What do you want out of a relationship?

[Atriums]

Someone who I could talk with, who was rather blunt with things, could make me laugh, could be serious, and had a good sense of family... BUT still found careers a very important part of life.

OH! I would NEED someone who was open to traveling with me, as one of my life goals is to travel the world.

And he would need to love dogs... I don't think I could live without a dog.

Marriage -- If the right person came along.

This sounds absolutely perfect. (Just quoted the TLDR section of the post..)

My list:

* Someone who will let me be myself, not try and change me

* Not take advantage of my kindness and willingness to help (ALWAYS happens)

* Im a homebody. I hate going out to clubs etc. Occasional restaurant or movie is fine, but not barhopping etc

* Must LOVE cats.. all animals for that matter

* I like playing games.. some titles that come to mind are Mortal Kombat, Alice, Tomb Raider & Sims. SO it would be nice to meet someone to enjoys it too that I can share that with.

* Someone with a job they are passionate about. There's only one thing worse than doing something you hate for 8hrs a day - being the one who hears the complaints about how crap it was :)

* Must be into travel.. I want to see the world! Travel Europe and all the ancient sites... climb machu picchu, and go to Alaska.

* Someone to inspire me to be better at life. Everyone needs someone to pull them up when they are down.

* Someone I can bounce ideas off of and tell my stories to. I love fairytales and currently writing my own.

And of course.. Im a hopeless romantic. I love to cook.. so I want someone who would eat my creations with a smile (dont think my cooking is trusted.) Someone to cuddle on the couch with who can wedge in my arm while my cats sleep on my lap. And then fall asleep and waking up together. Obviously no sexual intentions.

Thats the dream though. Dunno if someone like that is out there.

(hey maybe if you do and youre reading this, drop me a mail and say hi.. ? im nice.. i swear :D)

[Fenerate]

Actually, a lot of people in here sound like someone I could enjoy hanging out with :).

- someone whose passionate about stuff: their work, their beliefs, their projects, the world...

- someone who shares at least some of my passions and interests

- another gamer would be really nice

- someone who thinks watching 8 hrs of scifi television ESPECIALLY when you have something that absolutely needs doing is a great idea

- someone who has similar energy levels with me

- someone whose a bit footloose; i.e. thinks it's a fan-tas-tic idea to move temporarily to another country just because

- another vegetarian dog person would be very practical

- likes to cuddle, kiss lightly, spoon and walk hand in hand

- likes to analyse and is emotionally expressive & straightforward

- someone who understands that light groping doesn't have to lead to sex :P

I would like to have children with my wife and the men in my life. I could potentially think of having some more with other partners.

[iambubbaq]

I'm a Bi Romantic Asexual, but I don't need a personal partner per say. All I really need is to be around those I love. I just need to be around them and know they're safe and happy and all that. I do enjoy me some cuddling and kissing though but anything beyond that is a no go. Not that I won't do it but I have no draw to or feel to which kinda feels awkward when the other person is in to it. But ya, really all I need is to be around people in a close knit relationship. That's about it. Though I used to want a family with kids and all that but it's something that I no longer feel I need but will welcome with open arms shall my life lead in that direction :D

[Eric S]

*someone who will love and let me be myself

*Someone who doesnt mind playing a videogame from time to time

*I am an extrovert so someone who likes to be out there always experiencing things

*someone who can keep up with me and my lifestyle (i love to explore and do new stuff)

*someone who believes in a fairy tale type love where we are happy ever after and is willing to fight for it.

*someone who is lovey dovey like myself

*someone who is not all about sex they can be sexual but you know not super into it.

*someone who is cheery and loves life

*someone who likes to travel

*loves all different types of animals

*Someone who would like kids. (not alot maybe 2)

preety sure noone like that exists though oh well im happy with who i am and will not change.

[Sketch Doge]

I'm a romantic demisexual and my idea of a great relationship would be a bonnie and clyde style partnership, basically like a badass duo against the world. She would have to support me and be a good listener. Sharing my interest in music, or at least appreciating it would be awesome. Aesthetically pleasing would be great but I'm not very picky.

I'm also a really emotional person who doesn't always understand his feelings so I would need someone who could listen and try to help me understand and accept them without judging. I also have some physical intimacy issues so it would take me a long time to move into being more psychically open, which, hopefully she would be ok with. Being able to hold a intelligent conversation is always great.

Last but not least (and I know I'm starting to sound really picky) but someone genuine who really isn't afraid to be themselves despite what people think, having the same extreme enthusiasm for life as I do.

*edit* they also have to let me be myself: a video game loving, sappy person who loves puppies more than life itself and has a strong interest in obscure fashion.

[Cithaerias]

mindmates who would be happy to be cuddle buddies.

^ Seconded.

[infaroffplaces]

I'm new to AVEN, and still questioning, but I currently identify as a hetero-romantic asexual.

I don't think I could handle a relationship with a sexual person at this point. In fact, I've turned down advances, and kept romantic feelings to myself because I'm not comfortable breaching the subject of my (a)sexuality, and because I wouldn't want to deprive someone I'm having a relationship with of sex if that's something they want. That seems selfish to me.

So, what I'd like in a potential relationship:

Preferably having the relationship with a fellow ace, or very supportive sexual.

Someone who has many Varying interests.

Someone who would understand my introverted-ness, and treat my need to have time to myself respectfully.

Someone who enjoys cuddling.

Someone who's open to the fact that I am curious about sex from an intellectual level and may want to try it some day (with their consent of course), but that I have a feeling that I will be uninterested and bored by it, and won't take that personally.

Someone with similar interests as my own: music, film, superheroes, random scientific facts, design.

Honestly, just someone to spend time with, and be very close to, even physically, but not in a sexual way.

As for marriage and children, I would like both at some point in my life. I think I'd probably end up adopting children, although Actually going through childbirth sounds like quite the adventure.

Anyway, that's how I feel. It's neat hearing everyone's perspective on relationships. It's very comforting finding people with similar views. I'd always figured I'd end up a cat lady. Well, I still might, but you know what I mean.

[Rivan Vox]

An adventurous rival.

*someone who will love and let me be myself

*Someone who doesnt mind playing a videogame from time to time

*I am an extrovert so someone who likes to be out there always experiencing things

*someone who can keep up with me and my lifestyle (i love to explore and do new stuff)

*someone who believes in a fairy tale type love where we are happy ever after and is willing to fight for it.

*someone who is lovey dovey like myself

*someone who is not all about sex they can be sexual but you know not super into it.

*someone who is cheery and loves life

*someone who likes to travel

*loves all different types of animals

*Someone who would like kids. (not alot maybe 2)

preety sure noone like that exists though oh well im happy with who i am and will not change.

Pretty much an exact description of myself, but I'm taken. That's how the world works, eh?

[Zombie-apocalypse]

Child support!lul

[J. J. Fish]

I would like to share my life with someone else for the foreseeable future. I would like to feel stable and that there is mutual commitment. That doesn't require marriage, or something on paper.

I think, to make that possible, its probably necessary that:

- they can deal with my quirks and personality. I go through periods of self discovery and introspection. I'd like to share that with them. But, at the least, they need to be able to put up with it happening. I'm a literalist at times, I can seem very pessimistic, I talk in geek culture terms and math. Plenty of people I've met find that annoying.

- they can eventually deal with my gender. Even I'm not comfortable with it yet, so this seems like a doozy to me.

- they can be happy with the relationship without sex from me, in the long term. They don't need to be asexual, or monogamous. But, I'm repulsed by genitals, and that doesn't seem likely to change. It's not enough for them to be willing to wait for sex, because it may never happen. I don't want to lead them on.

- they don't do illegal drugs. I know myself well enough to know I can't handle this in a life partner.

I'd also like the majority of:

- to share burdens and joys. Being able to be there for each other when we're feeling down, sharing the beauty of pretty clouds close to sunset, and the excitement of trying a new food or visiting a new place. Ability to help me think clearly when my emotions have me going insane/illogical, and vice versa.

- to share labor, and resources. Helping cook/clean, buying food for 2 rather than 1, and other benefits of economies of slightly larger scale.

- to love each other, and to have ways to express it to each other

- to trust each other

- over time, to learn to understand each other. Ability to listen and communicate, and have the time and interest to.

- to be attracted to each other. For me to find them attractive, it involves them being interested in me, spending time with me, and making eye contact with a smile on occasion. How they physically look doesn't effect my emotions much.

It'd be fun if they had complementary knowledge/expertise, at least a few common interests, and liked cuddling. That's icing though.

[harrowing]

I mostly just want good friendships in life with people with whom I enjoy spending time and having conversations. I'd like to be able to trust and be trusted by them.

As for romantic relationships...I do occasionally have the desire for one. I don't desire to have sex and I definitely do not desire to have children. Marriage doesn't interest me. Basically, I'd like to have what I'd have in an ideal friendship + a little more intimacy...just a general sense of closeness. I'm not sure how to describe it. Something would have to somehow make it more than just a friendship. Perhaps there would be some physical contact, but mostly I'd just like to know the other person on a very deep, intimate level, and I'd like to be known on a very deep, intimate level.

I think that I could possibly have sex with someone if I got to know them and started to really, really care for them. I'd be willing to try it, anyway. As of right now, it's not something that I am interested in, but I also am not super experienced in relationships and acknowledge the fact that I could change my mind or realize some new things if/when I gain experience.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Basically, I'd like to have what I'd have in an ideal friendship + a little more intimacy...just a general sense of closeness. I'm not sure how to describe it. Something would have to somehow make it more than just a friendship. Perhaps there would be some physical contact, but mostly I'd just like to know the other person on a very deep, intimate level, and I'd like to be known on a very deep, intimate level.

This sounds like something I could have written, except maybe with a lot of cuddles thrown in for good measure! :)

But yes, when I picture my ideal relationship at the moment, it seems to be something that falls between friendship and the usual full-featured romantic-sexual deal. Elements of both, but not quite either, by usual standards. So it's very hard to look for because it's either too much for the first, or lacking for the second - for most people anyway. "Romantic friendship" comes close to describing it I suppose though.

At any rate, the focus is on that kind of very hard-to-describe "intimate knowledge of each other's souls". It's 99% mental, intellectual, and spiritual - and then physical contact is there mostly to reinforce and enhance the closeness, not an expression of sexual lust.

(Edit: All that said, these days I'm changing tack and trying hard not to think in terms of "what I want" in potential relationships. But trying to think in terms of what I can give, and what can be mutually shared. But again, it's hard when you fall in-between the usual boundaries of friendship and romance.)

[Ace_LaChelle]

For me, an ideal partner would also be ace (or okay with having a totally sexless relationship). I love cuddling, hugs, holding hands, and kissing. Making out is okay sometimes, but anything beyond that is too much for me (right now anyway. Who knows, maybe if I found the right guy and got married I won't mind so much. I'd have to trust him completely and care for him quite a lot. I don't know). Just being together and enjoying each other's company is bliss for me. Someone who likes the arts/music, reading, film, trying new things, cats, traveling, and going out and doing things instead of just staying in/staring at a screen all the time. Someone with interests similar to mine who isn't totally closed off to spirituality, doesn't do drugs, and who wants to commit to making a life-long relationship work, even when it's not easy (as these things never are). I personally couldn't be with someone who is really into porn; for me, it just makes me feel devalued and like I'm not enough/being cheated on (not judging anyone who is into porn, just being honest about my needs in a relationship). Someone who understands the importance of mutual love and respect and pushes me to grow as a person.

I would really like to get married at some point, and eventually have kids. Adoption has always been something I want to do; biological kids would be great too, but since I'm repulsed-a I'm not totally sure how that'll work (and yes, I know there are lots of different ways to have biological kids).

[Alphaprocess]

Which is people generally want - only it's assumed it has to have sex in it! Who says it does?

I'm a somewhat romantic Asexual, and I want a platonic life partner. Someone to cuddle and go on adventures with and grow old together. I just want someone to share my life with who isn't interested in having kids or sex.

[Mielipuoli]

What I want from a relationship is someone to share my life with, all the ups and downs of it. Someone to be by my side and someone to love who'd love me back. Preferably someone with similar interest, morals or views. Cuddling? Yes. Kissing? Light kisses, yes. No exchanging of secretions, no sex and no holding hands 'cause that just feels weird for me.

I'm not religious nor do I care about traditions so whether it's marriage or registered partnership doesn't matter to me but I would like to have one or the other (mainly for financial benefits).

I really doubt I'll ever want kids but I still wouldn't swear on that. As I'm 'only' 18 and I've heard a lot of people saying how they also thought they'd never want children when they were my age but then had a drastic chance of heart at the age of 20-30 or when they found that Mr.Right. I mean, people may chance their minds as they grow older and there's nothing wrong with that. Then again I've also heard (too) many times how I'm just thinking I'm asexual 'cause I haven't had a good fuck.

[LimeTreeArbour]

Really just company, counsel and cuddles; the three Cs.

[Faelights]

1. Kindness

2. Willing to share their life experiences, thoughts, and feelings with me, no matter how big or small

3. Willing to put up with my wanting to share everything of mine with them

4. Some amount of physical affection

5. Trusts and has confidence in my ability to choose my path (including the fact that I've chosen to be with them)

Anything else is pretty much a blank slate... Though it would also be nice if they could spur me to work towards being a better person in some manner, like learning new things and stuff.

[Celeritas]

I guess I want a Platonic Life Partner. I want to be the most significant person in their life, and they to be the most significant in mine; where we live separate lives yet are kind of 'joined at the hip' (so to speak), share our lives with each other, and just get each other and enjoy each other's company. Someone I can depend on and hang out with, with a high level of mutual commitment and caring and trust and so on.

[Pawn]

Well, I don't want to talk for the future, but I'll just state how I feel right now. :P

Um... No relationship. I don't want to be stuck with anyone, nor I want anyone to be stuck with me. I'd be a horrid lover if I was one. I can't even love, I'm sure.

As of sexual intercourse... Well, basically, it's useless. There's no gain in it, so I don't see why I should do it.

As of children... I don't think I can settle down permanently. Not even being able to be a good lover would make of me a worse-than-terrible parent.

Besides, I'm happy being alone. ^_^ What I want of a relationship is happiness, and I can't offer it in it... So none for me.

[Blossomforth]

I want a very close friend. Someone who is okay with going on dates, holding hands, cuddling, the friendly kiss on the cheek..

But just a friend. Maybe we can be roommates but I don't want anything beyond queerplatonic friendship.

When it comes to personalities I don't know. My ideal is a quiet, sweet person who I can talk with but almost all my friends have been loud and goofy.

[elysiandawn]

i just want a friend to cuddle with.

[A-wesomeness]

Idk I guess I am a borderline Aromantic. What I need is someone that will try to understand me and know I am not a perfect creature but I think more than I should. I wish I could know love with a person that will never try to hurt me.

I'm same with you. I am now just going under a-gray romantic, because sometimes I think I am, sometimes I think I'm not. I have no idea.

But for me, I'd want someone very trusting, caring and understanding. Asexual, and loves cuddling, hugging and light kissing.

Someone who is my best friend and makes me laugh.

[Brokenmyth]

I tend to think in terms of this kind of "everyday relationshippy stuff" instead of any kind of fancy "courting" dating activities. Basically I'm an introvert and a bit of a homebody, so I have little to no sense of "going out" dating activities

^This

* Someone who will let me be myself, not try and change me

^And This

I want a lot of things, but they're more like guidelines than hard and fast rules, for the most part.

*I want a romantic love, where we will be there for each other no matter what.

*I want a love where we can confide in each other, where we can cuddle and feel that emotional and physical closeness, where we can wake up to each other every morning and smile, where we can hold hands and have intelligent conversations.

*I want somebody who is at least somewhat aesthetically attractive, but I have pretty relaxed standards on this point.

*Has to be very blunt. I don't get hints at all. Even when I do understand them, I second guess myself, so I'd rather just be told straight so I know.

*Has to like cats. Liking other animals is a plus, but not necessary.

*I like kissing, but not really into french kissing.

*I'm a very artistic person, so somebody who shares that is a plus, but not necessary, because I already have friends I paint with on occasion.

*I would like to get married (or an equivalent long term commitment)

*I haven't decided if I want kids or not. I'd probably be okay with either option, but if I have kids they will be adopted, or kids that my partner already had.

*I'm a bit of a homebody, so someone who is really into going out and partying all the time or something is not who I want to have a relationship with.

*I'm not interested in sex, but am not rulling it out completely.

Long story short; I want the fairytale romance. :P

[tantopat]

I guess the first thing I'd want in a partner is someone willing to look past the fact that my skin looks rather rubbish and disfigured. No treatment so far has worked, so it seems like I may be stuck looking like this. If that is the case, finding someone who isn't grossed out by my looks would be nice. ;^^

Apart from that, I think I'd like to just have an emotional closeness with someone, and the freedom to be myself with her. She should be accepting of my differences and general weirdness, and preferably be willing to at least give my weird taste in films a chance (I like to watch films with others, and so it'd be nice to find someone who wouldn't escape to another room whenever I put Rock & Rule on :P). Finding someone who shares my tastes would be especially nice, as I can think of few things more romantic and fun than playing Borderlands or Portal 2 with a partner who I could definitely trust to always have my back and get me out of each area in one piece, or working together to create the ultimate cosplays for an anime convention. I'd also like to be with someone who I could be completely comfortable with, so that we'd always be able to talk to each other with ease, and our silences wouldn't feel uncomfortable. Lastly, we should be able to complement each others abilities and weaknesses; my AS means that I sometimes need help understanding things or finding my way around, and someone who just accepts that as part of who I am would be perfect. In the same way, there may be things that I could help her with.

As for marriage and children, getting a civil partnership one day might be nice. I'm still undecided about having children, though. I might consider adoption, but giving birth myself sounds a little scary. ;^^

[kittycyclops]

I want a guy with messy hair and nerdy glasses who doesn't mind kissing once every couple of days. A guy who will hold me and hug me and not mind if that's as far as we go <3 I mostly just want a guy I can have deep conversations and debates with (I'm the captain of my high school's debate team, so thats really important), and is kind of stubborn in his opinions.

The things I want in a girl are kind of different. I want her to be adorable and silly, someone I can fangirl with and not feel embarrassed around. A girl who is sweet and likes learning, with an open mind. A girl who will let me hug her and hold her hand every second of the day. <3

Don't ask me why its different between genders because I really have no clue. :3

[Oona]

By definition I believe I am Grey A, and Im fairly aromantic. I cant stand cheesy cliche romantic crap but I completley respect someone who can say something uniquely genuine and thoughtful. If by that the secondary effect is romantic then I forgive it. ;) I'm not keen on marriage and I definately dont want children.... but that doesnt mean that I wouldnt appreciate being in a relationship.

With that said the person I'd like would have to be ok with the things I stated above. I'm also atheist and some people have issue with that obviously if they are religious or spritual.

I want someone I could have adventures with- to see the world!

Someone who wants to be physically active and not a complete couch potato.

They love spending time with me because we have fun, we laugh a lot, and they see the good in me even when I struggle to see it.

I want to be captivated by how they process the world, how they tell a story, how they can look past the B.S. and make sense of things.

Someone who is logical, reasonable, but also spontaneous with a lovely air of mischief about them.

They are socially competent and respected by other people.

They have a career or they certainly can keep a job.

Loyal, lovable, attractive, generous, kind- even if they have rough edges about them.

My goodness, is it sounding fictional yet? ;) Its probably all impossible!

[LuvHuggS]

So, I'm still pretty clueless on other Aces as a whole, since I'm still new here and I haven't really met any other asexuals. So I just have a quick question: Romantic Asexuals, what do you want in a relationship, in terms of things like marriage, children, and non-sexual intimacy (cuddling, kissing, ect.)?

Clueless.. you and me both and i've been here for yeaaaaaars now heheh :D

I've yet to meet another ace 'in person' yet, but you never know I could have just walked past 3 in the street :)

As a romantic asexual I'm all for the cuddle kissing hugging spooning laughing till you cry type stuff, they random gifts given or received

from a SO "just 'cause". 3hr road trips to get something from a dinky little pastry shop.

As for marriage I think that'd be up to the individual, whether the actual institution of being married benefits the relationship in anyway.

Children I'd be up for adoption / fostering, but no don't think I'd be in for given birth to one myself hehe :D

[Nomad in Stasis]

I mostly just want a guy I can have deep conversations and debates with (I'm the captain of my high school's debate team, so thats really important), and is kind of stubborn in his opinions.

I have never known anyone who wants a guy who would debate, you are so awesome. LOL

[WakingDreamer]

Honestly, I'd want a Best Friend With Cuddle Benefits sort of deal... everything one would want in a best friend, but with the added bonuses of romantic dealings, cuddles, and maybe even kissing if they wanted that, but not much else. :lol:

[Leelian]

Well, let's see...

I do enjoy cuddling, kissing, tickle-fights and play fighting as enjoyable nonsexual intimacy. Even playing videogames is fun. I don't think it'd be fun to share all of the same views, but a few are nice (over-priced extra content for games on discs). Being able to do things together is nice, like cook or play games or exercise.

For children and marriage, well, I like the idea of settling down long term with a partner, whether it's marriage or not. As for children, I do not feel comfortable at all with the idea of having children with my mix of genes (I could not handle having a child like my sister). However, I think I would enjoy being a parent, raising an adopted child (or older, teens need loving homes too).