Jump to content

Platonic and Romantic Love


tenmoremiles

Recommended Posts

tenmoremiles

Basically the topic description. Is the latter just a stronger version of the former? Or is there something different, something more? What's the difference between a 'friend' and a 'lover'? Both involve emotional closeness. If we define 'romantic' love as a close emotional attachment to someone else that involves caring for the wellbeing of that someone else, but doesn't necessarily involve lust or sexual desire doesn't that define platonic love as well?

It's really confusing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

When I was on tumblr, I saw this graph of different types of love. Romantic love has intimacy and passion, but no commitment. Platonic aka companionate love has intimacy and commitment, but no passion.

Here it is.

typesoflove.jpg

Link to post
Share on other sites
Notte stellata

I know that triangular model of love AceofClubs talked about. I think the "romantic love" defined in that model may be a little different from the "romantic love" we usually talk about though. When people talk about "romantic love" in general, it's not necessarily without commitment. I do think passion is a major feature of romantic love, but in the triangular model, passion is connected to limerence and sexual attraction, so it may be a little tricky for asexuals who don't experience sexual attraction. You may want to check out the term limerence.

As for "What's the difference between a 'friend' and a 'lover'? ", this question has been discussed a lot on AVEN. For sexuals, they can draw the line at sexual desire, but for many asexuals, the line between friends and lovers is very blurry. But isn't it wonderful to embrace a whole spectrum of relationships, rather than a rigid "friend vs. lover" binary? :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train

This has been doing my head in ever since I learned about my demisexuality last year...

Until then, I guess I sort of assumed that sexual desire is what defines the difference. eg. When I got very involved with girls, and eventually got sexually attracted to them, that sense of erotic passion was my defining point of the feelings being "romantic". But then, last year, I developed a huge non-sexual attraction to a friend. This, along with looking back at some other issues from my previous relationship experience - and then figuring out that I've actually been demisexual all along - really made me realise that it's not that simple.

I honestly believe that a big portion of the "difference" is artificial and socially conditioned. There are maybe some markers which seemingly clearly define the difference between friendship and romance for large chunks of the population, but I don't think there is any universal clear-cut "essence" there which all humans can ever agree on.

Personally, if I step away and try to completely forget about categories - and then look back and re-apply them, I find the following: I'm hetero-demisexual, so my feelings for guys are 100% what society would call "platonic". But when it comes to girls, pretty much ALL my female friendships are potentially slightly romantic. But the thing is, I don't believe this has to be threatening or confusing to anyone. Maybe in the sexual world it's different because of the potentially predatory and raw nature of sexual lust, I really can't say though.

I think for me, the difference basically comes down to: "Would it feel icky to get all tender and cuddly and kissy with the person?" - if yes, then that qualifies as something close to what society would call "'just' a friend". If not, then it's potentially somewhere on the spectrum towards "romantic". But it's hardly a clear-cut and absolute thing. But the way society treats romantic relationships - where they're all tied up with the idea of exclusive lifetime pair bonds/marriage - it's hard to be flexible about the "romantic" category for a lot of people.

Link to post
Share on other sites
RandomGirlK

The way I seperated my platonic feelings for my friends from the romantic feelings I have when I have a crush on someone was to imagine us as a couple. I imagined how I would feel in a situation where they told me that they had feelings for me, and I liked that idea. I also imagined me kissing them, and I really liked that idea.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm starting to give up on drawing a line, since I've never seen a definite answer to this that made sense to me.

When I was on tumblr, I saw this graph of different types of love. Romantic love has intimacy and passion, but no commitment. Platonic aka companionate love has intimacy and commitment, but no passion.

Here it is.

typesoflove.jpg

What exactly is passion, then?

Link to post
Share on other sites

A soap that aired in the late '90s but was canceled a few years ago. Seriously though, it's basically strong, barely controllable emotion, which may or may not be sexual in nature. Also means strong enthusiasm.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sir Robbins

physical pleasure (particularly sex) is a distraction from a spiritual and emotional connection (as I feel) and believe strictly in Platonic and Romantic love. I wish for a romantic friend but nothing more

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...