Miss Smith Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 So, I'm still pretty clueless on other Aces as a whole, since I'm still new here and I haven't really met any other asexuals. So I just have a quick question: Romantic Asexuals, what do you want in a relationship, in terms of things like marriage, children, and non-sexual intimacy (cuddling, kissing, ect.)? Link to post Share on other sites
AceSpace Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I want a person who has good character, a similar moral code/values as mine, and is aesthetically attractive. I would like us both to understand each other deeply, be comfortable talking about things, be honest with each other. My biggest pet peeve is passive aggressive behavior; I want someone who is blunt about what is going on in his head. I would like the person to enjoy cuddling together. Non-sexual intimacy like kissing, holding hands, sleeping together (not "sleeping together")...I would like a partner that I could draw with or write with, sitting back-to-back as we each work on our form of art and creativity. By the way: creativity and intelligence are the two hottest things ever in a partner... Marriage: never. It would take a very special person for me to marry, and I don't think a person that perfect exists... I would have to trust him/her 110% Children: I would like to adopt. My ideal partner would be someone who also wants to raise children. We would have to be on the same page with what we think is the right way to raise kids. I would also like to help out with foster care... To sum it up: someone compatible with my ethos that has a creative and intelligent mind, warm arms, and aesthetic body/personality. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I'm not totally ace (I'm Demisexual), but I do have a massive Romantic Asexual side, so the vast bulk of my relationship outlook is applicable to a romantic ace relationship... The simplest way to put it is that, at the moment, I'm looking for mindmates who would be happy to be cuddle buddies. That is, 99% of what I desire in a relationship is basically a super strong mental/intellectual/emotional bond. Then, nonsexual intimacy such as cuddling, kissing, sharing a bed, travelling together, etc - but no sex and not necessarily becoming a serious exclusive "romantic couple" as such. This part can be very fluid though - since I'm Demisexual. There is a chance (but no guarantee) that my feelings will get sexualised over time, as well as that a desire for some natural level of commitment and life-sharing will arise. But the main point is: this isn't something I actually feel upfront. The only way I can comfortably start a relationship is to essentially be friends -> cuddle buddies, for a very very very long time at first. Children/Marriage: I'm 99.9% sure that I'll never want to deal with raising children. So this (along with some other issues), makes marriage somewhat pointless for me. TL;DR version: I'm essentially looking for a cuddle buddy / romantic friendship. It's possible one of those would evolve into something "more" eventually, but I'm not fussed about it upfront - and don't want to be pressured into it especially. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad in Stasis Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I want someone who is OK with not being so touchy at times as I can be distant or close some times. I would love kids, though non from my DNA. I would like to foster I think. It is hard for me at times to admit my feelings, so she would have to be able to read me pretty well, which isn't hard. I can like cuddling at times, kissing and hugging is fine. I would do anything that she required of me to do if she needs something. I need someone who can understand that I like to show my love more than I like to recieve love. Link to post Share on other sites
SyncMyLife Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Hmm lets see I would like someone with a good heart/personality, open-minded, adaptive, cute *blush*, or at least decent looking, smart, with a good or decent sense of humor and spontaneous. Someone to hug, kiss, cuddle and cherish, and who doesn't want sexual intercourse or intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Someone who likes to be held and cuddled... someone who enjoys making things, by themselves or when we're together... someone who appreciates others' efforts... someone who isn't mean-spirited... someone who won't change herself just because she thinks it would make her more attractive to me, and who won't want me to make me over into someone I'm not... someone who believes in me even at times when I don't believe in myself. Sex and kids are not even on the radar. Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Robbins Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 a romantic platonic relationship would be ideal and perfect for me Link to post Share on other sites
Hayley Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 A "partner", someone to share life with who accepts me for all my quirks and makes me happy. Someone who appreciates I find day-to-day life quite difficult and is happy to help out on more painful days. Someone who likes holding hands. :3 Now that I have a kid they'd also have to be someone keen on my style of parenting and who my daughter likes. I don't want any more children of my own though. Link to post Share on other sites
Robotic Emu Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 I want somebody to share my life with, who is my best friend and loves me no matter what. I would be fine if the love is platonic or romantic. Somebody smart and caring, who I enjoy spending time with, work well with, and who shares my values. I would like to kiss/cuddle but I probably won't feel sexually attracted to this person I really want kids someday...and I want my two children to have atleast two involved parents. However, the other parent could just be a friend who I live with instead of a romantic partner. I do not want to become pregnant myself, but I kind of want a kid who is genetically my own...even though it seems rather selfish when I could adopt. I am probably overthinking this child-bearing stuff, since it is atleast 10 years away. Link to post Share on other sites
nielsbohr Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Well, I think I want to be with someone who has a more or less similar worldview as I do, someone who's really, really intelligent and open-minded, who likes learning new things, likes to talk about all sorts of stuff and shares at least some of my interests. I'd also like them to be more active and extroverted than I am, to be able to deal with my personalty and certain issues instead of trying to change me and just generally be nice and caring, you know, the usual stuff you'd likely want from a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Someone who is intellectual and shares my interests, open for sexual relationships. I'm not totally interested, but not shutting the door completely from sex. Erm... That's just about it really ^_^ (I am a form of gray/undriven sexual) Link to post Share on other sites
The Bearded One Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Intimacy Link to post Share on other sites
RedRuby Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 I'd love to have someone who I can talk with, watch tv with, laugh with, hang out with; just a friend actually Link to post Share on other sites
Drew Sol Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 I want someone to spend time with, to talk to,.someone who brightens up my day. Hugging, Kissing, Holding Hands, fall asleep on the sofa wit during a really dull movie which I would of never picked in 1000 years but watched it anyway as she wanted to. You know. The usual relationship stuff I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Hugging, Kissing, Holding Hands, fall asleep on the sofa wit during a really dull movie which I would of never picked in 1000 years but watched it anyway as she wanted to. You know. The usual relationship stuff I guess. This. Also, this is my other huge problem with "dating" (other than having a lack of full sexuality). I tend to think in terms of this kind of "everyday relationshippy stuff" instead of any kind of fancy "courting" dating activities. Basically I'm an introvert and a bit of a homebody, so I have little to no sense of "going out" dating activities, or trying to market myself to impress. I really just want to meet girls I get along with as friends, email for a while, meet for a few casual coffees or walks, and then go straight to being cuddle buddies or whatever it could be called (and then potentially build something on that eventually over time - but with no explicit pressure to "progress"). I fail at any kind of "dating game" stuff. Not unusual for huge introverts really. Link to post Share on other sites
nielsbohr Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Basically I'm an introvert and a bit of a homebody, so I have little to no sense of "going out" dating activities, or trying to market myself to impress Yeah, I'm the same way and it makes me really pessimistic about the whole relationship business. It's just simple statistics, I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
saiayoko Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 My ideal relationship... I would love someone I could spend hours of time with without worrying about doing something specific. I like video games, so I would really like it if we could just sit together and play games. Or I could play a game he had already played so I could ask for advice, etc etc... I would definitely need someone who could hold an intellectual conversation with me. I enjoy cuddling, kissing (but I could easily do without it) , and sleeping together (as in, actually sleeping in the same bed). I'm fairly good at reading people and figuring out if something is wrong with one of my friends or family, but I also don't want to have to tip-toe around the subject. If I ask if something is wrong, I want a straight answer. So I guess he would have to be blunt with his answers. Unfortunately, I can be a bit dense sometimes when it comes to people dancing around a subject, so that's actually a pretty important one... I don't want to spend time trying to figure out what he means when he could just as easily tell me. Laughter is really important to me. He would need to have a good sense of humor and knew how to make me laugh, but also knew when to be serious when the time was right. As for children, I really want a child. It doesn't have to be from my own DNA, because I am aghast at the thought of being pregnant... Adoption sounds like it would work for me. Haha, too much text. TL/DR: Someone who I could talk with, who was rather blunt with things, could make me laugh, could be serious, and had a good sense of family... BUT still found careers a very important part of life. OH! I would NEED someone who was open to traveling with me, as one of my life goals is to travel the world. And he would need to love dogs... I don't think I could live without a dog. Marriage -- If the right person came along. Link to post Share on other sites
Samael Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 So, I'm still pretty clueless on other Aces as a whole, since I'm still new here and I haven't really met any other asexuals. So I just have a quick question: Romantic Asexuals, what do you want in a relationship, in terms of things like marriage, children, and non-sexual intimacy (cuddling, kissing, ect.)? While I'm not a romantic person, I have not ruled out things like marriage and children. All physical and emotional intimacy is ruled out, however, as they do not appeal to me in the slightest. Marriage: if I ever come across someone who sees the institute in the same light as I do, I may consider marrying then. Marriage yields some concrete benefits in many cases, so if for example financial benefits can be had without risk (with a prenuptial to protect assets in the likely case of divorce, of course) then that sounds very good to me. I wouldn't be interested in keeping up any appearances with them however. So long as the other person feels the same way both parties can benefit. Children: no bio kids for me. I may consider adoption in the future. I've always had a dog to take care of, but perhaps I might someday upgrade to specimens of my own species. :) Link to post Share on other sites
*Orion* Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I just want someone who's honest and will treat me like a fellow human being. It doesn't seem much to ask but I've had remarkable difficulty finding it so far. Romantically I mainly enjoy cuddling, I'm okay with kissing but I can do without it. I don't have to share anything particularly in common with my partner but I enjoy video games so it'd be nice if they were a gamer. Then we could play games together or one cuddle the other as they're playing. That's not essential though. I would like marriage and a child or children some day and I'd be happy to go whatever route my partner was most comfortable with in that regards whether it be a natural pregnancy, artificial insemination or adoption. I quite like the idea of adoption personally, helping a child get a good start in life that they might have have gotten otherwise. Edit: A good sense of humour is also important. My last girlfriend barely had one which made playful teasing impossible because she took everything seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
ShowGirl Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I want someone who can be my partner, and not just my boyfriend. Someone who understands that while I love to cuddle and hug and take naps with him, I might not want to kiss him all the time. Someone I can be open with and talk to about everything. I want him to be my best friend. Someone I can laugh with and make fun of and he'll do the same to me. Someone who knows I'm not some delicate flower, but understands that there are certain things that really hurt me. Someone who builds me up and supports me. Someone who isn't afraid to argue with me if I'm being stupid. I really do want to get married and have kids of my own, and I want to carry them myself. How I'm going to go through the whole shebang that results in children, I have no idea, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad in Stasis Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I really do want to get married and have kids of my own, and I want to carry them myself. How I'm going to go through the whole shebang that results in children, I have no idea, lol. There other ways to get preganant without having sexual intercourse, such as artificial insemination or having a sperm donor. Good luck with finding your soul mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Robbins Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I really do want to get married and have kids of my own, and I want to carry them myself. How I'm going to go through the whole shebang that results in children, I have no idea, lol. There other ways to get preganant without having sexual intercourse, such as artificial insemination or having a sperm donor. Good luck with finding your soul mate. +1. Invitro fertilization Link to post Share on other sites
Alanna's Armor Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I want someone who can be my partner, and not just my boyfriend. Someone who understands that while I love to cuddle and hug and take naps with him, I might not want to kiss him all the time. Someone I can be open with and talk to about everything. I want him to be my best friend. Someone I can laugh with and make fun of and he'll do the same to me. Someone who knows I'm not some delicate flower, but understands that there are certain things that really hurt me. Someone who builds me up and supports me. Someone who isn't afraid to argue with me if I'm being stupid. This. All the touchy-feely stuff, all the intellectual connection, and none of the fear that he wants to go farther and I'm keeping us from that. Link to post Share on other sites
Oswald Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I can't see myself wanting to be with a single person over every other possible person I know. Basically, I want close, trusting platonic relationships. The only kind I really go out to try and seek are the kind that can help me get ahead in my chosen career field, but other friends are cool too, as long as I can really trust them to not want to take our friendship to a romantic or sexual level. I don't mind hugging and hand holding and cuddling, but I rarely if ever initiate it myself, and it usually makes me question their intentions a bit if we're not doing a musical together. And just to state the obvious, no dating, no marriage, no kids. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Whimsy Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I'm a somewhat romantic Asexual, and I want a platonic life partner. Someone to cuddle and go on adventures with and grow old together. I just want someone to share my life with who isn't interested in having kids or sex. Link to post Share on other sites
The Bearded One Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 People who are friends-companions-lovers, in that order. I am not exclusive in relationships. As to what such relationships would be like, this would be something we would decide together. It would be (and has been) different with each individual. I don't understand when people say "I am looking for a person who meets these criteria". That sounds to me like interviewing a person for a job, not finding a friend. ...and people tell me I'm selective. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Capslock Cadet Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 I wouldn't want kids. Perhaps I could cope with it if my partner already had children, but I don't want any children of my own. Marriage... well, meh. If my partner wanted it I wouldn't protest, but it isn't something I'm particularily dreaming about either. If it happens it happens, and that's that. I think what I want is someone to be close to. More on the emotinal level than the physical, but I'm okay with kisses and cuddling. I might be able to compromise in a relationship with someone more sexual than me, as long as that person can respect that I need space sometimes too. Someone who's there for me, and that I can be there for in return. A shoulder to lean on. A friend, companion, lover... the title isn't important. Someone to share my life with. Pretty simple, really. No special criteria or personality, just someone it makes sense being with :D Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyGary Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 Ah, this is a great thread where I can let my imagination run free... Lets see what would I want out of a relationship.. This may sound a bit odd, but I would love someone not so like me but at the same time exactly like me. Just another way of saying I want someone who has some similar interests but also has different interests as I love trying new things. It would be ideal if the person was a slow mover because I am. I don't jump straight into kissing or something similar right away, I actually would prefer to take it slow and get to know each other. Holding hands and hugging are a great start along with some simple dates and hanging out often. I am a bit slow to open up to people and can be shy but once broken in I am very random and crazy. ;) I am one of those people who say "lets go to Florida next week". Oh yeah, I LOVE traveling. :) My partner would have to be around my age which is quite young, so around 19. Also I would like someone physically similar which is on the skinny side and average height (Around 5,5) give or take. She doesn't have to be a genius but she has to have some wit to her and having a random personality would be cool. It is hard to give my perfect someone as I don't have a perfect someone. I talk to people and feel the way I feel, I let my heart do the talking. However, they must be genuine as most people would want! About the kids and marriage stuff, I do want both. Again I am a slow mover and saying what I want is a bit selfish because my partners say is equally important to me.. so the decision won't be mine, but ours. -Gary Link to post Share on other sites
1helluvabutlr Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 Idk I guess I am a borderline Aromantic. What I need is someone that will try to understand me and know I am not a perfect creature but I think more than I should. I wish I could know love with a person that will never try to hurt me. I do not want to have kids.. Link to post Share on other sites
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