seems like over-simplified conjecture to me. You'll find "calm" or "weird" vibes in all sorts of people, regardless of their sexuality, for any number of reasons. It's also absurd that you're lumping all sexuals together as being driven to extremes by their sexual desire. Many are perfectly happy, calm, and content even if they're not getting laid for a long period of time. For some, sex IS just a pleasurable activity. For others, it's something important and worth obsessing over, just like Doctor Who is for parts of the asexual community.

There's no evidence whatsoever that an asexual person would be more like to have animal companions, nor that we have a desire for some form of "pure" love because we don't desire sex. (I certainly don't.) Everyone, sexual and asexual alike, appreciates the unquestioning love of a pet. It's why they're so precious to those of us who have them.

I call BS outright on our potential to be the "best in our craft". No. Just no. It smacks of elitism and makes no sense. We have no evidence that any of the people you're talking about were asexual, for one. All we have are second-hand accounts and guesswork. While many brilliant people were or might have been asexual (Tesla comes quickly to mind, possibly Newton), so, so many other brilliant people were not. Einstein, Frank Herbert, J.R.R. Tolkien, Isaac Asimov. Also, lack of sexual distractions does not mean we're not going to be distracted by other things. We can still be distracted by relationships, family, drugs, our own insecurities or mental issues, or even just a crappy job.


It was meant to be oversimiplified. Nothing I've written should be seen as absolute, nor was it written as such. If you read through it, realize you wont see the word "all" use. Sex is important to sexuals, and for many reasons, some of which is connected to emotional state of mind. What exactly in the first paragraph disagrees with what you write? Second paragraph I wrote "Of course not all animal lovers are asexuals and not all asexuals have pets" so yeah, sexuals can enjoy them too of course. Complete agreement. I do think that asexuals are more likely to have pets, but that is from observation. Nor was I trying to apply that sexuals can't be great in their craft, or that asexuals can't be distracted. Probably should have explain myself better on that one since I could see how it would appear that way.

When talking about a group's common traits, it needs to be a generalization. If you talk about who each individual person is, than chances are it will become too complex. For example, I could care less about Doctor Who, but if I were to make a generalization, I would say overall, asexuals enjoy Doctor Who. It shouldn't be taken too literal, which you seem to be doing.

#27 NamTar

NamTar

    The Atrix Has You

  • AVEN Members
  • 1,331 posts
  • Gender:agender
  • Location:PA, USA
  • A/Sexuality:Grey-A / Aromantic

Posted 24 May 2012 - 09:23 PM

Cultural reasons. Men and women are trained from birth to behave in societally-encoded "masculine" or "feminine" ways to assert their identity as men or women. Gay people sometimes fit into stereotypes of the "opposite" gender to assert their identities as gay people ("Effeminate" men or "butch" women). The stereotypes often inform each other, a "manly" man pursuing a "girly" girl. Of course, this doesn't happen to every person, and when people don't conform, some people get confused (like all the IRL peopl who think i'm a butch lesbian).

There is nothing genetic about stereotypes, and they are sometimes reversed in other cultures.

#28 Kai99

Kai99

    Amoeba Colony

  • AVEN Members
  • 117 posts

Posted 24 May 2012 - 10:11 PM

Cultural reasons. Men and women are trained from birth to behave in societally-encoded "masculine" or "feminine" ways to assert their identity as men or women. Gay people sometimes fit into stereotypes of the "opposite" gender to assert their identities as gay people ("Effeminate" men or "butch" women). The stereotypes often inform each other, a "manly" man pursuing a "girly" girl. Of course, this doesn't happen to every person, and when people don't conform, some people get confused (like all the IRL peopl who think i'm a butch lesbian).

There is nothing genetic about stereotypes, and they are sometimes reversed in other cultures.


Hmmm, I think that while a lot of stereotypes are due to cultural reasons, not all of them. I don't think most gay/lesbians try to fit into the stereotypes of the opposite sex, they just are that way. For example, my sister is a lesbian, but growing up she did not identify as such, and was in fact against such things. Appearance wise, she had a face that reminded many of a boy, and some even mistake her as such. Even then, as a young girl, she was a major tom boy. She prefered wearing boy clothings and prefered the rough and tumble play of boys. She dated some boys in school, but she always preferred girls. She was in a bit of denial before she finally accepted who she was. And growing up there was always the very feminine boys who walk like girls, talk like girls, and perferred to socialize with girls but didn't identify being gay until they grew up. When I see a gay person who dressed feminine, walking with a swag to their hips, and talking with high pitch voices, I don't think they are trying to act like a women, and I think that that is truly who they are.

#29 Ace McHeeb

Ace McHeeb

    Asexy Samurai

  • AVEN Members
  • 839 posts
  • Location:Tennessee
  • A/Sexuality:Aromantic Asexual

Posted 24 May 2012 - 10:11 PM

See if I fit any mold. Try to find one cohesive thing about my varied interests that even resembles a set personality type.


I'm a geek through-and-through. I work in a hot, steamy tire factory doing manual labor for 8, sometimes 12, hours a day. I drive like a maniac. I listen to every kind of music under the sun, from Rock, Punk, Eminem, Showtunes, Ska, Country. I'm carefree and wild. I don't make plans, just go where the wind blows me. I do like a little routine in my life, without it I'll sit at home and veg all day. I used to have panic attacks when things veered away from the way I planned them. I rehearse BOTH SIDES of important conversations before I have them, anticipating what the other person will say. I'm 33 going on 16. Every last inch of me is covered with hair. I'm 5'11" 200lbs, with a 36" waist. I have a goatee and I shave my head in the Summer. In the Winter, I let my hair grow long and I switch to a full-on beard. I like Doctor Who (DUH), Legend of Zelda, Legos, Star Trek AND Star Wars, anything involving outer space and aliens and explosions, I'm there. I'm PISSED that Firefly got canceled and even more pissed that Fox never gave it a chance. I named my Honda Civic "R.H.O.N.D.A. the Honda", which stands for "Really High Octane, Nerd-Driven Automobile" Even when I was sexually active, I never understood the fascination with boobs. I love to see women in pantyhose (No clue why. Don't ask) I've always hated oral sex. I find it the most uncomfortable thing in the world, and I don't understand why guys like having it sucked. I can only orgasm with a partner, and when I do, I laugh uncontrollably, with tears streaming down my face while my whole body convulses. I try to see the beauty in everything. And yes, I even find beauty in men. (It's there. Look deeper.) I'm a heteromantic(sp?) asexual and have been looking for my soulmate since I was about 13. I've been engaged 6 times to five different girls (twice to the same girl) :wub: Married once (not to that same girl). I have two beautiful daughters that I love being a Daddy to.

If there's something in all that screams, "THIS GUY'S ACE!" I'll send a $5 Starbucks card to the person that can find it. 8)
Posted Image

Posted Image

#30 Philip027

Philip027

    AVENator

  • AVEN Members
  • 3,520 posts
  • Gender:Male-bodied, probably agendered
  • Pronouns:Anything, really
  • Location:Hawaii
  • A/Sexuality:Nonlibidoist demiheteromantic asexual

Posted 24 May 2012 - 10:18 PM

If there's something in all that screams, "THIS GUY'S ACE!" I'll send a $5 Starbucks card to the person that can find it.


Hmm...

I'm a heteromantic(sp?) asexual and have been looking for my soulmate since I was about 13.

I'd guess from that that you're probably ace, yep.
Posted Image




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users